60. A Final Goodbye

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60. A Final Goodbye

With the sunlight making its way into the sparse hospital room of Chicago Med, Jay woke up from his slumber. Every single muscle of his body ached from the uncomfortable position in the tight hospital bed, but looking down into his fiancée's sleeping face it was all worth it. He would sleep in the most uncomfortable position forever if it meant she was comfortable, felt safe and protected. His arm was probably dead, his blood circulation not working at its best as Erin has been lying on it all night, her own arm wrapped around his torso, holding onto him almost frantically. But he anyway didn't have the slightest intention to change his current position before she would wake up and do it herself. She needed him being this close.

He placed a gentle kiss on top of her head, nestled his nose in her hair and somehow wished she would not wake up anytime soon. He had no idea how he should tell her about Bunny's condition and her being the one to literally pull the plug. It would shatter her once again. Not in a way how it would shatter other people when they had to take their parents off life-support, people who had a normal, loving relationship with their mother. But it would still shatter her, just in a different way.

This whole drama wasn't supposed to end like this. Yet, it was almost iconic how things have turned out. Erin would be the one to end the life of the woman who'd given birth to her 32 years ago but who'd never been her mother. She would end the life of the woman who'd never cared about her, who'd been the reason for her having the most miserable childhood, who'd hurt her countless times, who'd brought her to the edge of throwing her life away on many occasions. In Jay's opinion Bunny didn't deserve to die like this. She deserved to go through a cold turkey and then rot in her cell in jail for everything she did to Erin over all these years. But she'd decided to take the easy way out. Injecting as much heroin into her system that it caused a short circuit in her brain, only leaving dead cells behind.

He wished the paramedics hadn't tried to safe her life, that the CPR hadn't been successful. It would save them a lot of trouble now. It would keep Erin from going through another rough patch. A couple of months back Hank had told him that he was glad Jay was by her side, so she would manage to turn out fine from whatever life might still throw at her but Jay honestly wondered how much more one person could take. She's been through so much already and yet it didn't seem like it would change for the better anytime soon. Something was always coming up. No wonder that she was scared to be happy and didn't belief in happy endings. Because so far life and fate haven't given her too many hints that she was allowed to be happy for a longer period of time, let alone that there was a real happy ending waiting for her down the road.

Erin stirred in her sleep before her eyelids slowly fluttered open and although Jay still had no idea how to approach her about Bunny, he was thankful that she was awake as it was a welcome distraction to all his thoughts about happiness and tragedy. Two things that were so far away from each other but yet so close together.

″Hey,″ Jay whispered, pressing a kiss on her forehead.

″Hey,″ she mumbled, her voice thick of sleep and she grimaced when she moved her head to give his arm free.

″How are you feeling?″

″Last night was worse but it could be better,″ she sighed and adjusted her position. ″I need to get rid of this terrible gown though.″

″Yeah,″ he chuckled slightly. ″Hank brought you a bag last night. I could help you to get changed,″ he suggested.

″That would be great,″ she smiled faintly.

Last night, after Will had told Jay about Bunny, he'd called his future father-in-law to tell him that they could stop their manhunt because Bunny was in the hospital and would not be able to harm anyone ever again. An hour after the call Hank had appeared in Erin's room, carrying a bag with change of clothes for her in his hand. He'd stayed with them for half an hour but not many words had been exchanged. They'd quickly talked about Erin's condition and about Bunny's diagnosis and about how they'd both underestimated what Bunny was capable of before they'd fallen into silence until Hank called it a day and left, though not before assuring him that he would pick up Emilia from Carol's place in the morning and bring her to Med somewhen during the forenoon. Jay'd wanted to tell him that Carol could bring her as well but he'd sensed that after all this drama, Hank needed to spend some precious time with his granddaughter, so of course he didn't argue.

Jay helped Erin to get into a pair of yoga pants and a shirt and Erin made Jay laugh when she pouted and complained that it wasn't one of his shirts. He made her laugh in return when he told her that Hank might didn't know the detail that she preferred his shirts over her own and for a short moment, reality seemed so far away.

She looked exhausted after this small amout of strain but in her casuals she definitely looked much healthier than in the white hospital gown that had made her look like a ghost together with her pale skin and the dark circles under her eyes.

″How's that head of yours doing?″ he asked worriedly when she lay back into the cusions and pressed her hand against her forehead. Truth was, the pain was throbbing awfully and definitely taking the better of her.

″Can't say it's that great,″ she admitted and closed her eyes. When Erin admitted she was not doing fine, it was definitely alarming.

″I'll go and get a nurse,″ Jay said and jumped up from the edge of the bed only to almost run into a nurse in the doorway as she was about to bring Erin breakfast.

″Easy Mr Halstead,″ she laughed and made her way into the room to serve Erin her oatmeal accompanied by same painkillers.

″Sorry,″ he mumbled and followed her to Erin's bed. ″I just wanted to get someone so she can have something against the pain.″

″Already served,″ the nurse smiled and motioned her head to the two pills that lay on the tray.

She left them alone again and with the help of lots of water Erin swallowed the two pills before she managed to eat five spoonful of oatmeal.

″You should go home and take a shower, have a coffee and a real breakfast,″ Erin said tiredly. Apparently the painkillers had a sedating effect and also helped that she wasn't as scared as last night about Bunny coming back again. If only she knew.

Jay knew with the painkillers she was about to drift back to slumber soon. Which left him very little time to talk to her and tell her about Bunny. She needed to know but now didn't seem like the right moment. She was too groggy, too weary to process such news. But he couldn't withhold this information from her for too much longer and she shouldn't learn about Bunny's life depending on machines from anyone but him.

″Er, there's something I need to tell you,″ he said, gazing at his fingers that stroked up and down her arm.

″Huh?″ He looked down to her, recognizing that she was almost out. Nope, now was definitely not the right time.

″Uhm,″ he stammered. ″I'll tell you later. I go home for a quick shower and be back in two hours. Is there anything you need?″

″No,″ she answered but Jay wasn't sure whether she'd even understood him since her eyes were still closed, her lips moving slowly as she was clearly semi-conscious.

″Okay.″ He got up, leaned down to her and placed a kiss on her forehead. ″I love you,″ he whispered before he left. Two more hours of being oblivious to all the drama around them couldn't harm in her condition.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Jay went home to their apartment but hesitated in the doorway for a second as all he could see was how Erin had lain there yesterday evening. He hadn't been there, hadn't seen it as he'd directly rushed to Med but he could imagine it vividly. It took him some effort to push the pictures away and step into the hallway, closing the door behind him.

He quickly brewed himself a coffee and took the steaming mug first to the bedroom as he picked some fresh clothes and then to the bathroom, sipping on the black liquid before taking a well needed shower, refreshing his tired body and aching muscles with cold water first, then with hot water and finally with cold again.

Feeling a lot better when he stepped out of the shower, he dried his wet body off, slipped into a fresh pair of boxers, stripped one of his favorite shirts over his head, black with a v-neck, and poured his tepid coffee down before brushing his teeth. Afterwards he tried to get his unruly hair under control and when it looked more or less acceptable he went back into the bedroom to look for a pair of jeans and some socks. He had to grin when he stood in front of his dresser and remembered Erin's complaints about not having one of his shirts in the hospital, so he quickly grabbed the one he knew was her favorite and put it into a plastic bag along with a pair of his socks and his hoodie jacket because, yes, Erin Lindsay wore his clothes more often than she wore her own and some pieces of his wardrobe were already missing. He knew exactly where he would find them, on her side of the wardrobe or in her dresser, waiting there for her so she could wear them again on a lazy evening, day or weekend.

With the plastic bag in his hand he left the apartment again to pay Carol and his little princess a quick visit before he would go back to Erin. It was only shortly after 9am, so he guessed that Hank hasn't picked her up yet.

Carol opened the door a couple of seconds after he'd knocked and let him in, guiding him to Emilia's playmat in the middle of the room.

″Hey princess,″ Jay smiled and knelt down on the floor, getting the brightest of smiles from Emilia in return. ″How are you doing little lady?″ he asked and tickled her belly which made her squeak even more joyfully.

″You're super fine, right?″ he asked her and listened to her cutest babbling for a moment, his heart pounding in chest with pride that this perfect, little human with the bright blue eyes and hints of the most adorable dimples was his daughter.

″Do you want some breakfast, Jay?″ Carol asked from the kitchen, already placing a mug of coffee for him on the counter. ″Could offer you scrambled eggs with bacon and toast.″

″Don't go to any trouble,″ Jay winked back at the older woman. ″I wanted to pick something up on the way to the hospital.″

″Oh come on Jay, I can see when a man's hungry,″ she laughed and started to pull some eggs out of the fridge.

″Thank you Carol,″ Jay smiled at her and slightly shook his head. This woman had a heart of gold and when Bunny showing up back in April had lead to one good thing, it was that she'd brought this angel into their lives. Without Erin breaking down in front of the building and Carol finding her they might never have gotten to know her properly.

″Come on big girl,″ he said to Emilia and picked her up into his arms, placing a soft kiss on her rosy cheek. He took the mug of coffee and sat down on the table, let Emilia stand on his thighs while she explored his face with her little hands.

″How's Erin doing?″ Carol asked, the bacon frying in the pan.

″Better,″ Jay answered. ″She's still having a very strong headache and is quite groggy but she's better than last night.″

″When are they going to discharge her?″

″Not before tomorrow I think,″ Jay shrugged. Based on Erin's current condition he considered it impossible that the doctors would let her leave today already and he guessed it was better for her to stay at Med for another night.

″You need me to take care of Emmy tonight again?″ she asked, pouring the raw scrambled eggs into a pan.

″I think I'll sleep at home tonight but thank you,″ he smiled. ″Daddy-daughter night, right monster?″ he asked Emilia, grimacing a little when her hand explored his nose not exactly gently.

″That sounds like fun,″ Carol chuckled and served him his delicious breakfast a couple minutes later. He settled Emmy in his lap and started to satisfy his empty stomach, the baby always trying to grab his plate or the fork with her little hands. Not surprising, since she grabbed for everything these days, wanted to see and explore it all. Jay sensed that things were about to get funny and a lot more stressful with their little, active munchkin and soon nothing would be safe from her anymore.

″You'll get your first pulp in a couple of weeks, Emmy, but this is daddy's breakfast and he's not sharing,″ Jay laughed, enjoying and cherishing this pure moment with his little princess. Spending time with her always felt like stepping away from reality and living in a fairytale for a moment.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Erin was still sound asleep when he returned to Chicago Med, so he took the familar place right next to her bed, waiting for her to wake up, which she did about 45 minutes later.

″Did you have a good sleep?″ Jay asked her, leaning in to brush a light kiss against her lips.

″Yeah,″ she yawned, pushing a button on the remote of the bed so the back section would push her into a sitting position. ″How was the shower?″

″Incredible,″ he chuckled. ″Emmy told me to say hi. She'll check by with Hank later.″

″I can't wait,″ she smiled.

″Uh-huh,″ Jay nodded, looking down to his fingers that drew lazy circles into her palm. He had to tell her about Bunny, now was the right time. Though there never was a right time to crash her world. But now was better than two hours prior and he didn't want to postpone this any longer.

″There's something I need to tell you,″ he started, the words leaving his mouth slowly, reluctantly and he still wasn't able to look her in the eyes. ″Uhm...Bunny was found last night...and she was brought here...″ At this, he looked up to her, saw her swallowing hardly.

″Bunny is here? At Med?″ she assured herself, Jay nodding in response. ″I need to see that bitch and then I'll drag her to the silos myself.″ Determination glimmered in her eyes and something else he rarely got to see: hate.

″There's more...″ he said, inhaling deeply before telling her that a trip to the silos wasn't exactly necessary. ″She OD'd. The paramedics were able to stabilize her and they made some tests here...″ he said, chewing on his lip nervously. ″Erin she's braindead.″

″What?″ she muttered, her eyes widening.

″The machines are keeping her alive. There's no brain activity anymore,″ he explained.

″Huh,″ she breathed out, her face staying emotionless as her mind processed these news. Jay wondered what was going on inside of her right now, because if this was her only reaction, why had he been this reluctant with telling her in first place?

″Erin, it would be up to you to decide to take her off life-support. There's nothing else that can be done anymore.″

Erin looked at him incredulously. She wanted to scream, to punch someone, to throw something against a wall. Not because these news devastated her but because the woman who'd barely acted like a mother in all these years and had tried to kidnap her baby deserved so much worse than getting away like this. Simply dying was too easy.

″You know...″ she said slowly, her voice sounding like it wasn't herself talking. ″She would deserve to spend the rest of her life in jail, thinking about all the things she did. She would deserve to stare at the same walls every single day until they are closing in around her and swallow her whole. But instead she got the one thing she doesn't deserve: getting away with it by dying. When things get rough she always runs but she knew exactly that there was no way out this time so she saved herself the trouble,″ Erin said bitterly before her voice turned into a whisper. ″She would deserve to vegetate.″

″I know,″ Jay answered quietly, agreeing that Bunny had taken the cheap exit.

″She deserves to suffer but what's the good of this when she can't feel the suffering?″ she asked rhetorically, defeated, and Jay knew in this moment that she would take her off life-support because nothing else made sense, because she barely had a different choice, because there was no point in doing revenge by keeping someone alive whose brain had the consistency of mashed vegetables.

″I need to call Teddy,″ she said suddenly, her voice faint, and grabbed her cell from the bedside table.

After everything her little brother had gone through in his life, he'd needed some time off far away from everything, had skipped the hotel classes he attended early on, instead staying at a ranch for young traumatized and troubled people and kids for a couple of months before he'd gone back to school again to get a degree this time. And for a couple of months now he's been working at the very same ranch in California. This place has changed his life for the better and so it's become his vocation to help those kids, be their role-model and show them that living a different life, a better life, was always possible. Erin was beyond proud of him, of what he'd made out of these very bad circumstances but their relationship was still strained.

She hasn't had much contact with him over the last couple of years. They've traded texts occasionally, the messages mostly coming from Erin. She's always only asked whether he was alright and that he should call if he wanted to meet, that she'd even fly to California so he could show her his workplace, his new life. But Teddy had always declined and she's sensed he wasn't ready for it.

When she'd been six months along she'd told him about her pregnancy but from the message she'd gotten back, a simple 'that's great, congrats', she couldn't tell whether he was excited to become an uncle or not. She'd wished him a happy Thanksgiving and a Merry Christmas and had sent him a photo of Emilia along with a short message on the day of her birth. Once again she'd only gotten a 'congrats, she's a cutie' in return. They'd anyway sent him an invitation for the wedding and he'd replied and had vaguely told her that he didn't know whether he could take a couple of days off in July but that he would try. When Erin was being honest with herself, she didn't believe he would show up or put any effort in actually getting a couple of days off for their wedding.

And now, after only exchanging messages for years, after not talking to each other in a really long time, she had to call him to tell him that their mother, who he also hasen't had any contact with since she'd kicked husband number five to the curb as he'd learned his lesson once more that he was better off without her, was braindead.

The pain in her head was pounding unbearably once more when she dialed his number and pressed 'dial' and she somehow hoped that Teddy wouldn't pick up.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Teddy had picked up, possibly sensing when his big sister called him at 8.45 PDT in the morning, something has happened that required him to pick up. His voice had been as emotionless as Erin's when he talked after she'd told him about Bunny's condition and the decision of taking her off life-support. He'd nonetheless agreed on taking the next possible flight from San Francisco to Chicago for a final goodbye. He wouldn't be here before the evening and they'd stipulated that he would message her when he was boarding so she could tell Jay when to pick him up from the airport.

″I wanna see her,″ Erin said into the deafening silence of the room. After the call she'd gotten another pill against the pain and by now she felt strong enough for the trip to the ICU.

″You sure?″ Jay asked and looked up to her.

″Yeah,″ she nodded.

″Okay, I'll go and get a wheelchair.″

″Jay, I don't need a wheelchair,″ she argued.

″Erin you're not that fit yet...-″

″I don't need a wheelchair,″ she repeated her words. God, sometimes she is too stubborn for her own good, Jay thought but abstained from speaking it out loud as it would only lead to a fight and that was the last thing they needed right now. ″You being by my side and holding my hand will do the job,″ she added quietly, conciliatory.

″You tell me when you start to feel dizzy...?″ he half questioned, half stated and reached for her hand to pull her up slowly.

″I promise,″ she nodded, threw her feet over the edge of the bed so they could get in contact with the floor. Jay helped her to get into her sneakers before she pushed herself up, Jay holding her.

″You good?″ he asked, seeing how she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment.

″Yeah, one second,″ she exhaled and then opened them again. ″Now.″

Jay slipped his fingers through Erin's and together they padded through the hallway of the hospital, took the elevator one floor upstairs and then walked along the rooms of the ICU towards room 217, the smell of disinfecting agent accompanying them.

″You sure you wanna do this?″ Jay asked when they stopped in front of the room and she inhaled some deep breaths or air.

″Yeah,″ she said. ″I wanna know how I feel about this. And I can't until I see her.″

Jay squeezed her hand a little tighter to give her the support she needed before they went inside. Bunny lay in her bed, her arms resting on the sheets and other than the bandage around her right arm that covered the wound she had thanks to Crispin, there were no signs that she was injured. A heart monitor controlled her heartbeat and a huge tube, connected to the ventilator, went down her throat. This was the machine that kept her alive and her heart beating, the machine Erin would allow the doctors to turn off in a couple of hours so it would be over.

Erin's thought seeing Bunny like this, weak, dying and depending on machines, would trigger anything inside of her, would loosen any feelings that were maybe glued somewhere deep down inside. But she felt absolutely nothing and she realized that no matter the situation, there were no feelings left for the woman who was her biological mother.

″You know, if she wasn't a druggie, we could donate her organs,″ she said bitterly and Jay turned his head to her to see that her lips were trembling. ″She would leave the world with doing one good thing at least. One good thing in her entire life. She would save lives instead of destroying them.″ Some single, silent tears streamed down her face. It weren't tears because she was about to lose her mother, she'd lost her mother 8 years back when cancer had taken Camille Voight away. It were tears of sheer disappointment about the kind of person Bunny, her mother by blood, had been.

″There's one good thing she did, babe,″ Jay said and this statement made her look at him, naturally. ″She was involved in creating you. She carried you inside of her for nine months and gave birth to you. Thanks to her you exist and that's something I have to thank her for. The one good thing she did lead to me having you, the best thing that has ever happened to me.″ He pulled her into his embrace and kept on holding her until her sobs faded. That was what he'd meant with her world shattering once more.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

When Hank and Emilia stopped by for a visit it brought some very needed and decent distraction from all the drama and since Hank seemed to be able to read their minds, that talking about Bunny wasn't the smartest of ideas, they were able to escape reality for a bit and reveled in Emilia being her cute, happy, adorable self.

″How are you holding on kiddo?″ Hank asked when they were alone for the first time as Jay has taken Emilia outside to change her diaper in the baby changing room and also ask one of the nurses whether she could heat up the milk for her since Erin wasn't allowed to breastfeed with all the painkillers in her system.

″I'm fine,″ she answered but only the look Hank was giving her made her take her answer back. ″The headaches are not the nicest things to experience but...″ she shrugged, knowing very well that this wasn't what Hank wanted to hear. So she changed her answer again, into one that was true in two ways. ″My world is spinning.″

″I know,″ Hank said and laid his hand atop hers. ″But Jay and I and everyone else are here for you and we'll do our best so it stops spinning.″

″Uh-huh,″ Erin nodded absently before whispering: ″Am I icecold and coldhearted, Hank?″

″What do you mean?″ Hank frowned.

″When I knew Camille would die I bawled my eyes out for days. Weeks. It hurt so much knowing that the day for a final goodbye would come soon. With Bunny, I don't feel anything but shouldn't I? If at all, I only feel hate, even now that I know she'll die. I'm not sad. I'm relieved. Relieved that it will be over and that she can never come back to hurt me or Emmy ever again. The thought of her dying should make me feel bad but to be honest, it feels like someone is lifting a weight off my chest that has been there for too long. And this is not how I should feel about the death of a person I grew up with, should I?″ she asked faintly, her voice cracking, tears looming in the corners of her hazel-green eyes.

″Erin,″ Hank said, his voice a mix between being clear and hoarse. ″After everything Bunny did in all those years you have every right to feel like this. And I also can't say that I'm exactly sad that she'll make a trip she won't come back from. So if you consider yourself icecold for the way you feel, I'm happy to join the club,″ he said honestly and squeezed her hand, this statement earning him a short, raspy chuckle.

″When there's one thing I know it is that you are one of the kindest, most affectionate people I've ever met. You have your heart in the right place and it's beating for the right people,″ Hank said softly and now Erin couldn't hold some tears back from falling. Hank reached out, cupped her cheek with his hand and got up to place a kiss on her forehead.

″I love you kiddo,″ he murmured. Hell, he could completely understand how she felt. He'd wanted to drag Bunny to a place of no-return for hurting Erin and trying to kidnap Emilia. And he wasn't sad at all that Bunny wouldn't wake up from her sleep. Erin deserved that this chapter of her life would finally be closed forever. But as much as he hated Bunny for everything she's done to Erin over the last 32 years, as much as he was disgusted by her, as much as the negative things prevailed, there was one thing he always remembered and he somehow had to thank her for. Without Bunny being that kind of worst possible mother he had never met Erin. Camille and he had never gotten the daughter they'd always prayed for. Their family would never have been complete. Bunny screwing up big during her growing-up had given them a daughter and seeing it from that perspective it had led to something beautiful.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

The 8pm news were playing on the radio when Jay parked the 300 in the parking lot of O'Hare to pick up Teddy. As expected Erin hadn't been discharged during the afternoon as the doctors wanted to keep an eye on her for another night. Erin hadn't even argued, which was a sign that she must feel pretty bad. Usually nothing could keep her in the hospital and she was more the kind of person who discharged herself against the advice of the doctors.

But now, sitting in his car in the parking lot, he wished nothing more than Erin being by his side so they could welcome Teddy together, so she would tell him there was no reason for him to be nervous. Them picking up Teddy wouldn't even leave him being nervous, because they would be together, he would stay in the background, would just be her back-up. But as Erin was still in the hospital, he had to do it alone and that filled him with a tad bit of anxiety.

Meeting Teddy, who'd changed a lot and looked like a grown-up man, skin slightly tanned, blonde stubbles covering his face, turned out to be as awkward as he'd expected. A firm handshake followed by a couple of words, as in the standard question whether he had a good flight, before they walked to the car in silence. As soon as Jay put the car in drive and pulled out, leaving the airport behind, he tried to force some kind of smalltalk, getting Teddy to talk, so the around 30-minute ride into the city wouldn't be that awfully awkward all the way along.

Jay only knew him from the case centered around him a couple years back and Teddy only knew him as the cop, not as Erin's soon-to-be-husband, so finding something they could talk about was quite the challenge. He didn't want to tell him about the new house, this quite fancy place, so different from where he and Erin had grown up. And talking about Emilia wasn't an option either, as he's never been interested in his niece, so he couldn't tell him how much she's grown and how she would soon be able to sit by herself.

″So, uhm,″ Jay said and turned the radio down. ″Visiting hours in the hospital are over and Erin's probably already asleep. I mean, we could stop by for a minute if you want to see her tonight...″ he said questioningly.

″Tomorrow morning is fine,″ Teddy answered shortly.

″Okay,″ Jay nodded and that fast they fell back into silence. It seemed like Teddy wasn't interested in any kind of conversation, so Jay was kinda surprised when he was the one to keep on talking.

″When are they turning the machines off?″

″Whenever you guys say so,″ he answered. This was the topic he'd tried to avoid but at the same time this was what Teddy was here for after all, so of course he asked about it. ″So I think somewhen tomorrow.″

″Yeah, would make sense,″ Teddy said, keeping his gaze focussed on the street while pulling his cell out of his pocket to type a message.

″Uhm, did you book a hotel or should I just drop you at one downtown?″ he asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

″Didn't have the time to book one,″ he shrugged, not looking up from his phone. ″Thought I could crash with you guys for that one night.″

″Sure...you can. But I can only offer you the couch,″ Jay answered perplexedly. The last thing he'd expected was that Teddy wanted to spend the night at their apartment, going all family-like. Maybe he just wasn't keen on spending any more money while being here. Paying for two flights only because his estranged mother had decided to OD was probably already too much.

″Couch is fine, slept on worse,″ Teddy said matter-of-factly, leaving Jay with no idea how to answer.

″I just have to pick up Emmy from Hank's place and then we can head home.″

″Whatever you need to do,″ Teddy said disinterestedly and with that, they fell into silence for the remainder of the drive.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

It was almost 9.30 when Jay unlocked the door of their apartment. At this point he was so tired, he had no idea how he should stay awake for even another minute. Running on barely no sleep was taking its toll and he just wanted to lie down, pull the sheets over his body and let sleep overcome him. But yet, there were a few more things he had to do.

″So, this is Emilia,″ Jay said, picking his sleepy baby up from its car seat. Thanks to Hank she was at least already dressed in her pajamas and he didn't have to make her ready for the night. ″Emilia, this is your uncle Teddy.″

″Hey sweet girl,″ Teddy said and for the first time he smiled, seemed to open his heart. ″She looks like Erin.″

″She does,″ Jay nodded proudly and pressed a kiss against her head before he started to show Teddy his bed for the night and the bathroom. He gave him some towels so he could take a shower while he brought Emilia to bed and turned the couch into a more or less comfortable bed with the help of some sheets and pillows.

By the time Teddy came back into the living room, Jay was in the kitchen, pouring down a glass of water.

″You want one, too?″ he asked and when Teddy nodded he quickly filled him a glass and put it on the coffee table.

″Are you hungry? We don't have any leftovers but I could order you something,″ he suggested.

″Jay, I'm fine,″ Teddy answered and for the first time he smiled at him. It seemed like the short encounter with his niece and seeing Jay interacting with Emilia, plus recognizing that he was trying his best to make this stay as comfortable as possible for him, have made him change his behavior and he was not as distant anymore. ″Go to bed, you look like you pass out any second.″

″That pretty much sums up how I feel,″ Jay laughed and padded towards the bedroom. ″Goodnight Teddy.″

″Goodnight Jay. And...thank you.″

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

When his alarm went off on the following morning, it felt like a bad joke. His hand reached for the bedside table and his phone disorientated until he was finally able to put it to snooze. He granted himself five more minutes before he reluctantly pushed the sheets back and sat up, rubbing his still tired eyes. Only now he heard a muffled voice from the living room, wondering why Teddy was on the phone at 7 in the morning, when all his people were in San Francisco where it was only 5am.

He slipped into a pair of sweats and a shirt and padded towards the living room but remained in the doorway when he saw the reason for the muffled voice. Teddy was sitting on the couch, Emilia in his lap, and was reading her a book and showing her pictures.

″Good morning,″ Jay said.

″Oh...uhm...good morning,″ Teddy stammered, looking like he's been caught by doing something he wasn't allowed to. ″I couldn't sleep...and about thirty minutes ago I heard her mewling...so I decided to entertain her that you can sleep a bit longer...″ he explained, his cheeks blushing a little.

Emilia had mewled and he hadn't heard it through the baby monitor? Jeez, he must've been completely out. Usually it didn't require Emilia having a meltdown for him to wake up.

″Well, thank you,″ Jay smiled. ″I guess I really needed it. You mind keeping an eye on her for another minute or two?″

″No, not at all,″ Teddy grinned.

Jay went for a quick shower to wake up completely and while Teddy was making himself ready for the day, he prepared breakfast. They later filled their stomachs in silence, only this time it was a comfortable silence, Emilia resting in Jay's arm, his one hand holding the bottle so she could have her breakfast as well, his other hand bringing his toast to his mouth. It was all about multitasking, though Emilia was already making attempts to hold her bottle herself. Not that she was already strong enough to do that, but their little Miss Independent, totally being her mother's daughter in this case, surely wanted to.

Breakfast was followed by Jay making Emmy ready and bringing her to Carol and them leaving the apartment around 8.30 for the quick drive to Chicago Med and the closer they came to the hospital, the more tense the atmosphere in the car got. Naturally, as the things that were about to follow, weren't nice at all, no matter that Bunny hasn't played an important role in Teddy's life either.

″Listen man,″ Jay breathed out when they walked towards Erin's room. ″I know your relationship with Erin hasn't been the best...but Erin went through a lot recently. And it's not that I want to lecture you how to act around her...I'm just looking out for her and I don't want her to get hurt again.″

″You're a good guy, Jay,″ Teddy said, eyeing the detective next to him. ″But no worries, it's not my intention to hurt her.″

″Good,″ Jay nodded. ″That's her room right there, I'll give you some time alone.″

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Erin was zapping through various morning shows, for the first time her headaches being not as strong that she had the feeling that watching TV would do more damage, when she heard a knock on the door, followed by her brother stepping into the room a second later.

″Teddy,″ she whispered, turning the TV off and placing the remote on the bedside table, her eyes never leaving her little brother. He looked great. Healthy. Happy. And all grown-up. His arms were muscular, his skin slightly tanned thanks to the Californian sun, blonde stubble surrounding his mouth and jawline, his hair longer than when she'd last seen him two-and-a-half years ago.

″Hey,″ he smiled faintly, maybe forcedly, Erin couldn't tell, and sat down on the edge of her bed. To Erin's surprise, he pulled her into a hug. ″It's good seeing you.″

″You too,″ Erin said and smiled back at him. ″You look great.″

″You don't look too bad yourself either,″ Teddy paid her the compliment back.

″Yeah, you know, this hospital really lets me shine,″ she answered and chuckled slightly before she got pensive. ″I'm glad you came,″ she said quietly and the atmosphere in the room changed immediately, making Erin remind that this wasn't a happy family reunion.

″Uh-huh,″ he only nodded in response. ″You wanna tell me the full story how you ended up here and how mo- she was involved?″

″Uhm...yeah...sure.″ She couldn't exactly say that she wanted to tell him but she couldn't deny it from him either as Bunny's condition had to do with it as well. So she told him some pieces about Bunny showing up in April and then about the things that had gone down two days ago, that had lead to her having a bad concussion and that had possibly been the trigger for Bunny to OD.

″I feel like her dying is...better for all of us,″ Teddy said quietly when she'd finished, clearly shaken by what she'd told him and he covered her hand with his own.

″Yeah, I can't help but feel the same,″ she nodded.

″I'm sorry you had to go through all of this,″ he said, not daring to look her in the eyes. ″I don't know whether I could've gone through this and still be that strong and not being broken now.″

″The only reason it didn't break me is because I have the greatest back-up. He always catches me, fixes me, makes me feel better.″

″He seems like a pretty nice guy,″ Teddy agreed, hints of a smile coming back to his face.

″That's an understatement, but yeah, he is,″ Erin grinned.

″You guys make pretty cute kids. At least the one you have is freakin' adorable.″ For the first time in forever his smile seemed genuinely real.

″Yeah, she's a heartbreaker,″ Erin chuckled.

″That she is,″ he nodded, turning back into being all thoughtful and Erin wished nothing more that she could read his mind or that he would open up to her a little.

″Tell me about you though. You having someone?″ she asked, testing the grounds.

″No,″ he answered and shook his head and Erin already thought this was about as much as she would get. ″I'm living for my job these days. Seeing those kids in the beginning when they arrive and seeing them in the end when they leave, how they changed, it's incredible. And knowing that I'm an important part of their journey, that thanks to my help they'll have a life again, it's the best feeling in the world,″ he said and his eyes slightly sparkled.

″I'm proud of you, you know that?″ she whispered emotionally. She couldn't even tell in words how proud she was of him. He'd gone through hell and back and still, after everything that had happened to him, he's managed to turn his life around, and furthermore did a job that reminded him of what happened to him, every day. ″And in my opinion you're even stronger than me because I don't know whether I could do that.″

″Seeing those kids getting better, it's all worth it. They need role-models. But you can only be a real role-model when you went through it yourself. When you know what they're going through, when their pain is yours. There's a difference between those who are only therapists and those who have the real experience and that's what makes the difference for those kids. That's how you get through to them. They don't need a shrink. At least not only.″

"Yeah,″ Erin nodded. She couldn't believe that this man was her brother, the same man who'd a couple years back prostituted himself on the streets of NYC. ″But still, I'm proud of you Ted. Really proud.″

″Thank you,″ Teddy smiled faintly, squeezing her hand. ″And Erin, I'm also glad that I came.″

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

The moment for the final goodbye came two hours later when Erin and Teddy and with them Jay went to see Bunny for one last time. Just like Erin the other day, Teddy didn't show any emotions when he saw his mother, didn't want to have a moment with her alone either. So when the doctor stepped in and asked whether they were ready, Erin only told him that he could turn the life-supporting machines off. He pushed some buttons and left the three of them alone and they all glanced at the heart monitor when Bunny flatlined not even a minute later, the penetrating beep resounding in the room, giving them certainty that this was it. Bunny Fletcher had left this world. And no one could say that she would be missed.

″It's over,″ Erin whispered, a single tear sliding down her cheek. ″It's really over.″

″It is,″ Jay said and let go of her hand to wrap his arm around her shoulder and pull her closer.

″It's over,″ Teddy echoed, fighting with his tears as well.

Both of them didn't shed some tears because they were sad but because it brought up a whole bunch of emotions as some of the most miserable chapters of their lives were finally closed with Bunny's death. It was over.

A doctor came in to turn the heart monitor off and with the beep becoming silent, he pronounced her dead at 11.34am on the 21st of June 2017. She'd died with her children being present. The children she'd never wanted. The children she'd almost destroyed and put through hell. The children who'd deserved so much better than her. The children who would never forget her, though in the most negative way. And still, they had been there, which was more than she's ever deserved.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Erin was discharged a couple of hours later after doing all the necessary paperwork that came with Bunny's death, her and Teddy agreeing that neither of them wanted a grave they had to look after and that therefore burning her and spreading her ashes was the only option left.

″Babe, you should go to bed,″ Jay said as soon as they were back in the apartment. She looked completely groggy and he sensed that her headaches were getting stronger again.

″I will. But I need to play with Emmy for a minute and then we can take a nap together,″ she said and carried the baby into the nursery, sat down on the floor with her and started to pull all the toys out of the box.

″Okay, but don't overdo it,″ he said and bent down on his knees, his hand squeezing her uptight neck gently.

″I won't,″ she smiled faintly, cupped his cheek with her palm and brushed a light kiss against her lips.

″Good. So I can go and pick up Crispin from the bullpen without having to be worried?″ Their dog has stayed with Mouse the last two nights but now it was time for a reunion of the whole family.

″Yeah,″ she nodded. ″It's about time he comes home. And make sure you buy all the treats in the world,″ she chuckled.

″Will do,″ he grinned, brushed another kiss against her lips and got up.

″Keep an eye on her,″ he said to Teddy, who was leaning in the doorway, when he walked past him.

″No worries, I will,″ the younger said and sat down on the floor, across from his sister and niece.

They played in silence for a while, only Emilia's squealing and babbling breaking through as she got all the toys from her mother and her uncle.

″Is there anything we have to deal with regarding Bunny's estate?″ Teddy somewhen asked.

″Well, apparently she owns that shabby bar in Gage Park. No idea how she's even funded that but I don't want to deal with it. I would give it to some lawyer, he organizes a foreclosure sale and the money will be used to pay back the loan she possibly had to take to buy the bar. And when there's no loan I can guarantee you that we don't wanna know where this money came from and I don't want to have it either. What about you?″

″Sounds good for me. In case there's money left after everything is transacted, which I honestly don't expect, how about we donate it to the ranch I work at?″ he asked. ″So there's at least something good coming out of it.″

″I would like that,″ Erin said.

Silence started to surround them again. They actually had so much to talk about, so much to catch up on, but it seemed like they were both not able to break through these invisible walls. So Erin concentrated on Emilia, soaked these moments with her in, talked with her in baby voices and Teddy watched them interact, gave Emmy a toy from time to time as well.

″You know,″ Teddy somewhen said, not looking at her but keeping his gaze focussed on his niece. ″I don't think I ever appreciated it enough what you did for me when I was a child. I don't think I ever thanked you for it. I know you had to...do some things, to provide me the childhood I had. I know you always tried to give me a normal childhood, one you didn't have yourself. You always tried to make the best out of a miserable situation. You put my needs above your own and crossed lines for my well-being. You were so selfless and went through so much shit and I never thanked you.″ His voice broke on the last words, tears looming in his eyes. ″So I do it now and I know it comes late, but: thank you Erin. Thank you for giving me some kind of normal childhood. Thank you for paying such a high price for my well-being.″

Erin tried to swallow the lump in her throat down but she already felt the tears falling. She sat Emilia aside, let her rest against the big breastfeeding pillow that now gave her stability when she sat on her own, and wrapped her arms around her little brother for a long hug.

″Everything for you,″ she mumbled against him. ″You were everything I had. Everything real I had.″

″I hope my niece knows how blessed she is to have you as a mother,″ he said and pressed a kiss on her hair.

She lifted her head, brushed her tears away with her hand so her vision was clear. What she saw in Teddy's face brought almost all the tears back instantly. He looked at her like he hasn't since they'd been kids, when Erin had more or less been his only caregiver, when she'd been his whole world.

″Right little Miss Halstead, your mom's the best,″ he said to Emilia, tickling her belly softly and picking her up into his arms to settle her in his lap.

″Her uncle is not too bad either,″ Erin grinned when she was able to talk again.

″Yeah, your uncle is a cool dude as well,″ he laughed. ″You know, there's still a gift for you in my bag, how about we go and get that?″

He got up and left the room with her for a minute before he came back, Emilia holding a stuffed octopus in her tiny hand, Teddy having a set of stroller or car toys in his hand.

″I saw she already has some on her car seat, but maybe you can use them for the stroller,″ he said and handed them to Erin as he sat down again.

″Oh, she can't have enough toys, no worries,″ Erin chuckled and watched him for a minute, chewing on her lip while doing so. ″Do you really have to fly home tonight? Don't you want to stay for another night or two? Jay's a great cook and could make dinner tonight. You could spend more time with Emmy and we could catch up although I can't promise I'll make it past 8 tonight.″

″I think...I would like that,″ he smirked sheepishly. ″Just have to call my boss...and on that occasion. ...the invitation for the wedding still stands?″

″Always has,″ Erin smiled, her heart making a somersault.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Crispin was ecastic to be back with his family, going crazy in the most positive and most adorable way when he was reunited with them, fawning all the time, wanting to lick their faces and snuggling as close to them as possible.

Teddy stayed for two more days, getting the full dose of family vibes, and on the afternoon before they brought him to the airport, they spread Bunny's ashes into Lake Michigan in silence, no words, no tears, no gestures. He'd come to Chicago for saying a final goodbye to Bunny and it has lead to a new beginning for him and Erin...

Hope you liked it! Please leave a review and let me know what you think :)

As I'll travel around the world for the next 3 months, I can't guarantee frequent updates as it depends on wifi-connections but I'll try my best to update whenever I have a spare minute or two! ;)