Anastasia: Not Quite A DemonLord

I walk along the edge of a highrise, almost 10 stories off the ground. I chuckle and giggle whilst flipping along the edge, clearly at a loss of sanity. The screams of onlookers below distract me for a split second, I slip and fall.

You're probably wondering how I got into this situation? Yea, me too. Honestly, drugs are pretty neat, and sanity is a commodity, so it's pretty short in supply.

I cross my arms while falling and stare at the deep blue sky....for 5 seconds. My vision goes black, hearing a loud crack and thud with it.

"Alright, Alright, maybe just a little more backstory."

I laugh, watching the movie of my life play in reverse. Images of embarrassing moments and horrid life events fill the screen. Supressed memories flicker wildly. Times from my angsty teenage years and cringey tween years. I quickly stand up, attempting to block it.

"B-but not those."

I clear my throat.

"The beginning, the very beginning. Uh, well I was born on the day of my birth. September twenty-sixth. What year again? Oh right, nineteen-ninety-five. I'm currently twenty-five years old, or was, I guess. Since, you know, dead?"

I laugh nervously before quickly coughing.

"Anyways, my mother didn't show up to my birth. Truly a confusing time, both for my doctor and I. Just one second doing an open heart surgery, then POOF! A newborn baby boy spawns in the chest cavity of a seventy year old man."

I laugh and scratch the back of my short and messy hair.

"Ten people died in that mayhem, so they gave me a dumb name out of spite. Yu Omashagamarinakaguramalest, or Yu Omash for short."

I take a moment of silence, for the deaths on that day and my name, before speaking back up.

"I never really got to meet my father, but always heard something about him being the 'demon king' of 'inheriting his throne.' Honestly the crackhead down the street was pretty convincing at points, but his stories normally fell flat."

I think for a moment about more of my childhood and adolescence.

"Not much else to say about my childhood. Oh, oh but my first job! I worked at Wal-Mart! For like, seven years. My only job. I also tried some weird drug dust once, and now I'm dead. So, don't do drugs kids."

I smile for a moment before staring at the ground, wide-eyed and baffled.

"The only time I did drugs I died? But, but, celebrities make it look so easy."

I mumble to myself. I sigh and pat my face.

"I'm a grown man, well, I was a grown man. I'll be fine, maybe heaven is pretty chill."

I pause for a moment.

"Unless I go to hell?"

I sit in silence, contemplating everything I've done in my life

"No, pretty sure I'll go to heaven."

I whisper to myself, placing my thumb against my chin.

"Hey man. You ok? You've been talking to yourself for a while now."

I hear a voice from somewhere around me. I quickly look around, but see no one.

"Are you God? No, are you the Devil!?"

I shout at the void, hearing a defeated sigh.

"I think he's mentally handicapped."

My eyes suddenly kick on, like flicking the lights on in a dark room. I blink a few times and look around. I see garbage lining the edge of the street and a few cosplayers in front of me. They have fox ears, or maybe wolf ears?

"Shit, looks like I went to hell after all. Damnit! Guess God does hate masturbating. Damn you righty, you've doomed us both."

I mumble under my breath, clenching my fist and glaring at it. I sigh and stretch.

"Well, might as well get to know my surroundings. So, what's hell like? Any cool tourist spots?"

I ask, the two people in front of me looking at me obviously confused. They look to each other and back to me.

"What are you on about? You're in Reveband, the largest city of Mereg."

His words seemingly go in my right ear and instantly leave my left. I nod and look around.

"So is everywhere this nasty? Because this is disgusting, I mean, Hell is trash."

I say while laughing at my own joke. I notice they aren't even smiling.

Yeah, that joke was pretty lame.

I shake my head as one of them speaks up again.

"You are a human in a non-human residence. This is the demi-human sect, why are you here."

He speaks slowly and clearly. My eyes widen, my brain starts racing.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, did I?

I quickly dash past them and out of the alley. I see a large city, some parts look rustic and simple while other parts look highly advanced and sophisticated. My mouth hangs open as my brain finally understands.

"I must've been hit by a truck, this is what others refer to as 'Isekai'."

I laugh and smile like an idiot.

"That means I'm secretly super strong! And I'll, I'll, well maybe I'll get with a princess. A lot of Isekai's have a super hot and plot-relavent woman."

I say under my breath.

"Wait, I'm the main character?"

I pause for a moment, a universe seemingly unfolding in my mind then instantly vanishing.

"Wait, what was I saying? Oh right, Isekai! Alright, I need to find my into quest!"

I say loudly as I run towards a large castle in the center of the town. After several minutes of running, I hear a woman scream near me. I gasp and smile.

"Main love interest? Or will I awaken my powers here? Maybe I'll have some cool tank abilities, or, or, like, some magical prowess! Maybe I'll have a demon living inside of me or attempt to possess me but I have to fend it off using my newly acquired hope!"

I chuckle at the last sentence.

"Heh, some stories."

I finger guns at the sky and run towards the scream. I round a corner and see a seven foot tall creature standing over a helpless woman. I quickly straighten my posture to look like a badass character and glare at the beast. I deepen my voice and breathe deeply.

"Hey, fuck face. Back off."

The creature turns around, a dick hanging where it's nose should be. I recoil in confusion as it cackles.

"Oh?! A very perceptive hero! To know what my face looks like without seeing it, you must be strong."

It laughs maniacally as I ready my fists.

Alright, just like how the anime fighters do it.

I jump back and forth, emulating one of my favorite anime fighters.

"This, is my niko style!"

I've seen the anime enough, practiced the moves in secret, I can fight! If worse comes to worse, I'll have to use my secret technique.

The beast seemingly recoils from my movements and stares at me.

"Just as I thought, you are quite an experienced fighter. But no matter, I AM DEATH."

Its bones rip through its flesh as its jaw splits into five parts. Bones eject from its knee's and elbow's to form spikes. Horns rip from its skull as flames drop from its maw.

Ok, ok, no need to panic. This is just the tutorial boss, right?

It takes a deep breath, clearly starting to breathe fire.

"Oh no."

I quickly lunge out of the way, flames ripping past me and burning some of my leg hair off. I look down to see my dress pants on fire. I frantically pat my pants, then hear a loud splatter.

I look over to see the creatures arms and legs sticking out from under a comically large piano and a loose rope. I trace the rope back slowly and see it was tied to a wooden pole for some reason. I stare in unquantifiable confusion at the events that just transpired as the woman runs over to me. She quickly jumps to hug me, but upon opening my arms, I miss.

My still stiff hand slaps her on the throat and pushes her to the side. Before I can apologize or speak up, she laughs hysterically.

"My, my! I knew you weren't any ordinary human! How perceptive to know I had split myself into this woman's body, but I should have figured when you knew what I was."

I stare in confusion while slowly standing up.

Well, I've bullshit my way this far, why stop now? Pretty sure I'm dead here if I can't figure out my abilities, so I need to stall or even negate this fight all together. Wait!

I quickly reach forward and grab the womans hand, putting my thumb and index finger on her hand and smiling. I curl my middle and ring finger.

"If I flex my pinky, you shall be erased from the world. I am the demon king, Gearmin, and you shall bow to me."

I don't give the slightest hint that I'm shitting myself with fear. I hold myself with honor and pride, showing full belief in the wooshi hand hold.

I don't quite remember the technique name or execution. But this should buy a little tim-

Before I can finish my own thoughts, the beast drops to its knees.

"Oh great Gearmin, if I would've know it was you. I wouldn't have defiled your clothes or honor, please spare me! I thought I couldn't sense your energy because you were a lowly human, I now see the error of my ways!"

I stare further in disbelief.

Well fuck, guess I'm a fake demon-lord now. I'm not sure if im lucky or not that this creature is ultra gullible. But I've never seen an Isekai take this route, so maybe I'll have to improv my way through this? What's the worst that could happen?