59. Broken Promises

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59. Broken Promises

Everything was completely black around her but she could feel the pain. She had the feeling her head was about to explode, the searing pain throbbing on the back of her head and down her neck, making her nauseous. Nonetheless she forced herself to open her eyes but as soon as they met the tiniest bit of light, it sent her world spinning and she closed them instinctively before she would completely lose her consciousness again. She tried to remember what had happened, why she was lying on the floor, the pain in her head slowly killing her, but she couldn't put the pieces of all these blurry pictures in her head together into one that made sense and the pain increased in its intensity when she tried to activate her brain cells, when she tried to sort all these loose pieces in her head.

She let out a deep breath and swallowed the feeling of nausea down that all these rushed, fuzzy pictures combined with the pain caused. She tried to open her eyes for a second time, this time preparing herself for the light that would blind her and would send a sharp pain through her whole body. She opened them slowly, let them adjust to the light and forced herself to keep them open, fought against the urge to close them again so she would possibly be relieved from the hammering pain in her head. Her eyelids were heavy but she forced herself to open her eyes a little more, step by step, until she was able to open them completely. She tried to check her surroundings but only saw the ceiling of their apartment. Staring at the white ceiling, she suddenly saw tiny stars dancing in front of her eyes again like crazy and she couldn't do anything other than to close them for a second, the darkness that surrounded her giving her relief, her world stopping to spin as the blackness took over.

She forced herself to stay awake, to not give in and let her eyelids flutter open again, just a tad bit this time and tried to push herself up into a sitting position. Surprisingly this worked better than the process of adjusting her eyes to the surroundings and although the pain in her head got worse by the minute, she found herself sitting on the floor of the hall a couple of seconds later. She stayed down there for a moment until the blur disappeared, focussed her eyes on the familiar surroundings without letting them rest at one spot for too long and without moving her aching head too much. She took a few more deep breaths, still fighting against the nausea.

She managed to keep the contents of her stomach down and adjusted her position into one that would allow her to get up. Slowly and carefully she got on her knees first, fighting against the dizziness that hit her and made her almost fall over again, before she got up, her legs barely being able to carry her weight, her head surely being close to simply explode into a million pieces. She stumbled a few steps backwards, like she was absolutely drunk, but miraculously managed to stay on her wobbling feet, her world spinning around her once more and she firmed her hand against the wall for support. Her other hand traveled to the back of her head to check out the damage that's been done and she moaned in pain once her fingers carefully touched the bump. She brought her hand up in front of her face and that's when she saw the blood on her fingers. Her blood. She had a bleeding wound on the back of her head caused by...– in this moment it all clicked in, all the pieces formed into one picture, leaving the frightening imagine of one person behind.

Bunny.

The woman that has been news ever since had once again shown up in front of their apartment to mess everything up but this time she hadn't even held back to hurt her physically by attacking her and pushing her as hard that she crashed against the sideboard with the back of her had. And she'd then left her own daughter unconsciousness, bleeding, injured, not giving a care whether she was fine or dying. Bunny Fletcher. That was her all over.

It was only in this moment, as she was once more disgusted by the woman that claimed to be her mother, that another piece came into the picture, that still had some missing pieces, one that sent her heart racing and her world crashing. One that trapped the air in her lungs and made her stomach turn.

Bunny hadn't just left. She'd instead walked over her, breaking into their apartment, right to the place next to the window where Emmy had been lying on her mat, blissfully unaware of the bad things that happened only a few meters away from her.

With unsteady, weak legs and her whole body shaking in general, with having the feeling to pass out any second and panic creeping up in her, Erin made some slow steps forward, ignoring the stars in front of her eyes, one step after the other, concentrating not to fall over and crash with the floor once more, praying inwardly to see her daughter lying there but deep down inside already knowing that what she prayed for wasn't what she would find, her feeling and the silence in the apartment telling her everything she needed to know.

Once her eyes fell on the colorful mat and the various toys spread around everything she's always feared got confirmed. It was empty and abandoned. Her heart literally stopped beating when she terrifyingly realized that Emilia was in the clutches of Bunny. Time stood still in the most horrible way and she had the feeling that the entire universe was closing in around her, assaulting her, abusing her.

The place that should have been her daughter's safe home was the place Erin's own mother, high on booze and pills and possibly out on revenge, had barged into and had kidnapped Emilia to do God knows what with her. The pain she felt in that moment, as the realization settled, was worse than any pain she'd ever felt before. She had the feeling that she was being teared apart inwardly, her heart being ripped out of her body, a knife being rammed into her stomach, her lungs not doing the job of breathing properly anymore as there was no air left. She was gasping for air and then hyperventilating, choking, wheezing and crying all at once as her legs gave out and she doubled over. The only good thing she's ever done, the one thing that had taught her how it was when her own heart was beating outside of her chest, the one thing she'd sworn to never let anything happen to, was the one thing she hadn't been able to protect from the evil. One of the two things in her life she couldn't lose, she'd just lost. And it was all her fault.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

7.35pm

″I don't need a damn hospital!″ Erin yelled at the paramedics who'd just told her for the second time that she needed to get checked out at Chicago Med because her concussion seemed to be severe. She could feel the wound on her head pulsating by her words, another panic attack creeping up, her guts tightening. ″I just need my baby!″

Things had happened in a blur ever since she discovered that Emilia was missing. She couldn't even recall all her actions, the chronology of events, but she'd apparently managed to call Jay to come home, had told him about what happened because he'd stormed into their apartment literally five minutes later with the better part of the 21st district in tow. Patrol cars lined down the street outside of their apartment complex, the whole neighborhood illuminated in blue. Suddenly the perspectives were changed. Suddenly they weren't the detectives interrogating the parents of the kidnapped child in their home. Suddenly their very own home was the crime scene where a domestic had happened and they were the parents that've lost their most precious treasure and were walking on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump down, close to fall down any second.

″Okay, okay,″ Jay said and pushed her back into the cushions of the couch. She could see in his eyes that he was just as terrified as she was, fearing for Emmy's life, sweat covering his forehead, his eyes wide, his pupils huge, the blue color almost being disappeared. But so far he kept his act together. For her sake she guessed. ″Just give her a band aid, something against the pain,″ he told the two paramedics.

″She needs a head scan and...-″ the younger of the two explained.

″She'll get one. But not now,″ Jay said determinedly. ″Please.″

″We're not responsible if anything happens. We told you to go...-″

″Yeah, whatever,″ Jay answered impatiently. ″Just give her something that takes the pain away.″

The two paramedics exchanged another uncertain glance before they injected a clear liquid into her vein. They told them something about how they would stay outside for the time being but Erin didn't really listen. Her mind was anywhere but in their apartment, dealt with pictures of her baby girl being at some shabby place with that lunatic all alone. She didn't care about the pain. Whether she had any serious injuries. She ignored the dizziness, the nausea, the pouding pain, the possibility of a traumatic brain injury or a brain bleeding, was running on pure adrenaline, her thoughts turning around one thing. They had to find Emilia. Soon. Very soon. Kidnappings always had that timeframe in which it was likely that everything turned out fine, so they were running out of time.

She covered her head in her palms, closed her eyes for a minute and wished she could turn back time. So she could watch through the peephole and keep the door locked. Or only open it with her gun positioned behind her back. But she hadn't done anything of this and the aftermath of this one stupid decision was that they would maybe never see their daughter again. Wouldn't see her growing up, wouldn't be allowed to experience all those things they'd envisioned. Like holding her hand while she was making her first steps, hearing her babbling her first real words, getting some wet kisses or her wanting to share her sippy cup with them. The air caught in her throat again. She felt paralyzed. And numb, the medication doing its job.

She felt Jay sitting down next to her. He embraced her icecold hands with his and leaned his forehead against hers. ″We're going to find her,″ he whispered. It sounded like a desperate wish. Not like something he was convinced of.

Because he was lying. Of course he was. She could hear it. But he said what she needed to hear. Only that she knew better than this, knew that they were moving on pure hope and nothing else, knew how kidnappings went. Hell, she was a cop. This was exactly what she always told the parents or other relatives, knowing very well that chances were slim and that one could only hope.

″Kiddo,″ she suddenly heard Hank's voice. She looked up and that was when she almost lost it for the second time. She already had when she'd fallen into Jay's arms a couple of minutes ago, sobbing uncontrolledly. She felt her tears coming up again and exhaled and inhaled deeply to keep them down. She didn't want to get compassion. She didn't want to get hugged. She didn't want to be told that everything was going to be fucking fine.

″When was Bunny here?″ Hank asked instantly, not hugging her or saying any other encouraging words that would only make it worse. He took the spot right next to her and waited for her to tell him what exactly had happened. So far she's only been able to give Jay a few details, almost not being able to form full sentences and only throwing single words at him, and he'd given them to the patrol units immediately. Now, with the pain killers and light sedative slowly kicking in, she hoped that she could tell them more than a scatterbrained stammer of words.

″I don't know,″ she answered defeated. She wished she could remember any more details but she didn't know when Bunny had showed up and how long she'd been out, lying on the floor unconscious. ″I took Emmy and Crispin for a stroll and returned home and wanted to make dinner because Jay was supposed to come home soon. So it was probably around six.″

Erin gazed down at the watch around Jay's wrist. It read 7.43pm. The knots in her stomach tightened. If she was right about the timeframe, Emilia's been in Bunny's clutches for more than an hour already. More than one hour of Emmy being with the woman that was as high as a bird. Her body started to shake, her heart to race, her world to spin. Again.

″What about the dog? Where is he?″ Hank asked.

″I don't know, probably with Bunny as well. He never left Emmy's side so he probably followed them outside and took off then.″ She couldn't say that she cared about the dog. Crispin was the very last thing on her mind right now and she didn't really care whether he was with Bunny as well or whether he'd just saved himself from the trouble by leaving through the wide open door. She couldn't blame him for the latter.

Hank's phone rang before he could continue asking questions, he picked it up instantly, exchanged a couple of words with whoever was on the other end and hung up again.

″Anything?″ Erin asked, lifting her head, the tiniest bit of hope appearing on her face. The moment Hank looked at her she knew he would take that hope away from her in a heartbeat. Her hand clawed into her other hand, hoping that this would hurt more than the words that were about to leave Hank's mouth. But she was numb to the pain. At least to the physical pain.

″No,″ he answered honestly and shook his head. ″O'Hare and Midway are in the loop, Union Station as well. There are traffic controls on every highway that leads out of Chicago. Patrol units are all over the city, at bus stations, at El stations and at the Greyhound station. They're also checking every place where she could be and literally tear this city apart. The news channels and radio stations have Bunny's and Emilia's descriptions and pictures and they'll air it every fifteen minutes. I informed every damn of my CI's before I came here and everyone is already reaching out to theirs. Kevin and Adam are dismantling the bar, Antonio and Alvin are outside, asking neighbors, Platt and Burgess are paying her friends a visit and Mouse is pinging her phone and checking her credit cards. We're going to find her, Erin,″ he said and squeezed her upper arm supportingly, his voice characterized by rare emotions. ″We're going to find her, Jay,″ he then added, looking at the young detective who tried to be strong for his other half. ″She most probably didn't plan this. She'll make a mistake.″

″She was high on booze and pills,″ Erin said slowly like she hadn't paid attention to Hank's words, gazing at her two hands that were clutched together, holding on for dear life, her knuckles turning white. ″She has no car seat for her,″ she continued, her voice trembling, her eyes empty but yet full with unshed tears. ″She's not roadworthy like that...what if...,″ she swallowed hardly, her hands turning even whiter, no blood left in her fingers. ″What if she speeds against the next bridge pier?″ she whispered, her voice breaking in despair as pictures flooded her mind. Pictures of a completely destroyed car, burned out, leaving only ashes and a wreck behind, no life.

″Erin, there's no car registered in her name. Emilia will be fine.″ This was all he said. But even Hank's raspy and usually clear voice sounded terrified and like he didn't believe himself.

″Sarge,″ Antonio called from the doorway and walked over to join them and in the first moment he seemed hesitant with telling his news in front of them. But Hank didn't leave his spot next to Erin, only looked at him expectantly.

″One of the neighbors saw something. Says a blonde woman came out of the building with a baby in her arms, got into a car and drove off,″ he explained the newest developments. Erin sucked in a sharp breath by his words, feeling sick to her stomach, silent tears streaming down her face as she exchanged a quick glance with Jay. He just shook his head slightly and Erin wasn't sure whether it was because he wanted to tell her without words that her mind shouldn't go there or because he tried to shake the same thoughts and pictures off as she did.

″We have a license plate?″ Hank asked anxiously.

″No,″ Antonio answered but he was quick to continue. ″But it was a white Toyota Corolla, older model, probably from between 1995 and 2000. Mouse is already on it.″

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

10.11pm

Around four hours have passed since Bunny had kidnapped the little girl from Erin's and Jay's apartment and so far they had absolutely nothing. Nothing on the car, nothing from Bunny's drugdealer friends. This had been their greatest hope, that she would show up at one of her dealers because she needed a fix. But either she had what she needed with her or was already coming down from a high at some hidden place that was probably in danger of collapsing. No matter what, it seemed like she's disappeared, not leaving any trace behind.

Everyone in the bullpen, the whole 21st district, even fire station 51 gave their all to find the daughter of the two detectives. They were all out and about, talking to CI's or looking at any place where Bunny once had been, where she had connections to.

Erin and Jay were in the bullpen, together with Alvin and Antonio who were calling every gas station in Chicago, asking for a certain white Toyota. They weren't allowed to do anything other than checking internal files and data but Erin couldn't concentrate on anything anyway. She paced up and down the aisle of the bullpen, from the break room to the locker room and back, always asking her colleagues for anything new as soon as they hung up, praying that finally someone would tell them that the Toyota was seen. The pain in her head was throbbing unbearably and she had no idea how she was still functioning. She felt dizzy, limp and lifeless but she didn't allow herself to break down.

Her mind constantly created worst-case-scenarios as she knew that the chances that they would find Emilia got smaller with every minute that passed uneventfully. Bunny could already be out of town with her, on the way south to the Mexican border. Up north to the Canadian border. They could already be in Iowa, Indiana, Minnesota, Missouri, Michigan or Wisconsin. They could literally be anywhere, though of course they could still be in Chicago. But did she really believe that? She wanted so badly but she couldn't. Deep down inside a feeling settled that she would never see her daughter again, never smell her sweat peach scent again, never hold her close again and cuddle with her for hours. Their life would never be the same again and probably they would have to live wondering where their daughter was, whether she was dead or alive, until the day they died.

At that thought, Erin vomitted the contents of her stomach into the sink of the break room and it seemed like everything she'd held back all the time she was throwing up now until nothing was left and she was only dry heaving. She heard someone entering the room and a couple of seconds later there was a hand gently rubbing up and down her spine. Jay's hand. She would recognize this touch from a million.

She cleared her mouth with icecold water when she was done and then lifted her head to look at him. She expected him to finally look at her reproachfully, to blame her for this, to tell her that she's robbed him of his daughter. But when her eyes found his, she only saw the same agonizing fear, the same deep pain that have been there since he had stormed into the apartment a couple of hours prior. She couldn't even look at herself in the mirror, so how could he look at her like this?

Guilt was eating her up, was taking everything from her and he just acted like it wasn't her fault. Like it was the most normal thing that her own mother would break into their apartment and kidnap Emilia. Like she hadn't screwed up by not protecting Emmy enough, by not foreseeing what Bunny was up to and what she was capable of doing. Why was he still this supportive? Why didn't he blame her? Why didn't he yell at her? Why was he so calm? Why was he acting like he didn't know that all of this was her fault? Why couldn't he simply scream at her for failing in protecting their daughter in the moment she'd needed her protection most?

″Come on,″ Jay said and she startled from her daze. He reached for her hand to pull her with him but she kept on standing there like some stone.

″Why are you doing this?″ she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

″What?″ Jay asked and spun around again, looking at her in confusion.

″Why are you doing this?″ she asked again, a little louder this time, and pulled her hand back.

″Er, what are you talking about?″ he asked softly, reaching out for her face but she took a step back.

″Why can't you just simply be mad at me? Why can't you just simply yell at me? We both know this is my fault and don't pretend differently,″ she yelled, felt a lump building in her throat. But this didn't keep her from continuing to yell at the one person who's always had her back. ″Why the hell can't you just scream at me for the way I failed? For being guilty for whatever happens to her in this moment? Scream at me Jay! JUST FUCKING SCREAM AT ME!″

With those words she broke down. Her legs gave up and she sunk on her knees. Heavy tears falling from her eyes, crying as hard that she struggled to breathe. She felt how he wrapped his arms around her and held her close to his body against his muscular, warm chest. She didn't fight against it. She couldn't.

He buried his face in her hair and kissed the top of her head. ″Because screaming doesn't help to push the pain away,″ he mumbled, his hand cradling her neck. ″And most of all, because this is not your fault. If it's anyone's fault it's mine because I should've locked her up back in April, when I had the chance to do so,″ he said and his voice cracked on the last words.

When Erin looked up to him again she saw silent tears running down his cheeks like a river. Tears of despair, tears of frustration, tears of dread, tears of hopelessness. Her hero, her rock, her champion was broken. Just like she was.

In case they didn't find Emilia in time they would jump off the cliff together.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

11.07pm

Hank's Escalade, followed by three other police cars, was speeding through the empty streets of Chicago, Erin and Jay sitting on the back seats as the sirens resounded in the darkness of this rainy summer night. A heavy thunderstorm had set in two hours ago and has left downpour behind. It seemed like whichever higher power was up there decided to fit the weather to the current situation as the world was breaking in around them in two ways.

But there was a tiny glimmer of new hope. Someone had found the Toyota, slightly damaged and abandoned under a bridge in Englewood, one of the areas they often had to go to due to crimes. There was the possibility that Bunny and Emilia were still around, in case their car broke down or they had a little accident and this wasn't a part of a bigger plan, as Bunny most probably had to flee on foot now. Nonetheless a cold shiver ran down Erin's back by imagining that her daughter was in this troubled neighborhood with her drugged out mother.

Hank jammed on the brakes almost from 100 to 0 as soon as they reached the scene. Erin and Jay jumped out of the car and so did Hank, the three of them making their way to the white Toyota with big steps, almost running. For a brief moment Erin turned around to see whether the rest of the unit was following but they already spread out to search the circuit.

Even before they were close enough to inspect the car and determine the damage, one of the patrol officers came their way.

″Sergeant, Detectives,″ he nodded briefly. ″We found something in the car,″ he said and motioned his head to follow him.

Erin's heart was hammering in her chest. What had they found? Something that would give them a lead? Or something that would cause their world to crash even more? Her gut feeling told her it was rather the latter and once they stood in front of the car and the officer reached for something, this feeling got confirmed.

″Is this your daughter's?″ he asked and showed them one of her bandanas, the one with the 'I-love-my-daddy lettering, droplets of blood covering the yellow fabric.

″Yeah,″ Erin nodded mechanically, not being able to say more. Emilia had been here. She had been bleeding and was probably seriously injured. And who knew whether she was even still alive. They'd apparently had a car accident and without a car seat, this could've been fatal for her.

″That's all we found,″ the officer said. ″Unfortunately it doesn't seem like anyone witnessed what went down here, whether there was another getaway car here, whether she met someone or whether they had an accident and are now fleeing on foot. Patrol units are already combing the area.″

″What about helicopters?″ Hank asked instantly, eyes darting. This was the Hank Voight no one wanted to cross paths with. ″K9?″

″Uhm,″ the officer stammered. ″Not yet.″

″The child of two Chicago Police Officers is missing and it didn't cross your mind to pull out all the stops instantly?″ Hank yelled at him and the man in uniform automatically stepped back. ″You were the one to respond and were the first on scene and you just wasted ten valuable minutes by not calling all instances possible! Those ten minutes can decide whether there's a chance to find her or not!″ he barked and Erin was sure he would go for his throat any minute.

But instead he just turned around and stormed away, pulled his phone out of his pocket while doing so, leaving Erin and Jay back alone with the officer, his colleagues and the car.

Erin stepped away from the scene, wrapped her arms around her body to hold herself together and let her gaze wander around in the darkness, Jay following her. Naturally.

″Where is she?″ she whispered desperately, terrifyingly. ″Where is she?″ she whispered again but the wind and the heavy rainfall swallowed her words.

″She's here somewhere. We're close. We'll have her back soon,″ Jay answered quietly. Erin slightly shook her head. Maybe he was right and she was here somewhere but that didn't mean she was alive. Maybe they would have her back soon but that didn't mean they would have her back alive. Any minute someone could call them and tell them that they found her tiny, lifeless body. Something told her that they were too late. Just like they had been too late with finding Nadia. For the second time they let someone down who'd depended on them. Only this time it was their own daughter who wouldn't even be allowed to celebrate her first birthday.

″What if...what if we're too late?″ she choked.

″We're not,″ Jay answered emphatically and turned her shoulder so she had to face him. ″She will be fine, okay? She will be fine.″

She turned away from him, her eyes focussing on the blue sirens, tears starting to stream down her face again. ″You promised...-″ she sobbed quietly, almost inaudibly.

″You promised,″ she whispered.

″You promised.″ Once again she turned her head, this time towards him again, and when her eyes met his tear-stained, hurt ones she knew he knew what she was referring to.

″You promised,″ she said again, her voice gaining strength and Jay couldn't swallow his sobs down anymore, was weeping bitterly, shaken by a crying jag.

″YOU PROMISED,″ she yelled at him and once again he answered her yelling with wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his embrace. Only this time she fought, thrummed her fists against his chest to escape. But he wouldn't let her go as she felt him crying into her hair.

″YOU PROMISED NOTHING'S EVER GOING TO HAPPEN TO HER,″ she screamed at him, throwing her head against his chest in absolute desperation, ignoring the throbbing pain that seemed to be worse than all the time before.

″You promised,″ she sobbed quietly into the fabric of his shirt.

″You promised,″ she whispered defeated and just like this the world around her turned black.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

7.28pm

Will Halstead was discussing a chart of one of his patients with the head of neurology, when the panicked voice of his younger brother resounded from trauma room four.

″Will!″ he yelled and within a second the older Halstead dumped the chart on the desk and ran towards the room where his brother paced up and down in front of the bed. The bed where is sister-in-law was lying in. She was as white as the sheets, any color drained from her face, cold sweat covering her forehead. She was wheezing heavily, the heart monitor that had the only purpose to control her heartbeat just to be on the safe side, not because she necessarily was in a critical condition, beeping loudly and dangerously. Her face was contorted with pain but she wasn't exactly awake. More in between drifting in and out of consciousness. It didn't even need him five seconds to analyze the situation.

″She's having a panic attack,″ Will said, moving to the medicine cupboard quickly, looking for a sedative that would help her to calm down.

″Let me try something first,″ Jay insisted before Will could inject the drug into her IV. He didn't want her to drift back to sleep for the next couple of hours. He needed her to wake up. And from the time he'd struggled with symptoms of PTSD and had helped Mouse to get through his night terrors, he knew that sometimes all people in distress needed was having someone close talking to them, showing their subconscious mind that they were there.

″Jay-″ Will started to argue but Jay cut it short.

″Just thirty seconds,″ he pleaded and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He cupped Erin's cheek with his hand, stroked over her face with the pad of his thumb.

″Hey babe, everything is alright,″ he said quietly and leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead. ″You're safe and I'm here and I won't let anything happen to you. I need you to calm down so you can wake up soon, okay? I won't leave your sight until you're back with me and if Will has to give you that sedative now you won't wake up all night. I need you with me Erin,″ he whispered, stroked his other hand over her hair and kissed her again, nuzzled his nose against her soft skin.

He wasn't sure whether it was him being close to her or the words he'd said but the heart monitor slowed down to a regular rhythm, her breathing steadied, her body loosened. Unfortunately she didn't wake up but as long as she didn't need a sedative that would keep her sleeping for the whole night, he was okay with it. Though okay was not the appropriate word to describe his state. He was as far away from being okay as possible, was walking on a tightrope, losing his balance any second.

″Thanks,″ Jay breathed out as he looked up to his brother who seemed to be unexpectedly stunned and put the injection back into the medicine cupboard. ″When will she wake up?″

″Soon,″ Will assured him, the desperate tone of his brother's voice breaking his heart. ″She has a very bad concussion, so the longer she sleeps before waking up, the better for her,″ he explained. ″But the good news is, there are no injuries to her brain, no bleeding. I just discussed her head scan with the chief of neurology and there's nothing to worry about. She'll be fine.″ He placed his hand on Jay's shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze.

″Thank God,″ he breathed out, the tiniest amout of relief settling inside of him. ″But what is she going through?″ he asked quietly, desperately and wrapped his hand around hers, squeezed it gently. He just wanted her to wake up so he could hold her in her arms and tell that she was safe, that there was nothing she had to be afraid of.

″Her mind's most probably processing the things that happened,″ Will sighed. The things that happened, Jay thought. Things like being attacked in her own apartment. By her own mother. This was about all he knew.

When he'd been in the locker room over an hour ago, ready to leave his workplace to go home to his two girls, his phone had buzzed in the pocket of his jeans. He'd been confused to read Carol's name and had answered it, asking what was up, and had then gotten a barrage of words that had brought him close to having a heart attack. She'd told him something about Crispin not stopping to bark, so she went upstairs, ran into a blonde woman with a bleeding wound on her arm on the stairs but didn't give it much thought, and found Erin unconsciousness in the doorway. She'd called him just after she'd called 911 and Jay had rushed to Chicago Med, ignoring all traffic rules on the way. Meanwhile the rest of the unit had gone to the crime scene, their home, and Carol had told them the whole story again, a little more structured this time. The description of the blonde woman had sounded terrifyingly familiar to Hank and there was only one person on his mind who would've been capable of doing something like this. He'd shown her a photo of Bunny and had gotten the answer he'd expected.

″Hey Jay, you good?″ Will's worried voice broke through his daze.

″Uhm...yeah, sorry,″ Jay nodded and sighed. ″It's just...a lot.″

″I know. You need anything? A cup of coffee? Sandwich? Chocolate?″ the ginger asked.

″Coffee would be great, thanks,″ Jay answered, trying to give his brother a smile. It stayed with a try.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

8.16pm

Jay's hand was still wrapped around Erin's hand tightly and he was sipping on his coffee-to-go when Erin started to move, not as panicked as an hour prior. She seemed to drift into consciousness gently. She moaned quietly, her eyelids fluttered and Jay squeezed her hand a little harder to encourage her to open them completely, to show her that he was there and she wasn't alone.

″Hey babe, it's okay,″ he said and took the spot on the edge of her bed again to be as close to her as possible. ″Come on, open those eyes.″

Slowly her eyes fluttered open and she blinked a couple of times to adjust her eyes to her surroundings, to figure out where she was, confusion being written all over her face.

″Hey,″ Jay smiled faintly when her confused eyes found him and he leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead.

″Where...where am I?″ she whispered, a moan escaping from her lips and she squeezed her eyes together for a moment. Jay could tell she was in pain, the fluorescent light in the room hurting her eyes.

″Chicago Med. You hit your head pretty hard when...-″ he started but didn't keep on telling her what had happened that she's ended up in the hospital. Too soon. She needed to relax and telling her about what had happened in their apartment would surely not contribute to her recovery.

But it was too late already as it seemed like these words were enough to bring Erin's memories back and something triggered inside of her because before he could do anything she sat up with one fast move, wheezing due to the pain the fast movement caused in her head, her eyes wide in shock as the realization hit her.

″Emmy!″ Her voice was full of pain and fear, it shattered Jay's heart. He's never heard her voice like this before. And when he thought she was white before, he had no idea how describe the color of her face now.

″She's fine,″ he assured her quickly and pushed her back into the pillows. ″She's fine.″

″No, no, she isn't,″ Erin said, shaking her head, which sent pain like electrifying shocks through her whole body. ″Bunny, she kidnapped her. Bunny has her.″ She sat up again, fought against his hold by developing a strength he hadn't expected and started to pull on her IV.

Suddenly the pictures fell into place for Jay. This was what her nightmare, her panic attack had been about, this was the reason for her heartrate reaching dangerous levels. She thought Emilia had been kidnapped by Bunny and was still with her in this very moment.

″Er, Er, Er,″ Jay said quickly, holding her hand so she wasn't able to rip out the needle in her lower arm. ″Emmy is fine. You hear me? She's fine. She's with Carol. And she's fine,″ he said emphatically.

″No Jay...Bunny...They had an accident. You saw her bandana. She's injured,″ she whispered desperately, looking at him like he was out of his mind for being this calm, for telling her everything was fucking fine.

″Babe, listen to me,″ he said sternly, still not letting go of her hand although she squirmed her wrist in his hold. ″Emilia is fine. If you just give me a minute I will show you. Please just stop to hurt yourself. Please,″ he pleaded helplessly, the concern in his voice and eyes being all evident.

″Jay, Bunny got into out apartment. She...she...-″ Her voice broke, tears looming in her eyes, threatening to fall.

″I know,″ Jay nodded, silencing her by brushing his finger over her lips. Finally she let him push her back again but her eyes were still wide in fear.

He didn't trust her enough to leave her alone even for only ten seconds, so he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Carol's number. The older woman has been waiting in the doctor's lounge all the time, refusing to go home with the baby until Erin was awake. Now that he thought about it, Jay couldn't help but realize that their nanny had probably sensed that Erin would need to see her daughter, would need to assure herself that her daughter was fine, once she was awake.

″Hey Carol, Erin's awake and needs to see Emmy,″ he said before he added a ″thanks″ and hung up, his hand never letting go of Erin's.

″She's coming and she's bringing Emmy. It'll be alright Er, everything will be alright,″ he said and literally a second after the last word had left his mouth, Carol stepped into the trauma room, a sleeping Emilia cuddled against her chest.

″Oh my God,″ Erin gasped. ″Oh my God,″ she sobbed, tears streaming down her face like all gates were open. It were tears of endless relief.

″Look, there's mommy,″ Carol whispered against Emilia's head and placed the baby on Erin's chest. Erin wrapped her arms around her daughter's tiny frame, stroked up and down her back with shaky hands, inhaled her sweet scent, placed kisses on the top of her head and felt her heart beating against her own while the tears didn't stop to flow down.

″I'll leave you alone for a bit and wait in the doctor's lounge,″ Carol winked at Jay and left the little family alone.

″How...?″ Erin asked, not being able to form a full question out of the words that swirled through her head. Her headache was killing her but looking down into her daughter's peaceful, dreamy face, the pain seemed to fade. ″How...is that...possible?″

Jay reached for one of her hands and took it in his own again before he started to tell her what they knew. What they thought had happened earlier.

″Bunny wanted to kidnap her. But she didn't. She couldn't. We think Crispin protected Emilia with his life and didn't let Bunny come close to her and when she tried, he even went one step further and bit her. Carol heard him barking and went upstairs to check whether everything was alright, especially since he wouldn't stop. On the stairs she ran into Bunny who had a bleeding wound on her arm but she didn't care about her. When she got to our apartment and found you, she called 911 and me instantly.″

At that, the realization kicked in and suddenly everything seemed to make sense for Erin. Everything she thought had gone down, had been a friggin' nightmare, had been something her mind had created while she'd been unconsciousness. In between Bunny attacking her and her waking up in Chicago Med, she'd never gained consciousness. Her mind had gone to these places, picturing her greatest fears. Nothing of what she thought had happened, of what had felt so scarily real, had actually happened. No kidnapping, no accident, no yelling about broken promises.

″I thought...I thought,″ she stammered, her voice breaking for the millionth time today.

″I know,″ Jay simply answered. He could vividly imagine what she'd thought and the idea of what she must have been through was almost too much for him to take. She didn't deserve this. Anything of this. She deserved all the happiness in the world and yet her past had come back to haunt her once more. And once again he hadn't been home early enough to prevent all of this. Not being able to protect his family and more or less allowing Bunny to hurt Erin for a second time, was something that preyed on his mind terribly. He should've locked Bunny up when he had had the possibility to do so, not only scaring her with a stupid threat. He'd promised to protect them with everything he had, but yet, had he really done that?

″Where is she? Where is Bunny?″ Erin's faint voice broke through to him.

″We...we don't know,″ he said honestly, biting his lower lip. A long time ago they'd agreed on not lying to each other. So no lying meant no lying, regardless the situation.

″She's still out there?″ Fear was creeping up in her again and her body stiffened.

″We guess so,″ Jay nodded. Feeling her anxiety, he lay down right next to her in the small hospital bed and pulled her into his embrace. ″The team is trying to track her down. You're safe here. I'll stay with you all night, I promise,″ he mumbled into her hair and he felt her body relax against his own.

″Where's Hank?″

″He was here for a minute earlier, just after they'd brought you in. But I told him I'll take care of you and he should be out there looking for Bunny. You know, he probably knows some places where she could be that we all have no idea of,″ he explained.

″Bet he does,″ Erin answered.

″You should've seen him. He'll tear this city apart until they find her.″ Jay had never seen Hank Voight like this and he'd seen him in many different situations and many times he'd wished not to witness whatever he was doing. But this. This had been a new level because it was personal. Bunny had attacked members of his family and no one simply attacked members of Hank Voight's family and got away with it. Hank wouldn't stop before Bunny was where she belonged. He just wasn't exactly sure where Bunny belonged in Hank's opinion.

″He will,″ she whispered pensively. ″In case Hank's the one to find her she's up for a trip to the silos and I'm not sure whether she'll ever make it to the station.″ Sometimes Erin had a crazy talent to speak out the exact same things he was thinking, like a invisible connection between the two of them, always sensing or even knowing what was going on in the other's mind.

″There's a likelyhood that this is going to happen,″ Jay admitted, not wanting to think about it any further as it brought him into a deep conflict. On the one hand a trip to the silos was exactly what Bunny deserved but on the other hand wasn't it the right way to handle things. Not at all. Even though he wouldn't be able to keep his self-control in line either in case he would meet the woman who'd attacked Erin and wanted to kidnap Emilia. So how should Hank, whose temper has always been a tad bit more explosive than Jay's, keep his self-control?

″You should try to sleep, babe,″ Jay eventually murmured into her hair, pushing the conflict aside for the time being. He'd told Hank that he wanted to be informed in case they found Bunny, so he could decide about right and wrong then. ″And when you wake up again you'll maybe not feel like having been hit by a truck anymore,″ he smiled and brushed some strands out of her face.

″Feels more like having been hit by cruise liner anyway,″ she sighed, groaning slightly when she nestled deeper into his embrace. Jay pulled the blanket up and covered her and Emilia with it, providing them a safe cocoon as he wrapped his arm around the both of them.

″Jay,″ Erin mumbled against his chest, her voice already thick of sleep as she was drifting off. He looked down into her face, her eyelids fluttering open again, revealing her tired, exhausted eyes, hints of pain reflecting from them as well. ″Where's Crispin?″

″He's at the 21st with Mouse, no worries.″

″Is he alright?″

″Yeah, the little hero is alright,″ Jay smiled down at her. ″Now sleep Er, you need it urgently.″

″No. There's something I need to tell you first,″ she said and despite all the pain a faint smile rushed over her face. ″While I made dinner I decided that Crispin is here to stay. He's ours. He belongs to us and he more than proved that this is the right decision earlier. Don't give him to the other family tomorrow.″

″Okay,″ Jay smirked and it was the first time that he really felt like smiling. ″Now sleep,″ he added and placed a long kiss on her forehead. She was out not even a minute later.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

10.44pm

The light in the trauma room was dimmed and Erin was still sleeping all snuggled up to Jay's chest, his strong arms holding her safely, when Will entered the room.

″Hey,″ he nodded towards Jay. ″We finally have a room for her upstairs and we'll transfer her as soon as possible.″

″That's good,″ Jay answered, pulling Erin even closer as she stirred a little.

″You can go home then and catch some sleep yourself. You look like you need it."

″Thank you. But I'll stay.″

″She'll sleep through the night anyway due to the painkillers and you should try to do the same,″ Will said.

″I'll stay,″ Jay insisted again. ″I promised that I won't leave her tonight and I'll sure as hell not break this promise.″

″Okay,″ Will sighed. He knew he didn't have a chance against his stubborn brother and most likely Jay would catch more sleep here, with sharing a hospital bed with her, than at home, where he would always worry about her. ″What about Emmy? Shall I pick her up somewhere?″

″Carol took her home earlier and she's staying with her tonight. But thank you,″ he answered appreciatively.

″Alright, so I'll make sure that you guys get settled soon,″ Will said and turned around. But instead of leaving the room he remained in the doorway, weighing whether he should approach his brother about something that had happened in trauma one or not since there was already enough he had to deal with.

″What's wrong?″ Jay asked.

″Uhm,″ Will stammered and spun around again. Now he had no chance anyway other than approaching him about what he'd developed. ″The name Barbara Fletcher rings a bell?″

Mentioning this name, all the muscles in Jay's body clenched. ″Yeah, why?″ he asked, holding his breath.

″Paramedics brought her in earlier and we found Erin's card in her purse while looking for her ID.″ This statement felt like a punch into the face.

″Bunny is here?!″ Jay called out, almost jumping out of the bed in the heat of the moment.

″Waaaait,″ Will frowned. ″Barbara Fletcher is Bunny a.k.a Erin's mom?!″

″Yeah,″ Jay nodded, wanting to ask why Bunny was here but Will interrupted him before.

″I had no idea,″ he sighed and rubbed his temples. ″But until a couple of hours I didn't even know that her mom's a hardcore drug-addict...″

″Well, that's usually not something you hawk around with during family dinners, don't you think?″ Jay asked somewhat furious, having the urge to defend the woman who lay in his arms.

″Yeah, yeah, sorry,″ Will placated his younger brother. Things weren't about to get easier.

″I need to see her so I can cuff her and Hank can drag her ass to the district right now,″ Jay said determinedly, ready to leave Erin's side for a minute if that meant he could take care that Bunny would finally end up where she belonged.

Will shook his head and bit his lip. ″Jay, she overdosed. Blew her brain away with heroin. For whatever reason the paramedics got her heart beating again but...scans just showed that there's no brain activity anymore.″

″She's braindead?″ Jay whispered incredulously.

″Yeah she is,″ Will confirmed, inhaling another deep breath before dropping the bomb. ″And now knowing that Erin is blood-related to her, that she's relation in first degree, she would be the one to decide to take her off life-support.″ This time it felt like a punch in the gut.

″What?!″ Jay uttered shocked and gazed down into Erin's peaceful face, knowing in this moment that once the sun rose again, once those beautiful hazel eyes fluttered open again, she would get confronted with more news she didn't deserve...

Okay, first of all, sorry for putting you through this, I know it was kinda mean (but I'm still pretty proud of this chapter)! :D Thanks for reading it anyway! Please leave a review and let me know what you think, thanks! :)