Slow-Witted Song, You Fool!

This chapter goes out to my supporters, I guess. Mostly since I'm bored.

If I'm ever motivated enough, another chapter may-and I say may- come out. Thank you for reading,

I'll try to make it long.

If not long, at least meaningful and funny.

-(If you don't know or remember how he looks like, remember that 30% of him looks like Song Shuhang and 70% belongs to the glazed scholar, if not check *CCG comic chapter 17, you'll see.)

"La la la~" A mysterious voice could be heard from afar, happily prancing around like a dancing ballerina, while also wearing a tight pink dress. The sight would have proved fatal to any lesser man, some felt so repulsed that they spitted blood and fainted upon the scene that had befallen them.

(Note that since they're cultivators who practiced immortality and got shaken up like that, the scene's pretty horrendous.

I kept it vague but if you want to experience something similar, try Player Reborn*'s

Ch.50: First appearance

Ch.51: If you want some 'sexy poses'

Then picture getting a kiss from the pink Guerrilla.

If not, picture a man in a tutu and doing leg-raises or any back-leg bending up close.)

That man was known by many, with both being good and bad, but it's usually Song One.

Seeing his appearance, people around couldn't help but get agitated at the sight of him, while others could only sigh and looked up into the Heavens; knowing that the people backing him were all influential people of the cultivation world. Unfortunately, the people that could actually beat him up barely reached the double-digits. That alone was enough to put out their fighting spirits.

As this annoying guy continues on skipping like as if he's won the lottery, he suddenly stopped. He stood still as if he was in a daze for a while.

All of a sudden, he vomited. Just like that, after finishing a 360° somersault.

There and then, a rainbow so colorful that it could rival LGBTQ+'s flag could be seen coming out of his mouth. It was as if all the foul things in the world gathered and were to be released here. If we were to sum it up, it would be that:

It was sparkly.

Also, it was disgusting.

It stinks, too.

Young cultivators below the Third Stage who couldn't control their 5 senses well had to deal with this sudden assault on their noses. It stank so much that they immediately started tearing up and, eventually, vomited their insides out. It then added fuel to this gassy fire as people started passing out either cause of the smell, the vomiting, or possibly both.

A Fourth Stage cultivator couldn't stand it anymore and shouted:

"You damn *******! The hell's your problem?"

He stopped barfing and everyone looked up at them in that moment. Although his face was still pale-looking, he wiped his mouth and approached the speaker.

" I, ugh-bleh!"

Before he could get some words out, he suddenly barfed again. And since they were close, it ended up all over him. The cultivator tried to step back but was grabbed by the shoulder in place-and due to their differences in realm- he could only make futile efforts against this. To compare it would be like comparing a wolf and a small rabbit in terms of strength. The cultivator could only lament in his misfortune in front of this overwhelming strength.

-After a few minutes-

"Ah, that's better. So, what's your question again?"

Once he got all that out, he felt much better. He asked again since he was too busy vomiting to notice anything. When he looked around, he took a better look of things. People were either doing a #1 or #2 ,if not, 1+2=3.

He thought about it for a bit, but even after racking his brain for a long time, he eventually gave up. Since he was getting nowhere, he simply asked.

"So...what happened?"

The root of the problem, himself, asked after a long time. Cultivators around looked at him in shock -and some couldn't helped but suck in a cold breath- but immediately regretted it right away, as they resumed in their previous actions.

'Wasn't it you who started this?'

Everyone thought silently. Seeing that the surrounding people showing constipated looks with their gazes at his feet, he looked down and saw that that previous Fourth Stage foaming at the mouth sprawling; he laid like a murdered victim found at a crime scene.

"Hm? What happened? Eww!!! So nasty!"

He immediately recoiled after looking, barely suppressing his bile.

That unfortunate Fourth Stage who had just regained his conscious, after hearing what'd just been said, felt so conflicted that he coughed up blood and fainted. He had the look of a wronged martyr at the time.

'Wasn't it you who made me this way?'

He thought bitterly. Unfortunately, the perpetrator couldn't read minds, otherwise he would've laugh 'till he burst. Since he saw that the victim fainted, he thought 'Oh, he must've been overwhelmed,' and then immediately sympathized with him, he then pulled him close and shouted:

"Don't worry, your loss will not be in vain, I'll find the one who did this to you. I swear it!"

'Why are you holding him like as if you have lost a dear loved one?'

The irony of the situation. If the crowd wasn't around earlier, they would've thought that this was a righteous cultivator who was planning on finding the villain responsible for the mess made.

Unfortunately, the man saying this was the #1 villain and the one he was singing this sad melodramatic song to was his victim, so people couldn't help but gaze sympathetically towards the guy.

Whether because of their gazes or a cultivator's sixth sense, that unconscious Fourth Stage started tearing up; it was as if he was pleading his grievances to Heaven.

"Hm? Why are you crying? Oh, you must be upset against the fellow who did this to you, right? Don't worry, I'll find that ******* and break his *****!"

After saying that, he turned to the crowd and asked:

"Hey, does anyone know where that ******* went?"

No one dared to answer him, in fear of retribution. A young First Stage monk honestly replied:

"Monks don't lie. It was you who did it,senior."

He froze, then seemingly recalled something, smacked his hand on his palm as if coming to a realization while having an 'Oh' expression. He then turned his head to the side and asked:

"So that's it! Hey, sorry man, but can we just forget about the whole revenge ordeal? Great! Thanks!"

He proceeded to pat the guy's back, making him puke up more each time. 'Yuk!' He wiped that hand on the cultivator's back, as if to comfort, then got up. Not caring for the incredulity of the situation, he went back to his usual business.

Thus, Doro- Song One skipped on the Golden road all the way to the Emerald Palace.

👻👻👻

The Heavenly Emperor created the whole structural frame of the court by merging countless heavenly material and earthly treasure with 'True Illusion'. Afterward, many powerhouses of the Seventh Stage Spirit Venerable Realm and above that had pledged allegiance to the Heavenly Emperor used their True Illusion to help him complete the structural frame of the court.

Once the court was established, it became an independent realm that wasn't influenced by the 'Heavenly Way'.

There were six places, excluding the Heavenly Emperor's Palace, known as being part of the court:

-Dragon Primogenitor King's Hall

-The Four Directional Great Emperors Palaces: Eastern Emperor's Spring Pavilion of the East, Western Emperor's Summer Palace, Southern Emperor's South Autumn Temple, Northern Emperor's Hall of Winter.

And the Jade Lake Realm.

Heavenly City's 'Jade Empress' Cheng Lin was an extremely powerful Eternal Life Being, sharing the honor with Four Cardinal Direction Great Emperors and Dragon Primogenitor.

😴😴😴

One of the most noticeable things about the Jade Lake Palace was the vast Jake Lake, while the other being Cheng Lin's palace.

It was not made of gold, or was it 10 stories tall. It was not luxuriously decorated, but could be seen as an immortal's place. The walls were made of a white jade-like material, while giving off a glow reflected on the water. Every inch of the building was carved with precision, making it impossible to find fault in. Seeing it gave the feeling of something regal, powerful, holy or-

Sitting in the middle of the room, wearing a slanted Taoist cap and a loose Taoist, was Cheng Lin herself. Her posture was straight, and she was reading a Taoist scripture in one hand while another was grabbing some grapes beside her.

"Yo, Cheng Lin,"

"Surname Song, what the h*** did you do this time?"

As soon as those words were said, she took brick from somewhere and threw it at him.

"That hurts! What do you take me for? An insensitive **** that only knows how to take advantage of their close friends? Cheng Lin, does our relationship mean nothing to you? Wahhhh!"

"You're seriously spot on for once, you slow-witted idiot. So, was this expected visit having anything to do with what happened this morning?"

As that was said, his eyes became moist. Song One grabbed onto Cheng Lin's legs at this moment, feeling exceptionally aggrieved.

"Wahhhh! As expected of you, Cheng Lin! I knew I wasn't wrong to ally with you-"

Before he could finish, the last thing he saw was a slender thigh heading towards him.

"Euk!"

It sent him flying.

"Ow! Cheng Lin, you *****! What was that for?"

"Are you trying to alert him? Also, do it with one of your other girlfriends. I don't want anyone seeing us together and misunderstand. What if my dear Fairy @#%× were to come and see this sight, even if I killed you ten thousand times over, it still wouldn't be enough to explain,"

"?"

Despite the pain on his cranium, he still had time to retort.

"What are you even talking about? Don't slander me! I've never even held hands with one, so how can I have a girlfriend, let alone many of them! They're all just friends, Cheng Lin. Plus, you know I can't die, so there's no point,"

"Is that so? Well, you are a well-known cockroach. Then would you care to explain that life force next to your dantian? I thought that you got some sect leader's mistress pregnant, and got found out so you used some secret technique to make yourself pregnant and ran away with the baby,"

"???"

He got up abruptly, as if he were shocked. He placed one of his hands on his heart, as if hurt. Then said the following:

"Are you questioning my gender? Since the day I came into being, I was male. If we followed your logic, you could have a third leg hanging between your legs. I knew there was something up when you went after Fairy @#%×. Imagine all those heartbreaks 😈😈😈,"

"Ha! Who knows what your Song family is capable of, I wouldn't be surprised if you got struck by the Heavenly Punishment right now for the enmity you drawn so far. And besides, a ghost's appearance is based on their master, you might look like this and actually be something else. Unlike you, I was beautiful since the start,"

Song One, after hearing this from one of his 'good friends', didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Cheng Lin, seeing this, took a banana from the basket and started peeling. Although it was a casual action, from her it was seductively perfect. Luckily, both of them were used to each other, otherwise a weak-minded cultivator would have suffered qi deviation from the casual act.

Song One saw this and attempted to steal some grapes, only to be thwarted. He eventually gave up, and took out some immortal wine and fruits from his own spacial bag. He poured himself a cup and was about to drink but-

In order to lighten the mood, she jokingly asked :

"Slow-Witted Song, don't tell me you were a woman all this time?"

"Pukk!"

He spitted all the wine out.

"What's with that reaction? Don't tell me you were a woman this whole time? Damn, you managed to hide it well; even I wasn't able to tell after all the time we spent together. So, who's the father?"

Song One took some water from his bag, and gulped it down. After settling that, he growled:

"How did you managed to reach that conclusion?"

"Huh? You haven't checked? Look closely at your stomach and tell me then,"

After glaring at Cheng Lin, Song One used his spiritual senses to check his abdomen for something. Looking at it made him subconsciously say-

"Huh?"

Word count: 2228

I really didn't expect there to be readers, or that they'd want more.

So, 1 more chapter before giving birth.

(Yes,it takes 1 chap to give birth. If not, 1 and a half)

Vote to see whether you guys would like the MC's Daoist name to be Tyrant Song(Raw) or Tyrannical Song(Novel).

Also, if I get enough readers I'd probably publish more. Until then, I'll continue to stack up.

Probably around 10k(?), if not, then 7.5k viewers. And does anyone know how I can upload Gif's or clips?

Buenos Noches, guys!