Part Three of My Life; Realizing.

Job 19:4

Even if I have sinned, that is my concern, not yours.

Aku sudah siap dengan apapun itu yang terjadi nantinya. Aku menoleh ke belakang dan melihat anak-anak juga sudah berwajah pasrah. "Gentlemen. It is time." Kataku pasti. "Terimakasih, Benedict." Kataku memberikan kata-kata terakhir, berjaga-jaga jikalau kita mati disini.

"Ain't no way I am going to leave my mates like this." Balas Benedict. Well, I hate to say it, but the forces has gotten ahead than our backups. And they probably make them dead too.

"Hands on your head! And kneel to the ground!" kata suara dari speaker itu lagi. Aku menyingkirkan senjataku dan berjongkok.

Suara helikopter semakin keras diiringi dengan lampu sorot mereka yang semakin tajam. Suara bising radio di mana-mana. Bayang-bayang yang terlihat hanyalah tubuh para bedebah ini, yang akan meringkusku sebentar lagi.

"Squad, forward!" kata seseorang dari balik cahaya itu.

Lalu sergapan datang secepat kilat. Mereka mementungi kami dengan baton mereka, dan tidak berhenti. Lagi. Dan lagi. "Stop! He's—He's sick! Leave him be!" teriakku mengkhawatirkan Saul.

Aku bahkan tidak bisa melihat apa-apa. Setiap kali kuarahkan wajahku melihat mereka semua, entah pentungan, tendangan atau gemuruh aksi mereka melibas kita hidup-hidup memaksaku tetap terbaring di tanah, dipukuli tak berdaya.

And I never get to say the things I want to say to my boys. Being a boss, you get a promise from James. That you can enjoy a life, outside of this world. This fucking world full of shits. I remember, all I wanted to do this is just that. Nothing more, and nothing else. Why should it ended up like this?

'Bash!' 'Crack!' Ah. I felt blood already. Am I having a concussion? Hard to tell. My mouth, my entire hands, even my back are spitting blood already. Is it over yet? Is it done? Why am I not dead yet? And I did not scream, even though it hurts like hell.

"Enough! Bring them inside!" teriak suara yang sama, kali ini lebih dekat. "I guess you're one of them assassins." Katanya lagi. Terbaring lemah, yang bisa kulihat hanyalah sol sepatu botnya yang tinggi.

"Ugh.." I wanted to speak, but my mouth cannot speaks. Hell, it cannot even move. "Don't worry," katanya seraya berjongkok di depanku. Seorang paruh baya dengan seragam yang sama seperti mereka. Baretnya dipenuhi bintang dan lencana-lencana plastik. Man of titles, I guess. "Guh!" Aku mencoba berbicara, tetapi aku malah terbatuk. Dan darah segar keluar.

"Heheheh." Gelak tawa kapten ini terdengar. Sinis sekali. "I'll make you will meet God soon." Dia tersenyum sekali lagi, lalu melangkah keluar. Meninggalkanku dengan bedebah-bedebah ini lagi.

"Move out!" teriaknya karismatik. Aku benar-benar ingin berbicara, tapi aku benar-benar mati rasa kali ini. Mungkin ini yang dirasakan saudaraku yang "terhilang" itu, Dean. Which makes me thinks,

Maybe I am also one of the bad guys too, after all. And most of it,

Don't I fucking deserve this?

'Vroooom!' suara knaplot bus terdengar sumbang. Hanya suara itu yang terdengar beberapa jam belakangan ini. Lukaku belum sepenuhnya sembuh, dan bahkan tanganku pun masih penuh dengan luka gores yang masih terbuka, pikirku melihat tanganku.

Di pergelanganku terkunci rapat borgol yang terikat dengan pipa di depan, yang juga terikat ke kursi sandaran di depannya. Jendela yang diteralis rapi dan jok yang bau asap, lantai dan langit-langit yang hanya dilapisi besi karat, segalanya berbau apek di sini. Yap. Ini bis penjara sepertinya.

Never been to prison, but guess what? Assassins usually die in prison. So if one makes out alive, he is that much of a living legend. Perhaps a fantasy would be more fitting.

"Tunggu dulu." Bisikku pelan. Aku melirik ke sampingku. Sebuah narapidana yang tidak aku kenal. Di baris sebelah, ada Simon dan Judas. Di belakangnya juga ada Thomas dan Levi.

Hell, even fucking Benedict is in here. I remember the last words on the earpiece that night. That he will not chickened out of that problem that night. Well, look where you are then, mate. Hope you enjoys it.

"Hey! Dilarang menoleh." Pentung seorang penjaga yang melewatiku dengan batonnya. "Argh!" teriakku kesakitan. Fuck. One of these days, I will kill you first, men with a ginger hair.

I am guessing that Saul is in hospital right now. After he recovers, then it's all jail time. Reinforcements? Ah, I couldn't care less about that. They might make it out alive or they never arrived at the first place. Being here at the very moment really makes you think all the way you could cherish now and just fucking put the past behind. Nothing I can really do about it, especially now that my hands is bound and my feet shackled.

Is this life? Have I been living, then?

"Attention, everyone!" seseorang dengan topi hijau dan postur tegap keluar dari pintu depan. Pasti dia sipir penjara ini. "This is where you will be spending your years to come! Suisse Prison, and all of you—you who still have the chance to breathe fresh air—I suggest you change the way you behave now, you maggots!" teriaknya dengan kedua tangan dilipat ke belakang. Oh, great. Is he a special force trainer or what?

"Now, stand up!" teriaknya lagi. Semuanya langsung serentak berdiri.

"Now get out of the fucking coach! Now!" teriaknya lagi seraya menunjuk pintu keluar. Langkah demi langkah kita semua—para napi, tentu saja—beriringan menyambut lantai besi yang berkarat ini dan meninggalkan bis. Aku menoleh dan melihat semua temanku di belakang barisanku. Tentu saja, kami semua diam.

I've never been to prison before, and I'm sure as hell they're feeling the same way as I do. We don't know what to do next. All we know is life is over now. Sambutan terik sinar matahari menyilaukan mataku. Kulihat di depan pintu baja setinggi langit, dengan dua menara di kedua sisinya, lengkap dengan penjaganya. Mirip kastil, aku rasa. Derap langkah kaki kami yang diiringi teriakan sipir penjara dan sorak-sorai yang gaung terdengar dari balik pintu besi itu seakan menyadarkanku akan bagian kehidupanku yang harus kujalani sekarang. Panas, sesak, dan penuh dengan penyiksaan.

I hope I can endure this fate—or I should die trying to resist it. Pikirku serius seraya menahan panas matahari yang membakar aspal di kakiku.

"Wooo! Fuck you! You will die here!" ratusan suara sumbang dari balik kawat berduri di sekelilingku mulai mengeluarkan opini bedebah mereka. Bahkan beberapa ada yang meludah. Bloody bastard, they are. I will fucking beat them to the pulp once I got inside. Count on that, lad.

"Open!" teriak sipir penjara di barisan paling depan. 'Creeaak...' suara karat engsel pintu besi itu terdengar sangat keras. Guess this prison is built long time ago.

"Get inside! And get used to your life, ladies!" teriak sipir itu lagi. Fucking God, does this man does not get thirstly? He yells all the fucking time since we got here. And he did not even break a sweat. Lad is mad, I guess.

"Move it up, ladies!" teriaknya lagi, mengayunkan baton ke barisan paling depan.

Whoa. I better move it up if I don't want to feel that bloody baton again. "Nama?" kata napi di belakangku. Aku menoleh ke belakang.

"What is it to you, mate?" tanyaku sinis. "Wouldn't hurt to know each other." Katanya menaikkan kedua bahunya. "No. Bugger off, mate." Kataku kembali melihat ke depan.

"Huh. Like to keep it anonymous, huh?" katanya sedikit mendekat ke arahku. Sialan. Rantai di kaki kami memang dibuat agar kami tidak berlari terlalu jauh dari yang lain, tapi tidak terlalu dekat.

"Look mate. You're crossing the line here." Kataku separuh berbisik.

"Line? What line? We're in prison, lad. Take a look around you."

"That I know. My personal line, that is. Your breath fucking stinks."

"So...politician? You speak with a foul mouth." Katanya sedikit menjauh setelah dilihat oleh sipir.

Ya, kita sudah berada di dalam sekarang. Yang tersisa hanyalah anak tangga yang naik ke atas. "Ladies, come on! Faster or I will beat you!" teriak sipir dari samping kami tepat.

Fucking hell. Up close, his voice sounds that much bloody awful. Para napi mempercepat langkah mereka menaiki tangga—tak terkecuali aku.

"You still haven't answered the question, though." Lanjut bedebah di belakangku.

"I never want to." Jawabku singkat, berharap orang ini menyerah.

"Huh. Fine, then. Pleasure to meet you, lad." Katanya sambil—sepertinya tersenyum.

"Allow me to introduce myself, then." Katanya lagi.

"No, please, no, thank you—"

"My name is Messias." Katanya tenang.

"Wait," kataku sontak menghentikan langkahku.

What the fucking fuck did I just hear just now?

"Hey, prisoner number 03262! Fucking move your legs!" kata petugas di sampingku, lalu menendangku betisku dengan sepatu botnya. "Urgh! Alright already!" kataku melihatnya dalam-dalam di mata, lalu berlari kecil dengan sedikit bersungut-sungut. "What's the matter, mate?" kata si "Messias" ini. Entah dia orang asli atau bukan. "You know me, huh?"

Pandangannya berubah menjadi seperti seorang psikopat.

"Well, I—uh, it's just that," kataku sambil mencoba berjalan ke depan agar tidak dimarahi petugas, "Spill it," kata Messias, "or your brains will be the one spilled." Katanya tiba-tiba serius. Holy fucking shit. Should I be blunt or what now? Eh, I don't have any room for bullshit now.

"I work for Reverend James." Kataku jujur, sejujur-jujurnya. Messias masih merengut.

"Then why you don't fucking tell me then?" katanya tersenyum lagi seperti tadi. 'Phew.' Nafasku lega. I dodged a fucking bullet right here. "Tell you what, mate," kata Messias mendekat lagi ke arahku—orang ini suka sekali berdekatan, "I can get you out of here. We both." Bisiknya sedikit lantang.

"Hey, no chitchats!" kata sipir di belakang. Kita berdua menoleh, tapi melanjutkan pembicaraan.

"I actually came with two teams with me." Balasku, membisik juga. "Two bosses? Then eight people then?" balasnya. "Actually, it's just the six of us. One got sick and the other boss is just a little frugal on team." Kataku percaya diri dengan orang ini—well, maybe bragging a little bit. "Yeah, right, right, right.." katanya sembari berpikir keras.

"Ya, aku punya rencananya." Katanya tersenyum lagi. For a famous assassin, he sure is a fine chap alright.

"What is it?" kataku penasaran. Padahal belum ada dua jam aku meringkuk di tempat ini. Not to mention the line is fucking long. Where is the cell already?

"You have to mait, mate." Katanya serius. "I need it perfectly executed. No wankers on your team, right?" "Of course no." Kataku membela anak-anakku. Well, they're my boys alright.

"Ever been to prison before?" katanya lagi. Aku menggelengkan kepala. 'Tch.' "You'd like a lot then, lad. Don't drop the soap." Katanya bercanda, lalu tergabung dalam barisan yang lain. Well, see you around, lad.

"Move!" teriak petugas sontak membangunkanku ke realita penjara yang kejam ini. Sebelum aku benar-benar kabur, aku memang tetap berada di sini sepertinya. And where is my boys? Thomas? Nah, Thomas can rot in hell as long as I care. Mate's old already. He's had his fine time on this Earth, eh.

"Hey, prisoner number 03262! I said move it!" petugas melayangkan batonnya ke jidatku. "Ouch!" Refleksku berteriak kesakitan.

"Move inside." Katanya menunjuk ke ruangan berbentuk lingkaran dengan pancuran di sekelilingnya. Tampak dari sisi lainnya, para napi juga berkumpul ke sini dalam satu barisan.

"We'll unlock your cuffs, ladies." Kata sipir menyusul dari belakang. "You all smell like a dirty pig on your way down here, so I suggest you take some bath, eh?" katanya ke tengah ruangan dengan tangan dilipat ke belakang.

"Each showerhead has a soap bar right under it. Use it, then use your clothes as a towel." Katanya memegang gagang shower. "When you're done, just go outside. Door's opened. And go directly to your cell, ladies." Lanjutnya lagi sambil melihat kami semua dengan sinis. "Well, I guess that's it, then." Katanya meninggalkan ruangan ini.

"Don't drop your soap, ladies." Lanjutnya lagi sembari tertawa mengejek. Aw, fucking hell.

"Bwoah! Fucking finally!" kataku merebahkan diri di ranjang keras di selku ini. Aku melihat ke sekitar sembari berbaring. Ruangan ini sempit sekali. Di belakang ranjang ini, ada toilet. Tepat di depanku tidak ada apa-apa. Bahkan tidak ada cermin, karena dikhawatirkan pecahannya dapat melukai petugas.

Everything's here is made out of plastic. But hell, even plastic can turn into a lethal weapon at the hands of a professional. Which reminds me this; where's Messias?

Never mind that, where is everyone? It's noon and I can't fucking sleep.

"Hei, jangan malas!" kata petugas yang lewat di depan selku. Yeah, right. What, am I supposed to take a shit in front of you, lad? Bloody cunt. "So, how's it going?" kata suara dari sebelah. "Wha—who's that?" balasku sembari menoleh. "Name's Henry. Alright?" ujar suara itu lagi. "Mate, who are you—where are you, even?" kataku lagi, penasaran. Sepertinya dia bersebelahan sel dengan aku.

"Hahaha...new face down here, huh?"

"First timer. Lad's gotta have his first time on everything."

"You're goddamned right, lad. Dropped the soap already?"

"Why is everybody keeps saying that?"

"Hahaha, it's kind of a running joke here in prison, mate,"

"So how come you ended up here?" lanjutnya lagi.

"You don't need to know, Henny��or whatever your bloody name was."

"Fine by me, mate. Just, you know, happy to be talking with you."

"Same here, lads. You been here before?"

"Haha...all my life, lad. All my whole fucking damn life."

"That is sad and terrible, mate."

"Nahh—don't be mate. I find it to my liking, living in here."

"What? How could?" kataku akhirnya bangkit dan terduduk di ranjang. Sepertinya dia tepat berada di kananku, tepat di sebelah ranjangku ini. "Mate, I am nobody. Maybe I'll tell over our next chat. You know, the chores?" katanya sambil menghela napas.

"Chores?"

"Alright, everybody wake up! Time to clean the toilet! Now! Now!" kata petugas dimana-mana. Beberapa bahkan mengayunkan baton ke sel-sel napi. Riuh dimana-mana. Suara napi berbicara kasar, teriakan petugas, dan juga berbagai macam bunyi bercampur menjadi satu. "Welcome to prison, boy," Kata Henry lagi. "Enjoy your stay."

Sudah berbulan-bulan lebih aku di sini. Satu-satunya saat aku bisa bertemu semua orang adalah saat makan di kantin, atau waktu olahraga di belakang. Walaupun tidak ada satupun yang berolahraga. Sebenarnya kami hanya bercerita tentang hidup, sembari memikirkan cara keluar dari sini—dengan diam-diam, tentu saja. Petugas akan langsung membubarkan kami jika kami berbicara dengan pelan dan saling berbisik.

"So, how's day, mate?" kataku membawa nampan makanan dan duduk di samping Thomas. "Worst. I have to clean up the piss." Katanya membanting nampan ke meja makan. "Why though?" balas Benedict memakan buncis panjangnya.

"I get into a fight yesterday." Kata Thomas lagi, mengusap kepalanya. "Yah, itu sepertinya salahmu sepenuhnya." Kata Simon. "Yeah, he's right. Why got into a fight? Just keep your head down." Lanjut Judas. "Mate was trying to get into my ass." Kata Thomas pelan. 'Brooshhh!' kentang yang aku makan langsung keluar tersentak dari mulutku.

"Oh my fucking god!" kataku tertawa terbatuk-batuk. "You probably have a nice bottom, Thomas." Kata Simon tersenyum lebar.

"He has a pretty nice round one, alright." Lanjut Benedict. "Hahahah, fucking hell! Oh my god, stop it—" "Seat's taken?" kata seseorang membayangi kami duduk. Aku menoleh. Ow, it's Henry.

"No. Feel free. At least you won't be laughing, mate." Kata Thomas mempersilahkan.

"About what?" "Nevermind." Kata Thomas menyibakkan tangannya sambil melanjutkan makan. Kami berempat masih tertawa terbahak-bahak. "Judas, aku dengar kamu adalah seorang penembak jitu." Kata Henry memakan buncisnya.

"Boss, what the?—"

"I was sleepy as hell, son. Your story probably came as a conversation starter." Kataku menenangkan Judas. Memang tidak seharusnya aku membicarakan tentang "pekerjaan" kita di sini. But we were waiting for a death sentence, on top of our lifetime sentence. I'd say if we want to live, the time is now, is it not?

"Yeah. I was a sniper." Kata Judas mengunyah lagi. "A pretty bad one, though." Balas Benedict. "Agree." Balas Levi. "Shut the fuck up, mate." Kata Simon melempar buncisnya ke muka Benedict.

"You shut the fuck up."

"Why, you little—"

"Alright, meal time over, ladies!" kata sipir berteriak dari lantai dua, melihat kami makan seperti sekumpulan serangga. Atau sampah masyarakat. Ah, sampah masyarakat lebih masuk akal. "Get back to your cell! Hup! Hup!" teriaknya keras. Para penjaga mulai memukul-mukul baton mereka ke besi di sekitar kantin. God, I hate it when they do that.

"So, William," kata Thomas meringkasi nampannya, "What about Messias?" Aku melihat sekitar. "I thought he has a pretty solid plan, alright." Kataku serius. Semuanya mendenarkan dengan seksama, bahkan Henry juga. Aku benar-benar sudah menceritakan seisi hidupku pada Henry sepertinya.

He even knows my every mission on every cities I visited. Clearly he's an intel material. "So, when?" kata Judas. "When the time's right, boy. When the time's right." Kataku meringkasi nampanku dan berjalan mengikuti barisan, kembali ke sel.

Yeah. It's probably in our blood, to defy the authorities. At least we'd die trying.

"Don't make any noise now, boy." Kata petugas menggiringku ke dalam sel. Yeah, as if, you security shit, pikirku sembari memberikan muka kusut. 'Clank!' suara sel tertutup keras—dan disusul oleh ratusan sel lainnya, sangat ribut sekali. 'Click.' Petugas mengunci sel, lalu pergi berpatroli.

"See you around, boy!" katanya mengayunkan baton ke selku. Fuck. I hate it when every officer does that. I'm guessing Surgeon didn't really bodge me head right. Pikirku lagi sembari membari menggertakkan gigi.

"So, what is what, mate?" kata Henry. Henry selalu tahu celah tercepat untuk berbicara.

"Apa maksudmu, Henry?" kataku merebahkan diri ke ranjang kerasku. "I'm talking about your escape plan. You didn't have any, don't you?" tanyanya semakin keras. Aku rasa dia mendekatkan diri ke tembok.

"I do, Henry. It's just—" "You aren't sure of it?" "Yeah, that. And everything else, though." Lanjutku memegangi kepalaku. Capek sekali kehidupan di sini. "Tell you what, mate," kata Henry dengan sedikit jeda,

"You really have an opportunity here." Kata Henry lagi.

"To make a break for it? You sure about that?" kataku terbangun.

"No, listen. This Messias friend of yours, he's a regular here."

Huh. Strange. I thought he was one of the best ever, according to everyone else back there, of course. But still. "He's been here with pretty long convictions." Lanjut Henry. "Do you know him?" kataku penasaran. "But of course. Everybody knows him here. Kind of a—how do you say it, a living legend?"

Holy shit. People were right, I guess.

"How come?" tanyaku lagi. This mate is spewing information like nobody else I know. "He's proficient—even without guns, or man available." "Uh sorry, I don't follow." Henry diam saja.

Wait, what? "Henry, what the fuck?—Don't leave me hanging, piece of shit!" kataku separuh berteriak, separuh berbisik ke tembok. "Hei, tidur sana, napi! Besok kamu harus membersihkan toilet!" teriak penjaga membawa senter, yang diacungkan ke mukaku. Aku langsung memasang muka tidak bersalah, sembari memasang pose senormal-normalnya.

Lalu penjaga itu lewat. Dan sekarang semuanya gelap lagi. Benar, di sore hari, segalanya sudah mulai gelap di sini. Seperti masa depan semua napi di sini. "Sampai di mana kita tadi?" kata Henry, tiba-tiba. "Mate, you really put me head on a platter there." Kataku sedikit iritasi. "Well, you're the one at fault," kata Henry santai, "Ah. About Messias, right?" "Yeah, right." Kataku lagi.

"He's been convicted and sentenced to lifetime, three times here." Kata Henry.

"What? How come they did not put him on a fucking leash?" tanyaku penasaran. "It's no use. He escaped them too." Lanjut Henry. Wow. How could he do it? On top of that, the cuffed prisoner is put on an isolation room. What? How could—never mind. "Hebat sekali." Kataku terkesima. "Like I said to you, you really do have a chance, especially with him around."

"Aku rasa begitu. Semua orang juga merasa begitu, sepertinya." Kataku setuju.

"Let's just sleep now, alright? Guard shift is minutes away, and if you get caught again, God knows what would've happen." Kata Henry mengakhiri pembicaraan. "Yah, selamat sore Henry." Kataku berbisik. Entah dia mendengarkan atau tidak. Tapi muncul masalah baru sekarang, apa memang kita bisa keluar? Kenapa tiba-tiba aku mempunyai ribuan pertanyaan sekarang?

Perhaps I was doubting him before, that is true. But, this whole "living legend" thing—it's just, it's, I don't know what should I call it. It seems people do look up on him, a lot? And I gotta hand it to him if it were as true as it gets. But lad seems mad, alright. Pikirku keras.

Yah, aku rasa tidak ada gunanya memikirkan itu sekarang. Kata mereka, ilmuwan yang paling jenius adalah mereka yang sedikit "gila", kan? Kataku lagi sembari mencoba tidur. Yup, tomorrow's waiting, and I got to do the same things again. Wish we could break out sooner, now.

"Wake up!" kata petugas. "Wha—what now?" kataku terkaget. "Bangun, napi! Ayo, kamu punya tamu! Cepat!" teriak petugas sembari membuka gembok selku. 'Clink.' Pintu terbuka. Tetapi aku masih terduduk. "C'mon! Go! Now, now!" teriak petugas lagi dan lagi. Oh my God, will you wait now? Gerutuku seraya berjalan gontai menuju pintu sel.

"Your guest is waiting at the guest room." Katanya lagi.

"And where exactly is that?" balasku dengan mata setengah terpejam. "Down there. And for Pete's sake, brush your teeth, lady! Your mouth smells like a bloody arse!" teriaknya sambil menunjuk pintu guest room, di lantai satu, tepat dua lantai di bawahku.

Yeah, I could've brushed my teeth if you only you have a bloody sink. Gerutuku lagi. Seluruh emosiku terluapkan, semua karena teriakan satu orang di pagi hari. Tapi memang mereka semua selalu berteriak—nyaris setiap menit, bahkan.

"Hey, where you going?" kata Henry, memegang jeruji selnya. "I don't know, might—" "Hey! No chitchats! Git your arse, lady! Shoo!" kata petugas di belakang. Kita berdua menoleh, lalu bertatapan lagi. "Look, I'll tell you later." "Fair enough, lad. Carry on." Kata Henry mengangguk.

"Move in, prisoner." Kata petugas di bawah. "Guess you do have someone that cares about you, after all." Katanya lagi. The guards here really likes to bully people a lot. 'Creak.' 'Creaaak...' bunyi pintu berat ini terbuka, menyisakan seseorang di dalam, terdiam di balik meja panjang dengan jas panjang dan baju serba hitamnya, dan terlupakan juga rokok Marlboro tersemat rapat di mulutnya.

"Get here, boy." Kata James, menghisap rokoknya dalam-dalam.

"I'm expecting you, actually."

"Huh. Really?"

"Can we really—"

"Close the door first, boy." Oh. Tentu saja. Tutup dulu pintunya, tentu saja.

Kenapa aku tidak memikirkan hal itu sebelumnya. Tentu—tentu saja. "Can we really talk about—" "Sit down, boy." Katanya menunjuk kursi di seberangnya. "Ookaaay..." kataku mengernyitkan dahi.

"So, can we really talk about how these guys—"

"You really disappoint me, boy." Kata James melipat kedua tangannya.

What? Out of nowhere, he just said that? Directly? "Apa maksudmu, James?" "Kamu tahu sepenuhnya apa maksudku, William." Lanjutnya lagi. Sepertinya orang tua ini benar-benar marah. "Tapi aku berhasil." "Not without consequences, that is." "And how am I supposed to know that?"

James menghela napas panjang, lalu berbicara. "Boy, you're an assassin, not a mercenary. How could you do not know that already?" katanya meremas telapak tangannya. "I know that." Kataku menaikkan alisku. "No, you did not. After all this, you did not."

"Blackriver hanya kebetulan saja mempunyai banyak penjaga di sekitarnya."

"Blackriver seharusnya bisa dihabisi diam-diam."

"Blackriver adalah seorang politisi tingkat atas—itu, itu tidak mungkin bisa!"

"Jangan berdebat denganku tentang apa yang tidak bisa, William."

"Blackriver adalah—"

"Blackriver adalah seseorang yang kotor, William. Seseorang yang busuk." Kata James, mengakhiri percakapan. "That's why you ordered me to kill him, is it not?" kataku separuh berteriak. "Kamu harus menenangkan dirimu, William." Kata Christ tenang. 'Tch.' Aku tersenyum simpul. "You were always calm, James. Whatever the situation may be." "And I need you to do the same."

"No," kataku menggelengkan kepala, "No,no—why should I be calm? I am as good as dead anyway." "That is true, William. Precisely every reason why I need you to be calm. Cool your head." Kata James, menyulut sebatang rokok yang lain. "It's just—handling this is hard." "I thought I have teached you to be prepared for death." Balas James, tetap saja kalem.

"Well, not when you're going face-to-face with it." Kataku sedikit marah.

"You're an assassin. You were going to your march to death almost everyday."

"But, just waiting—just standing here, asking for redemption, is not going to change anything."

"Well, aren't we all? Hell is waiting for us, actually."

"Were you not looking for your chance to go heaven?" tanyaku penasaran.

"Hm," jawabnya singkat, "William. Waktu kita sudah hampir habis. Kita bertemu lain kali." Katanya lagi. "And when is that?" "Soon, boy." Balasnya lagi. Aku melihat matanya dalam-dalam. Aku tahu orang ini nampaknya tidak bisa dipercaya dari waktu ke waktu, tapi dia nyaris tidak pernah berbohong seumur hidupnya. I know I can trust this man, especially after everything with my life.

"Until next time, then." Katanya menyundut rokok ke pojok meja dan beranjak pergi.

"Yeah. Be seeing you, James." Kataku pasrah. Yah, mungkin jawaban yang aku cari bukan sekarang waktunya. "Don't be down like that, boy." Kata James, seakan bisa melihat isi hatiku—yah, jika seseorang divonis seumur hidup, pasti roman mukamu akan murung. "Yeah, whatever, James." Kataku malas. If he can't help me out, then what the hell am I supposed to do then? Throw a party?

"I'll be on my way out, then." Kataku lagi. "One more," lanjut James. Oh my god, what took you so long just to speak? Pikirku emosi. "What is it this time?" jawabku. "Have you met Messias?" tanyanya. Aku tersentak. What should I do?

"Messias?" tanyaku balik, berpura-pura bodoh.

"Never mind. Forget I say that." Lanjut James, mengusap kepalanya. Aku mengangguk seadanya dan keluar. All of this bothering to made me woke up during my precious sleep, just for this? Bloody hell. Now my sleep time is over, and I have to do the chores. Fuck.

"Hey, mate!" kata Thomas, berteriak dari lantai dua. Sebelum akhirnya dipentung oleh petugas. Aku naik dengan langkah gontai, seraya melihat orang ini menghampiriku. "Why the long face?" "James is here. We had a nonsense talk." Thomas terkejut. "Wow," katanya mengusap rambut, "He spared his time to meet you but not with the other boys?" katanya lagi. Aku mengangkat bahuku, bingung. "I guess."

"And why is that?" tanyanya lagi, penasaran.

"I told you mate, I have no idea." Kataku lagi, sembari menguap.

"Aku rasa itu pastilah sesuatu yang penting, benar kan?" kata Thomas. "Tidak—tidak sama sekali. Hanya ocehan omong kosong."

"Ocehan apa?"

"Oh my god, Thomas. I am tired—maybe, maybe next time, okay? Guards will see us if we continue talking." Kataku mengelap kotoran mataku. "Aku rasa begitu," kata Thomas mengangguk pelan, "Tapi tetap saja, aku akan menunggu ceritamu." Katanya beralih pergi seraya menudingkan telunjuknya ke mukaku.

Yeah. I guess so, huh? "Hey, done your chores yet?" kata petugas yang lewat di depanku. "Sir, yes, sir." Jawabku dengan badan tegap.

"Hey, tidak usah sekeras itu. Santai saja." Katanya tersenyum. What? An officer smiled at me? What kind of trickery is this? "Oh, I am sorry then." Kataku sembari melihat namanya yang terjahit di seragamnya. Frederick Souththorne. Hm. I'll remember you dearly, then. When I need to get an extra lunch or when I get into isolation room, that is.

"You still haven't answered, lad." Kata Souththorne lagi. "Sir, done, sir." Kataku refleks. "Alrighty then. Carry on, lad." Katanya seraya melewatiku. Huh. Guess not everyone is that bad then. Even though I haven't done my chores yet. Hope he doesn't know that, pikirku berlari kecil ke toilet, berharap dia tidak kembali dan menyadari aku berbohong.

"Gah! Who the fuck done this?!" kata seseorang berteriak dari balik bilik toilet.

"Hey, mate, alright?" kataku dari luar toilet. "Help me, please!" balasnya. "What is it?" "Well, first, you have to help me, not?" Kita seperti sepasang suami-istri yang cekcok saja, bercengkerama dari balik tembok. Alright, if you insist then, pikirku sembari masuk dengan pasrah. "Gah!" teriakku tiba-tiba, melihat ke samping.

Ada sebukit heroin, tertimbun begitu saja di urinal. This is bad news.

"I'll call the officer, then." Kataku mencoba tenang. How could, why—never mind that, William. What makes me calm is that I am here for a lifetime. It only goes downhill from there. "Officer," kataku dari belakang petugas yang berpatroli. "What is it, prisoner number 03262?" katanya tegas. Well, this is fascism. "There's a heroin down there at the toilet." Kataku pelan. "And how can I tell if you're not lying?" balasnya. Oh my god, is this karma? "You have to check it out, then." Balasku lagi.

"Hm," kata petugas itu—berpikir keras, sepertinya. "Officer Dean here, a prisoner said he found heroin on toilet, over." Katanya berbicara melalui walkie-talkie. Dean.

The name I wanted to forget ever since. Been a couple years since then, and I could not forget it. It even comes in my dreams...so vivid. So surreal. Wonder if there is another man like him? Is it really the reason I kept on murdering people? "Hey," sepertinya dia menyapaku sekarang. Bagaimana caranya orang mati bisa menyapa? "Hey!"

"What?" kataku berkedip dengan cepat. "You daydreaming, prisoner?" "Uh—No, I just, uh—" "Never mind that. Show me the drugs you've found." "Right, the drugs—" kataku bingung, "It was down at the urinal, uh—officer." Lanjutku terbata-bata. "Hm. Show me the way, then."

"Right here, sir." Kataku berbalik menuju toilet. All of these seems fishy. And I can tell a thousand ways this is going to hurt me in the end. Will they frame me of it? Will they took the drugs and blame it on the prisoners? Will someone murder me for witnessing things like this? I should have been scared. But I am not. Huh. Guess I am really sick of this all, I guess. Aku membuka bilik toilet. 'Creaak...'

The drugs were still there alright. "There, sir." Kataku membuka ruang untuknya masuk.

"Holy shit! You were right," kata petugas terkejut. 'Phew.' I got so nervous when I thought the drugs are missing. I guess things really is messy here.

"You stay put." Kata petugas itu lagi. What the fuck? No, I am not. "Yes, sir." Jawabku refleks. What the bloody hell? No, I am not staying here, you twat. Hey! Pikirku geram sembari melihatnya berlari menuju pos penjaga, jauh di sana.

What is this now? Do I get to wait—is this officer taking a piss? Bloody hell. Pikirku panik, menoleh ke sana kemari seperti orang paranoid.

Beberapa menit kemudian, petugas itu kembali dengan sipir, menunjuk ke bilik toilet yang dari tadi kubuka lebar. Entah sudah berapa orang yang dari tadi kuusir dari toilet ini. Entah mereka menyadari ada yang salah, atau mereka hanya capek saja mengurusi orang gila. Me, I'd take the latter.

"Here, sir," kata petugas mempersilahkan sipir masuk. Sipir masuk sembari memberikan pandangan sinis padaku. Whoa, mate. I ain't the one throwing this here, bloody hell.

"Have you notified anyone?" kata sipir melihat tumpukan narkoba itu dari dekat.

"Negative, sir." Jawab petugas itu keras. So loud, I almost yelled at him.

"Lock this toilet down," kata sipir itu keluar dan menutup bilik, "And I'll alert the lieutenant." Lanjutnya sembari menoleh ke arahku. "And you, lady," katanya menudingku, "I'll be in touch with you, prisoner 03262. We'll be speaking soon." "Aye." Jawabku santai.

"Aye?! Answer with respect, boy!" kata sipir tiba-tiba berteriak. "Sir, yes, sir!" sontak jawabku. Holy shit. I mistook him with the officer I met earlier. Not everybody is a goody two-shoes around here.

"Good! Now do your chores, lady!" katanya lagi, menamparku dengan keras.

"Sir, yes, sir!" Sipir itu lalu berpaling. Fuck. That hurts a lot.

'Riinngg!' 'Riinngg!' 'Riinngg!' bunyi alarm di seluruh penjara ini bergaung keras. Aku yang berkumpul bersama anak-anak di kantin tidak bisa mendengar apa-apa. Fuck. I can't even hear myself think. "Is it true? That you found drugs?" kata Henry. Wow. This lad can dig out information.

"Aye," kataku mengangguk malas, "But I alerted the officers." "What a waste of good times." Jawab Levi sarkastik. "Shut the fuck up, Levi." Tukas Simon. "Well, at least you may get a pardon." Jawab Thomas sambil mengunyah buncisnya. "I really don't think so." Kataku hanya mengutak-atik makanan.

"The alarms is so loud, is not it?"

"Yeah, I wish I can turn it—" Wait. I knew this hoarse voice. 'Riinngg!'

"Mind if I sit here?" kata Messias dengan nampan makanannya yang masih utuh.

"Euh..no, I guess." Kataku terdiam. Semua orang juga terdiam. The thing is, they did not know him yet. 'Riinngg!' "Who are you?—and especially, how dare you?" kata Levi sombong. "Oh, how impolite of me. Cheers, me name is Messias." Katanya tersenyum. Semua orang terdiam lagi. I guess I should have told you all earlier. Pikirku sembari mengusap kepala. 'Riinngg!'

"What the—" "Yeah, are you who I really thought who you are?" "Whoa, wait a minute," "What is happening?" "Oh my god, shut up already." "You shut up first." Kata Levi dan Simon bersahut-sahutan.

"Messias, benar?" kata Thomas menjulurkan tangan. "Benar." Jawab Messias menyalami tangannya. "So, do you—you know, know who we are?" lanjut Thomas lagi. Messias mengangguk. "Sure. William already told me who you guys are."

"Does he says good thing about us?" tukas Judas tiba-tiba.

"Well, I'm right here, Judas. Why don't you ask me that?" Kataku menunjuk mukaku dengan nada tinggi. "Sorry, boss. Just got a little overwhelmed by this situation." "So, Messias. Been working on something?" tanya Thomas melipat lengannya.

"You bet I do, Tom."

"It's Thomas."

"Short for Tom." "

Meh, I'll take that." Tukas Thomas menaikkan kedua bahunya. "I've been planning to escape this shithole." "What?!" teriak Benedict.

"Hey, what are you ladies doing?! Break up, now!" kata sipir dari kejauhan.

Kami langsung membubarkan percakapan pendek ini. "Jolly good, Benedict." Kata Simon, tersenyum kecut. "Look, I got excited, okay?" jawabnya sembari membuang nampan ke tempat sampah.

"We are all excited." Kata Levi lagi. "But doesn't it comes with a huge risk?" tanyaku lagi. Kita semua sekarang berdiri di pojokan, dekat tempat sampah. How convenient. "Excuse me," kata seorang napi hendak membuang sampah—sepertinya. "Bugger off, mate." Jawab Simon.

"Well, now that we alerted everyone, maybe over the next meal, huh?" kata Messias.

"Fair enough." Jawab Thomas. "What? But I want to hear it!" kata Judas seolah tidak percaya. "Aw, c'mon mate," jawab Levi memijat bahu Judas, "We have a lifetime here. Take it easy, will you?" "Shut the fuck up. Levi." Oh my god. Not this again. Aku menghela napas panjang dan mengusap kepalaku. Pusing dengan semua orang ini.

Maybe doing the chores will soothes my mind, pikirku menghibur diri. Padahal hal tersebut tidak akan mungkin terjadi. "Jadi," kata Thomas setelah Messias pergi, "That chap over there any good?" "Perhaps." Jawabku singkat. I mean, even I got no time figuring that lad. We just met.

"Do you believe him?" kata Thomas, separuh berbisik.

"I guess. But to be honest, I am quite confused."

"But we getting out though—that is something to be excited about."

"I know, right? Plus, he's regarded as a living legend. Back there at academy and in this prison."

"Hm." Kata Thomas berpikir sejenak. "You've hiding things from me, mate."

"If I were hiding things, why the hell would I tell it now? Mate."

"Very well. But I still have some my curiousity." Katanya melenggang pergi.

What the? Does this lad hit his fucking head on a bloody stick or something? Why is he acting all worked up? Never mind that. Gotta do the chores alright. Pikirku acuh dan pergi ke toilet. Hope there will be no drugs again today. Which reminds me,

Who put the drugs into the toilet? And left it there, just like that?

"Hei, bos," kata Judas, menepukku dari belakang. "What is it now?" kataku lelah. "Can we really do it?" "Do what?" "Get out of here?" Aku terdiam. Lalu berpikir sejenak. Di sebelah Judas, ada Simon, Benedict—hell, even Levi is listening. "Look, I'm not sure." Kataku menengadahkan kepala.

"But if I know one thing for sure, is that we must do everything with confidence. I wouldn't shoot at my targets if I'm not confident enough." Lanjutku tenang. "Okelah kalau begitu." Kata Judas beranjak pergi, disusul oleh yang lainnya.

Now everyone's putting a burden to me. It's only been weeks since we were here.

"Hey! Wake up!" kata petugas. "Wha—fire?" kataku mengigau. "Yes, there will be fire in your crotch if you don't do your chores! Wake up!" teriaknya lantang dari sisi sel yang lain. Aku berusaha susah payah untuk bangun dari ranjang keras ini. It's so cold this morning.

Aku berjalan ke toilet, sementara petugas itu kembali ke posnya. Aku bisa saja kembali dan tidur, tapi jujur—aku takut dipentung. Tongkat mereka memberiku trauma dalam. "Hey kid." Kata seseorang mendekat ke sebelahku saat aku melangkah menuju bilik toilet. "Wha—oh, Messias." Kataku mengantuk.

"Not having enough sleep, huh?"

"You bet I am. I've been—'yawns', thinking about everything, y'know."

"Hm. Good. Good. Tell you what," katanya memegang kedua bahuku, "We get the same chores at the toilet today. I'll tell you all about me plans. Pretty lucky, huh?" katanya tersenyum bangga. Yeah. That is lucky. Considering I take chores on toilet every bloody day that I am here.

"Come on, hurry up. I'll tell you everything there." Katanya tak sabar.

"So, here's the plan," kata Messias mengambil kain pel—sangat sulit melihat dia sebagai pembunuh terkenal seperti ini. "The guards are patrolling at all times. Day and night. But!" katanya dengan epik. Holy shit, this man is lunatic.

"The office is just filled with one measly officer." Katanya mengacungkan jari telunjuknya. "But that is the lieutenant. He's guarded outside. Heavily." Kataku mengelap urinal yang bau ini.

"You're an assassin like me, are not you? Afraid of guards?" tanyanya seraya mengelap urinal di sebelahku juga. Hm. He's right. Being here really blunts me out. Pikirku dengan refleks mengangguk. "Selalu ada celah untuk dimanipulasi, William. Selalu." Katanya melihatku dalam-dalam. This lad might be a clown, but a bloody genius alright.

"Alright," kataku meletakkan lap, "So where are we going with it?"

"The guards are carrying batons. We need something in case something happens."

"But we don't have sharp things. And we never get a chance to." Kataku bingung.

"It doesn't have to be sharp. Blunt objects will do, mate."

"Like—our cute rubber shoes? Our heads, maybe?"

"Their batons." Kata Messias serius. Hell, mate was right.

"Now, speaking of plans, we need to discuss it later on with your friends." Lanjutnya lagi, menyelesaikan sisa-sisa tugas di toilet hari ini, "We need every counts of heads. Not to mention, they're your boys." Katanya berdiri dan merapikan pakaiannya yang kusut. Aku mengangguk saja.

Does he have a boss before? Of leading a team? Does James ever worked with a guy like him? Or maybe—they're colleagues? Pikirku panjang dan lebar, sembari membersihkan WC terakhir. God, it smells like a million shits.

"Be seeing you around, mate." Katanya keluar, meninggalkan sendirian. Wait, is he leaving his chores to my hands? This wanker right here. Pikirku emosi sembari melihat semua urinal yang dia lap sedari tadi—ternyata masih sangat kotor.

Yeah, just walk away mate. No big deal. Really. Pikirku sembari memaksakan senyum di wajahku, menggosok dalam-dalam semua kotoran ini.

"So," kataku menaruh nampan di meja dengan kencang, "What's what, gentlemen?" lanjutku.

"What happened, mate? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?" tanya Thomas menguyah wortelnya. "Yeah. Boss seems like he'd had a rough day alright." Kata Levi tiba-tiba.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" lanjut Simon.

"This time, bring it on, mate."

"Yeah, come here. I'll stuff me rubber shoes to your arse."

"Guys, please." Kataku melempar buncis. "Be more like Benedict. Like Judas. They are as thoughtul as they are silent." Judas dan Benedict bertatap-tatapan.

"Well, it's just that we are hungry, boss." Kata Judas pelan. "Agree. Chores are slowly sucking me sanity." Lanjut Benedict. Then they high-fived. Wow. So good to finally see the whole ensemble coming together. Except for Levi and Judas, that is.

"Where is Messias, though?" kata Levi lagi.

"Beats me, mate." Kataku menggelengkan kepala. "Mate wanked off maybe."

"Why so rude, mate? You even barely knew him." Kata Thomas.

"Lad left me on toilet doing me chores alone. He barely brushed the bloody urinals!" kataku geram.

"Well, at least mate was funny." "To you, that is. Toilet was fucking stinks like hell." Kataku bahkan tidak menyentuh makananku. I lost me appetite. "You don't want that, boss?" tuding Simon ke makananku. "Yeah, take it away, boy." Kataku mendorong nampan.

"Alright then!" katanya menyambar nampan tanpa pikir panjang lagi. Apakah jika aku mati nanti, mereka akan menjarah mayatku demi amunisi? Pikirku sembari menggelengkan kepala. "So how it ended?" kata Thomas menaruh nampannya di tengah-tengah kita berdua. "You mean me chore, mate?" Thomas mengangguk dengan pelan.

"I fucking cleaned it all, that's how it ended. I just—" kataku mengusap kening, "that mad lad just fucking went away. I have no fucking idea why."

"Hello, boys." Kata suara yang selalu ada setiap pertengahan jam di kantin.

Lalu Messias duduk. "Wow. You don't smell like any toilet, huh mate?" kataku menaikkan satu alisku. "Lieutenant called me." Katanya lagi. "Called you? Thought we weren't supposed to have phones." Kataku semakin geram saja. ���No, it was not. He was outside." Kata Mesias lagi. "Oh." Tukasku menghirup napas dalam.

"Mate, take a deep breath, alright? Mate might not as guilty as it seems."

"Yeah, you're right, Thomas."

"Enough of this bollocks already." Kata Messias lagi. "Let's listen to my—our grandeur plan." Katanya mendekatkan kursinya. "You're not eating those?" kata Simon menunjuk nampannya. "I am eating it." Balas Messias, melihat Simon dalam-dalam. Aku tersenyum. "Alright, moving on now."

"Like I said, this prison has lots of guard—but only one lieutenant. This lieutenant here," katanya mengambil buncis panjang, "We'll just call him bean." Semuanya mengangguk. Tunggu. Ini seperti taman bermain kanak-kanak saja.

"Bean?!"

"Obviously. It's a bean." Lanjut Messias. Well, not that you're not wrong there—never mind. "Okay then." Kataku menyerah.

"Okay. This bean right here," katanya menyeret buncis itu ke tengah. Oh my god. Hard to see this seriously if it goes on like this, keluhku dalam hati "It's protected by layers of building," katanya menyeret nampan-nampan kosong ke sekitar buncis, melingkarinya. "And protected by heavy armed guard." Katanya lagi, menaruh sendok dan garpu plastik ke atas nampan.

"Okay. Then explain your plan." Kataku tidak sabar.

"By night, this bean is even more protected from inside. Midday, lounging around it is near impossible with all the lurking officers around." "So...noon?" tanya Benedict.

"You get the worst from both, then." kata Levi. "This kid gets it." Kata Messias menunjuk Levi. Simon sampai menganga tak percaya dibuatnya. Levi tersenyum mengejek, sembari melirik Simon.

"Yah, aku memang genius." kata Levi tiba-tiba sombong. "You get the concept, alright. But it's actually the opposite. Noon is where none of them is around." lanjut Messias, menyingkiran nampan beserta sendok garpu itu ke samping.

'Cough��� "Idiot." 'cough' kata Simon dengan batuk palsunya.

"Real funny, mate. At least my idea brings something useful to this table." balas Levi.

"Yeah. But still, idiot."

"Guys, cut it out already." kata Thomas turun tangan. Jarang sekali dia bersikap seperti ini.

"Continue." lanjut Thomas lagi. "Noon is where the officers rest, and the ones guarding the Lieutenant has not arrived yet. Between the shifts, we must deal with Lieutenant."

"Are there anyone guarding the inside, though?" tanya Benedict. "No. But he did have a shotgun under his desk." tukas Henry. "Wow. Jolly good, mate." kataku terkesan.

"Well, if you live here, everything is just something new or the same old shit again, mate." balasnya. Fair enough. This man has been through high and low down here. Can't say it was bad, though.

"Besides the shotgun? Anything we should be aware of?" tanya Messias.

"The Lieutenant is a black belt in karate."

"Yeah. We have a black belt in gunslinging, though." balas Levi.

"Mate's got a point here." kata Judas.

"You turned on me now, brethren?" kata Simon, menoleh ke Judas. "He got a point though, Simon." "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"So, he's a trained combatant, all in all, whether close or far. The thing is, he has a gun, and we are not. That's where our gunslinging abilities," kata Messias sembari menuding Levi, "Is pretty much useless." "Yeah, he's useless alright." kata Simon. "Talking about the strategy, actually." balas Levi.

"They were always like this?" kata Messias melihatku penasaran.

"Maybe not in the womb. But everyday, yeah—pretty much the same shit." kataku.

"Okay, talking about riots—" "We were not." kataku. "We may need to work together intensely. I need all of you to pack your shit together and be cooperative. Alright?" kata Messias menaruh kedua tangannya di meja. "Yeah, I guess." kata Thomas. Semuanya mengangguk—kecuali dua orang yang sudah jelas siapa. "Alright?" lanjut Messias serius. Simon dan Levi saling bertatapan. "I guess I can work it out." kata Simon.

"Yeah. How hard can it be?"

"It is hard, actually."

"Wha—"

"Okay! It's settled! Now let's go to our chores! You don't want to be fucked in the arse with their batons now. Hup!" kata Messias meninggalkan meja. Benar saja. Semenit kemudian, petugas datang dan menyuruh kami semua kembali.

Day in and day out, our only chance to speak together is here, during our lunch break. Well, that is, if you count my late conversations with Henry is not relevant. Besides, we can only do so much in this prison. Pikirku berdiri dan berjalan gontai, menjalani keseharian yang membosankan ini.

And I don't know when we will execute this plan of his. I might need to write a letter or two.

"Ahh!" kataku merebahkan diri ke ranjang keras selku. Sore—nyaris malam ini, rasanya capek sekali. Which got me thinking, if everyday to my death I'll doing this, insanity will come to me. Meaning of life? Yeah, right. I can't find anything more than that, even so anything at all. Aku hanya mau tidur saja hari ini.

"Hey, William." kata Henry. "What is it, lad? I need to sleep." kataku malas. "You believe this entire plan?" Hm. Aku berpikir. "Why not, mate?" kataku bertanya balik.

"I don't know...now, I'm part of goons trying to break out of here—feels, feels, you know, feels different." "Change is hard, mate. Trust me." kataku santai, sembari melihat atap reyot ini.

"Yeah, change is hard, alright." kata Henry pelan. Aku nyaris tidak bisa mendengarnya.

"You okay there mate? Seems a little off there."

"Yeah—growing up here, thoughts of leaving is just so wild...so, so—I don't know how I say it."

"Yeah, I grow up outside, so...I guess I get you? Somehow?"

'Tch' "Yeah, good to be venting out, mate."

"Anytime—although I kind of thought you held out a little bit."

"About that, you were right." kata Henry menghela napas.

"Well, I am off to sleep. See you around the hour, Henry." "Yeah, yeah—snooze off, mate."

Mate seems to be scared. Well, who won't? Well, I can only think about it later. I need to sleep now, pikirku sembari menutup mataku dengan kedua telapak tanganku. Yah, hidup tanpa bantal ataupun selimut di sini, you'd be thinking of creative ways to put yourself to deep sleep.

Which was unattainable, by the way, because officers like to see us awake. They're a bunch of wankers.

"Hey, wake up!" kata bisikan—yang sangat keras. Aku terbangun. Holy shit. Messias ada di luar. "Whoa—what the fuck? How can you be out here?" "Long story, I need you to listen to me." katanya sedikit panik. Atau aku yang panik. Kami berdua sama-sama panik, sepertinya.

"Alright, ears out."

"Tomorrow's our big chance. I'll lay off the plan, and the day after it, we make a break for it!" What?! So soon?

"You sure about it?" kataku bertanya. "Tentu saja!" kata Messias senang.

"Bagaimana kamu bisa ada di luar? Bukankah—"

"Whoops, officer's out. Better go now. Stay safe, mate!" katanya pergi tunggang langgang. Bagaimana bisa orang itu ada di luar sel, saat sterilisasi harian, bahkan. Orang ini memang seorang pesulap sejati. Aku kembali tidur.

If tomorrow's the big day, then I better save up me fuel for it. Pikirku tidur dengan pose yang sama seperti tadi. The wind is really chilling. I really hope I have a blanket.

"Wake up, ladies!" kata sipir tiba-tiba, menggunakan bullhorn dari lantai bawah. Aku sontak terbangun mendengarnya. Hell, chief wouldn't wake us up in the morning before.

"It's a special event." kata Henry, dari samping. "Wha—are you awake? Since morning?" balasku masih mengantuk.

"Well, I always wake up at 5—maybe 6 in the morning. The only hour the guard has a full-hour shift."

"But we never have a clock."

"I keep count. Judging by the sunrises, our chores, the guard chattering time in front of me, it's really easy to add things up." katanya pelan tapi pasti. Wow. Mate's a natural. Either that, or he spent too much time behind bars. Kataku berusaha bangun dari ranjang, sebelum petugas datang dan membuat keributan yang lebih banyak.

"Alright, what special event?" kataku bertanya seraya bangun dari ranjang. "Probably a promotion. Or some officer's birthday. You know, they really like to do all those nonsense stuff."

"Well, it's important to them." "Not us. I don't even care anything after how they've treated us—and now they want us to clap to their days? What happens to our special days?" kata Henry, sepertinya sedikit marah. "Mate, cool your head. You're the prisoner here, not them."

"I guess you were right." Well, I am. Pikirku sembari melihat ke bawah dari balik sel ini.

"Am I missing something? If they needs us to clap—why are we still behind the bars?" kataku memegangi sel penjara. "Not until they prepared everything done. Precautions, you know." kata Henry pasti.

Wow. Lad has gone a lot in this prison. He might be a Lieutenant, if only he's not behind the bars himself.

"So, midday then?" tanyaku penasaran.

Nah. Maybe one or two hours from now on."

'Perfect. Like you, Messias will know one or two things about this shite day."

"Hm. I guess you were right. Messias seems like a fine chap alright." "He's a living legend here, he's a living legend back there where I live. Hearsays did not just come out of a hot air." kataku serius. Aku terbangun sekali pagi ini—padahal biasanya aku masih mengantuk, bahkan saat bekerja seharian di toilet itu. I guess things really are changing now.

"You better set things right then. Officers are coming." kata Henry separuh berbisik. "Thanks for the heads up, mate. I was about to wank one off." "Aw, fuck off." Come to think about it, we never get a chance to see a women in here. I guess dropping the soap is important to "some" that needed their lust and desire went away.

"Hey, wake up, prisoner!" kata penjaga membuka selku.

"But I already woke up. Why all the shouting?" kataku emosi.

"Shut up! And get down already!" balasnya. People here are really polite.

"Worst of the times to talk back to officer, mate." kata Henry.

"I thought they'd be less of an arsehole, knowing it's their day."

"Nah, arse is an arse alright."

"Agree." kataku mengangguk. Berhubung kunci selku sudah dibuka, mungkin aku bisa memakai jeda waktu beberapa menit ini untuk mencari Messias—entah mengapa, aku yakin dia ada di lantai ini.

Aku menoleh ke kanan dan kiri. Aman. Setidaknya untuk sekarang. Lalu aku berlari dengan senyap menuju kanan jalan. Tempat sel-sel napi berakhir dan tempat para petugas biasanya datang untuk mengakhiri jam kerja mereka.

Hey. I also watched their routinites too. Not only Henry and Messias can be good at this—three can play this game. Aku membuka pintu biru tua di akhir lorong.

'Creakk...' suaranya sama saja seperti semua pintu baja lainnya. Suara karat menyebalkan.

"Yeah. I'd figured it right, eh?" kataku tersenyum, sudah menduga apa yang aku lihat di depanku. "Jolly well done, mate." kata Messias. "Why are you here?" kataku melangkah mendekat dan menutup pintu.

"You know—these officers, these good-for-nothing wankers, they leave their pistols laying around." "Hm, well thought, Messias." kataku setuju—padahal aku belum mendengar apapun rencananya. Yang pasti, ada kekerasan di dalamnya. Itu saja sudah cukup bagiku.

"But there were no bullets in them."

"Say what now?" kataku bingung.

"You heard it right. Put these pistols right in your crotch." kata Messias menaruh pistol-pistol itu di selangkangannya.

"Seems unsanitary."

"Yeah. But we're using them in our hands, not our mouths—you won't caught syphilis." kata Messias mengangkat kedua bahunya. "Probably caught one touching with all these arse-fuckers around here." kataku menaruh pistol di selangkanganku.

"I thought so. We are all going out with bubbles in our penis." "You know what? Can we go now, before things start to gets messy?" kataku tidak nyaman dengan semua percakapan pria di sini.

"Good point there. We'll talk bullets later." kata Messias.

"Yeah—mate's probably way off there, didn't he?" kata suara dari balik pintu biru tua itu.

Holy shit. "Hide." bisik Messias sambil berjongkok. Yeah. No shit, old coot.

"Is someone here? I could've sworn these pistols are a dozen just awhile back."

"You're counting pistol now, you wanker?"

"Yeah, fuck you too, Jordan." Ugh. Must we listen to their talking all day? Fucking nonsense. Pikirku memutar mataku dan berpikir keras.

Messias menepuk pundakku. Aku menoleh. Dia menuding ke arah belakang—ternyata ada pintu lain di sana. Aku mengangguk. "Let's go out, before Lieutenant gets all punishy on us." kata petugas. 'Creakk...Click!' 'Fyuh.'

"Sepertinya mereka sudah keluar." bisikku pelan. Messias melihat dari balik tumpukan boks tempat kita bersembunyi. "Clear." katanya pelan.

Kita berdua langsung keluar dari pintu biru tua itu dengan langkah-langkah kecil. 'Click!' Pintu tertutup. That was a close one.

"Alright. We need to give these guns to our boys at the canteen—before the event started. It's our only chance." kata Messias serius. Belum pernah aku melihat dia seserius ini sebelumnya. "Got it." kataku duluan menuruni tangga menuju kantin.

"Where have you been?" kata Thomas. "Yeah, we've been worried sick." kata Simon. "Are you?" balas Levi. "Lucky for you, mate, I've been choosing to make peace with meself. Carry on." lanjut Simon dengan senyum palsunya.

"Long story," kataku duduk, disusul dengan Messias di sebelahku, "Hear me before you lads started saying anything." Semuanya terdiam. Bagus. Senang sekali rasanya mempunyai teman yang dilatih secara militer sejak kecil. Kecuali aku, tentu saja.

"We have guns for you all—but no bullets, before the excitement comes out." kataku cepat-cepat. "Slow down now," kata Thomas memijat punggungku, "What guns? How? And why?" "We need them, Thomas. Just in case." lanjut Messias.

"Well, without bullets, those will be just a mere decoration." kata Judas. "He's right, you know." kata Benedict. "Benedict, don't make me break my peace vow today." kata Simon, masih dengan senyum palsunya.

"Prisons don't have bullets. Notice all the guards only using batons?" kata Henry menyela.

Oh wow. I just knew that one, actually. "Mate's right." kata Messias. "Aku akan memberikan pistol ini dari bawah bangku kalian—terimalah satu persatu, dan taruh di selangkangan kalian." "Ew, gross." kata Simon. "Remember your peace vow, lad." kata Levi, tersenyum jahil. Simon hanya bisa terdiam—dia pasti menyumpah dalam hatinya.

"Here you go. One by one." kata Messias mengeluarkan sesuatu dari celananya.

Anak-anak mulai mengambilnya satu persatu dari bawah meja, termasuk pistol yang aku bawa juga. "If they don't have bullets, then why bother having a gun?" tanya Benedict penasaran. "Pasti ada di suatu tempat—dan rencana kita besok, benar?" tanya Levi juga. "Aye." kata Messias tenang. "I will tell you all about it now."

"See," kata Messias merapatkan kursinya, "The officers are not as talented as us." "Wow, talk about flattery." "Shut up, Levi."

"Right. Now, these pistols—I believe the ammunition is by the armory. Where is the armory?" katanya tersenyum. "Beats me." kataku. "There is an armory here?" tanya Benedict. "Questions after questions now, huh?" kata Simon jengkel. "It might be—" "It's next to Lieutenant's office." kata Henry menyela.

"Correct." kata Henry menuding Henry. "So if we made it to the office, getting ammo is a piece of cake." "What about the key?" kata Levi. "Probably at the office too." "You sure?" "No, but if we made it to the office, getting out is pretty much piece of cake."

"Somehow you're so sure of this—you've been working it for years?" kata Thomas mengutak-atik pistolnya dari bawah meja. "Tidak. Hanya beberapa bulan." jawab Messias santai. "Jadi, eh—kamu yakin?" tanyaku lagi. Kali ini dengan nada yang lebih dalam.

"Of course. Now, the plan. The briefing of the plan." kata Messias. Kita semua mendengar serius. "Noon—we will begin our plan to go to the Lieutenant's office. Firstly, we split into two teams. No radio and phones, so our means of communications will be the signs we learned at the Academy. Everyone remembers it?" kata Messias. Semuanya mengangguk—kecuali satu orang.

"I know nothing of it." kata Henry serius. "I'll teach you, mate." kataku. "Oh, really? Carry on, then." katanya sedikit senang. Well, if he's happy, then everyone's happy—perhaps. "Right." kata Messias mengangguk. "Now, me, Levi and Simon will go to the office. You guys keep a lookout down below, see if there's something wrong—like if the officer knows us missing, or if a brawl goes on, make sure you get into the action."

"I'm not sure geting unto a brawl will benefit us somehow." kata Thomas.

"Yeah. Neither is me going with Levi." lanjut Simon.

"Yah. Kalian cocok, sebenarnya." jawab Messias. "What the—you know what, I'll accept it." kata Simon menenangkan diri.

"Peace vow, huh?"

"Yep."

"Sounds like bullshit to me."

"Shut up, Levi." jawab Simon, kembali menjadi dirinya sendiri.

"So it's just the three of you guys up there? Sure?" kata Benedict.

Messias mengangguk. "The alley is small, and I cannot risk losing this plan at all, just because I am scared." tukasnya tegas. Wow. Okay then, hotshot.

"Estimated time?" "Probably less than an hour, I guess." "Guessing's not a good game right now, lad." kataku serius.

"Kamu yakin tidak mau naik bersama Henry? Dia tahu penjara ini seperti balik telapak tangannya." lanjutku lagi. "Really?" tanya Messias. "That is kind of true—I guess." jawab Henry, gelagapan.

"Mate, be confident. You're embarassing me." kataku menoleh ke Henry.

"I—uh, I' sorry. Speaking to Messias makes me a little uneasy. Legend, y'know?" kata Henry melirikku dalam. "I'm kind of a legend too back in academy, alright?" "Yeah...legend's kind of a long shot, there." kata Thomas memicingkan mata.

"Especially you failed that last job spectacularly."

"Mate—we all failed. That's why we're here." gerutuku. Kenapa semua orang berbalik ke aku sekarang?

"I am sure it's such a great story and I'd love to hear it—but we only got ten minutes, before noon catches on us and we have to get back to chores." kata Messias lagi. Well, after all the bad talking, seems like a good idea to catch up with our plan—especially because tomorrow is the day.

"So, any questions?" tanya Messias.

���Apa tugas kita di atas? Menjaga pintu dari dalam—atau menyingkirkan semua petugas, atau, atau bagaimana?" tanya Levi. Tumben anak ini pikirannya benar. "Good question, Levis—" "It's Levi." "Yeah, yeah—you and Simon needs to cover me back, true. But the idea just stop there." "I'm sorry, what?" lanjut Simon. Messias menghela napas.

"Aku tidak tahu bagaimana jadinya, siapa saja penjaganya—bahkan dimana kunci kita keluar, semuanya." kata Messias menaikkan kedua bahunya.

"Semua yang aku tahu adalah kalian mampu berpikir untuk diri kalian sendiri, jadi kenapa tidak? Berpikirlah demi kita. Aku tidak mengumpulkan kalian disini karena kalian perlu dibina—tepatnya karena kalian sudah dibina." lanjut Messias serius.

"Jadi kita bebas berkehendak? Di bawah tekanan—apa saja?" tanya Judas. "Yah, dengan mempertimbangkan konsekuensinya, tentu saja, Judas." jawab Messias.

"Alright, ladies! Lunch time over! Chores, go, go!" kata sipir dari atas.

"Chores? I thought we were supposed to help them with whatver the fuck that is." tanya Simon. "They grew anxious. I guess being close with a lot of prisoners makes them timid." kata Henry. "Huh. Makes sense." kata Thomas. "Yeah, do your chores—tomorrow at noon we'll do the plan alright. See you." kata Messias, lalu beranjak pergi.

"Alright, chores. Come on, boys. Before those batons get into your ass." lanjut Thomas, seraya pergi.

"Hei, tahanan nomor 03262!" teriak petugas kepadaku, satu-satunya napi yang belum beranjak dari kantin. "Ayo, kerjakan tugasmu! Cepat! Dasar pemalas!" teriaknya. To be honest, I've grown accustomed to the shoutings though. Is this what prison life feels like? It must be especially hard for Henry then. Pikirku beranjak dari kursi dan menuju toilet.

Yep. The toilet is still as shitty as usual, lihatku menuju bilik-bilik toilet yang kotor.

"Aurgh! Fucking finally!" kataku merebahkan diri ke kasur. Capek sekali seharian ini rasanya. Terlebih karena aku tidak henti-hentinya memikirkan nasib rencana kita besoknya. Mungkin memang benar kata mereka, hal-hal besar selalu membuat kupu-kupu di perutmu melayang kencang. "Hey, William."

"Hey, mate. Not sleeping?" kataku telentang rapi di ranjang keras ini.

"I am nervous, you know. It's like—I want to tell everyone about our plan. I need to vent out." "Me too, mate. Trust me, it just gets like that sometimes." kataku mencoba bersantai. Karena di saat-saat seperti ini, hal terbaik yang bisa kulakukan—adalah mencoba untuk tenang. Jika tidak, nyawa kita semua resikonya.

"You experienced it daily on your job?" tanya Henry.

"Every mission, yeah. Ever since the day I shot my first target. 'Tch.' Never grows old." lanjutku.

"How do you cope with it—I mean, this, all this paranoid thing, emotion?"

"You just cool down, mate. Nothing else. Don't overthink anything."

"I guess so. Yeah—I need to calm down, now. Calm, calm." katanya mengambil napas panjang.

"Speaking of jobs, you never tell me how you get here in the first place." kataku bangun dan duduk di pojok ranjang. "You really want to hear about it?" "Anything is going to be fun to hear—especially because there is nothing left to do here." kataku bersungut-sungut.

"Haha...you're goddamned right there, mate." kata Henry. So? The story? pikirku menunggunya membuka sisi hidupnya, setelah aku membuka semua sisi hidupku padanya. "I was—how do you call it—a sociopath." katanya tenang. "Hm. You seemed pretty calm so far." lanjutku penasaran. "So, yeah. I guess. Prison life is befitting for me, that is why. Give me five minutes outside, and I will act like savages." "You attack strangers?" "Worse. I kill them—without remorse."

Well, that opened up my mind anyhow. And speaking of which, maybe I need some space from this lad then. "You ever thought about that?" lanjut Henry. "About what?" "Does God really wants us to be like this? You and me—are we sons of His?" tanyanya, serius. Aku menghela napas.

"You know, even I thought of that before. Countless times." kataku melihat langit-langit selku.

"Have any answers now?" Henry bertanya balik.

"Nope. Is life fair? Born assassin, die one—hoping for a better life?"

"You know, being a sociopath is no walk in the park either."

"Hahaha. Yeah, I guess so, mate. Turns out, life is bullshit, huh?"

"I did not want to be like this. I did not wish it, either."

"You ever hoping to be one of them out there—civilians?" tanyaku tersenyum.

"Yeah. Walking around the streets, getting a girlfriend—" "Kissing a girl, starting a family, you know?" lanjutku tiba-tiba. "I really want to be just like them. One of them. Walk amongst them. But aren't we all just waiting for our hell now?" "Yup. If God wants this for us, then hell certainly is what He has in plans for us."

"It's not fair. I want a life." bisikku pelan. Perlahan, ternyata aku menangis sesenggukan.

"I remember my family. My friends, too. They are all gone." jawab Henry.

"I once had a family, too. I—I never thought I'd say this, but I miss them." kataku berlinang air mata.

"Maybe tomorrow is our chance to redeem ourselves, William."

"By shooting the guards? They has a family, too. God's plan too?"

"I don't know about that. Still looking for an answer myself."

"Goodnight, Henry." tukasku menutup pembicaraan ini. "See you tomorrow, mate." "Ditto." And I have been thinking it even more these days. My life has been a million counts of sins—but I have no choice but to do it. Even the sinners themselves has a nice, quaint life. Why it should be different with me? Am I the chosen one? Am I the forgotten one? One of His sons, or His lackeys? I never thought it before in my whole fucking life—finding an answer can be so difficult.

If God exists, then He will have to answer all of my life questions, then.

"Wake up! Rise, ladies! Now! Now! Chores on the hall, now!" kata petugas mengayunkan batonnya ke selku, seperti biasa. Aku mencoba berdiri dan membuka mataku—dengan susah payah. "Ow, fuck. Fuck, they were noisy as a duck." gerutuku sembari menggaruk kepalaku. Sudah lama aku tidak mandi, dan jujur, tidak pernah aku merasa sekotor ini.

I really need to get down there and start a ruckus, don't I? pikirku mengingat-ingat rencana kita kemarin. Well, if it's what it takes to get us out of here, so shall be it. "Henry." kataku menyapa henry di sebelah. Sudah bangun ternyata—yah, mengingat dia anak yang rajin di penjara ini, tidak heran.

"Come on mate. You'll be missing our grandeur plan today." kataku mengantuk.

"Just a minute, will you? I'm writing my testament . Just in case something goes wrong."

"For a sociopath, you clearly did not look like one." lanjutku melihatnya menulis dengan sobekan bajunya.

"I'll see you downstairs then, mate. Do hurry up, will you?"

Aku melangkahi tangga turun dengan perlahan. Hanya satu orang yang kucari—dan itu dia. Messias ada di pojok bilik toilet, memegangi kain pel dan ember airnya.

"Here to help me, lad?" kataku tersenyum dari kejauhan sembari menuju bilik toilet. "I helped you alright. Chore's done, William." "Excuse me, what?" kataku menghentikan langkah menuju bilik. "You heard me right. Now, come on and go to the mess hall. The others are waiting there."

"Sure, sure, sure—hey, thanks, mate." kataku menepuk pundaknya. This Messias here is a fine chap alright. Who knows that, especially regarding the first time we met? I shouldn't judge people too far. "Helping hands, am I right? Learned that back at the academy?" kata Messias. "Huh. Funny. All I remember was to kill." kataku berpikir. "Yah, itu juga—sepertinya." jawab Messias lagi. "Ayo, kita sebaiknya bergegas. Waktu adalah uang, William. Dan setiap waktu yang kita habiskan, Letnan masih duduk manis menunggu kita membunuhnya. Ayo." Alrighty then.

"Gentlemen." kata Messias menyambut manis semua orang. Bahkan Henry—dia sudah turun? Cepat sekali manusia ini. "Duduk, William." "Tentu saja, Thomas. Aku tidak akan mendengarkan semua ini sambil berdiri, bukan begitu?" "Maksudku, kamu terlihat lelah." kata Thomas menjelaskan.

"Oh. I am sorry, mate. Me head hasn't feeling well lately." kataku seraya duduk.

"Precisely why I told you to sit down. Mate." jawab Thomas.

"Yeah—okay, gentlemen. Now is the time. I said yesterday that you need to create a brawl, right? You can start it between yourself. Henry will be avoiding it, giving me signals, and because he can't brawl." kata Messias melihat Henry. "Thankfully. I am afraid of it too." jawab henry. "You're a sociopath, scared of fights? Am I missing something here?" tanyaku.

"It's just an explosion of anger, William."

What? Okay, never mind. "Who's going to start it then?" tanya Thomas. "Well, beacuse you're eager to do it, then you do it." tuding Messias. "What?" "Hahaha! Oh my god, I've never been so happy my entire life—" "Versus you, William." "What now? Why?" kataku gelagapan.

"I'd be happy to show my skill—ever since the academy, eh?" tanya Thomas tersenyum.

"And I won every single time. Every single time, mate." jawabku santai.

"Yeah, but it was years ago, and you have aged now."

"Like a fine wine. Wait, everybody ages, Thomas."

"Okay. Now that you're all fired up, we just need to think of the rest. The brawl needs to be huge, right? We have to pour petrol into the fire." tukas Messias. "I lost you." "I need you all to brawl, mate." "Between each other?" tanya Judas. "With. Everybody."

"Oh. It's going to be a huge fight alright." kataku bersiap-siap. Aku menyukai kesempatan ini. Rencana atau tidak, aku bisa menunjukkan urat-urat bertarungku kepada si bedebah satu ini. "We'll see—we'll see that." jawab Thomas. "Alright then, away you go to the mess hall. They will be celebrating there. Here's one hoping for the Lieutenant to show up." kata Messias mengangkat tinggi-tinggi gelas plastik dengan air di dalamnya.

"Cheers! Cheers—cheers!" teriak semua orang berbarengan.

Never thought I'd be in prison, making new friends and meeting a living legend—and on top of that all, trying to get out of here in less than a year. Hell, it's only months actually. Never felt more alive, actually. Though the toilet still stinks as hell.

"Ayo, semuanya, berkumpul! Sekarang!" teriak sipir dari dalam mess hall. Seperti biasa, suara teriakan dan pentungan baton terdengar di mana-mana. Messias dan Henry ada benarnya. Sepertinya hanya itu saja senjata mereka. Aku semakin yakin dengan rencana ini—karena begitu aku juga mendapat baton itu, I can unleash hell too.

"Once you get there, don't forget what you are supposed to do." kata Messias. "Goodluck, boss." kata Simon, mengikuti Messias. "Thanks, boy. You too. Break a leg." "Funny. You should be the one breaking them." "Good point, there." kataku menepuk pundak Simon, lalu pergi. "See you then." kata Levi juga. "Best of luck, mate."

"You first? Or I first?" tanya Thomas seraya kita berdua berjalan menuju mess hall. "You first, pussy." "Settled, then." jawabnya dengan mata berapi-api. Kenapa dia begitu serius tentang hal ini? Entah dia benar-benar ambisius kita keluar dari sini, atau dia mempunyai dendam kesumat padaku. I'd assume both, actually.

'Whack!' "Oh, shit!" Thomas memukulku tepat di wajah. Di tengah-tengah mess hall pula, ditengah kerumunan para napi lain. "Oooh!" teriak napi-napi lain. "Hey! Hey! Cut it out there!" teriak petugas dari belakang. "You leave us alone, officer." bisik Judas sembari melemparkan petugas ke tengah-tengah kami berdua.

"Oooh! Fight! Fight!" teriak napi makin keras. "You throw yourself, too!" kata Judas mendorong Benedict ke tengah. "Yo, what the fuc—" 'Smack!' "Oh, I'm sorry, officer." kata Benedict setelah bertabrakan dengan petugas yang berusaha melerai semuanya. 'Whamp!' tiba-tiba seorang napi memunting lengan petugas dan membantingnya ke tanah.

"You ready here, Thomas?!" teriakku cukup keras, melihat semuanya sudah berantakan.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" teriak semuanya semakin keras.

"Hey! Hey! Enough already! Everyone, back in line!" teriak sipir.

"Fight yourselves, people! The officers is just a bunch of bitches!" teriak Judas keras-keras. "Yeah!" "Wankers!" "Come here you, you—" "Fuck you too!!" tiba-tiba semuanya sudah bertengkar satu sama lain—bahkan beberapa napi bertengkar dengan napi lain.

Henry, yang berada di paling belakang semua ini, menoleh ke Messias. Dan mengangguk.

Messias mengangguk kembali dan langsung berlari menuju ruangan Letnan. Setidaknya, itu saja yang aku lihat. "Thomas! Dimana kamu, bajingan?!" teriakku keras. 'Bam!' "Oy, wanker!" teriakku sembari terpelanting ke tanah. "Oy, where are you—you can't just punch me and left, wanker! Oi!" teriakku di tengah kerumunan yang bertengkar semua. 'Bam! Wham!' "Ow, fuck.." tiba-tiba seorang petugas jatuh di depanku.

"I'm going to need this, thank you very much." kataku mengambil baton dari pinggangnya.

'Thunk!' "Aw, fuck me!" teriakku keras. Seseorang mementungku dari belakang. Oh. So this is how you do it in here. I never had this problem living in Prior Street. Even the people were pretty kind—I guess that's because they didn't know I'm an assassin. "You know what?!��� ujarku mencoba berdiri dengan susah payah. "Fuck you all then, eh?"

Aku mengayunkan baton kesana kemari, tidak peduli siapa lawan dan siapa kawan sekarang.

"Yeah, how you all like that, eh? Huh?!" teriakku diiringi asap dimana-mana, orang-orang berjatuhan dan banyak sekali teriakan sumpah serapah. Mirip adegan film laga sekarang. "How about this?!" teriakku mementung penjaga di sebelahku. "And this?!" sambungku mementung napi lain. "And a little piece of this?! Huh?!" kataku mementung semua orang di dekatku.

"Aye, you like that? Eh? Want a piece of me, mate?!" teriakku semakin beringas. Semua orang semakin gila saja di sini. Apapun hari besar yang diadakan sekarang—mungkin sekaranglah waktu yang tepat untuk memikirkannya lagi. 'Thunk!' "Ow!" seseorang lagi-lagi melemparkan sesuatu. Tapi kali ini berat. Aku menoleh ke belakang. Holy fucking fuck.

They got a bloody riot gear! "Oh shit. Now's the time to play it safe." bisikku hati-hati.

"You guys were really getting to cut me nerves off, eh?!" teriak sipir menggunakan bulhorn dari belakang kompi huru-hara ini. Knew it. Lad's a bloody pussy, alright. "Well ,guess again! Now's the stage is even, you ladies!" Segerombolan pasukan ini mulai mendekat. Lebih dekat lagi. Shit. They're cornering us. What was seen as a pretty noisy scene just moments ago, now it's terribly quiet as a cat.

"Yeah! Back off! You are all going to the isolation room! You all—"

'Bang!' Tiba-tiba satu orang tentara itu tersungkur jatuh. Aku kenal betul suara mesiu ini.

"Hey! What the—who is there! Get him down!"

Aku menoleh ke atas. Benar saja. Simon yang berjongkok manis, melihat dari iron sights di pistol—bahkan asap mesiu itu masih hangat. With weapons? Now we are talking here, lads. "Get them! Riot guards! Up there!"

Aku bertindak cepat. "Sekarang bagaimana?" tanya Henry panik. "Follow my lead—you too, Judas. Benedict, and am I forgetting someone?" "Levi?" tanya Judas. "Mate's up there, ain't he?" "Oh, right, right boss. My fault." "Carry on, then." Keributan akan reda sebentar lagi. "Hey! Prisoners, you all come here now!" teriak petugas dari kejauhan. "Move, gentlemen!"

"Not that easy, prisoner. Can you overcome—" 'Bang!' Ah. Good shooting.

Aku berlari menyusuri selusur tangga sempit itu. "Get them!" kata sipir. "Oh, shit." bisikku takut. Berhadapan dengan pasukan huru-hara—apalagi tanpa satupun senjata, harus kuakui membuat sedikit kencing di celana. "Shit. shit. shit shit." aku menyumpah tiap anak tangga yang kulalui semakin cepat—lalu aku menoleh, melihat sampai mana mereka. "Bloody hell?"

Mereka tidak bisa naik melalui tangga. "Ha! Got you now, wankers!" teriakku senang.

"Boss, gears." kata Simon menghampiri. "Much obliged, boy. Now let's kick some police ass." kataku mengokang pistol. 'Bang! Bang!' suara tembakan di belakang terdengar—Judas sudah sampai rupanya. Apa dia memanjat tembok? Atau—lupakan. I need to focus on these riot guards. One thing I know, they are bulletproof. "Dimana Messias?" tanyaku pada Simon di sebelahku.

"Sepertinya di sekitar sini. Yang pasti di lantai yang sama." jawab Simon.

"Hey, prisoner!" teriak seseorang lantang dari sisi sebelah. Messias ternyata. "why'd he call us prisoners?" tanya Simon tersinggung. "Maybe because we'd turned our heads to it?" "Huh. Makes sense." Aku langsung menghampirinya. "Not so fast!" kata pasukan huru-hara menyusul di semua selusur tangga. "Hiyah!" 'Thwomp!' tendangku sekuat tenaga. "Ow, no—" "Ow! Ouch!" 'Clank!' "Agh! Hey! Hold on—" 'Crash!'

Dan benar saja. Mereka begitu beratnya, sampai mereka semua jatuh seperti pin bowling.

Aku memang jenius. "Next plan, mate?!" teriakku pada Messias. "Working on it!" 'Bang!' 'Bang! Bang!' jawabny sembari menembaki semua petugas di depan. Semuanya terkapar. Wow. A bullet straight to the heart. This mate is all work and no pissing around. "I can't find the key—it's not in the room!"

"Hey! Hands on the ground!" kata sekompi pasukan dari arah ruang Letnan.

"Oh, great. The heavy duty is here now." "Maybe the key is on them?" tanyaku panik. "No bloody way. We need to find Lieutenant—or the Chief." katanya mengisi ulang pistol. "Here's one. On my mark." katanya menyodorkan granat padaku.

"Pull it apart—and one, two, three, four—throw!"

Aku melemparnya sekuat tenaga menuju ke kompi pasukan dengan semua peralatan berat itu. "Grenades!" "Cover!" 'Bang!' 'Boom! Boom!' Holy shit. Messias baru saja menembak granat itu di udara. Not even the fastest cowboy in the west can pull those off. "Now to put our attention to what's important. Where's the others?" katanya dengan santai—setelah semua tindakan anti-heroik itu—dan menoleh ke arahku.

"Now that you mention it..." kataku pelan.

"You lost them?! Are you taking a piss?!" teriaknya tiba-tiba.

"Now, I didn't say that. You say that. They have their own route is what I am saying."

"Urgh—let's find them, then." "You lead." kataku memberi jalan. "Simon!" teriakku, memanggilnya ke sini. Paling tidak, aku tidak akan dimarahi karena meninggalkan Simon sekarang. "Ow, itu dia Judas!" kataku menunjuk seberang. "Judas!" teriakku juga. Judas menoleh dan langsung berlari ke sini.

"Good. Two out of six. Not a bad start, eh?" kataku melihat Messias.

"You're right."

"I am."

"Where is Levi?"

"What, now?" jawabku bingung. Selalu saja anak satu ini.

"Bahkan Thomas pun tidak ada." kata Messias, melongok ke bawah. "Eh, soal itu—" "Banyak sekali orang yang pingsan di bawah sana." "Thomas mungkin menjadi salah satunya." lanjutku. ���Hah? Apa?" tanya Messias tersenyum. Aku yakin senyumannya mengandung ribuan makna.

"Well, we got too distracted with the fight, and—"

"Don't say you beat the lad and he kicked the bucket."

"No, of course," kataku menjelaskan. "But things escalated pretty quickly, pretty fast. Even some prisoners beat the bloody hell out of their neighbors. Some shit happened." "Hm, jika kita bisa menemukannya, maka separuh tugas kita selesai."

"Oh, there he is." kataku melihat ke bawah dan bernapas lega. "Where? Oh bloody hell." kata Messias terkejut. "Oi, mate! Care not to forget about me, will you?!" teriak Thomas dari bawah, mencekik sipir penjara. "Out with your guards, chief." katanya membuang—membuang? Yah, itu kata yang tepat. Membuang sipir ke tanah. "Come on up!" "Hang on, Henry is behind me—come on out, mate. Coast's clear." tukas Thomas sembari melambaikan tangan. Thank God he's okay.

Henry keluar dengan kalut. Mate's must have been scared as hell. Glad it's over now. How can I believe it went this easy with Messias? "So, what now?" kataku pada Messias. "We need to find the lieutenant, now that the chief is dead." "You believe he has the key?" "If he's not—then we're all toast now." Yah, sepertinya itu alasan yang cukup untuk mencarinya.

'Pant.' "The stairs is too fucking high." 'Pant.' "Ugh." gerutu Thomas sesampainya kemari.

"That's a lot coming from you—whom beaten all those prisoners and officers alike."

"I've ran out of battery—oh my god, I need to sit down." katanya berbaring di tanah.

"Wow. Sebuah pertunjukan yang spektakuler sedari tadi." kata Henry di belakangnya. "You okay there, mate?" "I'm okay, and—" "Hey! Over here!" teriak seseorang lagi. Shit. Setelah semua ini selesai, masih ada saja orang yang suka berteriak di sana-sini. Copot gendang telingaku rasanya.

Aku menoleh—ternyata Benedict.

"Where have you been?!" teriak Simon juga. "I've been waiting for you here! I thought that I'll be waiting at the front gate! We are breaking out, right?!" "Right, but that is stupid!" kata mereka berdua bersahut-sahutan. "Why don't you ask him to come oever here, rather than shouting like rabid dogs." kataku pada Simon, muak dengan semua keributan ini. "Good idea, boss. Hey! Come over here!" katanya, berteriak lagi. I will fucking kill this boy.

'Bang!' 'Bang!' suara mesiu terdengar—dari ruangan Letnan, sepertinya.

"Hey, what's that noise?" tanya Messias. Aku menyadari sesuatu—dan langsung lari tunggang-langgang menuju ruangannya. 'Creak!' bunyi pintu kayu ek tua itu terbuka. Di dalamnya terdapat meja, kursi, segala sesuatu dari ruangan seorang letnan. Kecuali semuanya berdarah.

"Ugh..." suara kesakitan seseorang dari balik meja. Aku langsung menyiagakan pistolku dan melihat dari atas. "Judas!" teriakku melihat anakku satu itu, tergeletak lemah tak berdaya. Aku segera mengangkat kepalanya ke pangkuan pahaku—aku melihat di seberangnya, seorang berdasi rapi dengan sepatu bot mengkilaunya bersimbah darah. "I did it, boss."

"You—you, I can't believe you acted on your own. You were the obedient one."

"Ugh..." 'cough!' 'cough!'

"Careful, you're bleeding. Quite profusely, at that. Put your hands on your chest."

'Smirks.' "I know what to do, boss. I am an assassin, after all."

"I guess you were right." kataku melihat dengan perasaan yang campur aduk.

"Judas!" teriak Simon. Ternyata semuanya sudah sampai di ruangan ini. "Never knew you were one to steal the moment, eh mate?" kata Benedict melihat semua darah di sekeliling ruangan ini. "Tired of being a sniper, I guess." jawab Judas lemah. "Hey, save your breath. Put your palms on your chest firmly, alright?" kata Simon panik.

"Ugh! I should—" "Hey, shut up!" balas Simon langsung. "Look mate. I ha—" "I told you to shut up, eh?" "Look, look. Just look." kata Judas menenteng sesuatu di tangan kanannya. 'Clank clank.' bunyi gemerincing terdengar. Semua orang terdiam. "It's the key to get out of here. Use it." kata Judas tersenyum kecil. "Too late for me anyway." "Bollocks, too late!"

"Simon." kata Messias yang bersandar di tembok. Dia memberikan pandangan kosong.

"What? But—" kata Simon sepertinya mengerti. Kita semua yang berkumpul di dekat Judas terdiam. "Rest deep, son." bisikku pelan. "Thanks, boss."

"You know, I always wanted to know how it feels like. To live as a normal person. Am I born assassin? No. Did I grow up as one? Yes. But it occurs to me," katanya seraya memberikan kunci penuh darah itu kepadaku, "That I could have lived a different life. That I can be whoever I wanted."

"I always wanted to be an actor. You know, I am the most handsome between you all."

���That one, I have no doubt at all." kata Benedict tersenyum.

"Yeah. Me too. If only you were not a sniper, you would make a tremendous actor." lanjut Levi.

"Thanks lads. Feels good hearing all that, you know?" senyum Judas. "Mr. Christ will never know we broke out, the cops are all dead, sure, you're all fugitives and all, but—you can start fresh." kata Judas lagi. 'Cough!' "Live the life—" 'Cough!' 'Cough!' "that you want to live." lanjut Judas lemah. "Mate, calm down." kata Thomas.

"Kita akan mengenangmu dengan hormat, Judas." kata Messias dari belakang, berjalan menuju Judas yang terbaring lemah. "Selalu." lanjutnya lagi seraya memegang dada Judas dengan erat.

"Think it was my time, boys." 'Cough.' lanjut Judas dengan air mata yang jelas-jelas dia tahan.

"Anything off your chest, mate? Anything." jawab Simon, memandang dengan pasrah.

"I always wants to go play football with you all mate," katanya memandang kami semua, "You know, being a sniper—I can totally score from metres away. I am that good." katanya tersenyum jahil. Semuanya tersenyum, tidak terkecuali Messias. "And Levi, you will be that spot-up scorer. Always unnoticed, then comes with a bang. Along with Simon, I guess. You guys are a perfect match in heaven." lanjutnya semakin pelan. Aku merasakan darahnya mulai mengering di sekujur wajahnya. "Will you guys be more of a mates than massive wankers? We are family, after all. Alright?"

"I promise, Judas." kata Simon.

"So do I—or was it me? Either way, you get my word. Mate." lanjut Levi memegang pundak Simon.

"Good, good. How precious of you both. I really wish Saul is here with us."

"He is listening with us, mate. He is with us." kata Benedict juga.

"Right. So we're all in your football team. Assuming I'm the manager?" kataku tersenyum.

'Tch.' Hahah...Of course you are, boss. Of course you are." katanya tersenyum lebar—lebar sekali. Senyum paling lebar darinya yang belum pernah aku lihat sebelumnya. "Guess it's my time now." katanya semakin pelan. "I really hope I can get a different life next time, but with you lads with me again. Cheers." katanya—lalu memejamkan mata pelan-pelan. All the blood has dried. The room has gone quiet. The lieutenant has a family, too—are we celebrating death, once again? Are we really the bad guys of this life scenario?

"See you in heaven, mate." kataku menurunkan kepalanya ke lantai.

"Terimakasih atas semuanya, Judas." kata Messias, memegang bahunya untuk terakhir kali. "Ayo, semuanya. Kita harus bergegas." "I don't know what to do next, I fucking don't know what to do next. I am deep in question—fuck." kata Simon. "Don't be like that, mate." kata Thomas. "Judas has gave us a way to get out here—probably wants us to live our life however we see fit." lanjutnya lagi.

"James has to pay for this." bisikku tiba-tiba.

"What are you blabbering about?" kata Thomas tiba-tiba. "Can't you see?! He is the one causing all this! Do we have a say every time he moves his mouth?!" kataku beringas, sembari keluar dari ruangan itu. "Yeah, but what's the proof?" "The proof is your life, Thomas. You and my boy, you both cannot have the life you always wanted—just for an old man's whim." kataku mendekat pada Thomas, serius.

"So you plan to beat him after we get out of this prison?" sanggah Messias.

"Dead or not, I will have my answer—and finally live my life, on my terms." jawabku menoleh.

"Have any plan?"

"So, you in?" "I did not say that." jawab Messias. "It's better if we get out of here first. That's what important right? Right? Please tell me I am right." kata Levi. "Levi benar. Kita seharusnya melangkah keluar dulu sebelum kalian semua membuat rencana di atas rencana. Apa kalian akan menyia-nyiakan kematian Judas? Aku tidak." tukas Simon menuju pintu keluar dengan bergegas. Melihatnya, aku segera mengikutinya juga. Dan yang lain mengikutiku.

"Those keys unlock all gates around here. I suggest we go through the backdoor." kata Messias.

"Is that right, Henry?" tanya Thomas.

"Ya," katanya mengangguk pelan, "Benar. Lebih baik kita keluar lewat pintu belakang."

"You've been awfully quiet." kataku separuh berbisik seraya mendekat. "Well, your loved one has died. I know when to put my head down." katanya memegang pundakku. Aku terdiam. Lalu tersenyum. "Thanks, mate. You have no idead how much that means to me." "Alright, mate?" Aku mengangguk. New families born every minute, eh?

"Let's carry on, then. Life awaits us all." kata Benedict pelan, seraya melihat Judas yang tertidur pulas di belakang. Aku menoleh juga—melihat anakku untuk terakhir kalinya. "See you on the other side, mate," bisikku pelan. "I promise we will play football—either in hell, or in heaven someday."