Not interested in me

Nerves clench my stomach and I am quieter than usual on the rest of the walk back to my room. I had slept in the same bed as Javier before, but at that point I was comfortable with him. Ryker, on the other hand, is intimidating and can be unpredictable at times. I shake my hands at my sides, trying to calm myself down since worrying about it won't help the matter.

When we get to my room, he takes a shower first and I uncomfortably take one after him, with my mind stuck on the image of the both of us in bed together. I get out of the shower and slowly dry myself off and get dressed in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt to sleep in. I walk out of the bathroom, a little unsteadily on my trembling and tired legs.

I stifle a yawn as my eyes search the room to find Ryker, who is sitting with his legs crossed and leaning over something in his lap. He moves his hand and I get a glimpse of the handwriting on the page of the journal in front of him. MY journal.

"Son of a -" I start to hiss at him while picking up my pace and marching across the room. I rip the journal away from him as he reclines back casually and his hands hold him up from the bed. Other than an eyebrow raised at my flustered state, he doesn't show much of a reaction to being caught red-handed.

"I am curious to know what makes you think you have the right to invade my privacy in such a way?" I ask him with my hands on my hips and my eyes narrowed to slits.

He shrugs unconcernedly. "There wasn't anything personal in there anyway, love. No need to fret." I have been writing notes in the journal about some of the things I have felt the need to keep track of, like the recent and rather monumental life events. But I have also started to write down some of my observations and questions I have started to ask myself. Things I have put a pin in until I can find the answers or ones I will have a better understanding of at a later time.

"That's not the point, Ryker," I tell him with a frown on my face while I look him over. He leans forward which brings him closer to me and he peers deeply into my eyes. He's lower than me since he is sitting on the bed, and now he is so close that when I let out a huff of breath, it stirs his wavy brown hair on his forehead slightly.

I glance down to see that he is in his own pajamas, which is a white t-shirt and dark grey sweatpants that look absolutely comfortable, but do nothing to hide the contours of his hard muscles or lessen the heat radiating from his body.

"I wanted to see what might be going inside that pretty little head of yours," he whispers darkly, "but to my utter disappointment and incessant case of frustration, there were no insights found within the handwritten words. Leaving me to unravel your mind in other conventional, more time consuming, ways."

The words I was readying to release crumble like ash on my tongue as I look at the intensity on his face. I swallow and his eyes follow the movement and a wicked smirk appears on his lips, further shaking my composure in his proximity. Even though I can feel his words deep down to my core, I suppress a shiver and double down on my glare in an attempt to hide how much he rattles me.

"Cut the shit, Ryker. Don't go through my things again," I state tightly, his blue and yellow eyes flaring in response to my chastisement.

"The deal was for me to share this room with you three nights a week, and since the notebook is found within the room, it could be argued that I also get unrestricted access to its contents," he quips playfully, but I'm not having it this time.

"Then it could also be argued that you are sharing my room, even while you sleep on the floor tonight." I tell him, and his smile falters as my words sink in. "Nowhere in our deal did it say you have to sleep in my bed," I add, now with a smirk of my own taking over my face.

Ryker raises his palms in surrender and gives me a placating look. "Let us not be hasty, love." His eyes slide down my body in a slow perusal, but his eyes lack the heat I would have expected from a gaze like that. He looks disinterested, as though he has looked me over and finds me lacking, or at least is not interested in me.

My stomach seizes, and I can't tell if it is from relief or disappointment. With all of his teasing, I had wondered if he was interested in being more than friends, but it is now just dawning on me how foolish I had been to look for something that wasn't there. It seems like I am in a near constant state of confusion these days. Ryker is a friend, a friend who flirts, but nothing more.

He pats the bed beside him and beckons for me to come closer with a motion of his head. "Come, let me help release some of the tension from your muscles."

I am on my hands and my knees crawling onto the bed next to him, but before I can turn around into a sitting position, Ryker's arms dash forward to grab my wrists and pull them higher onto the bed while wrapping a leg around my waist. I lose my balance and I fall, sprawling flat onto the mattress below me with a muffled "oomph" that I release into the blanket.

With me laying immobile, Ryker releases my wrists and brings his other leg around my waist so that he is straddling me. "What are you doing?" I ask with my face still shoved into the blanket. I turn my head to the side and let out a large sigh since my wet hair has now fallen all over my face. He lightly pushes my hair off my face and his fingers lightly brush my cheek in a comforting motion, and I let out another sigh from the feeling of his gentle, physical contact.

"I overworked you with training today so I'm going to give you a massage so you don't feel like death come morning," Ryker answers as he runs his hands up my sides and starts using his fingers to loosen the muscles at my shoulders. I can't help it, I let out a groan instantaneously. His fingers are working a delicious magic and I don't want him to stop.

I wonder if I said that out loud when he chuckles.

He hands move up my shoulders to the base of my neck and he freezes. I feel the grip on my skin tighten and I crack an eye open to look up at Ryker who has gone stiff behind me. He swallows audibly, and a look passes through his eyes that causes my face to pinch in concern.

"Ryker?" I voice his name and his gaze snaps to mine. His mind lets go of whatever thought had kept him captive, and I can tell he comes back to the present when his fingers loosen on my skin. He doesn't answer me and starts his ministrations over my muscles again, and I decide to close my eyes again and respect his choice to not share with me what is bothering him.

He works on my shoulders, arms and legs to relieve the soreness that has already started to seize my muscles. A half hour later, I feel nearly euphoric from the massage and just want to lay here and bask in this feeling.

I feel the pressure come off my waist when he gets up, and since my eyes are still closed in bliss I can tell from the sound of his footsteps that he walks towards the bathroom. He returns a few seconds later, and I let out a groan when he pulls my body up into a sitting position. He moves us so that he is sitting against the head of the bead while my back is leaning on his front and his legs are around mine.

I'm about to ask what he is doing, but out of the corner of my eye I see the flash of a towel as he moves it to the top of my head and uses it to dry my hair. As he goes, he uses his fingers to massage my scalp and he is fast becoming my favorite person. I'll share a room with him any time if this is how it is going to go.

"You're amazing, Ryker," I mutter, trailing off as my mind becomes heavy with sleep. Darkness overtakes me soon after, but the nightmares are kept at bay as I sleep soundly, wrapped in a feeling of warmth and protection.