12. Sometimes Things Change

Hey,

thank you all so much for your reviews again! I was able to write this chapter faster than I thought, so here we go.. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

12. Sometimes Things Change

Erin was more than nervous when she stood in the bathroom in front of the mirror on early Friday evening and made herself ready for the barbeque with Jay's aunt and uncle. She wasn't used to get introduced with any family members and she was quite scared that they would maybe not like her, would think she wasn't good enough for him. She sighed and tried to push these thoughts away, put some make-up on and then went to the bedroom and slipped into her short, white summer dress she had bought some weeks ago while being on a shopping trip with Kim and also slipped into the fitting white casuals.

When she walked down the stairs into the living room some minutes later Jay was already waiting for her and is eyes widened in surprise when he saw her wearing the cutest dress, making her look like an actual angel.

″Wow,″ he said and smiled at her when she came across the room.

″Huh?″ she asked him and her cheeks blushed.

″You're looking incredibly beautiful tonight, baby,″ he whispered and scanned her from head to toes.

″You don't look too bad yourself either,″ she grinned at him.

″Compared to you I'm looking like a dork,″ Jay joked as he stood in front of her wearing some shorts, sneakers and a casual shirt.

″Well, so nothing new there, huh?″ she teased him and placed a little kiss on his lips before he was able to answer.

″Mhm. But seriously, dresses like this one suit you. You should really consider wearing it more often.″

″I'm not that dress-kinda-girl.″

″Have you seen yourself in the mirror today? Because then you wouldn't say that,″ he winked and kissed her again.

″Just because it looks good doesn't mean I feel good with it,″ she said thoughtful and bit her lower lip.

″Erin, you know that you don't have to wear a dress just to impress them, do you? You can easily wear shorts and a shirt if you feel more comfortable with it,″ he said and brushed a strand out of her face.

″Yeah...I know,″ she answered. ″Jay, what if they don't like me?″ she then whispered and lowered her head.

″Then we would simply leave. But this won't happen because I'm completely sure they'll like you,″ he said, giving her an encouraging smile.

″Mhm,″ she only nodded but didn't seem convinced.

″We don't have to go if you don't want to.″

″No, no. This is just the first time that I get introduced to family members as someone's girlfriend. And I think...I might be a bit scared to screw up or something...″

Jay sighed. He hasn't thought about the fact that this was her first real relationship and that the guys she used to date in her teens were not the kind of guys who introduced their girlfriend to their parents or any other family members. So it was understandable that she had some issues.

″Erin, you are the most incredible and most beautiful person I've ever met and I'm more than proud to tell them you're my girlfriend. To show them how lucky I got to have found someone like you. Someone with such a big heart and such a precious soul. Someone who makes me smile every single day. And there's no way that this person will screw anything up. Just be yourself baby. And believe me, they will love you.″

″Okay,″ she simply answered but a smitten smile surrounded her lips this time. ″But be honest with me, does this dress really look good on me? Not weird or something?″

″Do what you want, what you feel comfortable with but you're looking gorgeous and I love it.″

″Then I'll keep it on,″ she smiled.

″Good. Are you ready to go then?″

″Yes. Yes I am,″ she nodded, grabbed his hand and together they left the cabin for what would hopefully turn out to be a nice evening.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

A little more than half an hour later they got out of the car at Michael's and Susan's cabin that was also close to a lake. The house was about as big as Jay's cabin but the garden was a whole lot bigger and beautifully designed with a fountain and lots of colorful flowers.

″Not bad either,″ Erin said as Jay walked around the car to be beside her.

″Yeah, it's quite a nice place, too. Come on,″ he said and interlocked his fingers with hers. She looked down to her feet, flattened her dress with her other hand, tried to ignore her nervously beating heart, inhaled a deep breath of air and then let him pull her towards the garden gate.

An elderly man already came walking towards them, smiling brightly as he saw the young couple walking through the garden.

″Jay,″ he welcomed his nephew. ″And you must be Erin,″ he smiled as he now shook hands with her.

″I am,″ Erin smiled back at the man with the familar blue eyes and the slightly gray hair.

″Nice to meet you Erin, I'm Michael.″

″Nice to meet you, too.″

″Susan, Jay and Erin are here,″ he called towards the house as they followed him through the garden to the patio. Jay placed a kiss on the side of her head and whispered in her ear: ″Went well, huh?″

″It's a start,″ she chuckled.

Just as they arrived at the patio, a smaller woman walked through the door, smiling at them.

″Hey there,″ she greeted the two of them. ″I'm Susan,″ she introduced herself, shaking hands with Erin.

″I'm Erin, nice to meet you,″ she smiled at the woman with the brown hair and dark brown eyes and who was wearing the cutest floral dress.

″Nice to meet you Erin. Jay talked a lot about you.″

″Did he?″ Erin asked, glancing at her boyfriend and raising her eyebrows.

″Of course I did,″ Jay said, twinkling at her.

″Of course you did,″ she echoed, slightly shook her head and laughed.

″He mostly told us how amazing you are,″ Susan said and Erin felt how her cheeks blushed. Jay squeezed her hand a little tighter.

″So Jay, how about you and Michael take care of the grill and Erin helps me in the kitchen?″ she then suggested. Erin and Jay looked at each other in the same moment and almost had to giggle as they knew exactly what each of them was thinking. Erin in the kitchen was anything but a good idea.

″Uhm, I guess by talking about how amazing I am, Jay forgot to mention that I'm not really...amazing in the kitchen. Actually I'm pretty far away from it,″ she admitted.

″Oh, that doesn't matter. There's not much to do anymore,″ Susan assured. ″Come on,″ she then added and gave Erin an encouraging smile.

″Alright,″ Erin nodded. ″So much about not screwing up,″ she then chuckled into Jay's ear as she placed a kiss on his cheek and followed Susan into the house. Everything was a bit older than in Jay's cabin but it was really charming nonetheless.

″This is a really nice place, I like it a lot,″ Erin said as they walked through the living room.

″Yeah it is. We're currently thinking about moving here permanently but we're a bit afraid it won't be so special anymore. Have you been here before? At Jay's cabin?″

″No, this is the first time. He talked a lot about it and so we decided to spend our first vacation here,″ Erin told her.

″This is a special place for him. Always was. I'm glad he found someone he can share this place with,″ Susan said while smiling at the younger woman. ″You can do a salad, right?″ she then asked Erin as they entered the rural, wodden kitchen.

Hopefully, Erin thought as she really didn't want to say no and leave a bad impression after like five minutes.

″You just need to cut some tomatoes, cucumbers and peppers and then make a dressing with vinegar, oil and some herbs and spicery,″ Susan explained.

″I think I can to that,″ Erin grinned.

″I'm pretty sure you can,″ Susan said while she worked on her potatoe salat. Erin took the knife and started to slice the vegetables in front of her into small pieces.

″So, how did you and Jay meet?″

″At work.″

″You're a detective too?″

″Yeah, I am,″ Erin nodded and tried her best to stay concentrated and not cut off one of her fingers. ″We were assigned as partners three years ago. He went from being my partner, to being my best friend to being the man I want to spend the rest of my life with,″ Erin added to her own surprise. Being that open about her private life to a stranger was usually not one of the things she used to do.

″You know, we didn't have the best relationship in the past but when I saw him in New York last week he looked as happy and satisfied as he didn't since he was a child and ran through the woods out here with his brother and his niece and nephews. I'm really glad he finally found peace after everything that had happened and he had to go through. We made a lot of mistakes during the past years, treated him in a way he didn't deserve to be treated,″ she sighed.

″People often make mistakes when losing someone they loved,″ Erin answered pensivly and looked at the older woman who seemed a bit surprised about her words.

″He told you about Myles?″

″Yes, he did. He told me everything. And I'm really sorry you lost your son. I know how hard it is to lose someone you've loved. Nothing will ever be the same again and we spend the rest of our lives wondering what could have been if things were different.″

″This sounds a lot like you're familar with this, too,″ Susan noticed.

″Guess I am,″ Erin shrugged. This wasn't the direction she wanted this conversation to go.

″I'm sorry for that,″ Susan said and gave her an encouraging smile. ″But however, I think I just wanted to thank you for making Jay happy again. This is all Diane ever wanted for him.″

″He makes me pretty happy, too,″ Erin answered with a smitten smile. The two women kept on talking, mostly about Erin's job, while finishing the salads and somewhen, Jay joined them.

″What takes you so long? I'm going to starve in front of the grill full of delicious steaks,″ he complained with a laugh.

″We just had a nice chat, so it took a little longer, sorry,″ Susan explained.

″Don't be sorry Susan, he always acts like he's starving,″ Erin laughed and twinkled at her boyfriend.

″Yeah, the men in this family tend to do this quite often,″ Susan grinned.

″The steaks get black, too. Just saying though,″ Jay answered, shrugging his shoulders.

″Be patient,″ Erin laughed, grabbed the bowl filled with salad and gave him a little kiss on his cheek while walking past him towards the patio.

The evening turned out to be even better and nicer than they both had imagined. They laughed a lot, told stories about the time when Jay, Will, Izzie, Nick and Myles all have been kids. Susan and Michael also told them about Nick, his wife and their son and Izzie, who just had finished university in Sydney some weeks ago. It seemed like things between Jay and his uncle and aunt have really changed for the better. They even discussed a reunion with all of them together in the near future. And as they sat on the patio, drinking wine and telling stories, Erin couldn't help but feel being part of a real family for the first time since Camille's death. And this was more than just a nice feeling. It felt great, it felt right, it felt perfect.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

″They love you,″ Jay said in the car when they were on the way back to their cabin around midnight.

″Well, I wouldn't say they love me, but not screwing up maybe helped a little that they like me,″ she laughed.

″They love you,″ he said again, grabbing her left hand with his right and brought it up to his mouth to kiss it.

″Pretty convinced about that, huh?″ she chuckled as they now both rested their hands in the middle next to the gear stick.

″Sure.″

″What makes you so sure?″

″They told me,″ he simply answered. Erin turned her head and looked at him while he kept his gaze focused on the street, but she could see how a smile formed on his lips.

″They told you they love me?″ she asked, raising her eyebrows and glaring at him.

″Susan told me you're a keeper and I shall never let you go. And Michael said my mom would love you and you're the kind of girl she always wanted me to find,″ he said quietly. ″So believe me, they love you,″ he then added with a soft chuckle escaping from his lips.

″I can't say I love them...because you know, love is quite a big word...but I like them. A lot actually. It was a great evening Jay and we should really meet them more often. Thank you for introducing me to your family, this really means a lot to me,″ she said and squeezed his hand.

″You are a part of this family too, Erin,″ Jay answered and glanced at her with thankful, sparkling eyes for a moment.

″Family,″ she nodded, turned her head around and gazed out through the window, watching the dark woods passing by.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

The following days of their vacation passed by faster than they wanted them to pass and they enjoyed every moment with each other as intensive as possible. Of course Jay had some plans and more surprises, so one day, they went to a place that offered white-water rafting and they had too much fun rafting down the river. On another day, Jay took her to a horse farm that was about twenty minutes away from their cabin and they went for a hack through the woods with Jay showing her some more of his favorite places from his childhood. Erin learned from the farmer, Bill, that this farm once burnt down and it was teenage Jay who spent every single minute of his holidays there that summer to help to rebuild it without asking for a single dollar. He had even declined the money they had offered him. For that reason Bill called him a saint and now took care of Jay's garden at the cabin and Erin smiled brightly while listening to the old farmer's story because this was just 100% Jay. The man who always cared more about the well-being of others than his own.

On their last day, they went for a little hike at another lake in the morning and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening with relaxing in the sun as much as possible, trying to soak all these little moments in and keep them in their minds for the months to come.

Jay woke up first on the morning where they had to leave their little paradise. He stretched his body and turned around to Erin's side of the bed. It seemed like she was still asleep, but when he gazed at her Jay immediately knew she was just pretending to do so as a smile appeared on her lips.

″Good morning beautiful,″ he mumbled into her ear and then placed a soft kiss on her smiling lips.

″Not sure whether this is a good morning,″ she disagreed as her eyes flew open.

″Why not?″ he frowned.

″Because we have to leave today. And I really could stay here a little while longer,″ she sighed.

″Not missing work?″

″Not as much as I thought. Being here with you is simply a hundred times better than work,″ she smiled up to him.

″I told you it's a nice place to retire one day,″ he grinned back.

″Yeah it really is. In 30 years or something.″

″We can come here for weekend getaways anytime.″

″I think this might be an option,″ she laughed and cuddled closer to him, resting her head on his muscular chest. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders while his fingers went up and down her spine and she even dozed off again while laying in his embrace and enjoying his soft touches.

″Come on baby, we really have to get up,″ he mumbled into her hair one hour later.

″Noooo,″ she sighed.

″It's 8.30 already, we still have to pack, to load the car and to clean the house. When we stay in bed any longer we won't make it to Chicago before rush hour.″

″I don't wanna hear this and I don't care,″ she chuckled, softly tickling his abs.

″Well, I have my methods to get you out of bed,″ he said with a nasty grin and started to tickle her waist.

″Stop it!″ she immediately said in between giggles and gasps for air. But of course Jay didn't stop so her only way to escape was by jumping out of the bed. Just like she always did when he started his attacks.

″Told you so,″ he smirked.

″Sometimes I really hate you Jay Halstead,″ she said, eyed her pillow for a moment and grabbed it with one fast move.

″Don't you dare,″ Jay laughed but the pillow already hit his head. It came so fast and unexpected, he didn't have the slightest chance to catch it. He grabbed Erin's pillow and his own one and threw them back to her, hitting her with both of them. Of course she didn't waste a second and threw them back again, letting a real pillow fight with tons of giggles and laughters occure. Erin felt like a child but somehow it felt damn good. The last time she has had a pillow fight was when her and Teddy were kids and Erin had tried her best to entertain her little brother and distract him from their broken family, their addicted mother and her abusive boyfriends. Of course it was also fun back then but it was more a forced kind of fun. But now, doing this childish pillow fight with Jay, she felt that kind of happiness again she didn't know existed until some short months ago.

Somewhen their fight turned more into hugging and kissing and when they started to undress each other they knew for sure that they wouldn't make it back to Chicago before rush hour. But this was the last thing they cared about right now.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Erin, breakfast is ready,″ Jay called up the stairs one hour later. She didn't answer, so Jay called her again.

″Erin!″

″Yeah, keep cool,″ she answered and came down the stairs some moments later, joined him on the table. Jay frowned when he saw her. There was barely any color in her face and the smile on her lips and sparkle in her eyes were gone.

″Are you ok?″ he asked her with a worried undertone in his voice.

″Yeah...uhm...just got a call,″ she said and pointed to the phone she had placed on the table right next to her plate.

″Bad news?″ Jay asked although he could already tell from her behaviour that it surely weren't any good ones.

″I don't know yet,″ she shrugged but didn't look at him.

″Someone from your past?″ he dug deeper.

″Uhm...yeah...somebody that I used to know.″

″You need help dealing with it?″

″Jay, I don't know yet! So please, leave it.″ Her voice was rising and she sounded bugged. She covered her head in her hands and looked down at her plate, then pushed it away.

″Sorry but I can't eat right now,″ she said, got up, walked up the stairs again and left him alone.

″What the hell?″ Jay quietly said to himself. He got up, too and started to clean the table as he had lost all the desire to eat. These past days have been the best days of his life, and now, on the last morning, it all got destroyed because Erin's past was catching up with her again?

Jay got even more worried when she later took the passenger's seat on her own will after they had loaded the car. That wasn't the Erin he used to know. That call obviously must've been more than just bad news.

The atmosphere in the car on the way back to Chicago was just as tense and awkward as it had been on their drive to Wisconsin some days ago. Erin didn't say a word and stared out of the window. Jay didn't say anything either as she apparently didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to let him in. So any kind of conversation would only lead to a fight.

″I'm sorry,″ Erin somewhen said and looked at him for the first time in hours.

″Wanna tell me what's going on?″

″Maybe. But not now,″ she said and laid her hand on top of his. They did sort of small-talk for the remaining two hours of their drive but it was far away from the way they usually talked with each other.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Home sweet home,″ Jay said when locking up the door of her apartment in the evening, placing her bags in the hall.

″Yeah, back to reality,″ Erin said, rubbing her tired looking eyes.

″I'll just bring up my bag, too and then we can maybe order some food and watch a movie before reality really hits us again tomorrow. What do you think?″ he asked her and smiled, trying his best to somehow bring them back to a normal level.

″Don't be cross with me, but I'd like to be alone,″ she said and as she gazed to him, she saw something dropping from his face. Most likely the happiness that has been there the past week.

″Erin, what the hell is going on?″

″Not now Jay. I have to figure things out, first. So please, go. I need some time for myself tonight,″ she explained but Jay still glared at her in disbelief.

″You know what? Do what you want,″ he answered with a voice that was hearable hurt, shook his head and then left her apartment by slamming the door.

Back at his own apartment, Jay did his laundry and ordered some food just as he had planned to order for him and Erin. After the delivery guy had brought it, he took a bottle of beer from the frigde, sat down on his couch and turned the sports channel of his TV on. He tried not to think about Erin's weird behaviour but she had hurt him once again. And that after a week where everything was more perfect than ever before. Where he has been happier than ever before. Where they've been closer than ever before. Her strange and weird behaviour once again made absolutely no sense. She started to build up walls again just when he thought they were past this point and were able to talk with each other when something happened. But right now it didn't seem like things had changed at all.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

When Jay arrived at the bullpen the following morning, Erin wasn't there yet. Everybody asked him about his vacation and he tried his very best to look happy while telling his team mates about the past eight days. The woman, who was the reason that all the beautiful memories have already faded, walked into the bullpen almost an hour late, wearing sunglasses and having a cup of coffee in her hand. Usually she always brought Jay a coffee, too, when they haven't spent the night together and she has stopped by their favorite coffee shop. But not this time. She walked straight to the locker room and Jay tried his best to look as casual as always when he got up from his chair to follow her. As Hank didn't order her into his office immediately, he assumed she must've told him she'd be late.

″Not even a good morning?″ he asked her as she put her jacket into the locker. She turned around and looked at him, still being as pale as the day before. And her eyes even looked like she has cried.

″Good morning,″ she shrugged.

″Wow, awesome,″ he answered sarcastically.

″Jay what do you want? Because this is really not the right time to be the offended boyfriend,″ she said, rubbing her temples with her fingers.

″I didn't want to be the offended boyfriend, Erin. I wanted to be the caring boyfriend. Because this is the time for me to be caring boyfriend,″ he simply answered, scanning her for her reaction. She stared down to the floor and then grabbed her gun and her star, putting it onto her belt.

″I...I can't do this right now,″ she said and walked past him.

″Erin,″ he said and held her back on her arm. ″Talk to me,″ he almost whispered and his eyes begged for an explanation.

″I can't,″ she quietly said, still locking eyes with him. When she saw the pain in them, she lowered her head.

″Why can't you talk to me? What did I do to you, Er? Huh?″

″Nothing,″ she shrugged.

″Then why do you act like I did something terribly wrong?″

″Okay, I tell you now and I tell you once: you didn't do anything wrong. Satisfied?″

″No,″ Jay simply answered.

″Then I can't help you,″ she snapped.

″Erin, what the hell is going on? Don't you trust me?″ he asked her again, tightening his grasp around her arm supportingly.

″I...I...″ she spluttered before Antonio walked in and interrupted them.

″Guys we have a new case, we gotta roll now,″ he said, giving the couple an awkward glance.

″Got it,″ Erin answered and followed her colleague before she had explain anything and Jay could ask anything again.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Their case turned out to be a heavy one. A 70-year-old woman has been killed in execution style in one of the nicest parts of the city. It was Erin's and Jay's job to do the notification with the victim's 75-year-old husband who's been married with her for 40 years, so the whole thing turned out to be an emotional rollercoaster for all of them. They learned that his wife did some things wrong in her past and that this was maybe about her past catching up on her after 45 years.

The only good thing this case provided was that Erin and Jay started to talk normally with each other again during the day while talking with witnesses and following leads although it was of course just about the case. They may had some struggles with their private life due to Erin's weird behaviour, but they were nonetheless able to work together as good as always and didn't show anyone about their private problems.

Jay didn't try to talk to her again throughout the day. It didn't make any sense and they were preoccupied with their case anyway. But when she left the bullpen early in the evening, telling everybody she had something important to deal with, he got worried again. Worried that she would meet someone from her past she better shouldn't meet. Worried that she would go somewhere without back-up. Worried that she would do something stupid.

When he left the bullpen two hours later, he drove straight to her place. They needed to talk. They needed to talk without someone interrupting them and giving her the chance to run away. He went up the stairs and stopped in front of her door, inhaling deeply. Maybe he wasn't ready for whatever was going on, most likely he wouldn't like whatever was going on. But he knew one thing for sure: he'd be there for her no matter what.

After knocking on her door for what felt like five minutes, she finally opened it. She looked miserable, had her hands covered in the big pockets of the hoodie she was wearing and had her hair tied up in a messy ponytail.

″You lost your key?″ she asked him.

″Nope. Didn't think you'd appreciate it when I just walk in here as always,″ Jay shrugged.

″Mhm,″ she nodded.

″Can I come in?″ he asked while scanning her face. She was pale, her eyes looked tired. She didn't say anything but went out of the doorway and let him into her apartment.

″Wanna sit down?″ Erin asked him when they were standing in her living room in an awkward silence.

″I'm fine.″

″Wanna drink something?″ she then asked the man who stood there like some stone, having his arms crossed in front of his chest.

″Damn it Erin! No I don't wanna drink. I want to know what the hell is going on with you again!″ There was no time for small talk and his patience was gone for hours now. He didn't want to waste any more time with talking about nonsense.

″Nothing,″ she shrugged and kept her gaze focused on the wodden pattern of the floor.

″Not this again.″ His voice was hard as he spoke and he slightly shook his head. ″That call you got, who was it? Someone from your past? Are you in trouble?″

″No,″ she just answered.

″Erin talk to me. I'm here and whatever or whoever it is, I'll be with you and help you to get it handled.″

″There's nothing to handle, Jay. I'm fine.″

″You're not. And after last week I really thought we are past the point where you start to build up walls again and retreat into your shell. I'm here Erin, you can rely on me,″ he said quietly as his voice and his eyes softened. Erin bit her lower lip with her teeth and sighed.

″Jay there never was a call,″ she finally admitted.

″Excuse me?″ he asked.

″There never was a call.″

″So you lied to me?″ he asked with a stunned voice, raising his eyebrows.

″Basically,″ she shrugged, still trying to avoid eye-contact with him.

″And why did you do that?″ The sound of his voice let Erin look up to him and she could tell from his eyes that she had once again hurt him.

″Because sometimes things change.″

″What is that supposed to mean?″ he frowned.

″I...it's...complicated. Wait a moment,″ she mumbled, shuffled to her bedroom and came back some seconds later.

″So?″ he asked again, eagerly waiting for her to finally tell him what was going on and why she shut him out of her life once again.

″I just got another proof that my life is one damn accident. That bad things apparently happen to bad people.″ It didn't seem like she wanted to say anything more and Jay started to get more and more annoyed by her talking in secrets and being so distant.

″Erin, WHAT happened?″ Jay dug deeper. He was sick and tired of her dancing around and he wasn't sure how much longer he was able to held his anger back and stay calm. Her distant behaviour bugged and hurt him. Whatever was going on in her life, he wanted to help her, to be there for her, but once again it seemed like she didn't let him.

″This happened,″ she mumbled, pulled something out of her pockets and threw it to him. As he didn't expect it, he only caught it narrowly. His heart started to race in his chest, he felt hot and cold at the same time and had to take a deep breath of air when he glanced at the small white stick in his hand that showed a clear, pink plus in the middle of it...

Well...I had this idea from the moment I started to write this story but I wasn't really sure whether I want to go into this direction now already.

Ah, and I know I kept the family dinner quite short, but no worries, I won't forget about Jay's family and they will stay a part of this story and make appearances there and then.

As always, please tell me what you think! :)