Oh, Father

How can dead people come to live and then dissipate into dust at once?

"Th —this is probably not real. I must have lost it."

My mouth stayed agape as I continued taking in short breaths through it. I just remained there unmoving as I stared at nothing in particular.

I was unable to think straight. I was yet again, battling between sanity and insanity. My eyes were dry now just like my mouth. I was unable to cry. I just stared at maybe the sky.

I closed my eyes and thought of my dad. I thought of his always smiling face. He always had this glow on his caramel skin. His teeth were always perfect, making his smile so beautiful. Mom had made a good choice marrying him. This brought a sad smile to my face.

I thought of the million times he had saved me from falling off the stairs to my death.

Xena, how many times do I have to tell you that people don't just die falling off staircases?

I thought of the many times he always assured me that he would protect me.

'No, Xena, you can't die while I am here...'

I thought of the many times he always assured me that he would stand by me.

'Xena, I'll always be there for you...'

How did it all go wrong?

Our family was so happy and complete, even with Kelvin in it.

Where did it all go wrong?

I opened my eyes and caught sight of the sun. It was beginning to set. It wasn't so beautiful in my eyes anymore. Everything seemed so ugly and lifeless.

Even the sound of the dancing waves annoyed me.

He promised.

He promised he'd always be here for me.

He promised he wouldn't let anyone harm me. He promised he'd always stay by my side.

Fresh and hot tears started to fill my eyes.

"Where are you now, dad?" I asked out loud in a broken and squeaky voice.

It was as if that was the trigger my body had been waiting for all along.

"Where?" I asked again

A lone drop of tear ran down my left eye.

"Why did you abandon me, dad?" I sounded so broken.

Another tear ran down my right eye.

My lips started to tremble again. Suddenly, my whole body started to tremble violently.

Like a dam had been broken, a flood of tears started to flow freely down my cheeks. Mucus started to cascade down my trembling lips from my nostrils.

"Why?" I cried.

Then I broke down into uncontrollable tears. At this point, I wasn't crying anymore. I was wailing.

Why dad? Why?

I wailed like a mother who had just lost her only child.

"You said you'll always stand by me, dad!" I cried.

He promised! Dads never break their promises.

I wailed like a wife who had just lost her husband.

"You said you'll always be here with me!"

Were they all lies?

I wailed like a daughter who had just lost her father. I was that daughter!

"Where are you now that I need you the most?"

I was beyond heartbroken. I wailed even more. I cried as if my life had ended. Hell, it had ended. What sort of a life was this?

"Where are you now that I need you to tell me it'll all be fine?" I wailed.

I didn't know what was real or fake anymore.

"I need you, dad... I need you." I slapped the sand hard.

The action caused dust to rise in the air. I squeezed my eyes shot on impulse. More tears flooded my cheeks due to squeezing my eyes shut.

A prickling pain began to grow in my heart. A migraine was forming in my head due to all the crying but I paid no attention to it. I just kept on crying like a baby. If people could cry their eyes out, then I would have long lost my eyes.

At a point, I brought my right hand to my neck and felt the little necklace my dad had gifted me for my birthday. I couldn't even remember when I had worn it. I was surprised to find it on my neck.

In anger, I pulled it off my neck and examined the necklace again for the millionth time. Only this time, it wasn't done in love but anger. It was a little silver chain with a silver leaf for a pendant.

It was the most beautiful gift I had ever received from him because of how simple it was.

Now, it looked ugly. It looked stupid and childish!

"If you really loved me, dad, you wouldn't have abandoned me!" I screamed and made to throw it into the ocean before me.

I raised my right hand into the air and was about to throw it in but stopped midway.

I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't bring myself to separate from it.

It was the only thing that was real today. It was the only thing I could hang on to. After all, it came from my dad.

"Ah!" I wailed again.

I screamed even more in tears. The migraine in my head only increased.

"I just want my dad!" I cried for the millionth time.

There was nothing I could do but cry. There was nothing I could think of but cry.

At a point, I hoped someone was going to come out and console me. I wanted someone to envelop me in a hug and tell me it was okay. I wanted someone to tell me it was going to be over soon. That it was just a bad dream. That none of all this was true.

I needed someone to help keep my dying hopes up. I needed someone to give me the strength I needed at the moment.

I felt so weak. I felt useless. All I wanted was some consolation. All I wanted was my dad.

But no one came.

I was really all alone...