Artemis : The Life of an Idiot Prince

"Brother! Brother Artemis! Get up!"

I faintly heard these words as I felt something heavy land on my chest.

"Uggh." I grumble as I slowly get up and rub my eyes.

For fucks sake, why does he always have to wake me up like this? Does he always have to attack me?

I finally rose from my slumber and struggled to get my little brother off of my chest.

"Leo, please move." I plead to my 8 year old brother.

"Only if you wake up!!"

"I get it, I get it, I'm already up, so get off me already."

"Okay!!" Leo hops off of me as well as my bed.

As I finally was able to sit up and get out of bed I scanned my room. In the corner of my grandiose chambers, the object of my current frustrations came into view. Er-well not object, but person.

"Anna, why did you let Leo into my room? Didn't I ask you to let me sleep in?" I asked my maid, who was leisurely sitting in the corner of my room.

"Ehh? Did you ask me to do that, your highness Artemis? Ummm, I must have forgot, Teehee! Well it doesn't matter anyway, his highness Leo is so cute I could never turn him down." She replied with a gleeful voice, blissfully unaware that she had done anything wrong in the first place.

I was left speechless at her stupidity, or not… unfortunately, I am very used to it, so this does not surprise me in the slightest.

I took a deep breath to quell my annoyance. Then I pat my little brother Leo on his cute little head.

"Hey kiddo, do you mind waiting outside for me? I need to change quickly."

I received a huge, happy nod in response, as he sprinted outside.

Once I heard the door shut I turned to my maid.

"Anna, do not let other people into my room without my permission, even my siblings or other relatives. As a prince I have many enemies, including family members, who wish me harm. I already have to be on guard all day, I don't want to sleep with one eye open as well." I pleaded, knowing deep down that this wouldn't matter.

"Aha, umm, I know that you aren't as smart as others, your highness, but you can't sleep with one eye open, it's impossible."

The moment I heard this I smashed my head on my wall in sheer infuriation at the stupidity of her statement. Of course you can't sleep with one eye open, you dumbass! It's an analogy!!! And is that the only thing you got out of what I said? What about my possible assassination? Isn't that slightly more important?!

"No! Your highness! You cannot do that to your head! You will make yourself more dumber!"

I held my head in both hands, sulking. I'm not the dumb one! Besides, that wasn't even proper grammar.

"Haaaa." I released a deep sigh.

I turned to my maid with a large smile on my face.

"Thank you Anna, I didn't know that. Ah, could you please leave me alone for a moment to get changed?"

Anna's face lit up at the praise.

"Don't worry your highness, that's why I'm here! Also, I can help you change!"

"No thanks, I'm fine on my own."

Anna looked slightly crestfallen at my rejection. Sorry, but I don't like people who are idiots.

Anna finally left. Thank god.

Hello, I am Artemis Nix. I am the first prince of the Nix kingdom and currently first in line to the throne. Sounds great doesn't it? Well except for a few things, one, I don't want to be king. Do you have any idea how fucking hard of a job being a king is? Fuck that, I don't wanna work 24/7 with no holidays. I would hate to be tied down and forced to work for this shitty kingdom. I'm just gonna use the free money I get from here to move out and start a family. A beautiful wife, lovely children, the whole package. Or something, I don't really know what I wanna do.

Anyway, the second thing is that everyone around me… are fucking IDIOTS! Now I'm not talking just being a little slow, or not being able to read the room. They are so stupid, I cannot fathom how they are this dumb. Maybe it's all the inbreeding and shit from the nobles that got us to this point, but that doesn't matter at this point, we are past the point of no return.

The third thing? My nickname. I have the brilliant title of the imbecile prince, or the meatheaded mad-prince, or simply the Idiot prince or stupid prince, and many more… Now, you might say. Artemis, isn't that like reaaaaaly hypocritical? Didn't you just spend the last 5 minutes complaining about the idiots around you? So why are you the biggest idiot of them all? Hahahaha, well let me tell you. The people around me are so stupid, they think I'm an idiot…

A great reference to this was what Anna was saying a few minutes ago.

Anyway, this all started when I was younger, I was 14. Due to the fact I'm the first prince and unfortunately the heir to the throne, I had to take many lessons on becoming king.

I would be asked many questions.

Q1. "What do you do when you have extra money in the budget after a year?"

"Depending on whether there is a risk of my budget being cut, I would either spend it on items that will most likely be necessary next year in order to spend all the money, or I would save the money in an emergency fund for the future just in case it is needed."

"No, you just keep the money. Why would you do those things?"

Q2. "What is the most important thing for a king?"

"His subjects, what good is a king without the people who follow him?"

"Wrong! It is about your power and influence, I would have also accepted wealth. Where do you come up with such stupid answers?"

Q3. "What do you do when someone complains to you and claims you aren't managing your kingdom properly?"

"Depending on the complaint and weather it has a solid basis to it, I would either accept their opinion and try to better the kingdom with their knowledge and insight, or I would hear them out and politely decline their suggestion in order to allow them to know that I value their opinion and wish for the betterment of the country."

"Wrong, wrong, WRONG! You idiot! You never listen to those lesser than your noble blood!"

"Ah, then I should ignore you!"

"GRRRR, NO! Not me! I am your tutor who was hired by the king!"

Q4. "'What do you do if a woman climbs into your bed when you are already married?"

"Kick her out."

"Haaaaa. I give up, you truly are the imbecile prince. You obviously don't have to kick her out, you are the man who will be king, you can do whatever or whoever you want, you can have as many women as you want!"

"No wonder you're still single."

"That's it! I quit!"

This is just one day worth of questions I got when I was 14 years old. These four questions and many more like them have all led to me being labeled as an idiot, imbecile and meathead who can only swing a sword. Well, it also didn't help that I have a few enemies who exaggerated the rumors or just blatantly made up false rumors to defame me and slander my name…

Although it's not all bad, due to the fact that I am such an 'idiot' a lot of people have started complaining about me rising to become king. If I only hold on a little longer then maybe I can get the life away from this hellish palace I always dreamed of.