15. Keeping A Secret

Hey guys,

thank you all again for the reviews! :)

At this point I have to say one sentence about the CPD finale: I can't tell in words how disappointed/frustrated I am that we AGAIN didn't see Jay comforting Erin but instead got a scene with her and Kim. Don't get me wrong, I like their friendship but this should've been a moment with Jay. I wonder whether we'll ever see him caring about her again like he did in S1 and S2...I know he still does but I need to SEE it (see it as in a hug, words, whatever and not as in exchanging looks, worried eyes)...maybe S4 brings all the things back we've missed so badly in S3...one can hope, right?

Back to the story, here comes chapter 15. I don't own anything.

15. Keeping A Secret

The gurgling of the flush let Jay wake up on Monday morning, long before his alarm clock was ringing. He rubbed his tired eyes and turned around to the other side of his bed but of course it was all empty. Morning sickness had hit Erin hard on the weekend and obviously also now. Jay sighed and stared to the ceiling. As if all of this wasn't already hard enough for her.

During the weekend, when they had gone out for dinner on Saturday evening, she had begged him not to talk about the baby too much and just try to go on as normal as possible for the following weeks until they would tell everyone. Jay had agreed because he somehow wanted them to have that kind of relationship again that they had a short time ago in Wisconsin. Where Erin had smiled all day, where her laugh had been real and where she had been truly happy. Where they had joked around, where they had teased each other and where they had talked openly with each other. But with finding out about her unplanned pregnancy, all of that has somehow gotten lost. And all Jay wanted, was having his Erin back so he was willed to do quite everything for it, even if that meant he also had to kind of ignore the fact that they were having a baby. He knew she needed time to accept it and he wanted to give her that time and support her in all possible ways although the atmosphere between them was still more tense than it's been before.

It took some more time until Erin shuffled back into the bedroom, just wearing some comfy shorts and a top, her hair a complete mess and her face color similar to the one of a ghost.

″I don't need your compassion,″ she said immediately as he looked at her.

″I wasn't going to say anything,″ he answered while she slipped under the covers again.

″Good for you,″ Erin mumbled and stared up to the ceiling.

″Come here,″ Jay said, stretching his arm and offering her to lay close to his side.

″Aren't you disgusted?″

″Why should I?″

″Because I just vomitted the whole content of my stomach into your toilet.″

″So what? We know it's not a stomach flu, so I don't need to worry that you infect me and you can cuddle with me. So come on,″ he winked and gave her a little smile.

She turned her head around, looked at him for a second and then snuggled closer to his side.

″But it is disgusting,″ she then sighed as he wrapped his arm around her back.

″I know,″ he said and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. ″It's just two more weeks, max.″

″Yeah. And after the morning sickness is gone, I will start to get fat,″ she complained.

″You're not going to get fat.″

″Jay, I'm sorry to break it to you, but my body won't look like this for so much longer.″

″I know how pregnancy affects the human body, Erin. But I don't care about your body changing and you shouldn't either. Because you are and always will be the most beautiful human being God has ever created. And I love you. And seeing our baby grow will only make me love you more. If that is even possible.″

She didn't answer anything, just tried to snuggle even closer to him as he placed another kiss on her hair.

″Jay,″ she then said after some moments of silence and looked up to him. ″I love you, too.″

Jay's heart flipped a little by these three little words as this was the first time she has said them since finding out she was pregnant. He took this as a progress, as a little step into the right direction.

″I know,″ he grinned, kissing her forehead again. ″How about making you something for breakfast. Maybe waffles?″ he then suggested.

″Yeah, totally. Keep on talking about that and I'm not sure whether I'll make it to the toilet in time,″ she grimaced but also had to laugh a little.

″Eating helps against morning sickness sometimes and it will maybe make you feel better.″

″You studied medicine or what? Because I highly doubt that.″

″I read an article online yesterday,″ he simply answered and a smitten smile rushed over Erin's face by the thought how much this man cared about her.

″Of course you did. You're such a nerd sometimes,″ she chuckled.

″One of us must be a nerd, otherwise you'd feel bad all morning,″ Jay winked.

″Pretty convinced, huh?″

″Absolutely. Wanna give it a try?″

″Maybe,″ she admitted.

″Okay, you stay in bed and I make you some waffles,″ he smiled, kissed her head again and then got up from the bed, slipping into a pair of sweatpants and a shirt.

″You better close the door of your kitchen because I'm really not sure whether I can stand the sweet smell of...waffles or anything else,″ she said and looked like she had to swallow hard just from thinking about it.

″Got you. Just try to relax and catch some more sleep, we still have lots of time until work,″ he said, gave her another smile and left her alone. Erin snuggled deeper into the pillows and swallowed the upcoming feeling of nausea down, hoping that her already empty stomach would stop to riot soon.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Jay's waffles surprisingly really helped to finally settle Erin's stomach and when they were in the bullpen some hours later, Erin felt almost like a normal human being. As their team building event, no one really wanted to go to, was planned for the following weekend, they all had to listen to one of Hank's speeches about how important that was. Maybe he was right but none of them was really excited to sacrifice their weekend for it. Towards the end of his speech, Roman, Burgess and Platt came up the stairs and joined them.

″You wanted to talk to us, Sarge?″ Kim asked.

″Yeah. You two are going to New Buffalo with us as Trudy gets dispense because of her upcoming wedding. We leave Friday morning at 8 in case no important case shows up, otherwise we push it one week″ he explained them and Platt nodded complaisant.

″Excuse me?″ Roman asked and his facial expression was anything but pleased and Kim also didn't look too satisfied.

″Didn't I speak clear enough?″ Hank asked back, raising his eyebrows and rising his voice.

″You spoke clear, Hank, no worries,″ Platt said immediately and gave her two patrol men a glance as if she was about going to kill them.

″Good,″ he said and crossed the room towards Platt. ″Except Erin and Burgess, you kiddos can already decide with whom you want to share a room,″ he then said with a laugh and walked down the stairs together with Platt while Burgess and Roman still stood there like some stones and felt obviously a bit awkward.

″I'd say we put Jay in a room with Voight. How about that?″ Adam joked and made them all laugh.

″Over my dead body,″ Jay laughed and shook his head.

″Why not, Jay?″ Atwater teased.

″Yeah why not?″ Ruzek also laughed.

″Don't want to be scared to get murdered in sleep, that's why," he laughed. "But seriously, no mixed rooms?″ Jay then asked and sounded a bit disappointed.

″Oh come on Jay, you will survive two nights without your girl,″ Atwater teased him even more.

″Actually you can share a room with your girl Jay, because I'm sure Kim wants to share a room with Roman anyway,″ Adam snapped from behind his desk, glanced at his ex-fiancé and made the atmosphere in the room change within one second with this statement.

″Watch what you say, Ruzek!″ Roman called and got closer to Adam's desk, raising his finger threatening while Kim just stood there and looked at the two men in disbelief and then left the bullpen towards the locker room.

″Okay, everybody keep cool now,″ Erin said, stepping between the two men and kept them from throwing their fists into each others faces.

″What? That's no secret! Just being honest and telling the truth here,″ Adam spat.

″Ruzek!″ Erin called and narrowed his eyes while looking at him. Meanwhile Antonio pulled off Roman before he was able to get to Ruzek and throw that one specific punch.

″Take a walk,″ he told the patrol men but Roman still tried to get back to Adam.

″I said: Take a walk,″ Antonio said again, a lot louder this time and guided him into the right direction.

″This is not over yet,″ he called and turned around before he went down the stairs, still guided by Antonio.

″Good!″ Adam yelled back and got up from his chair, ready to follow his opponent outside and discuss it there.

″Hey!″ Erin said loudly and pushed the young officer back.

″I got this,″ Alvin said as he came from behind, laid his hand onto Adam's shoulder and pushed him towards the roll-out with a tight grasp on his neck.

″I'll talk to Kim,″ Erin told her colleagues and left Jay, Atwater and Mouse alone.

She walked into the locker room and closed the door as she saw Kim sitting on the bench, having her knees tucked to her body and resting her head on them.

″Hey Kim,″ Erin said softly and sat down in front of her friend.

″I'm not going there. I'm definitely not going there,″ she said but it sounded more like she was talking to herself than to Erin.

″Kim, look at me.″ She lifted her head up and stared into Erin's face.

″I'm not going there,″ she repeated and shook her head vehement.

″Yeah, I got that, but now listen to me, okay?″ Erin asked and Kim nodded in response.

″We did these team building events some times before but this is the first time that Hank invites two patrol men to it. Because he appreciates the work you do for this city and this unit. You guys should feel honored. So there's no chance that you'll stay here because if you do, you will surely never become a member of this unit, you understand? This is your chance, Kim, your chance to step up. Don't miss that just because of Adam jerking around.″

″I feel honored, really Erin. But I simply can't,″ she sighed. ″I can't spend one weekend with Adam around 24/7, not with the way he's acting at the moment.″

″I know Kim. But believe me, Olinsky is already giving him a telling-off and afterwards Adam won't act like today again. Don't let a guy define the rest of your career, Kim,″ Erin said and gave her colleague a weak smile.

″I try not to. But you have no idea how hard this is, Erin.″

″You're right. I don't. I can only imagine and I have to admit, I wouldn't like to be in your shoes right now. But as I said, this is a chance you'll never get again. This is Hank's way of showing you that you guys are already a part of his team and that it's just a matter of time until you'll make it up here. Don't let this chance go,″ Erin encouraged Kim. ″Besides: I really like the thought of a girl's dorm room including eating chips and chocolate and ice cream while having midnight-talks,″ she added with a laugh and even a small smile returned to Kim's face.

″To be honest, this is the only thing I'd look forward to,″ she sighed. ″Promise me that you'll keep me from doing anything stupid there.″

″Of course,″ Erin confirmed and touched her arm.

″Thanks.″

″Hey, that's what friends are for. And now stay here for another minute, take some deep breaths, throw some water into your face and then go out, do your job and kick some asses,″ she ordered and laughed as she got up from the bench.

″I will. Uhm, thanks again Erin,″ Kim smiled before Erin left her alone in the break room.

The rest of the day and the following day, the whole team was occupied with a heavy case but at least they were able to arrest their suspects during a night bust on Tuesday night. Of course Jay was quite worried and nervous about Erin when it came to busting the drug dealers in that warehouse but as she had promised, she let him check out everything first and always stayed behind him, so everything worked out in the best way possible. Nonetheless, Jay felt quite relieved when they were back at Erin's apartment safe and sound later that night and he tried not to think about how many more times he'd maybe be so nervous within the next weeks until she'd finally sit behind a desk...

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Cheers,″

″Cheers,″ Jay said and clinked his beer bottle with the one of his brother in Molly's on Wednesday evening. ″So, any progress with you and Natalie lately?″ he asked his older brother and grinned.

″Can't we just talk about the Blackhawks, the Bulls, the Bears or the Cups?″ Will asked in response and took a long gulp from his beer.

″I assume that's a no.″

″You assume right,″ Will nodded.

″I thought things were going good. What happened?″

″I kissed her some weeks ago,″ Will shrugged, taking yet another gulp from his beer.

″Uhm what?″ Jay asked and raised his eyebrows.

″I don't think I have to explain you what a kiss is. It was a tough day, we fought a lot and in the end I simply kissed her. It was too early for her. She wasn't ready. She's still grieving and she has Owen and that's enough to deal with for her at the moment. I was stupid. And ever since...I don't know...everything changed, nothing is like it was before. We barely talk and when we do, we mostly fight. Maybe I should simply go on.″

″You know, it's really hard to go on when you have that one girl in your head all the time. Furthermore, I'd say it's impossible to find someone else as long as she's the one that you want,″ Jay told his brother and sipped on his own beer.

″I don't even know whether she still is the one that I want, Jay.″

″Oh you do.″

″What makes you think that?″

″The way you talk about her and...well, it may sound corny, but the way your face and your eyes change when you talk about her.″

″That is more than corny. What the hell is wrong with you, Jay?″ Will laughed.

″Dunno. Just saw something like that too many times in the mirror I guess,″ he shrugged.

″With the difference that you got the girl in the end,″ Will sighed, being all serious again.

″Yeah, I got the girl. But it took us two years with lots of ups and downs and we had to fight hard for it and we still have to. A relationship is lots of work and includes lots of compromises,″ he said pensivly and gave his brother a meaningful glance. Will Halstead has always been and still was the more stubborn and aggressive one of the two brothers and always wanted to go everything his way. He often made wrong decisions because of his current emotions. Jay meanwhile has always been and still was the calm and sensitive and pensive one. The one who always tried to control his emotions and think about the things he was going to do instead of simply doing it without giving a care about the possible consequences. And it was a good thing that his attitudes were like that because if his personality would just be a little more like his brother's, he and Erin would most likely clash every day as she also tended to be extremely stubborn sometimes and acted on impulse quite often.

″Maybe we should still better talk about the Bulls,″ Will simply answered and ordered a new beer.

″Yeah, obviously we should,″ Jay said and finally changed the topic as this conversation turned out to be a senseless one. He knew his brother and when he didn't want to talk about it, there was zero chance he wanted to get any advice from Jay either. It was his life after all and maybe it was really better if he figuered everything out on his own.

They talked about their favorite teams for a while but there was still one thing on Jay's mind that he wanted to ask his brother. Inconspicious. As far as it was possible to address this topic inconspicious.

″Will, I need to ask you something,″ Jay said after they had finished to talk about all kind of sports and he had finally found a way to talk about this without revealing too much. At least he thought so.

″Go ahead,″ Will replied but slightly frowned.

″Well...there's this police officer in our district. And she knows that I have a brother who's a doctor,″ Jay started. ″So she asked me whether I can ask you for advice on something.″

″Uhm, sure,″ Will answered but looked a bit confused.

″She's pregnant...and now she's not sure whether she should still be out on the streets or whether this could harm the baby, you know.″

″Why didn't she ask her doctor?″

″She did. But she wanted to have a second opinion.″

″Why didn't she simply ask another doctor herself?″ Will dug deeper.

″I don't know,″ Jay shrugged but he already started to regret that he had even asked.

″Aha. So let me get this straight: there's a female police officer in your district and instead of simply walking into Med and asking another doctor or even better, asking her Sergeant for advice, she asks you. A detective of the Intelligence Unit,″ Will noticed.

″Seems like, huh?″

″Yeah, seems like,″ Will answered, scanning his brother's face for any reaction. ″Well, I'm not really an expert when it comes to pregnancy but as long as her Sergeant allows her to be out on the streets and as long as she feels safe and good, why shouldn't she work? You know Jay, most often the worst things happen, when women change their lives immediately after finding out their pregnant instead of just simply going on. There are various reasons why women miscarry and working as a police officer isn't one of them. Of course it's dangerous but in general it doesn't harm the baby. In the end it's all up to fate anyway I guess,″ he explained his brother and gave him a way too meaningful glance.

″Uhm...well...thank you. I'll tell her,″ Jay said and stared to the beer bottle in his hands so he didn't have to look at his brother.

″Do that,″ Will nodded. He took another sip from his beer and put it back to the table, still scanning his brother attentively.

″We aren't really talking about some police officer here, are we?″ he then asked casually and Jay lifted his head a little bit too fast by his brother's question.

″Of course we do.″

″Oh come on Jay. How far along is Erin?″

″What are you talking about?″ he asked and tried to hide the nervous undertone in his voice.

″A police officer in your district. I mean, seriously?″

″Yes, seriously. I'm a nice person, so other people do ask me for a favor sometimes.″

″Jay...-″

″Erin's not pregnant,″ he interrupted his brother.

″That's your weak point right here. You're usually such a honest person what makes you a horrible liar Jay Halstead,″ he laughed and Jay slowly realized that there was no way out of this other than telling his brother their little secret.

″Eleven weeks,″ he admitted quietly.

″Wow...I mean wow! This is huge. Congratulations,″ Will smiled and clinked his bottle with Jay's.

″Thanks man,″ Jay said with a little smile and took a long gulp from his beer. This didn't go as planned. ″Listen Will, if Erin finds out that I told you, she's going to kill me.″

″Really? Didn't think your girlfriend can be so violent,″ he chuckled. ″But I'm surprised that Voight didn't kill you by now.″

″He doesn't know yet, that's why,″ Jay answered, emptying his bottle with yet another long sip.

″Aren't you supposed to tell your boss as soon as the pregnancy is confirmed?″

″Yes we are. But we only found out somewhen last week and Erin...she still needs time to accept it and she's not ready to be off the streets yet. I understand her on one hand...but on the other hand I'm worried because of all the possible dangers. She could get shot or...-″ Jay sighed before his brother interrupted him.

″Jay, easy. How many times has Erin been shot in her career?″

″Never.″

″So why should she get shot now?″

″Because the worst things always happen when you don't want them to happen.″

″Well, that sounds like it's okay when she gets shot when she's not pregnant,″ Will noticed.

″No, of course it's not!″

″Then what's the difference now Jay? What's the difference between Erin getting shot some months ago when she wasn't pregnant to now?″

″The damn difference is that it now could cause a miscarriage, Will! And although this baby is barely eleven weeks old and we only know about its existence for one week and it wasn't planned at all it is my child and I don't want anything to happen to it, you understand? Just as I don't wanna anything happen to Erin either. Neither in the past, nor now or in the future. There are days when I'm scared to lose Erin because bad things happen so fast in our job. But then I always try to remember myself that this is the life we chose. But now with the pregnancy...as long as she's still doing busts with us, I'm scared every single day, not only to lose her but also our baby. Or the both of them together,″ he said and towards the end his voice got lower and lower.

″Jay,″ Will said and his voice was softer than ever as he saw the pain in his brother's eyes. ″You're not going to lose her or the baby and she won't get shot.″

″Then she maybe gets hit by a bike again or kidnapped again,″ Jay answered and a sarcastic laughter escaped from his mouth.

″She won't get hit by a bike or get kidnapped either. Everything's going to be fine and you're going to have one gorgeous baby boy or girl in...uhm February I assume?″ Will said and gave him an encouraging smile.

″End of January.″

″January. Nice month to be born in Chicago, so warm and sunny. You guys will always be able to do garden parties for his or her birthday,″ Will laughed and this goofy statement also brought a smile back to Jay's face.

″You're right, maybe I'm way too worried and think too much about all those what-if's.″

″Maybe you should talk with Erin about it,″ he suggested.

″No,″ Jay said and slightly shook his head. ″This pregnancy is enough for her to deal with for the moment. I don't want to incriminate her with my stupid fears.″

″But maybe she would understand it and reduce her work to notifications, interrogations and desk duty.″

″She's not ready for that yet. She needs time and she needs to accept her pregnancy first and then we'll tell Voight in around two weeks. Hopefully,″ Jay said and wanted to take a sip from his beer just to recognize that it was empty.

″Sounds like this is more of a challenge than a joy right now.″

″Tell me about it,″ Jay sighed.

″Guess this wasn't planned, huh?″

″As I said earlier, it was an accident. And actually this is kind of your fault.″

″My fault? Sorry Jay, but I'm not the one who knocked her up,″ he laughed.

″But you're the one who gave her those light antibiotics that made her birth control pills stop working.″

″Yeah, the ones you asked me for Jay,″ he said and then paused. ″Wait a moment: you slept with her while she was on antibiotics?″

″Obviously,″ Jay shrugged.

″That's dumb. So it's also my fault that you guys weren't clever enough to use other forms of contraception?″ he laughed.

″We...forgot...″

″So it was basically your own fault in the end, huh? But nice try, Jay,″ he winked.

″Some things simply happen because they need to happen although we're still trying to figure out why this happened to us and why now.″

″You didn't waste any time at least.″

″Yeah. Next year would've been better. Or in two years, or three. But we can't change it now and so we take it,″ Jay said and got up from the bench, ready to go home. ″But you keep your mouth shut, you understand?″ he told his brother as the two of them walked to the bar to pay their checks.

″Well, you kinda asked me as a patient, so I'm bound to medical confidentiality. This stays between us, I promise,″ he said and gave his younger brother a pat on the back.

″Thanks,″ Jay smiled.

They paid their checks, poured down a shot each they got for free from Otis and then both went home, Will to his place a bit outside of the city and Jay straight to Erin's apartment.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Thursday morning came and it was the first morning that Erin not had to throw up or felt nauseous immediately after waking up, so she was quite in a good mood, thinking she finally overcame the disgusting part of her pregnancy. But as soon as her and Jay were in the bullpen later, a wave of nausea hit her with full force. She got up from her chair, tried her best to walk out of the bullpen as normal as possible and swallowed everything down and then literally ran to the toilet as soon as nobody could see her anymore. She only made it there narrowly and vomitted her breakfast and rests of the dinner from the evening before into the toilet. Afterwards, she grabbed some pieces of toilet paper and cleaned her mouth and took some deep breaths of air, hoping that it would help her stomach to settle. As she didn't feel too well yet, she stayed down on the floor, still inhaling and exhaling deeply, but then had to vomit again just some moments later. She cleaned her mouth again and as she then had the feeling, she was done for now, she got up, flushed everything down and stepped out of the toilet. She startled when she saw Kim standing there, casually leaning against the sink, having her arms crossed in front of her chest and having kind of a knowing glance on her face.

″So, how far along are you?″ the young patrol man asked and scanned her friend from head to toes.

″Uhm, excuse me?″ Erin asked and leaned down to the faucet, cleaning her mouth and trying to swallow the disgusting taste down.

″How far along are you?″ Kim repeated her question.

″I just caught a stomach flu or something, Kim,″ she said and grabbed another paper towel to dry her face and her hands.

″Aha,″ Kim nodded. ″A stomach flu? You sure about that?″ Kim frowned.

″Absolutely. So seriously, don't get stupid on me now, Kim,″ Erin answered, rolled her eyes and tried to walk past Kim.

″Erin, we're going to share a room this weekend. So you tell me you won't have to throw up every morning there?″

Erin stopped in her movement and sighed. Kim was right. As much as she wanted to keep this a secret for a little while longer, she most likely couldn't hide this from her friend this weekend. She turned around and looked at Kim, biting her lower lip.

″Eleven weeks today,″ she finally admitted and Kim's eyes got wide.

″Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,″ she squealed with a hysteric voice and jumped up and down in front of Erin.

″Kim!″ Erin called and looked at her as if she wanted to kill her.

″I'm sorry. It's just...congratulations,″ she smiled and hugged her friend.

″Uhm, thank you,″ Erin replied and tried to smile although she was anything but happy that her little secret was out.

″This is so exciting and awesome,″ Kim said and Erin was sure Kim had a brighter smile on her face than she herself ever had yet.

″Yeah, we'll see. Listen Kim. Nobody knows about this yet and Jay and I like to keep it that way for a little while longer. I only told you because you had a good point there. If you tell anyone I'm going to kill you. And I'm not joking around here,″ Erin said and made her point more than clear.

″Okay,″ Kim answered and swallowed. ″But shouldn't you guys tell Voight?″

″We will. After Platt's wedding. You know, let her be in the spotlight and then break the news when she's on her honeymoon.″

″Maybe not such a bad idea,″ Kim nodded and laughed.

″Yeah, we figured that too. Plus...I'm not really ready to let go yet,″ Erin admitted with a low voice.

″I understand that. But Erin, be careful,″ Kim said, giving her another smile.

″I am,″ Erin nodded and was finally able to walk past Kim.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

When Erin unlocked the door of Jay's apartment and stepped into the room in the evening, the delicious smell of fresh cooked food was in the air what kinda surprised her as they had agreed to order some takeout. As always. She threw her black jacket over the back of his couch and walked into his small kitchen. She stopped in the doorframe and watched him smilingly for some seconds as he was so concentrated, he didn't even recognize her being there. She then took the last steps towards him, wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and nestled her head up against his strong back, soaking up the smell of his cologne. She had to giggle when Jay slightly startled from the unexpected hug.

″Hey babe,″ she murmured and hugged him even closer.

″Hey there,″ he answered, turned around, crashed her smiling lips with an intense kiss and then turned around again to make sure that none of the food he made would get burnt.

″This smells so good,″ she said and stood on her tiptoes to get a glance over his shoulder onto the stove.

″I hope it is good. I kinda used up all the things in my frigde and mixed them together,″ he laughed.

″Yeah, looks like,″ she chuckled as she eyed the indefineable mingle-mangle of vegetables, meat, rice and sauce. ″So...what did you do that you cook for me?″ she asked casually into his ear and took a step to stand right next to him instead of behind him.

″Can't I just simply cook for my girlfriend without any reason?″ he asked back, looking at her.

″No,″ Erin simply answered and laughed. ″You usually only cook on special occasions, like when we were in Wisconsin or when we had our 6-month-anniversary.″

″I simply thought we had enough takeout these past few days and I needed to empty my fridge before going to New Buffalo tomorrow.″

″Okay,″ Erin just simply nodded but she still didn't really believe him. Of course Jay always cared about her and made special things for her from time to time, but cooking after a long and exhausting work day was new. Instead of asking him more questions, she opened one of the cupboards, grabbed two plates and then two spoons from the drawer, as this was more a soup than anything else, and brought them to the small coffee table in front of his couch.

″Did you pack your bag yet?″ Jay called from the kitchen.

″Yep. Already down in the car,″ she said while walking back from the living room to join him.

″Impressive,″ Jay chuckled. ″And you didn't forget anything this time?″ he teased her.

″Will tell you tomorrow after unpacking,″ she answered dryly. ″But I have my socks with me this time.″

″I'm proud of you,″ he said, giving her the sweetest grin, then took the pot from the stove and brought it to the table while Erin filled herself a glass with water.

″Er, can you bring me a glass, too?″ he called, but instead of doing so, Erin opened his fridge and grabbed one of the beer bottles, handing it to him some moments later.

″Uhm...I asked for water,″ he said, looking at the beer bottle like he has never seen one before.

″Jay, just take it,″ she said and sat down right next to him, putting her filled plate onto her lap. ″You always drink beer with your dinner and you already abstained from it the last couple of days,″ she said and Jay was quite surprised that she had recognized that little fact.

″Yeah because we both normally do but it seemed unfair...″ he explained.

″You don't have to be considerate of me. Really. It's okay,″ she shrugged but even gave him a little smile.

″Well then...but only one.″

″You can also drink two, Jay. I don't feel like drinking beer at the moment anyway. To be honest, only thinking about its taste...well, you don't wanna know,″ she sighed and rolled her eyes.

″Yeah, maybe I don't,″ he laughed while Erin already started to eat his indefineable whatever-it-was.

″This is not so bad,″ she said and sounded honestly surprised.

″Better than it looks at least,″ Jay chuckled as he put another full spoon of his dish into his mouth.

″Er, I need to tell you something,″ he said some minutes later after finishing eating.

″Do you?″ she asked him, raised her eyebrows while looking at him and put her empty plate back to the table in front of her.

″Yeah..″

″See, I know you cooked for a reason, so what is it?″

″I...uhm...I might told my brother about the baby,″ he admitted and lifted his head to look at her all innocent.

″You MIGHT told your brother?″ she echoed. ″How can you might tell your brother? I mean, did you or didn't you?″

″He knows. I really didn't do it on purpose, it just happened somehow. But he promised me not to tell anybody. I'm sorry, Er,″ he apologized, laying his hand on top of hers.

″Well, shit happens,″ she said and to Jay's surprise, her voice didn't sound as mad as he had expected it to be. ″That makes four people in all who know about this,″ she sighed.

″I'm really...″ he started but then stopped. ″Wait, did you say four people? Whom did you tell?″

″Kim. She caught me in the restroom this morning, I think she heard me vomitting several times. She immediately asked me how far along I am. I tried to deny it but given the fact that I have to share a room with her this weekend and that I most likely have to throw up there, too, I told her the truth.″

″She won't tell anyone either? Because if this comes through someone else than us...″

″She won't. I threatened to kill her if she does,″ Erin said. ″And I think she realized pretty fast that I wasn't joking around,″ she added with a chuckle.

″Badass,″ Jay laughed, kissed her and then pulled her into his embrace. She cuddled closer to him and traced small circles onto his chest with the tips of her fingers while laying in his arms.

″We're really bad at keeping a secret, aren't we?″ she asked, still not being sure how she felt about the fact that two more people knew about what was supposed to be a secret for at least two more weeks.

″We are,″ Jay admitted and placed a kiss on her hair. ″Maybe that's a sign.″

″What sign?″ she frowned.

″Maybe we should simply tell everyone else this weekend.″

″I thought we discussed that already,″ she said, got out of his embrace and sat up in front of him, her legs tucked under her body.

″At least Hank should know Erin. He deserves to know not only because he's our boss but from the personal point of view...″

″The problem is that I can't tell him in personal without that it'll influence my job.″

″And so it's better not to tell him at all?″ Jay asked and raised his eyebrows.

″For now it's better for me not to tell him. I told you my reasons Jay,″ she said but her voice sounded bugged and the tension between them was about to make a comeback.

″And I understand them and I've also accepted them, you remember? It's just...how do you think he'll react when we tell him about the pregnancy and then have to tell him that we already know for more than three weeks? Because I think he'll be mad. Really mad,″ he said while looking at her and trying not to imagine how mad Hank would actually be. And how hurt.

″He'll be mad anyway,″ she shrugged. ″And he'll be disappointed from me and disappointed from you and whatever else,″ she sighed and only now Jay realized that it was not only about the desk duty Hank would put her on immediately but that she was also scared to tell him in general.

″It's quite hard for you to tell him, right?″ he asked and his glance softened as he put his hand on top of hers.

″Maybe,″ she mumbled.

″You know it won't get easier the farther we push it away.″

″I know, but it's never easy. Neither now nor will it be easy in two weeks. I also know that Hank deserves to know but let us please keep this secret a little while longer. Or let us at least try to keep it a secret,″ she said and a small smile returned to her face by the thought how they've failed with that so far. At the same time she sent silent prayers that she wouldn't have to throw up the following morning while driving to New Buffalo because then their secret would most likely become public within seconds.

″Did I ever tell you that I hate secrets?″

″No you didn't. But I know you hate them and I truly appreciate it that you're in this with me,″ she answered, thinking about how hard this had to be for him. For the man who was the most honest person Erin ever knew. For the man who wanted to tell Hank about their secret relationship after her return from the task-force and rather risk his job with it than sneaking around any longer.

″I wouldn't do it if it wasn't for you,″ he said and glanced at her with his bright blue eyes.

″Thank you,″ she whispered, leaned in to kiss him and then snuggled onto his side again. He wrapped his arm around her again, buried his face in her hair and placed a soft kiss on the top her head before turning on the TV. They watched a documentation on Netflix but Jay didn't really pay attention. Because as much as he didn't want to push Erin into anything and wanted to give her the time she needed, he felt unbelievably uncomfortable by the thought of keeping this secret from Hank for too much longer...

As always, reviews are appreciated! :) Some time ago someone wanted to see some more scenes with the team and now it finally fits into the story, so the next chapter will mostly be some team fluff ;)