20. Footprints In The Sand

Thank you all again for your feedback on the last chapter and sorry for not posting earlier, really tried but I didn't have time to edit this one as I had my last exam today which was way more important! ;)

Lyrics are from the song 'Footprints In The Sand' by Leona Lewis.

I don't own anything.

20. Footprints In The Sand

Hank Voight stood in front of that warehouse, dozens of firefighters surrounding him, and watched the two ambulances disappear in the distance. His hands and his clothes were covered in blood. The blood of the man who was more or less his son-in-law, no matter how estranged his relationship with Erin was at the moment. Any color has dropped from his face and until yet he hasn't been able to sort his mind. He didn't even know what exactly had happened inside the warehouse half an hour ago as Ruzek has lost his consciousness after they had found him and Jay in the ruined part of the building. While his injuries didn't seem too severe, Jay's life was hanging by a thread. The looks on the paramedics faces had spoken for themselves.

″Sarge,″ Antonio said right next to him and let him startle from his thoughts. ″We need to tell Erin.″

″Yeah, I know...although I don't know how,″ he said and looked at his phone which showed eight missed calls.

″Guess she already knows that something's going on,″ Alvin said and placed his hand on Hank's shoulder. Hank glanced around, saw the rest of his unit and some patrol men of the 21st district standing close to him.

″I'm afraid she does, yes,″ he nodded. ″Everybody listen,″ he then called and immediately all the attention was on him. ″I want you to go in there and find any kind of evidence that leads us to the prick who did this to us, you understand? We need to find him and when we do I can't promise that he'll ever see the daylight again,″ he ordered and when everyone nodded he added: ″Alright, gear up!″

″Hank, you alright?″ Alvin asked, scanning his long-time partner.

″Yeah,″ he answered gruffly while in the same moment his phone rang again. ″I need to answer her this time,″ he then said and walked away to answer a call that was one of the most difficult ones in his life.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

With a dull sound, Erin's phone fell to the ground. She felt like she was falling, spiraling downward, everything around her was fuzzy. Mouse looked up from his screen and saw her dithering. With one fast move he was at her side and held her by her upper arm, then pushed her back to one of the desks so she could sit down on its edge. Her whole body was shaking, her eyes were wide in shock, all the color has fallen from her face and it seemed like she didn't realize what was happening around her. He knew that something bad must've happened. Something bad with Jay. Her partner. His best friend.

″Erin,″ Mouse said quietly and tried to lock eyes with her. He felt his heart beating unhealthy in his chest, wasn't sure whether he really wanted to know about what had happened. Her reaction let him already assume the worst. But he had to be strong. Strong for his best friend's pregnant girlfriend.

″Hey Erin,″ he said again and touched her hand. She startled by his touch and looked at him but was able to find her words again.

″The bomb...″ she stumbled. ″It went off...Jay,″ she said and then her voice broke into pieces but she wasn't able to cry.

″He...he was inside,″ she whispered and swallowed down the lump in her throat, didn't let the tears fall that welled in her eyes. Mouse didn't answer anything, just stared out of the window for a moment as this brought back so many memories.

″I need to go to Med,″ Erin mumbled and got up faster than Mouse was able to hold her back.

″Erin wait,″ he said as he found his voice again ″You shouldn't drive right now. Give me the keys,″ he pleaded. She looked at him for a second and then handed him the keys with shaky hands.

″Good,″ Mouse sighed and it sounded more like he tried his best to calm himself down. ″Let's go,″ he then said, not being sure whether any of them was ready for the things that might awaited them at Chicago Med.

Some ten minutes later Erin came running into the ED of Chicago Med. The drive there had been the longest of her life, not knowing which kind of news she would get once she was here. Not allowing herself to think about all the possible scenarios, the what-if's.

She glanced around in the ED, hoping to find any familar face. Hank or Alvin or Antonio or anyone. It took her a moment but then she saw Will pacing up and down in front of one of the trauma rooms.

″Will,″ she called and ran to him.

″Erin,″ he said and as she stood in front of him he didn't know whether to hug her or not, whether she needed someone to hug her or whether she didn't want to get hugged. He then decided to just touch her arm for a brief moment.

″Why aren't you in there?″ she asked him immediately, her eyes and her voice being full of fear.

″They don't let me.″

″But he is...″ she stumbled, being scared to ask this one question that was on her mind all the time. ″But he is alive?″ she asked and her voice wasn't even a whisper.

″He is,″ Will nodded and Erin exhaled a deep breath. She looked into Will's face, saw the pain that reflected from his eyes.

″How bad is it?″ she mumbled and tried to catch a glimpse inside the trauma room.

Will didn't answer immediately, thought about whether it was better to tell her the truth or to lie to her. But then she would maybe get her hopes up too high.

″Will?″ she asked again.

″All I know is that he has some severe injuries and that it's not looking good,″ he finally said and shook his head and although Erin didn't break down in front of him, he saw her breaking down inwardly. In the same moment, the door of the trauma room opened and they shoved Jay out in a rush, everyone of the doctor's who surrounded him yelling something different. Erin didn't even have the chance to get a glimpse of him but maybe it was better like this.

″Connor,″ Will said and held his colleague back on his arm. Dr. Rhodes looked from him to Erin and then apparently decided to give them a quick update. ″Bring him up already, I'll be there in two minutes,″ he called and Erin watched them shoving his bed into the elevator, getting a quick glimpse of some bloody sheets.

″How bad are his injuries?″ Erin asked Dr. Rhodes after turning her attention from the closing elevator doors to him.

″Bad,″ he said. ″Something ruptured an artery of his thigh so he lost a lot of blood and he has a ruptured spleen that also bleeds internal. These injuries are severe but not the main problem. We will be able to fix them with the surgery. He also needed two pleural drainages because his lung is damaged, which is the reason why his condition is so unstable. But Will can explain this to you. I need to go.″

″Be honest with me...how are...how are his chances?″ she asked quietly. She didn't want to know but she needed to know. Needed to prepare herself.

Dr. Rhodes glanced at her for a moment, then looked down to the slight swell that formed under the fabric of her top and sighed. ″We'll do what we can,″ he said and left the two of them alone.

Erin wasn't able to deal with all the things she just had heard and she also wasn't able to move but at the same time she felt how she started to dither again and how dizziness hit her.

″Hey hey hey, Erin,″ Will called and grabbed her arm and for the second time that day it was Mouse who came out of nowhere and grabbed her other arm as they both kept her from falling. It have only been some minutes since she'd left the car in front of the ED while Mouse then drove to the parking lot but yet it felt like a lifetime.

″Come on, sit down,″ Will said and guided her into an empty trauma room.

She sat down on the edge of the bed and stared to the floor, tried to sort her thoughts, to handle the information she had gotten. She inhaled and exhaled deeply a few times, ran her fingers through her hair and reminded herself that she needed to stay calm while she just has gotten another proof that bad things constantly happened in her life.

″Will what did Dr. Rhodes mean?″ she asked after some moments of silence.

″Erin,″ he sighed and slightly shook his head.

″Will, what did Dr. Rhodes mean?″ she repeated her question and looked into her pseudo-brother-in-law's eyes that were so different than Jay's.

″Bomb explosions cause severe lung damage. Many victims die immediately due to an air embolism. Others develop a lung edema. That's why he got pleural drainages and why he'll be intubated for at least two more days after the surgery. But the problem is that there can still be more damage to his lung due to hypoxia and vascular damage and he can develop a so called secondary ARDS one or two days after the explosion,″ Will explained and he saw how Mouse gasped for air.

″ARDS?″ Erin asked, looking from Will to Mouse and back to Will.

″Acute respiratory distress syndrome,″ Will said.

″So this means...,″ Erin said slowly, ″that his lung could stop working anytime?″

″Yes,″ Will nodded. ″His lung is the risk during the surgery now and it'll be the risk for the following days.″

″But is there nothing they can do?″ she asked desperately.

″He's intubated, he has pleural drainages, he gets all the meds he needs. There's nothing more that can be done other than hope that his lung is not as damaged.″

Erin only nodded in response as tears welled in her eyes again. Tears she still didn't let fall. She knew that she was going to lose him in case he started to develop ARDS. In case she wouldn't lose him during this surgery already. But for now she needed to stay strong. For him. Was not allowed to lose her hope, to give up on him just as he had never given up on her.

″Hey Erin, Jay's a fighter. He will make it, okay?″ Mouse said and touched her arm supportingly.

She looked to her boyfriend's best friend but in the corner of her eyes she saw Will slightly shaking his head. No false hopes at this point.

″I will go up and wait there,″ she said and got up, still feeling dizzy.

″Erin,″ Will sighed.

″I'm fine, okay?″ she snapped. The last thing she wanted to hear right now were voices full of compassion. Neither from Will nor from anyone else.

″It will take hours until he's out of surgery.″

″I need to be there, Will,″ she answered and suddenly her voice was all cracky again and she then left the trauma room with Mouse following her some minutes later.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Hours went by and every minute that passed felt like a lifetime. They haven't gotten any news ever since they had rushed Jay into the OR, neither good ones, nor bad ones. Erin sat on the floor, leaned against the wall and had her knees tucked up to her body and stared to the floor with empty eyes. She's been sitting there like this for hours already and Mouse started to get worried. She didn't say anything and it almost seemed like she had built up some imperceptible walls around herself as no one dared to talk to her. Some minutes ago Trudy Platt has joined them, brought them some sandwiches and muffins and cooled Drinks while the rest of the Intelligence unit was still on the hunt for the offender.

″What do you think Sarge, shall I try to talk to her?″ Mouse whispered.

″No, I think it's better when we leave her alone for now,″ Platt whispered back.

″She needs to eat and drink something.″

″I think eating and drinking are the last things she cares about right now, Mouse,″ Platt sighed, being all worried as she glanced to the young detective who sat on the other side of the room and seemed so far far away.

″Yeah, I know,″ Mouse nodded. ″Do you have any info on Ruzek? When we came here all we cared about was Jay...and now I feel...quite bad,″ Mouse admitted.

″He has a concussion, some broken ribs and some cuts and bruises, nothing too bad as it seems. Just needed some stitches on his forehead.″

″But still...,″ Mouse sighed. ″Maybe I should go and visit him.″

″I was there, he's sleeping, so no worries Mouse,″ Platt said and tried to smile at him.

They fell into a well-known silence again and were later joined by Will. Nobody said a word and they sat there on their chairs, waiting to finally get some news, and showed Erin that they were there for her. This was all she needed to know at the moment. That she wasn't alone although it seemed like she'd prefer to be alone and although they knew she felt like the loneliest person in the world right now.

When the doors of the OR swung open about an hour later, everyone immediately turned their head around to Dr. Rhodes, looked at him with fearful, nervous eyes. For the first time in hours Erin moved and got up from the floor. She wanted to look him in the eyes, no matter which kind of news he was going to give them. The other three also got up from their chairs and walked towards Dr. Rhodes.

″Is he...?″ Erin asked immediately, expecting the worst, but Dr. Rhodes interrupted her before she was able to finish her question.

″Regarding the circumstances everything went better than we could've expected,″ he said and everyone let out a deep, long breath.

″We fixed the artery on his thigh and all he'll keep from that injury is a small scar. We had to remove his ruptured spleen but all he'll keep from this is just a smaller scar as well and luckily there were no other internal bleedings, so there was no need for a laparatomy. However, his lung gave us some troubles during the surgery but he's stable for now. He's in a medical induced coma to give his body the best chance to heal but he's not out of the woods yet, please keep that in your minds,″ he said.

″Can I see him?″ Erin asked, trying to process all the Information and thoughts that now swirled through her head .

″In an hour, yes,″ Dr. Rhodes nodded. ″In case you need anything, please let me know.″

″We will, thank you,″ Will said and then followed Dr. Rhodes to get some more details about the surgery from him that none of the others would understand anyway.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

It was almost midnight when Erin was finally allowed to see Jay. One of the nurses guided her to his room on the ICU and then left her alone. She sat down in the chair right next to his bed, softly stroked the knuckles of his hand with her thumb. For a while she just sat there in silence as she wasn't able to talk. It was almost too much for her seeing him like this as his sight overwhelmed her but yet she still didn't allow herself to cry.

He was as white as the sheets he lay in, had some cuts in his face and down his arms. Tubes were coming out and going into his body everywhere, including the big one that went down his throat and kept him breathing, kept him alive and the ones that came out on both sides of his torso to help his lung to recover.

The only thing that broke the silence in the room was the penetrative beep of the ECG that controlled his heartbeat. She listened to this steady rhythm and prayed that it would stay that steady, feared that it would change any second. Knew, that she could still lose him any second, knew that every moment with him could be her last one.

Her mind kept on revolving around these thoughts and somewhen she wasn't able to handle them anymore, to keep on further listening to the penetrating beep, to the sound the ventilation machine made while it pumped oxydgen into his lung.

″I felt our baby moving for the first time today,″ she said into the silence with a cracky voice, her hand still holding his tightly. ″It felt like 100 butterflies started to fly in the same second,″ she whispered and a lump built up in her throat again, but this time she wasn't able to swallow it down. Wasn't able to hold the tears back that welled in her eyes. All day she's been able to manage to push the thought of losing him more or less away, to not let this thought creep into her mind too deep. But now these thoughts hit her again, with full force this time. Thoughts of losing him, of raising their child all alone, of being without him for the rest of her life when he was the only person she needed in her life. The person who made her feel complete but right now, for the first time in months she felt so damn incomplete again, like something was missing, gone, maybe not coming back ever again.

You walked with me

Footprints in the sand

And helped me understand

Where I'm going

You walked with me

When I was all alone

With so much unknown

Along the way

Then I heard you say

I promise you

I'm always there

When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair

I'll carry you

When you need a friend

You'll find my footprints in the sand

″This should be a happy day today,″ she said while silent tears rolled down her face. ″I wanted to see the smile on your face when I would've told you about it. We should be at home now, you should have your hand on my stomach because you would want to feel it so badly, too. I would tease you because I can feel it and you can't and we would laugh about it all the time,″ she said with a low voice as more tears fell from her eyes. She inhaled deeply to calm herself down, tried to hold back the crying jag that inevitably came closer.

″You sat there and held my hand and told me that we are going to do this together. And I believed you because you never break a promise you've made. Please don't do it now Jay. Don't leave me alone. I can't do this alone, do you hear me? I need you. I can't do this without you Jay,″ she whispered desperately and wiped her tears away with her hand but new tears kept on coming instantly.

″Don't stop fighting, you got me? You need to come back to me because I need you more than you will ever know and you know that I can't lose you. Not you, too, Jay. Please don't go to a place where I can't follow you,″ she cried and at this point she wasn't able to control anything anymore, weeped bitterly. Tried to cry the pain and the thoughts of losing him away but it didn't help, only made it worse.

I see my life

Flash across the sky

So many times have I

Been so afraid

And just when I

I thought I'd lost my way

You gave me strength to carry on

That's when I heard you say

I promise you

I'm always there

When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair

I'll carry you

When you need a friend

You'll find my footprints in the sand

The sudden change in the sound of the beep let her stop crying from one second to the other. They came faster, sounded louder and more dangerous. She looked up to the heart monitor, saw that the waves of his heart rate didn't seem to be so rhythmic anymore.

ARDS, that was the first thing that came into her mind. His lung started to fail, wasn't able to process the oxydgen anymore.

″No no no no no Jay, don't do this, don't go, you need to stay with me,″ she said with a loud, desperate voice and didn't even know where this strength came from so suddenly.

″I need help in here,″ she yelled and then jumped up from her chair to get someone into his room as fast as possible. But instead of running out of his room, the moment she stood on her feet, she saw stars dancing in front of her eyes before everything around her turned black.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Her view was blurry when she tried to open her eyes and her head hurt like someone has hit it with a hammer. She brought her hand up to her head and the moment she touched the lump on the side of her head and her temple she moaned in pain. She laid her hand back down on the bed and only now she realized there was a needle in the back of her hand which was connected to an infusion. She tried to remember what had happened but there was nothing.

″You took a pretty nasty fall...again,″ a familar, raspy voice said next to her.

She turned her hurting head around and saw the blurry profile of her pseudo-father sitting in the chair right next to her bed. She blinked sometimes to get a better vision and then recognized that the sun was shining outside. She still felt dizzy and wasn't able to put the pieces together. Wasn't it after midnight the last time she'd been awake?

″What happened?″ she mumbled.

″You collapsed and hit your head pretty hard when you fell to the floor. The doctors said you maybe had a panic attack combined with not eating and drinking enough throughout the day. You slept for seven hours.″

Hank's words helped her to put some more pieces together. The things that had happened became clearer and with having the feeling of someone punching her in the gut, she had all the pictures in her head again.

Jay.

Something had been wrong. She'd wanted to call for help, for someone who was able to save his life. Her heart started to race in her chest and a wave of nausea hit her by these memories. She needed to ask Hank this one question but wasn't sure whether she was ready to hear the answer.

″Jay...″ she whispered and her voice sounded so scared and her eyes were widened in fear, it broke Hank's heart.

″Erin, you should try to rest. That's best for you and the baby at the moment,″ Hank said and only now she thought about her baby for the first time since waking up but she didn't feel relieved when she lay her hand on her stomach for a brief second and felt that the slight swell was still there, that the baby was obviously still there. Recognized that she couldn't care less about it at the moment. All she cared about was whether Jay had left this earth last night or not.

″What about Jay?″ she asked again, her voice being a lot stronger but tears welling in her eyes again at the same time.

″There were some issues throughout the night...,″ he sighed, knowing that he couldn't withhold this from her. ″It's not looking good, Erin.″

Erin nodded in response, paralysed and with empty eyes.

″I...I need to see him,″ she stumbled.

″Erin you need to rest.″

″I need to see him,″ she said, a lot more emphatic this time and started pulling on her IV while she sat up to get out of the bed. But just by doing so she saw stars dancing in front of her eyes again, felt dizziness hitting her again and had the feeling that her head was going to explode.

″You need to rest,″ he said with deeply worried eyes and softly pushed her back into the cushions. ″Think about your baby, Erin.″

″I don't care about the baby,″ she whispered, turned away from him and tucked her legs to her body. ″I want to be alone now.″

″Erin,″ Hank sighed. ″You-″

″I want to be alone now,″ she echoed before he was able to finish his sentence.

″Alright, I'll be back later,″ Hank nodded, glanced at her again for a moment and then left her alone.

The moment he had left her room the tears started roll down her cheeks again. Silent tears, mixed with some sobs from time to time as she laid in her bed in fetal position. As she tried to hold her shaking body together. As she prayed that a miracle would happen although she was realistic enough to know that mircales only happened in fairytales and stupid movies. As she got another proof why she has never let someone come so close to her before, why she's always been afraid of the feelings she had for him. As she knew that she's come so far that a life without him wouldn't make sense for her anymore.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Hank has seen a lot in his life already, but seeing the young detective lying in his bed, being connected with all kind of tubes and machines was tough. Even for him. He opened the door and slipped inside the room, took the place right next to his bed. Talking to someone who was in a coma wasn't something he believed in. He didn't believe that Jay was able to hear him. But right now it was the only option he had, the only thing he could do.

″Listen Jay,″ he started. ″I know things weren't so good between you and me and Erin lately and although I'm sitting here now and talk to you doesn't mean that I'm a fan of yours and Erin's...situation. But I don't care about this right now because Erin...damn she needs you Jay,″ Hank sighed, keeping his gaze focused on Jay's closed eyes.

″I've seen her in a lot of dark places before but I've never seen her like today. We both know that she's not the tough girl she always pretends to be...but this...I can't even tell how worried I am. It's like she's living in a different world. She doesn't care about anything. She's not just devastated, she's inwardly broken. And she needs you to fix that, Jay. Not me or anyone else. You. And your baby needs you, too. We both know she can't do this without you. So don't you dare to die, do you hear me? You and I, we'll get a big problem when you don't move your ass back to the living asap,″ he finished this onesided conversation.

″I'm not sure whether threatening him is a good therapy,″ a voice he couldn't allocate appeared behind him. He turned around and saw Will Halstead leaning in the doorway.

″He can handle it, it's nothing new for him,″ Hank shrugged.

″Bet it isn't,″ Will answered with a little chuckle.

″Can you tell me anything about his current condition? Anything positive preferably?″

″He hasn't had any more issues for three hours now which is a good sign,″ Will said and crossed the room to sit down on the edge of Jay's bed adverse Hank. ″It's still too soon to say that he's out of the woods though. But we have to think positive. He's a fighter. He always fights for the people he loves,″ Will said, glancing at Hank while he placed his hand on Jay's lower leg, gave it a soft pat. Hank glanced back at the young doctor and figured that he might have heard a little more of this conversation.

″He better does this time, too,″ Hank said.

″How's Erin holding on? I only visited her some hours ago when she was asleep.″

″She's not doing good. Psychologically not physically. She doesn't want to see anyone at the moment, retreats into her shell,″ he sighed.

″What about the baby?″ Will asked.

″The baby's fine. Her doctor did an ultrasound while she was unconscious and everything looked good. But she doesn't want to eat and drink and the only thing that keeps her hydrated are the liquids they give her via her IV. She doesn't care about anything at the moment, neither the baby.″

″Do you think something would change if Natalie talks to her? She went through the same...″ Will said.

″But her husband died, didn't he?″ he asked and Will answered with a nod.

″As long as Jay's heart is still beating she shouldn't talk to someone who didn't get the happy-end,″ Hank said, looking from Will to Jay.

″You're right. It was a stupid idea,″ Will sighed.

″It wasn't. It's just something we hopefully won't need,″ Hank answered pensively and sent silent prayers that Erin would get the happy-end she deserved.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

All of Erin's team members checked by throughout the day but she talked to none of them, wanted to be alone and preferred to pretend that she was asleep. She didn't feel like talking, always feared that that someone who was coming into her room would tell her that Jay has died or that it was time to say goodbye. But nothing happened, all of them just sat down in the chair which was placed in the corner of the room and stayed with her for a while before they left again.

Her attention only changed when Will visited her in the early evening, pushing a wheelchair into her room and carrying a bag in his hand.

″How are you doing?″

″What do you want Will?″ she asked him with a faint voice.

″We are going to take a ride,″ he said and pointed to the wheelchair.

″I'm not allowed to leave the bed. Order from my doctors,″ she said and already turned away from him.

″Who cares, you are going to have a doctor with you. I think they'd be okay with that,″ he shrugged. She turned around again and looked at him, saw that he was waiting for her reaction.

″Where are we going?″

″Where do you think we're going Erin?″ Will asked in response and a faint smile rushed over his face. He could see how Erin's face immediately lighted up a little and she unwrapped herself from the sheets.

″What's in the bag though?″ she asked as she sat on the edge of her bed.

″Change of clothes for you. I hope you don't mind that I stole Jay's key of your apartment.″

″No...I don't,″ she stumbled and was a little perplex by this gesture.

″Alright, so here's the deal: I'll give you your clothes so you can change and then we'll go to Jay. In return you'll go to the cafeteria with me afterwards and you'll promise me to have dinner there with me,″ Will said casually, scanning her for her reaction.

″I knew there is a twist.″

″Take it or leave it,″ Will shrugged, saw how she obviously thought about his offer.

″Instead of this hospital muck, can we order pizza or so?″

″Sure,″ he grinned and handed her the bag.

Will removed her IV for the time being and some ten minutes later, she stepped out of the bathroom, wearing some sweatpants, comfy socks and a top, her hair tied to a loose ponytail. Already now she looked better than all day.

″Ready to go?″

″Yeah,″ she nodded.

″Sit down,″ he said and pointed to the wheelchair.

″Will, I can walk,″ she assured him immediately.

″Erin, let's at least try to follow the rules of this hospital somehow when we already break your bedrest-rule, okay?″

″Okay,″ she sighed and sat down in the wheelchair.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Alright, I'll leave the two of you alone for an hour,″ Will said with a soft smile after Erin had changed from the wheelchair to the chair right next to Jay's bed.

″Okay,″ Erin nodded.

″Will?″ she then said when he was already at the door and he immediately turned around to her again.

″Yeah?″

″Thank you.″

″You're welcome, Erin, you're welcome,″ he answered and then left her alone.

Once again Erin sat there in silence, just held his hand or let her fingers go up and down his arm, gently caressing his skin. She didn't know whether he was able to feel her presence but his presence was in any case good for her. She felt a lot calmer and better just from sitting right next to him, from seeing him breathing, than she had felt all day. At the moment, she didn't even have the urge to cry. What might could've had something to do with the fact that Will had told her that Jay's condition was stable on their way to the ICU. She still didn't allow herself to get her hopes up too high but she also didn't fear the worst anymore. At least not as much as she had before.

″Jay I know you can't hear me but I just wanted to tell you that you need to keep on fighting. I know it is hard and I know it might be easier to go than to stay here. But you did so good thus far and I don't want you to give up. I'm here and I fight with you and I won't give up on you either. Take the time you need but please come back to me,″ she pleaded with a low voice and no matter how much she tried to be strong, some tears fell from her eyes again anyway.

The room fell into silence again and when Will came in about half an hour later the shyest and slightest smile surrounded her lips. It was something Will had never expected to see.

″Guess this little trip did you good,″ Will said and sat down on the edge of the bed adverse Erin.

″Mhm,″ she nodded. ″I've just felt the baby move again...for the first time since Jay's accident...it's actually pretty active at the moment and it feels like it's moving all the time...yesterday afternoon, when I'd felt it for the first time it was just a brief moment...and now...I don't know...I think that it maybe feels that Jay's here, you know? I know this sounds stupid...but...″ she shrugged and bit her lower lip.

″Hey Erin, it doesn't sound stupid at all,″ Will smiled, being more than just relieved that this little trip obviously has changed her feelings for her baby again, that she started to care about it again.

In this moment, the door opened and Dr. Rhodes walked into the room.

″I was looking for you and when I found your room all empty I figured this is the only other place where I can find you,″ he greeted Erin. ″Guess you had a partner in crime?″ he grinned and glanced at Will.

″I had,″ she nodded. ″Why did you want to see me? Is something wrong?″ she asked, felt how her heart dropped to her knees, how the strain made a comeback.

″No, nothing's wrong,″ he said. ″His condition has steadily improved for the last hours, the MRI we made throughout the day is negative, his blood test result is good and that means we're at the point where we can soon try to start to reduce the meds that keep him in coma and where we will then try to extubate him when his condition stays like this for the next 24 hours. The process of waking up can take some days and maybe the first try to extubate him will fail but all in all things are looking good.″

Erin let out a deep, long breath as she had held her breath while Dr. Rhodes had talked and felt tears rolling down her face again.

″Hey Erin, these are good news,″ Dr. Rhodes said and placed his hand on her shoulder.

″Yeah I know...,″ she stumbled with a cracky voice. ″It's just...this morning I was told it's not looking good...all day I thought I'm going to lose him...and now...I somehow can't believe this is true,″ she said and wiped her tears away with her hand.

″I'm honest with you, we can't believe it either. But sometimes miracles happen.″

″I only start to believe in miracles the moment he wakes up.″

″The way his condition has improved within the last hours is something we never have expected, especially not after last night. So this already is a miracle,″ he said and gave the fragile woman who sat in front of him another little smile. The woman who didn't know that after last night, the doctors had given Jay a chance to survive that was close to none.

″Okay,″ she nodded and right now this was the only thing she was able to say. Her hands were all shaky but at the same time her heart started to flutter a little. Fluttered in excitement, excitement she wasn't allowed to have yet. Not until he was awake and back with her. Not as long as they didn't know whether he would really wake up.

″Good, see you in the morning then,″ Dr. Rhodes said and left the two of them alone.

Will gave Erin another moment before he broke the silence in the room.

″You ready for pizza?″

″Yeah, more or less,″ she sighed and tried to smile. She got up from her chair, leaned over Jay's face and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

″I love you,″ she whispered while softly stroking his cheek with her thumb.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

A day passed without any major happenings. Erin spent most of her day on Jay's bedside and only went back to her own room when her doctor came in and reminded her that she needed to rest. From time to time some of her team members visited her but she still wasn't eager to talk too much, so they only exchanged some words about the case and they all told her that they were there for her whenever she needed them.

The following morning, just after Erin had taken a shower, Dr. Rhodes came into her room.

″There's something you should see,″ he said. ″Come on,″ he added when he saw Erin furrowing a brow and guided her towards the ICU.

When Erin walked into Jay's room she slightly gasped when she looked at him. He wasn't intubated anymore and instead there only was a tube on his nose that supplied his body with additional oxydgen.

″We did the extubation about an hour ago. It was the first try and he took it like a champ. He didn't have any troubles and he's breathing on his own. His lung does the work again,″ he smiled. ″He also doesn't get any coma-meds anymore which means he's now basically in the phase of waking up. But as I said before, this will most likely take some time.″

Erin swallowed down the lump in her throat and then turned around to Dr. Rhodes.

″Thank you. Thank you so much.″

″That's my job and on a day like today I love my job,″ he winked and then left her alone some moments later.

For the first time in days Erin was able to see Jay's face again. He looked so peaceful and like always, it almost looked like the littlest of smiles was on his lips. God, how much she had missed that. She leaned over him and pressed her lips against his, giving him a soft kiss, before she sat down on the edge of his bed, being as close as possible to him, hoping that her presence would maybe somehow help him to wake up.

″Knock knock,″ a familar voice said behind her some hours later.

″Adam,″ she smiled as she turned her head around to him.

″May I?″

″Sure,″ she answered and he sat down on the other side of the bed. Erin looked at him for a moment, saw the scratches and bruises in his face and down his arms and then lowered her head, felt bad that she hasn't checked on him the previous days.

″You boxed against Klitschko?″ she asked him, trying to find a way to start a conversation.

″Yep, lost it,″ he laughed. ″What about you? Heard you were knocked-out too.″

″Yeah, lost against the hospital floor,″ she chuckled.

″Nice one, Erin,″ he winked.

″Mhm,″ she nodded. ″Listen Adam, I'm sorry for not checking on you earlier.″

″Erin, it's okay, I understand. You had other stuff to deal with. And big Halstead here and little Halstead in there needed you more than I did,″ he said and gave her a smile.

″Yeah, I guess so,″ she answered and glanced to Jay again.

″Erin...I'm so sorry for all of this,″ he then said and suddenly all the joke in his voice was gone.

″This isn't your fault, Adam,″ she assured him immediately.

″But I feel guilty anyway...We went in to check everything out while the rest stayed outside. I was covering him and stayed behind him all the time and then he saw something suspicious and told me to stay back and cover his back instead of going with him. Then everything happened so fast. He yelled 'bomb' and came running towards me and then it already went off. I was close to a wall and hid behind it but he didn't have a chance to find a safe place,″ Adam explained with a broken voice.

″I don't think that there's anything you could've done to prevent this,″ she sighed.

″I know but still,″ he nodded. ″He's going to be okay, right?″

″Things are looking good,″ she said and gave Adam a weak smile while softly stroking Jay's arm.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Erin fell asleep while she was sitting in the chair, half of her body lying on Jay's bed, her head resting close to his pelvis and she woke up when she felt someone tickling her neck in the softest way. She blinked some times and when she realized that no one other than Jay was with her, when she realized that it could only have been his fingers that had caressed her neck, her heart literally jumped out of her chest and she sat up immediately.

″Hey beautiful,″ he whispered with a weak smile on his face, his bright blue eyes focusing on her as she turned her head around to him and glanced at him, tears welling in her eyes.

″Hey there,″ she answered with barely no voice and didn't even try to hold all the tears back. ″Welcome back,″ she whispered, leaned over him and locked eyes with him, pressed her forehead against his forehead and then placed a soft kiss on his lips. Stroked his cheeks with her thumbs and couldn't stop to look into his eyes that looked so tired but scanned her so much nonetheless. These piercing blue eyes she thought she'd never see again. She lay her hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat, felt how he lay his hand on top of hers and squeezed it weakly. And as Erin felt his heart strongly beating under her hand, as she felt his skin on hers again, as she wasn't able to control all of her emotions and wasn't able to say anything, as she just tried to soak this moment in and smiled at him happily, she knew that this was the point where she was allowing herself to think positive again. Knew that there was more to come. More chapters to their future to be added. More stories to be told. More footprints in the sand to be walked. Together.

Hope you liked it! Please leave a review and tell me what you think :)

I'm not a medical person but I looked all the medical stuff up to make it as real as possible, so I hope it somehow made sense ;)