6. Chapter 6

A/N: Hey, I know told you all I'd be back sooner than usual but I got a bit too picky with this chapter in trying to make it perfect, or as close to perfect as I could get it. Quick thanks to rocknrollprincess131 and CPDFanGirl who have been so awesome in listening to my ideas and helping inspiring me with this story and Danie14 for the encouragement and kind words as well :)

Sidenote: I realised that a couple people think Erin slept with Landon while she was on her 'sabbatical' and are wondering if that's true. I'll answer all that real soon.

Enjoy!

"You okay?" Jay asked as Erin drove him to the apartment

"Yeah. It's always rough when they involve kids" she smiled sadly at him when they reached a red-light

Jay nodded before the silence resumed. Their case had involved the murder of an eight-year-old-boy, and the abduction and almost murder of his friend. The two fathers had accidentally shot their friend's son years ago, and this was his way of getting revenge. Luckily, Jay had shot the man before he could cause another kid harm.

Erin pulled up to the apartment block and Jay unbuckled his seatbelt, reaching behind to grab his bag. He sighed as he watched her, staring up at the bedroom window that she knew Ben would be behind. After cases like this, they would normally snuggle up with Ben on the couch, and some of the many videos of the family that Hank or Jay had filmed at every milestone in Ben's life. He knew she wanted to see Ben, that she needed to be with him after today.

"Do you want to come in?" Jay asked. Erin's head whipped around to look at him, questioning if she had imagined him saying that.

She smiled and nodded "I have to go to Hank's first. I promised him I would have dinner with him. But, can I come by after?"

Jay smiled "Sure" he said before exiting the car.

Jay sat on his bed, with Ben lying on bent legs, Ben wiggled around and laughed as Jay made funny faces at him. Jay's smile turned into a frown as Ben's light-hearted giggles turned into little coughs. He sat forward and placed his hand on the infants forehead.

"You're a little warm, aren't you bud?" Jay murmured picking Ben up and walking into the kitchen. The little boy fussed as Jay tried to give him some medicine, not likely having the syringe put into his mouse. He figured it was just a cold, and would pass soon enough.

Ben cried as he swallowed the medicine, his little face turning bright red. Jay held him close and rocked him back and forth until he settled. He placed Ben in his crib ten minutes later, and decided to go watch some TV until Erin arrived.

"Hank?" Erin yelled walking through the door "Hey" She said walking into the kitchen and spotting Hank at the stove

"Hey, what took you so long?" Voight asked glancing at her

"I got stuck in traffic" She shrugged "I'm going to be out for a couple hours tonight ok?"

Voight took the pan off the stove and placed it in the middle of the table for the two to serve themselves "I do believe the deal was that I have to know where you're going"

Erin smiled "Jay invited me to stay over for a bit and spend some time with him and Ben"

Voight nodded "That's good" he said taking a bite of his food

"No need to sound so overjoyed" she sarcastically mumbled into her food

"I just don't want to give you false hope" Voight said

"I know. But we've been doing better these past few weeks, we've hung out more on our own or with Ben or the team. He even agreed to help me move back into my apartment next month, and I'm getting to spend a lot more time with Ben. He really is trusting me Hank"

"Well, then I will be happy for you two" he said with a smile.

Jay was startled awake by a scream piercing the air. He jolted up off the couch and ran into his room, to check on his son. Ben was squirming around in his crib, crying and coughing at the same time. Jay looked into the crib and saw his son's nose was runny, and he couldn't breathe properly.

Jay quickly picked him up and checked his temperature. 103."fuck" jay muttered as he grabbed his phone from the couch, still trying to calm Ben down.

"I need your help!" Jay exclaimed as soon as his brother answered

"Jay? What's that sound?" Will asked.

"Something's wrong with Ben. He's coughing, he's struggling to breathe, his nose is stuffed, his temp is 103-"

"Jay, slow down!" Will interrupted "Bring him in to the hospital. Call me when you get there"

Jay hung up and slipped his phone into the back pocket of his jean, quickly grabbing the baby bag and his keys before rushing out the door. Ben's crying had subsided to a slight sniffle and whimper, but he was still wheezy when he tried to take a breath.

Jay rushed to the hospital, making sure he was within the speed limit. It hit him when he got to a red light a block away from the hospital. He quickly dialed the number from his phone and put on speaker as the light went green.

"Hey, I'm just about to leave. Do you want me to grab some beer? Although, I probably shouldn't drink given -"

"Erin" Jay cut her off "I'm not at the house"

"Oh, Ok. I thought we were hanging out?" Erin said slightly confused

"Ben's sick. Will told me to bring him to the hospital"

"What!? Oh my god, I'll be right there" She said before hanging up.

Jay glanced back in his rearview mirror to see Ben, his face still red but his tears having subsided

"It's okay buddy, we're gonna go see Uncle Will ok?" he called out as he looked back at the road.

"Will!" Jay yelled as soon as he ran into the emergency department of Chicago Med. Will Halstead sprang up from his seat, along with his co-worker Natalie Manning, and rushed over to meet Jay. He took his nephew and handed him over to Natalie.

"He's got mucus blocking his nose, uneven chest sounds" Natalie listed "Looks like RSV. Someone get me a swab!"

"Jay" Will said grabbing his brother's shoulders, preventing him from going into the room "What happened?"

"I don't know" Jay cried "He was a little warm and had a little cough when I put him down for his nap so I gave him some cold medicine. I must have fallen asleep on the couch, because the next thing I know he's screaming, and his nose is running, and he was burning up" Jay rambled on watching Natalie work on his son over Will's shoulder.

"Ok, look Nat's going to do everything she can" Will said as he led Jay to the chair outside the room "I'll go see what I can find out" Jay nodded watching Will walk into the room.

"Nat what's going on?" Will said as he walked into the room, standing at the top of the bed rubbing Ben's hair softly.

"I think he might have RSV. I've taken a swab and we're running blood tests to be sure" Natalie said as she passed the swab to April "Tell them to rush this, I want those results ASAP" She said.

"How's Jay?" Natalie asked as she took Ben's temperature

"He's a mess. Can he come sit with him?" Will asked

"We're moving him up to paediatrics, you two are welcome to take him there with me" she answered. She could see the concern on Will's face as he watched his nephew struggle to breathe a little"He's going to be fine Will. We just have to keep a close eye on him"

Will nodded, giving Natalie a smile and a touch to the shoulder to say thanks, before walking out to get Jay.

Jay was seated next to the crib where Ben lay in the paediatrics ward of Chicago Med. He and Ben had been at the hospital for only 30 minutes, and his son was now hooked up to an IV line – since his fluids were low – as well as a half-hourly check by the nurses and routine nose bulbs to clear out his nasal passage

Jay thought he was going to lose it. Watching the nurses poke and prod his innocent baby boy. He knew they were trying to make him feel better, but he wished it didn't hurt his son so much.

"Jay!" he heard Erin yelling his name from a distance. He walked outside of the hospital room and saw Erin running down the hallway, flanked by Hank. She made eye contact with him and her legs moved even faster.

"what happened!? Is he ok?" Erin rushed into the room and hovered over the crib as she looked at Ben. She stroked his cheek softly, listening to his wheezy-breath as his lungs protested against every breath they were taking in.

"I don't understand. He was with me last night. how did this happen so fast?" she said turning to look at Jay

Jay simply shrugged as he stood next to her "They think he's had it in his system for a few days, but it hadn't really started affecting him until recently"

"And what do they think it is?" she asked

"RSV. They put a rush order on all his labs but there's some problem with one of the machines or something. For now it's just a waiting game I guess"

"I should have been there with him. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with him last night, I mean he was a little quieter than normal but I just figured he hadn't had enough sleep or something. And he was a little warm but the house was really humid from the weather so I thought it was ok" Erin ramble, feeling the guilt begin to gnaw at her.

"He'll be fine Erin, Nat's working on it"

"Hey" Hank said as he walked into the room "How you doing?"

"He's holding up, he's a strong kid" Jay smiled at the older man

"That's great, but I actually meant you" Hank smirked

"I'm fine"

"You look tired"

"I'll sleep when I find out what's going on with my son"

Hank simply nodded, muttering something about coffee before leaving the two parents alone once again.

"God, what is taking them so long?" Erin groaned as she paced the floor of Ben's room. Natalie had come to take him for a final test to confirm her suspected diagnosis, over an hour ago.

"I'm sure they'll be done soon" Jay said as he sat watching Erin walk around. He was feeling frustrated at the situation, he had no idea what was wrong with his son, Erin wouldn't stop blaming herself or complaining, Hank kept hounding on him to rest or eat or drink something. He didn't need any of it, he just needed to know what was wrong with his son.

"Dammit Erin, would you sit down before you burn a hole in the floor?" Jay snapped

"You think I like this anymore than you do?" She said turning to face him "Our son is in the hospital, and it's on me. I could've avoided this"

"Of course, it's always about you" Jay muttered

"Excuse me?" she asked wide-eyed

"This isn't your fault!" Jay yelled bolting up out of his chair."You always blame yourself for everything but it's not! You want to blame someone for Ben bring in the hospital? For his condition going unnoticed? Then blame ME!" He yelled as Erin stood watching him, as he walked closer and closer to her.

"I was the one who thought it was just a little cold, who thought it'd pass. I was the one who went to sleep and didn't think about him being a little warm! I'm the one who kept pushing you to get help when you didn't want to. I was the one who went into an undercover operation when my head wasn't on straight, and that's the reason that Derek Keyes kidnapped me!And I'm the one who let Nadia get into that car by herself, and drive to get your birthday cake when we had a murder and rapist targeting our unit, because I was so focused on protecting you from Yates that I didn't even consider her being a target!"

Jay's eyes widen as he realises all he just said. His hand covers his mouth, as if the action will somehow reverse the words that just came out of his mouth. He looks at her wide eyes – whether they're wide from shock or hurt he can't tell – before mumbling some excuse about needing air and rushing out the door, not noticing Hank and Dr Charles standing outside the room.

"Erin" Dr Charles says softly as he walks in

"He's not wrong" Erin chuckles bitterly. She's still rooted in that same spot that she was in when Jay had started talking, not sure if she should trust her legs to cooperate and move or crash underneath her.

"Why do you say that?" he asks moving to stand in front of her "Do you agree, that this is his fault?"

Erin shakes her head no "But he's right that I blame myself for everything"

Dr Charles smiles down at her sadly "Maybe you should tell him instead of me"

He barely has time to finish the sentence before she realises he's not there, and runs out the door to find him

Jay stands at the railing, taking in the night sky above him. The stars dancing along the dark clouds as the moon rests gently off to the side. The hustle and bustle of the hospital a distant hum behind him.

"I thought I'd find you out here" Erin says walking up to stand next to him, leaning her elbows on the railing behind her as he back rests against it as well, so she can see him looking out into the distance "Whenever you used to have a nightmare, you'd go the the roof of my building and just sit there for a few hours. You'd just stare up at the sky, and then you'd come back down and lay in bed with me, even though it would take you hours before you actually fell asleep"

"I didn't realise you knew" Jay said, still avoiding her gaze.

"I know a lot about you Jay Halstead" she smiled

"Erin" He sighed turning his head to look at her "About what I said –"

"It's nothing I didn't deserve" she said with a shake of her head "And besides, you were right"

It was Jay's turn to be shocked at her words.

"I remember growing up, Bunny coming home high out of her mind. She'd always be hungry, I just thought she ate a lot. It never actually occurred to me she just constantly had the munchies" Erin scoffed at her own foolish ways

"One day she came home with some guy, and I had made Teddy the last of the noodles for dinner. I still remember the slap across my face she gave me" Erin shivered at the memory "She told me it was all my fault. And after that, anytime something was wrong, I always took the blame. I put it upon myself before she could because I thought maybe then she wouldn't hate me as much"

"I'm sorry" Jay whispered

"No. I'm sorry, about tonight. And every other time before that. I don't even notice that I'm doing it anymore. I guess I just feel like there has to be some way I could've helped. There had to have been a way I could've helped Bunny, or you, or Ben. or Nadia" she whispered the last name painfully.

"You're not alone in that" he said turning to face her fully "When we got back from deployment, after Mouse started spiralling, I put that on myself. I blamed myself for him, for all our brothers who hadn't made it home. All the men I could've saved. My friends. I still do sometimes"

"Maybe we should both try to quit at the self-blame game we seem to have going on here" Erin joked

"Maybe" Jay smirked. He took a deep breath, his face growing serious once more.

"You've got to talk to me Erin" He whispered "I can't keep doing this with you. You've got to stop being so hard on yourself. You push everyone away because you think you deserve to be punished. But it's what holding you back. It's what's tearing us apart" he says taking her hand

"You have to stop pushing me away Erin. I can only take so much heartache when it come to you"

Erin nods her head, tears threatening to fall at his words. He wraps his arms around her as she holds on tightly to him, savouring the moment.

"Hey!" Will yells as he runs to them "I've been looking all over for you two. Who hangs out on the roof of a fucking hospital!?" He rambles

"It's kind of my thing I guess" Jay shrugs with a chuckle, letting go of Erin but keeping his hand firmly placed in the centre of her back "Any news about Ben?"

"Yeah, you should come talk to Natalie" he says rushing back to the lift on the helipad rooftop.

Jay holds Erin hand as he follows his brother, holding onto her for dear life. He's not letting her go that easily this time around.

A/N: So, I'm not 100% sure about the ending but I hope you like it!

As always, please leave a review and let me know what you think and if you've got any (constructive) Comments about the story or my writing I'd love to hear them!

- Maddie :)