74. The Right Thing

Thank you so so so much for all your feedback, you guys are the best! At the end of my last chapter I told you to trust me, so thanks to everyone who's still here :) let me explain one thing: everything in this story happens for a reason and is thought through very very well, which means I know what I'm doing. So be patient and wait for things to fall into place. And meanwhile, enjoy this chapter ;)

74. The Right Thing

For a moment it was absolutely silent as they both stared at Clara perplexedly and Erin could feel her heart beating in her ears, the shock evident in her hazel-green eyes.

″Uhm, what?″ she managed to ask, being the first to find her words again and looking to Jay to assure herself that she'd heard right, but his facial expression was as confused and perplex as her own, his eyes looking for hers as well.

″I usually place kids with foster families that I know but nothing was done the usual way here,″ Clara said, giving them a meaningful glance that should somehow tell them not to do it like this again. ″It's always hard to seperate kids from their parents, although it's for their better. They don't understand and have a hard time to adjust into a new family. But what I just saw inside there was a child that seems to be confident with this new situation, a child that trusts the people he's with. What I just saw in there is how it should be and I've seldomly seen that after only three days,″ she explained to the stunned couple in front of her. ″And to me it seemed like you see him as a part of your family already as well, so I was just wondering whether you could imagine giving him a foster home yourselves. I know this is a big question and you already have a busy life and there are lots of things coming along with fostering a child, so if you need another day to think about it, that would be fine by me. I just thought this could probably be an option.″

″I think we should do it,″ Erin exclaimed straight away and for the second time within a couple of minutes Jay wondered whether he's heard right. Deep down inside he's known that something like this would happen, has seen it coming that Luke would stay with them because they've bonded too much already. Not only Erin, also him, and giving him to a foster family has always been the plan, but quite honestly none they felt entirely good with. But all of this didn't change the fact that there were tons of things they had to consider and they could surely not make such a huge decision within seconds, in the hallway of their former apartment building – without talking about it properly.

″Woah Erin, easy,″ he said, trying to hold back the feeling of anger that came with her making a decision in a heartbeat yet again. A way bigger decision this time, one that could have consequences for the rest of their life. Consequences Erin surely hasn't considered so far.

″Jay, this would be in Luke's best interest,″ she answered, turning her gaze from him to Clara. ″Right?″

″Most likely, yes,″ the social worker confirmed. ″As I said, what I just saw in these five minutes is something special.″

″Okay,″ Jay breathed out, looking at Clara as well. ″So let's say we foster him and Rylie doesn't make it through rehab and ends up taking drugs again,″ he said and he could literally feel Erin's eyes burning into his skin as he spoke this possibility, that she didn't want to think about at all, out loud. But he's always been the more reasonable one and so he ignored the death glare she was shooting him and continued, hoping that she would catch up on the direction he was going to with his question and would therefore understand why he was hesitating. ″What would happen to Luke?″

″Well, he would stay with you and eventually he would get adopted because there's no way Rylie would get him back then and we would need to find a permanent home for him,″ Clara said, confirming what Jay had thought would happen, the conflict that came with it all evident in his opinion. Not in Erin's as it seemed.

″So how does that change anything?″ she asked, a tiny bit of challenge in her voice. ″He needs us, Jay. It would be cruel to give him to a new family when he could simply stay with us.″

″I know,″ Jay agreed. ″Clara, could Erin and I go outside for a minute?″

″Sure, take the time you need.″

″Thanks,″ Jay smiled out of necessity. ″Let's go,″ he said to Erin and slightly pushed her into the direction of the staircase, literally waiting for the bomb to explode as he could feel the fire and anger in her, just like a volcano shortly before it errupted.

To his surprise, Erin kept her mouth shut until they were in the 300 but the moment the doors were closed and they were inside the car that had witnessed countless conversations between them, she released her anger.

″What the hell was that?″ she snapped. ″She now thinks we're not on the same page about that.″

″How can we be on the same page when you make a decision without me?″ he asked rhetorically. ″Er, not even 24 hours ago I told you that there are decisions that are as immense that you can't make them alone in a heartbeat and that you have to consider all the angles and here you go again.″

″So you don't want to foster Luke?″ she asked incredulously. ″Is that what you're trying to say?″

″I want to foster Luke,″ he said all calm and her features softened a little, a frown occuring on her forehead instead. ″But I want you to realize what fostering Luke means for us, for our life. Especially since you were the one who told me not even five months ago that she doesn't want to have a second child.″

He hoped that his words would finally make her realize why he was hesitating as much and couldn't simply say that he wanted to foster Luke as well. Because of course this little boy had a special place in his heart already and he could imagine Luke being a part of their family. But before anything else he thought of Erin, as always looking out for her, especially in moments like this, when her empathy for others kept her from seeing things rational.

″It's not a permanent situation, Jay. It's only temporary,″ she said like it was carved in stone that Rylie would come back clean and never relapse. ″Rylie will be back in two months and probably in not even a year Luke is allowed to live with her again.″

″Erin,″ Jay sighed. For someone who was usually afraid to believe in happy endings, she surely was driven by a lot of positive thoughts and imaginations here. ″I want Rylie to make it as well. I really do. But for one minute, we have to be rational here and we both know that rehab is not that easy and that chances of a relapse afterwards are quite high. We'll help Rylie in the best way we can but that doesn't guarantee a success. And she only has that one chance. So what I'm trying to say,″ he explained, lying his hand atop hers before telling her the conflict he saw in this whole situation. ″When we foster Luke now and Rylie doesn't come back...will we be able to give him to another family for adoption then?″

Jay literally saw how the scales fell from her eyes and for a moment she seemed to be at a loss of words. ″I didn't...I haven't...″ she stammered. ″I haven't thought about that.″

″I know,″ Jay said, his thumb stroking over the back of her hand. ″That's what I want you to think about, Er. I don't have a problem with fostering Luke. I wouldn't have a problem with adopting him in case this situation happens. Whether we have a second child on our own or through adoption doesn't matter to me. You were the one who wasn't sure whether she even wants a second child and I told you back in May that that's okay. But this is something you have to consider now. Fostering Luke could change our life forever because in case this isn't temporary he could become the second child you don't know you want.″

Erin only nodded mechanically, letting his words sink in as they fell into silence, Jay's hand still covering hers, his skin against hers having this relaxing effect. If she was being honest with herself, the thought of a second child has grown on her over the past few months, though it still wasn't big enough that she could for sure say that she wanted to give Emmy a little sister or brother some day. It was both, a nice and a scary thought of going through pregnancy and birth again and raising two kids. The word adoption has never crossed her mind before. For her it's been clear that they had another own child in case they would indeed decide for Halstead number two. But eventually adopting a 5-year-old and giving Emilia a big brother?

Of course Luke would be something like her big brother now as well, but only for a certain period of time, hopefully. They would have two children but only for a couple of weeks, hopefully. It wouldn't be a permanent situation of them having two children, of Emilia having a big brother. Or would it?

While on the one hand it might seemed unfair to give their first-born a big brother, it was on the other hand great to have this big-brother-little-sister bond, the older always looking out for the younger and protecting her. Erin would've loved it to have a bigger brother. And there was something inside of her that yelled they should do it but of course Jay had a fair point as well. A point that was partly silenced by another voice inside of her, that was ever so quiet and hidden somewhere deep down in her heart, but it was very well there and it whispered to her that maybe, just maybe, their family wasn't complete yet.

″We handled the weekend quite well, didn't we?″ she asked him reassuringly.

″Well, it were only two days. Two days that we had more or less off. But yeah, I think we did good,″ he replied, seeing in her face how her mind played through different scenarios. This was all he'd wanted, that she thought about the range of the decision they would make.

″We weren't too bad when Danny stayed here the other day either,″ she noticed, thinking back to the weekend when Justin had been out of town for a special training and Henry had been sick, Olive asking them whether they could take care of Danny while she would take Henry to the ED, just to make sure it wasn't something serious. Of course they'd agreed, this was the benefit of living next to each other after all.

″That's true,″ Jay confirmed. ″It was a little louder and more chaotic but not in a bad way,″ he winked.

″Would it be unfair to Emmy? I mean, she suddenly has to share us with someone else...probably forever,″ she said, gnawing on her lip. Suddenly, this was probably her biggest conflict. That they might weren't able to give Emmy the attention she deserved and if she was being honest with herself, this was another thing she hasn't thought about until a couple of minutes ago because she'd only thought about what would be best for the scared, little boy who basically had no one right now.

″That usually happens when a new family member arrives, babe,″ Jay said, giving her a reassuring smile. "And even with only fostering Luke we would have to devide our attention between the two of them."

″Huh,″ she shrugged. ″Do you think we could handle it? Our jobs, two kids, a dog? You know, in the long run? In case this is not just about a couple of weeks or months...″

″We can handle anything. As long as we have each other,″ he answered softly and squeezed her hand a little tighter and the look her gave her with those blue orbs full of love made her heart flutter.

They fell into another moment of silence and when Erin inhaled a deep breath, Jay knew she'd made a decision. And he was sure to already know how she'd decided without her saying it because he knew his woman, sometimes better than she knew herself.

″I don't know whether I can be a mother of two,″ she started, smiling nervously at him. ″But I know for sure that you can be a dad of two in case you have to. And with you by my side, I can do it as well.″

″So?″ Jay asked.

″We'll do it,″ she nodded, confirming what he'd known already. Anything else would've surprised him immensely, even if this decision could change their life forever. ″We'll foster Luke. It's the right thing to do.″

″It is,″ he agreed and leaned in to give her a short but ever so soft kiss and while he tasted her lips on his own, he couldn't help but wonder what else life had in store for them as fostering a child and then probably adopt it has never been on their agenda. But then again, what ever had?

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Rylie was still sitting on her chair, just like Erin had told her, when they came back, bringing lunch from their favorite sandwich shop for the whole gang and a whole pile of paperwork they had to fight with now that they were officially foster parents to Luke Jackson. They haven't told him so far, had just left Carol's place again and decided to postpone breaking the news to the 4-year-old to the evening, when they had lots of time to explain. Then they would not only tell him that he would stay with them for the next couple of weeks but also that Rylie wasn't coming back anytime soon but that she would call him twice a week to speak with him, today being the first time. Regardless that phone call, that had the potential to probably save the situation, they didn't expect this evening to go smooth as the likelihood of a drama was quite high, so the whole way back to the district, they'd discussed how to do it, unfortunately without coming up with any masterplan that would make it easier.

Erin didn't know how Rylie would take the news that she and Jay would be Luke's foster parents, so when she brought her a grilled cheese sandwich and a soda, she broke the news carefully, halfway expecting Rylie to accuse her of robbing her of her son. Erin could feel her heart beating nervously in her throat when those words left her lips only to realize quickly that there hadn't been any reason to be nervous to begin with.

″Thank you,″ Rylie said, her lips curving into a shy smile. ″If I could've wished for someone, it would've been you. You're the first person that didn't let me down when I needed her and I know that you'll be there for my boy when he needs you.″ Towards the end, her voice broke, tears threatening to fall from her grey eyes.

″Hey Rylie, you'll be there for him again, soon. And whenever you need me, I'll be there for you. You're not alone,″ Erin said softly, her words letting the tears fall from Rylie's eyes. ″Come here,″ she added when she saw the tears, offering her arms to embrance her and without reluctance, Rylie got up from her chair and fell into her arms. Who would've thought that not even 24 hours ago, when the first few minutes of their encounter had been like a thunderstorm?

The next person Erin wanted to know about this new circumstance was Hank because depending on how the first few days with Luke went, she would maybe spend more time at home again. But much more than this having professional reasons, she wanted to tell him because he was her father in every possible way and his opinion mattered to her. Maybe this was the reason why she was kind of nervous when she knocked on the door of his office as she was uncertain what he would think about them fostering a child after having a child, buying a house, adopting a dog and marrying all within the last year.

″Do you have a minute?″ she asked, standing in the doorway, the tips of her fingers thrumming against the wood.

″Sure,″ he nodded, looking up from some forms in front of him, and as she stepped in and closed the door, she could feel his gaze burning on her, reading her like an open book.

″What's up?″ he asked as soon as she's settled on the chair.

″Uhm...so as you know, Clara was here this morning...and we talked about Luke and then she talked to Rylie...″

″I know, Rylie told me about it,″ Hank said.

″She did?″ Erin asked, surprise in her voice.

″Well, I saw her sitting there in the breakroom and told her that she can get herself a glass of water or a cup of coffee if she wants but she said you told her not to move,″ Hank explained, letting out a raspy chuckle. ″So I gave her a glass of water and said she can get up to get herself another one later but she said she wouldn't because you said so. Then I dug a little deeper and she told me about what Clara said. And about last night,″ he said meaningfully. ″I thought those circles under your eyes come from Emmy keeping you up all night.″

″Naah, she's a good sleeper these days. Sleeping through most of the time,″ she smiled faintly.

″Good, you'll need a long sleep next night,″ he replied, a mixture of boss and dad coming through here, and she wondered whether she really looked that bad. Given the fact that she hasn't slept in more than 30 hours, she didn't feel too bad, though she had to admit, she was probably running on caffeine and adrenaline only.

″I know,″ she winked. ″Anyway, I wanted to tell you something else. Uhm...,″ she stammered, remembering at which point he'd interrupted her. ″Jay and I went with Clara to pick up Luke from Carol.. and Luke...he was really happy to see us and pulled us with him to his playing area and so we sat down with him and Emmy for a minute and just when we were about to tell him that Clara takes him to another family now, she asked us to come outside...,″ Erin told him, inhaling a deep breath before telling him the real news. ″And then she asked us whether we want to foster Luke.″

If Erin had expected to see even the tiniest bit of surprise on Hank's face, she would've gotten a huge portion of disappointment here. Instead, a little, knowing smile tugged in the corners of his lips. ″So I guess you need the week off?″ he asked without asking her about the answer they'd given Clara.

″Tuesday and Wednesday yeah, Friday, I don't know yet,″ Erin answered, trying to read his gaze, his mind, his eyes, anything that could give her a hint what he was thinking about this.

″Well, I guess it's a good thing that I already put in a one week furlough for you this morning,″ he smirked.

″What?″ Erin uttered in confusion, furrowing a brow. ″Why would you do that?″

″Because the moment you walked in here with this boy in your arms on Friday night and refused to call DCFS right away I had a pretty got idea how this scenario is going to end,″ he shrugged like it was nothing that he knew her that well.

″I...uh...thank you,″ she breathed out, smiling back at him.

″Sometimes I wish you wouldn't get too involved into things like this because I'm afraid of what it could do to you. But in the end of the day, what you do for Rylie and that boy, it's the right thing. You sitting in front of me, being a badass cop, a married woman and awesome mother being the best reminder for it,″ he said, emotion in his voice as he placed his hand atop of the woman's that had once been his foster daughter, that he'd helped to get clean and to get a better life and had taken under his wing. And though they were not related by blood, this was the best proof for the story of the apple and the tree. Like father, like daughter. Now it was on her to foster a child and help someone to get clean, to get a fresh start and a life that was worth the word, giving back what Hank has taught her over all these years.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Hey, we're home,″ Jay called when he unlocked the door in the evening, stepping inside the hallway with one wet dog, one wet kid and one dry kid that had been protected by the rain cover over the stroller, he himself feeling like a drowned rat. Erin had brought Rylie to the Center of Hope in the early afternoon and meanwhile the rest of the unit had already solved the case of Tyler Jackson's murder with the arrest of Tyrell and Chase Briggs, the two brothers being not the sharpest tools in the shed as the team had found the murder weapon right on the table when they'd busted into the apartment they shared with two other G-Park gang members.

So he'd used the extra time to pick Emmy, Luke and Crispin up from Carol to go to the park and let a kite fly. He should've known that those strong winds and dark clouds were first indicators of heavy rainfall but they'd had too much fun and so Chicago's unsteady fall weather had caught up on them, those dark clouds opening up while they'd still been in the park three blocks from their house.

″Hey,″ Erin called back from the kitchen where she was preparing pasta with tomato sauce for dinner. ″I was wondering whether you could hide somewhere,″ she chuckled when she saw the four of them walking into the kitchen. She reached for one of the kitchen towels so she could at least dry Crispin a little before he would spread water and leave little puddles everywhere in the house.

″No chance, we just tried to get home as fast as possible but the weather showed no mercy,″ Jay said and handed Emmy to Erin as soon as Crispin was more or less dry. As much as Erin loved their dog, wet dog was one of her least favorite smells in the world.

″You going to help me cooking while daddy and Luke change, bug?″ she asked her daughter, bouncing her on her hip, and removed her light grey beanie before opening the zipper of her purple jacket.

″What are you cooking?″ Luke asked, trying to catch a glimpse into the pots on the stove.

″Pasta with tomato sauce,″ Erin replied, taking the jacket off.

″That's my favorite!″ Luke exclaimed excitedly.

I know, Erin thought. ″Really? Mine, too!″ she grinned, running her hair through the boy's damp blonde hair. ″So you and Jay should get changed fast, otherwise Emilia and I will eat it alone.″

″Okay,″ he nodded eagerly. ″Come on Jay, quick.″ He reached for Jay's hand and pulled him into the direction of his room, their guest room. Within the next few days the spare bedroom upstairs, that was supposed to become Emilia's playroom but hasn't been a priority so far and was therefore still more or less unfinished - other than the painting on the walls and some moving boxes it was empty - would become his room for the next few weeks. Or longer.

Dinner was ready by the time Jay and Luke had changed into dry clothes and they all settled around the table, the Italian dish satisfying their empty and hungry stomachs.

″Erin, our kite was sooooo high in the sky,″ Luke said somewhen, pointing towards the ceiling with the spoon in his hand, some tomato sauce dropping down on the table and his clothes.

″Hey bud, be careful with that spoon, you're making a mess,″ Erin said and brought his arm back down to the table. ″So, now you can tell me about the kite.″

″It was flying over us and it was higher than the trees,″ he told her excitedly. ″And then a strong wind came and I almost couldn't hold it anymore it. But Jay did.″

″Yep, he almost flew away with the kite,″ Jay grinned, realizing too late that it's been the complete wrong thing to say.

By these words, Luke stopped digging into his food to bring the next spoonful of pasta to his mouth and instead stared at the half-full plate in front of him. When he lifted his gaze to look at Jay, all the excitement about their afternoon adventure was gone, replaced by the sadness they knew too well, sadness no 4-year-old should carry around.

″If I could fly I could visit Ty in heaven,″ he whispered and Erin was sure the entire neighborhood could hear her heart breaking.

″You couldn't,″ she answered, placing her hand on the small of his back in an attempt to comfort him. ″Heaven is too far away and even with a plane you couldn't get there. But remember, he's in your heart, always with you. Just like my mom is in my heart and Jay's mom is in his heart is Ty in your heart.″

″Where's my mommy?″ he asked, those beautiful grey eyes looking and waiting for answers.

Well done Erin, best example you could've chosen, she scolded herself. Not that it mattered anyway. They had to tell him today. Only that they would've chosen a better moment to tell him than when he was sad and confused already.

″Luke, Jay and I, we talked with your mommy today,″ Erin looked to Jay to reassure herself that they should not come up with another lie but instead confront him with the truth. He slightly nodded his head, encouraging her to continue. ″Your mommy, she is sick and she needs help. She will get better but it needs time and because she doesn't want you to get sick as well, you can't see her for a while. That's why she wants you to stay with me and Jay until she's back.″

Luke's eyes widened in disbelief and more tears were forming in his eyes. ″No!″ he yelled angrily. ″I want to see my mommy! Now!″ he cried.

″I know you do, buddy,″ Erin said quietly, her hand never leaving his back, her palm still drawing circles onto it. ″But you can't see her before she's completely healthy. She'd like to do nothing more than holding you in her arms because she misses you so much.″

″I miss her, too,″ he sobbed. ″I don't want to stay here! I want my mommy.″

″As soon as she gets better you can see her again.″ She abstained from making any promises, tried to tell him that he could only see her again in case she was completely healthy. She wasn't sure whether Luke got that message, most probably not, but at least she wouldn't break a promise in case Rylie didn't make it through the two months of rehab.

″But you know what even sick people can do?″ Erin asked him. ″They can call.″

Luke lifted his head, suppressed another sob and looked at her with tear-stained eyes, his full attention on her now, quiet sobs he tried to suppress but couldn't still shaking his body.

″Your mommy will call you later. And you can talk to her and tell her about the kite and the zoo you built today. I bet that will help her to get healthy.″

″Yeah?″ he sniffed.

″Of course. Listening to your voice and hearing you talk about all your adventures will help. Knowing that you're fine will be good for her,″ she smiled at the little boy.

″Okay,″ he nodded, looking from Erin to Jay all insecure. ″Can I also tell her about Crispin?″ he asked shyly.

Jay couldn't help but grin by this question, a wave of relief overcoming him as this hadn't been as heartbreaking and hard as expected. So far. Placing his hand on Luke's back as well, he said: ″Absolutely.″

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

It wasn't until later that night, until they lay in the darkness of their bedroom with none of them able to sleep, that all the happenings and decisions of the day really started to settle. The moment they'd agreed on fostering Luke, they knew their life would change drastically but although they'd talked the possibility of adopting Luke at some point through, they might have underestimated how drastically their life would change and how much more of a chaos it would be, what an adjustment it would be for all of them.

"Do you think we're crazy?" Erin whispered into the darkness shortly after midnight, knowing by Jay's tossing and turning that he was awake as well and probably dealing with similar thoughts.

"Of course we are," he chuckled slightly and turned around so he could offer her his arm. Of course she immediately snuggled into his side, seeking solace in his embrace.

"In a positive or negative way?" she asked.

"Well, I guess that's on us to decide," he answered. "I'd say we're crazy in a right way." He's thought a lot about their decision and all the possible consquences for their life in the last few hours and had decided, that no matter how crazy it was, it was still the right thing.

"Yeah," she answered pensively.

"It will be an adjustment Erin. A challenge. And there will be days when we call our decision into question. But in the end of the day, what matters most is that little boy who sleeps downstairs and he's worth any challenge and adjustment."

"He is," Erin agreed, a faint smile tugging in the corners of her lips. "I've just been wondering...we had so many life-changing events within such a short amount of time...and now we add another one like it's nothing. I mean, how many of these events can a normal relationship possibly handle?"

"Not too many, probably," Jay said, pulling her even closer before speaking out his next words. "But you forget one important thing here, babe. You and me, that's not just a normal relationship. Our relationship is as crazy as we are, as strong as we are and as special as we are," he grinned. "So this is the exact right decision for us because we can handle whatever life requires us to handle," he added and kissed her forehead. "More than once I told you that I believe everything in life happens for a reason. And we might not know it now, but there's a reason why Luke came into our life and the day will come that we realize why..."

Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it! Please leave a review and let me know what you think :)