Chapter 4

Shmi Skywalker hadn't left Coruscant since she had brought her son to the Jedi – and herself as well. It had taken her much too long to recognize that she wasn't just taking Anakin where he belonged but coming home as well. Shmi's family, the parents whose voices or faces she couldn't remember, had traveled the stars. Shmi had been born in the wake of a supernova and while she had fooled herself into thinking that Tatooine would be enough for her, had tried to come to terms with her imprisonment of the small planet, it couldn't possibly have ever been enough. Not now when she knew so much more about the galaxy and everything that tied life together.

I told you, they hummed in amusement, almost a little too sharp as if they were ridiculing her. Yours, mine, ours, you were born for this, will always be, return and remember and see-

Something had changed in the last weeks. Shmi had been able to taste it on her tongue the same way she had when the dust had settled in her lungs after swallowing the air, trying to keep the screams at bay when she gave birth to Anakin. The Force was waiting for something, contemplating perhaps. It had talked less to her, or perhaps Shmi had become better at filtering their words.

"Look like a Padawan you do now," Yaddle said, taking in Shmi's image.

Shmi still kept her hair up, tied together securely as she had on Tatooine. Now, however, one long braid marked her as a Padawan of the Order. It was no chain as she had thought in the first weeks with the Jedi, but a mark of achievement.

"Your lightsaber, strong it is as well?"

"Yes, Jaieh," Shmi replied and turned on the blade of fire.

When she had come her to Ilum, a desert made of ice, and held her crystal for the first time, she had thought of burns. She had wanted to take her crystal and assemble a blade strong enough to cut through everything. The violence of her own thoughts had surprised her. Fantasies of such cruelties were nothing new to her, hatred lingered in her bones deeper than any Jedi wisdom ever could, or so she had thought. She had survived because of her hatred, had loathed her Masters enough to not want to give them the satisfaction. But at the temple, surrounded by peace and family, she had almost forgotten what she was capable of.

Her Gathering had reminded her of it, as did the color of her blade.

Shmi turned it on and, on instinct, fell into the first defensive position Yaddle had taught her in the past days. The bright orange of her lightsaber reminded her of the twilights on Tatooine, the early hours when she had already been up longer than she had bothered to care, watching the sunrise. Her weapon was the color of the desert. Shmi had been made for something grander than it, but she could have died there so many times.

Her lightsaber was a befitting reminder of what control was.

"Good this is," Yaddle said. "Spar, we should, hm? Train you a little more. Can't have Master Dooku thinking that my Padawan is anything less than excellent."

Her teacher smiled at her and Shmi grinned right back, joy tickling her spine and straightening her posture. She had learned self-defense at the temple. Every Jedi knew it, it was a part of their tradition, of Shmi's tradition. Nobody that was a part of their Order should ever be left defenseless. They may choose not to engage in combat, but they needed to know how to protect themselves.

"I am ready," Shmi replied and jumped into action, a fierce and wild thing.

Burning bright, sandstorm, death, all the hatred in the world and you are a delight.

Shmi had seen darkness and she knew better than to drown in it.

X

"I have a bad feeling about this," Obi-Wan said as he handed Anakin a snack.

Qui-Gon wanted to throw his Padawan out of the airlock.

He knew better than to disregard Obi-Wan's bad feelings, had learned that particular lesson painfully, and the fact that Anakin too seemed to agree with Obi-Wan's assessment didn't sit well with Qui-Gon. It was one thing for Obi-Wan to pick up on a disturbance in the force, another for Anakin to do the same. Anakin struggled with focusing and filtering through all the sensations the Force showed him. It was comparable to hearing an orchestra play, but instead of listening to just one, Anakin could tune in all of them at the same time and whereas some Jedi struggled to hear just the drums of one set, Anakin struggled to reduce it to one orchestra in particular. Whenever he did know something precisely, it tended to be important.

"Do you want to stay on the ship?" Qui-Gon asked. "I can do this on my own."

Obi-Wan scowled at him and Anakin too sent him a little glare, though it was adorable on his face. Force, they were really taking a nine-year-old child who, by all means, should be an Initiate still, on a mission.

And it was a mission that was bound to go wrong soon.

"Just stick close to me," Qui-Gon instructed. He still was the team leader for this mission given that it was Anakin and Obi-Wan's first time out of the temple together. They needed practice too get used to one another in surroundings that were not their home. It was expected that they did little more than stand back and observe, learn each other's habits. Then again, most Master and Padawan duos hadn't already spent years adjoined at the hip before they officially became a pair. Obi-Wan's friend Quinlan and his Padawan Aayla might be the only exception besides his own Padawan that Qui-Gon knew of.

"And Anakin, please no comments about what you think the members of the Trade Federation are up to," Qui-Gon added.

Anakin had mostly stopped blurting out what other people thought or felt, but that was when it came to Jedi who knew how to shield their minds. His practice with civilians was limited. It was one of the reasons Qui-Gon believed they perhaps needed to integrate their younglings a little more with the common civilians. Admittedly, it had been Shmi who had brought up how disconnected the Jedi were from the galaxy, though she too was admitting that it couldn't be blamed on the Order itself, their integration into the Republic wasn't as good as some might think it to be. However, Qui-Gon found himself agreeing more and more with Anakin's mother. Where she had been shy to speak up first, she certainly wasn't anymore. He wondered what exactly she would do now that Anakin and Obi-Wan were bound to leave the temple more and more often.

Then again, little Ahsoka Tano was also still running around.

"I know, Master," Anakin replied.

Qui-Gon nodded once. "Good."

Then the three of them boarded the ship of the Trade Federation.

All in all, it took a surprisingly long amount of time for the mission to go to hell. Qui-Gon had almost gotten his hopes up that whatever Anakin and Obi-Wan were sensing would take place after their negotiations, but he had been wrong.

X

Anakin was quiet when they touched down on Naboo. His silence gave Obi-Wan more reason to worry than he admitted to his Master. He loved Qui-Gon, he really did, but even Shmi had a hard time grasping the concepts Obi-Wan tried to explain to her when he attempted to verbalize his emotions and feelings when it came to his bond with Anakin. If he said something to Qui-Gon, he'd demand explanations Obi-Wan didn't know how to give and so he kept quiet. Anakin was always loud in one way or another. Either he was shouting, chatting, singing, or humming – he didn't enjoy total silence. Oi-Wan suspected that it made him stray too far or get lost in his own head – or the Force.

There seldom was a difference for Anakin.

And if he wasn't making any physical noises, he was tugging at invisible piano strings, not playing any songs, not yet perhaps, but just watching them vibrate, attempting to figure out what it would mean if he pulled at them any stronger, creating an actual melody.

Now Anakin was silent, awaiting something.

Is everything alright? Obi-Wan asked him quietly as Qui-Gon negotiated with the Gungan leader.

Obi-Wan hoped they could omit that in their report. Using mindtricks was always followed by a sharp questioning to ensure there had been no abuse of powers. It wasn't exactly fun and prolonged every report by too many hours and pages.

I'm fine, Anakin replied, though he sounded absent as if he were reaching for something, or someone distant.

Your mother is alright, Obi-Wan reassured him. He wasn't sure what exactly Shmi was up to, but she was likely causing troubles again. She was very much Anakin's mother in that regard.

I know, Anakin said, amusement coloring him like a spring a meadow with beautiful flowers.

Anakin's silence continued until they reached the Theed Palace. Not even the exciting chase through the planet's core startled him particularly, nor did he comment on the Gungan Qui-Gon had to drag with them. Obi-Wan hoped he turned out to be useful, otherwise he was going to go mad or do something he regretted.

Or perhaps not, Obi-Wan thought as Jar Jar all but slammed into him, almost driving them off course.

The palace complex was covered by enemy droids. It was already worse than they had anticipated after seeing the droids on the ship and in the city. Making their way through the city had been difficult, especially with the Gungan and Anakin in tow. Anakin was good at hide and seek, his ability to disappear in the Force – or become one with them, Obi-Wan couldn't differentiate it and probably would never be able to do so on his own until he too would pass away – was terrifying, but he was still a child.

And this was his first mission.

And it was kind of getting out of hand.

Obi-Wan had looked forward to a trade dispute as much as one could. He thought it would be something nice and easy, a way for Anakin to learn how to spread his wings without knocking anybody over. He had been wrong.

Stay here, Obi-Wan called out the split second before he and Qui-Gon jumped down from the bridge on the palace's second level, right into the fray.

They quickly dispatched the droids and once they were done-

Oh, there your are, complete, oh look, how bright, how grand, change, and change, and how it must be-

Obi-Wan almost fought the urge to press his hands against his ears. He had gotten used to the noise that came with the Force, but nothing could quite compare to a four-year-old mentally slamming all they were into your shields, ripping them down because they didn't know any better, but it was still overwhelming. Obi-Wan turned to see what exactly had happened. They were still running, Anakin by his side, except that his Padawan was not really paying any attention to Obi-Wan or the battle at large but instead to one of the handmaidens?

Before Obi-Wan could waste another second thinking on it, they were attacked once more. Getting the ship to safely leave the hanger and then getting that ship out of the atmosphere was much more action than was good for his blood pressure, especially with the Force celebrating as if the universe itself had only just now been created once more and they were watching their new child with delight.

It was only after, once they had gotten out of the Trade Federation's range, hyperdrive only barely intact, but intact regardless, that Obi-Wan could relax enough to take a deep breath and pay Anakin his full attention again.

Anakin, who was still sticking close to the handmaidens, now talking to them. While Qui-Gon discussed their next course of action with the captain, Obi-Wan tugged at his bond with his Padawan

Anakin?

Anakin turned away from the handmaidens to look at Obi-Wan and his expression fit they sheer joy the ship was brimming with. The atmosphere itself clashed almost harshly with the horror and grim fate they had just left behind.

Anakin rushed over to Obi-Wan and threw himself into his Master's arms, eyes wide and bright and filled with stars.

Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan, do you see her? Anakin asked excitedly.

Who?

The girl, the handmaiden, the flower child, she's grand and can't you see how the universe is shifting-

Anakin was shifting, his words becoming less tangible, more emotions and impressions, flickering images of hope and glory, and a wisp of colors.

"Real words, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, feeling his headache build up.

Anakin paused, then crossed his arms as he tried to think of a proper reply. It was a real struggle for him, annoyance projecting openly as Anakin began to pout.

"She's wizard," he finally sighed in defeat.

He glared at Obi-Wan like he was offended that Obi-Wan was forcing him to communicate on a sentient level instead of letting him properly express how taken he was with this handmaiden. Any descriptions in Basic that Anakin could think of were doing her a disservice. It was a little adorable actually,

However, Anakin's reaction reminded Obi-Wan just a little too much of the way Anakin had talked and acted around Ahsoka when she had been brought to the temple. He was happy and excited and utterly convinced that this Padmé would create something grand. For Anakin to use such vocabulary, Padmé was going to create something planet-crushing.

Well, that only meant that they had to keep an eye out for her.

The rest of the trip to Coruscant worked out suspiciously peaceful. There were no further complications and Obi-Wan for one was glad to see Coruscant as he had never been. Anakin had, as predicted, spent quite a lot of time around Padmé and the handmaidens. While they has kept to themselves at first, over the course of the days, they had all but adopted Anakin as one of their own. It was easy to forget how young all of them were with Anakin dressed in his Jedi robes and the Queen and handmaidens wearing clothes and make-up that made them look much older. Around Anakin though, with his childish curiosity, they had been able to drop their acting at least a little, behaving more like the girls they were instead of planetary representants. When the Jedi left the Naboo entourage on the landing platform on Coruscant to be taken into protection by the Senate guards, their own senator absent as he was stuck in a meeting with Chancellor Valorum, they shared a heartfelt farewell, trading comm numbers if Obi-Wan saw correctly.

For their sake, and that of the galaxy at large, Obi-Wan hoped that their Senate hearing would go well.

After they had said their goodbyes, Anakin excitedly enumerated all the things he'd tell his mother about their first mission.

He somehow failed to mention that his mother was on a mission of her own, and Obi-Wan didn't even learn about it until he stood in front of the Council, his Padawan to his left, his master to his right as they reported to the assembled council – minus one Master Yaddle, who had seen it fit to take her new Padawan to Ilum and then some.

X

Shmi and Yaddle managed to track down Dooku to a small planet far in the Outer Rim. The moment their shuttle touched down, Shmi was overwhelmed by a lingering sensation of grief. She knew this feeling, had experienced it herself so often. This world was just like Tatooine, rotten to the core.

"Teacher, are you sure he is here?" Shmi asked quietly.

She didn't want to stay on this planet any longer than she had to.

"Sure I am," Yaddle replied.

She was frowning, Shmi could tell she was reaching out with her mind before retreating into herself, building up stronger walls than she had before. The pain of this world was not easy to endure.

"Dissatisfied Dooku has become with the Order. Too ineffective we are, too blind."

Yaddle's voice was neutral but Shmi could feel her pain all the same. The Jedi were many things, but mostly, Shmi had found, they were struggling in a galaxy that seemed keen on tearing itself apart. It hurt to see something you adored so much harm itself beyond any reason. The Jedi hadn't become apathetic or forgotten their path, they were simply exhausted and too few to attend to all infections.

"Many years he has spent on worlds such as this one," Yaddle continued. "Let go of the suffering he cannot anymore. Teach him how to let go we will again."

And then her Teacher took her first steps into this world, leaving the security of their ship and walking the streets. This part of the planet didn't look too bad. The city was large and there were many lights, people dressed in nice clothes. It reminded Shmi of the streets just before the marketplace where the slaves would be sold. People would walk around there, happy and laughing, dressed nicely all while ignoring the crying parents and children just a few meters away from them.

"See the darkness, do you?" Yaddle asked. "Can lead us to it?"

Shmi only nodded in agreement and followed the screams no one was willing to listen to. She walked further into the city, deeper into it, where the buildings didn't look pretty anymore but instead became broken down constructions. Sentients of all species were lingering deep in the shadows, hoping these new strangers wouldn't come to hurt him-

Far enough, no further, do not rush, do not immerse-

Shmi twitched and receded back into her own mind, refocusing. It was ridiculous that she still needed to be warned like that. Anakin was a child and had already grown far beyond his other parent's guidance, not needing such explicit instructions. Or perhaps he had never needed them at all, being raised the way he was.

Shmi came to a stop in front of a warehouse.

"Here," she said quietly. "He's here."

"Then here we must go."

Shmi had asked Yaddle many questions over the years, but she'd never forget the conversation they had had over Yoda's favorite saying. Shmi had been unable to understand it then, the difference between when the Jedi perceived as trying and what she had thought of. For a Jedi there was only what must be and what could not be allowed. You had to decide which path to take every day, least of all you stumbled and fell off the road into the darkness lingering below, distracting.

"We must," Shmi repeated and watched as Yaddle simply walked through the front door of the warehouse.

Immediately upon stepping inside, multiple blasters were pointed at them. The group assembled inside was of mixed ages, genders, and species and in its middle stood a man in dark robes. If not for their cut, Shmi wouldn't have recognized them as Jedi robes.

"Master Yaddle," the man, Dooku as Shmi came to realize, said, surprise echoing in his voice. "What are you doing here?"

"Look for a wayward Master we can we not?" Yaddle replied almost cheerfully.

The bantering seemed to call the surrounding people down as they lowered their blasters. They still eyed them warily but didn't seem to perceive them as a threat anymore. How strange, Shmi had never trusted so easily.

"You can," Dooku answered. "I just didn't expect it… In any case, who is your companion, Master?"

Dooku now turned to look at Shmi and studied her with keen eyes. It seemed like he could see right through her and any and all secrets she might have wanted to keep to herself.

"Master Dooku, meet my Padawan Shmi Skywalker," Yaddle introduced.

"Padawan?"

Dooku's eyes flickered to her braid, uncertain. "Forgive me, Padawan, but you don't strike me as a child."

"I am not," Shmi replied, her voice like durasteel.

She had earned this, she had worked hard to come this far and she would not let anybody, not even a Master of the Jedi Order, question her place. Yaddle had assured her that she was right where she was supposed to be and that was enough for Shmi. She had learned how to trust herself and this path in the crystal caves of Ilum. She had a lightsaber, she was meant to be a Jedi.

"But I am a Jedi," Shmi continued. "It is nice to finally meet you, Teacher."

"Teacher?"

"You are a Jedi, are you not? Then you are a teacher." This too Shmi had learned early on. The Jedi were proud, not prideful, and the happiest when they could teach. It was one of their core tenants, known to all but never verbalized: give all you know and have learned to the next generation so they may do better.

"And I have looked forward to meeting you. I have spent the last five years chasing Qui-Gon out of my kitchen. My son is a better cook than him, Obi-Wan is a better cook and I fear that boy has ruined two of my pans."

For all that Dooku was keen to keep a neutral expression, he couldn't hide the surprise flashing over his face. "You know my Padawan and his student?"

Shmi nodded.

"I do, Obi-Wan has been knighted recently and has taken my son as his Padawan. The two of them are on a mission right now, together with Qui-Gon."

Only silence followed Shmi's statement. She knew Dooku wasn't close to any other members of his lineage, otherwise she would have met him by now, or at least talked to him once. This too, it seemed, needed fixing.

Shmi had been mending clothes and wounds deeper than any lightsaber could cut for years.

Break and purge the poison, heal the decay, the rot. Oh, beloved, the Force snickered. Do you see why I chose you?

I do, Shmi replied and then, because she was feeling vicious, added, and yet you never gave me a choice.

The Force, she imagined, at least had the decency to act a little apologetic, sadness rising up like the winds before a storm.

What is, is and what must be, will be. What never should have, but once was-

"You are needed at the temple, Teacher," Shmi said out loud, her hands clasped firmly at her back because this was not a battle and she was not in danger.

We weep, we wept, we begged and snarled in anger-

There was no point to lingering on what she could not change.

She was a Jedi, she moved forward.