7. Chapter 7

A/N: I'm not 100% sure on where to go next with this story so any suggestions would be great. This chapter is kind of a filler, and it's not my best because I was stuck a little bit so I just tried to push through and finish this, but I hope you like it anyways :)

Enjoy!

~Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind~

Jay felt his eyes droop as the rhythmic sound of the pulse oximeter lulled him to sleep, it was just past midnight and Ben had been sleeping for a little while now, after the nurses had come past to do their hourly ritual of sticking a tube in his nose to clean his airways out. Natalie had confirmed that Ben's diagnosis was RSV. Luckily, it wasn't too severe and would only require an overnight hospital stay before he could go home. They had flooded his body with antibiotics to help the little boy manage as best he could, which tired him out quickly, but both Jay and Erin had been there for him the whole time.

Jay and Erin hadn't discussed their moment on the roof. Jay scoffed, maybe she didn't even think it was a moment, maybe there was no need to discuss it. It was just Jay and Ben now; Hank had run to Jay's apartment to get a few clothes for Ben, and some clothes for Jay and Erin as well. He had also given them the next few days off to spend with Ben while he recovered. It was probably for the best, Jay hadn't slept since Ben had been rushed to the hospital. He could feel his eyes grow heavier as he watched the steady rise and fall of Ben's little chest

...

"How about ... Alfred?" Erin said as she looked at the paper she had pulled from the bowl

"Veto" Jay quickly said

"Why not? Alfred's such a cute name! Ooh and we can nickname him Al, just like Alvin" Erin smiled

"Alfred makes him sound like he's an eighty-year old" Jay said.

"Fine" Erin rolled her eyes "Your pick"

Jay reached into the bowl and picked up another piece of paper "Hendrix"

"Like the Gin?" Erin shook her head "Veto"

"Jordan?" Jay suggested

"Veto"

"Bartholomew?" Erin cringed as she read the name

"Veto" They both agreed.

"This is taking forever" Jay groaned falling back against the couch "We've gone through at least a hundred different names and we can't decide on one"

"Benjamin" Erin said softly. Jay looked up, assuming she was reading off the paper, but was surprised when he saw she hadn't picked one up.

"Why Benjamin?" Jay frowned

"Well, firstly because I like the name. And secondly, because I know how much you loved Ben Corson, and I remember you telling me if you ever had a kid you wanted to honour him in some way. A tribute to his life by raising a life of your own" Erin recalled the words he had said to her when he had finally opened up to her about his connection with the young boy.

"You want to name our baby after the brother of my ex-girlfriend. Seriously?" Jay said, still in shock.

Erin shrugged "I just thought you'd like the idea. I can imagine a little Benjamin Halstead running around"

Jay hadn't said anything. And Erin was growing more nervous. Maybe she had overstepped the boundaries? Ben Corson was always a touchy subject for him, but she really thought he would like the idea. Maybe she was wrong.

"You know what? Forget I said anything, I didn't mean to upset -"

She was cut off by Jay pulling her into a hug, his hands sliding down to rest on her eight-month pregnant belly.

"Benjamin" Jay smiled "I love it"

"Benjamin William" Erin added "After your brother"

"You don't want to name this little guy after part of your family?" Jay questioned

"I don't really have any family worth honouring" Erin smiled sadly bringing her hands to rest on top of his "And I want his name to have meaning, and a connection to his family, and I know how close you are to your brother. Plus I think the name really flows" She chuckled

"Well what about Hank?" Jay asks.

Erin shrugged "Yeah he's family, but I like Benjamin William more than Benjamin Henry I guess" she chuckled

"Benjamin William Halstead" Jay said as he felt a kick against his hand "Well I guess he likes it too" they both laughed at the presence of their son

"Thank you Erin" Jay smiled kissing her cheek

"Always" Erin said squeezing his hand.

...

"I can't believe you!" Jay jolted awake from his dream-induced memory at the sound of the familiar voice. How long had he been out? He looked over the railing his tired head had been resting on to see his son still sleeping, his little body needing the rest after all the events of the past 40 hours.

"I'm not doing this with you right now" Jay followed the sound of Erin's irritated voice to outside of the room and stopped short as his eyes made contact with Bunny.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Erin jumped at the sound of Jay's voice. How long had he been out here?

"I'm here to get my daughter detective" Bunny shrugged, her hand scratching up and down her arm as she bounced in place "Maybe I'll visit my grandson while I'm at it"

Jay scoffed "You're crazy if you think you're getting anywhere near my son. And I think Erin is just fine where she is" he said stepping towards the pair, placing his hand on Erin's back in an effort to show that he was by her side.

Bunny's eye refocused onto her daughter, her voice frantic as she tried to persuade her daughter "Come on sweetheart, you don't belong here. You and I both know you didn't want to be a mother. All our friends are waiting at home, Landon's waiting for you too" Bunny smirked when she saw Jay stiffen.

Erin ignored her mother's comment "You're high, aren't you?" She exclaimed, finally taking in her mother's appearance.

"That's not important" Bunny snapped "My point is, you're my daughter. These people aren't your family, I am. You don't need them"

"Yes they are! And this family is the best thing that ever happened to me" Erin snapped "Don't you dare try and say otherwise. You need to leave, now"

"You and I both know that this isn't the life you want; this is all Hank. And him. The two of them are trying to keep you from me!" Bunny exclaimed, stomping her foot on the ground in frustration.

"I made the decision to sever ties with you, Not them. I wanted to be in my son's life, I want to be the kind of mother that you never were to me"

Bunny rolled her eyes "Again with this! Ok I get it Erin, I made a couple little mistakes -"

"LITTLE mistakes!? Your little mistakes are the reason Teddy ran away, the reason I lost my brother! Your mistakes are why I had to use my body to convince the landlord not to kick us out of our rental when you couldn't pay the bills! Your mistakes are the reason I moved in with Hank in the first place!" Erin's voice broke as tears pricked her eyes "You don't have anyone else to blame for the way things turned out but yourself. I am so sick and tired of playing this back and forth game with you mum. I cannot and will not subject my family to this. You need to go"

"Erin -"

"GO!" Erin yelled storming into Ben's hospital room

Bunny turned to glare at Jay "This is not the end of this"

"If you know what's good for you, you'd just give up" Jay said "You're not good for her Bunny. For once, do what a mother should and put her needs before your own"

Bunny just scoffed at Jay before walking off. Jay took a deep breath, collecting himself before walking back into the hospital room. He watched as Erin sat in the rocking chair with Ben laying against her chest, one hand gently patting his back as the other held the pulse oximeter on his foot. He smiled as he heard her singing the tuneless melody to him that she always did when she was feeling upset

"You're going to make him deaf with the tuneless humming of yours" Jay smirks as he leaned against the nursery door, listening to Erin hum the same tune for the fifth time over.

Erin glares at him from her spot in the room "He doesn't seem to be complaining"

Jay smiled softly as his eyes met Erin's. He knew today had been a hard case for her, especially with Bunny involved. He walked over to Erin and kneeled down in front of her laying his chin against the arm of the rocking chair, his hand coming up to lay on Ben's back as he settled against his mother's chest.

"You okay?" He asked after a few minutes

Erin shook her head no as she looked between Ben and Jay "But I will be" she smiled

Jay simply nodded before leaning up to press a kiss to her lips.

"Is she gone?" Erin mumbled against the top of Ben's head

Jay nodded, pulling up a chair and sitting next to her

"Sorry I left you there with her"

"It's alright" Jay dismissed with a wave of his hand "That's why you have backup, right?"

Erin smiled softly "Right"

Jay sat down in the chair on the other side of Ben's crib, watching Erin hold their son. He remembers night when all they would was sit in the nursery and hold Ben for hours on end, Jay watching over them as they both dozed off to sleep.

"Jay" Erin spoke breaking the silence "Why did you react like that when Bunny mentioned Landon?"

Jay sighed "I'm not judging you Erin, I get that you were going through a lot. And I may not agree with everything you did, but I'm willing to put it behind us so we can move forward, so we can raise Ben together"

Erin frowned as she listened to him "What exactly do you think happened between the two of us?"

Jay could hear the irritation and offense in her voice. He didn't say anything; he knew Erin had already drawn her own conclusion from the subject.

"I didn't sleep with him Jay" Erin muttered annoyed "I may have been going through a lot, but I left you and Ben because I thought that was how I could protect you. And while I know that my actions are slightly contradictory, I would never do anything to hurt you."

Jay was silent for a few minutes "So nothing happened?"

"He tried to kiss me. But I couldn't do that to you, I didn't love him. I don't even like him" Erin chuckled sarcastically.

"Oh…" Jay wasn't sure what else to say. He had never felt so relieved. "Sorry, I just assumed"

Erin shook her head "It's okay. I get why you would" She smiled softly.

They were silent for a while until the nurses came to do their routine check-up of Ben.

"How's he doing?" Erin asked as she handed the baby over to April.

"He'll be okay I think, his airways seemed to have improved and his nose is clearing up a bit" She replied as she inserted the tube in Ben's nostril. Erin shuddered at the sound Ben made and Jay moved to her side, holding her hand hoping to offer her some kind of comfort.Erin smiled as she felt Jay's slide between her own, and she couldn't help but feel that they had made some progress today.

"Hey guys" Natalie said walking into the room. She smiled at the two parents before sliding her stethoscope from around her neck and moving to listen to Ben's airways.

"He seems to have improved quite a lot, I think you could probably take him home later today"

Erin and Jay both let out a sigh of relief, their baby boy was going to be okay. Erin thanked Natalie as she felt her throat tighten and tears fill her eyes. Jay wrapped his arms around her.

"Thank you Nat" Jay whispered as Natalie nodded walking out of the room and closing the door behind her.

"He's really okay" Erin said.

Jay nodded against the top of her head where his chin rested. He held her tight as she cried in relief. The events of the past day, Ben, Bunny, Her and Jay, and the pure exhaustion she felt had all combined and she was having a hard time keeping her emotions in check any longer.

"Sorry" Erin sniffled as she pulled her head back to look up at him "I just- I don't know what I would've done if something worse had happened to him"

"I know Erin, but he's okay" Jay soothed.

Erin kept crying, it was like she was no longer in control of her emotions. Jay hadn't seen her like this before; sure she had cried when she was pregnant and hormonal, but she was never this…hysterical.

Jay walked slowly over to the armchair near Ben's crib and sat down, pulling Erin to sit on top of him. He wasn't really sure if he was crossing a boundary but right now it didn't matter. He ran his arm soothingly up and down her back as she cried into his chest. He knew it had been hard for the both of them over the past day, especially with Bunny showing up again. She just needed to let everything out, and he didn't mind being there for her while she did. They sat there for what felt like hours, until Erin had finally settled down enough to talk.

"I'm so sorry Jay" she spoke softly.

"It's ok, I don't mind" he replied

"No. Not for the crying. I left" She says the words as if some heavy realisation had just hit her "I left you, and I left our son. I became the one person I never wanted to be in this world, my mother. How could I do that to Ben? To you?" she continued.

Erin could feel her throat tightening, the impact of her decisions hitting her like a ton of bricks. What the hell had she done?

"Erin it's okay" Jay repeated

"But it's not" She lifted her head off his chest to look him in the eyes "I fucked everything up, and it's my own fault"

Jay saw the pain in her eyes. They had been doing so well in the past month since she'd been back, he was past all of it, wasn't he?

"Erin. I-I forgive you" he whispered

"You can't Jay" She said sadly

"But I do" And for the first time, he really meant it. He had seen how she had been with Ben, how hard she was working to be a good mother, and to try and repair their professional and personal relationship.

"Jay–"

"Look, I know you screwed up. But we all screw up at points in our lives. You have to let it go Erin, I told you once and I'll tell you again. You can't keep blaming yourself for everything; you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. But it's not your burden to bear, you need to move forward otherwise we're going to both be stuck here"

Erin didn't say anything, she simply nodded and lay her head back down on Jay's chest, smiling as Jay's lips pressed against her hair gently. Jay was right, she needed to move forward, so they both could. She heard Jay begin to snore softly and moved slightly so she could pull out her phone from her back pocket, pulling up her messages to Doctor Charles.

Can we talk?

A/N: So, I know I left it at a kind of weird place, but I just wanted to get al these little bits and pieces out of the way so we can move forward with this story, otherwise this thing is going to end up being 100 chapters long :P

Hope you're all having a good week, please review and let me know what you thought!

- Maddie :)