Present Day (Garden)
Before he confessed his feelings for me, watching the sun rise was something we did together. A secret that only we shared. It was the greatest feeling to be there in that moment with him because I knew that he would have my back. I didn't ever have to worry about other Knights in those moments we shared. Any time I felt terrible about myself he was always there to pick me back up, dust me off, and put me on my feet. I am where I am today because he was there to help me. My one and only male supporter other than my father.
I stared at the mountain, silently waiting for the sun to rise and bring my hope with it. Hope that this battle between us and the bandits would cease. Hope that I could get over my anger for Nicklos and pray that things would patch up between us. I was angry, that much was true, but at the same time I was extremely hurt as well. There was so much on my plate that I found my days filled with overwhelming amounts of pressure. The pressure to find a suitor for my father's benefit, the pressure of filling my mother's shoes, the pressure of being the good Knight I always wanted to be.
The stress had become so horrible these days that I could feel myself drowning. No matter how much I raised my head above water, I could still feel the splash of resentment I would receive, and it would pull me back down again. The shoes I had to fill, they where so big. I had barely even started to fill them. I had to graceful like my mother, and a leader like my father. They alone where revered as the greatest power couple in this century. At least they where until my mother's untimely death. Now I had to face all the responsibilities on my own, while facing the discourage of the world, and my superiors. Why couldn't people just be accepting of this already? It wasn't like I could turn back time and change everything. I don't think I would even if they wanted me to because this felt right.
"So, I see you still come out here." I turned my head surprised. Nicklos had snuck up behind me without me being aware of it. Had it been anyone else, I probably would have punched them in the head for scaring me. I watched as he closed the distance between us, our shoulders rubbing together as we both looked out over the cliff side. Nostalgia had crept over me, remembering all the days we had snuck out of the barracks just to watch the sun rise.
"Of course, I do. Wasn't it you who told me that the sun was hope?" I asked keeping my voice low. He chuckled in response. For some reason, my heart picked up at even the sound of his deep throaty chuckle. It made me happy that I was the cause for the amusement, although it was at my expense.
"When the sun rises, it reminds me that I lived to see another day. I was able to wake up and put my best foot forward and try to survive long enough to see it again. I always thought that it was the Sun I strived to live for, but when I came here it quickly changed. Soon enough you became my sun. You where the hope that filled me." I felt his hand casually play with the dark strands of my hair that dangled down my back. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, knowing that if I looked at his face, I wouldn't be able to stay mad at him. I didn't want to be filled by his pretty words, I just wanted to be mad at him.
"How can I be the sun when you turn away from me? Didn't you once tell me that I was as pretty as the sun? So why did you ignore me?" The deadly tone that I let spill from my mouth surprised me at first, but he needed to know that I wasn't just willing to forgive him over a few pretty words. "Did you finally realize that a woman who can defend herself was truly a scary thought? Are you really no different than any other man that hated me?" I couldn't help the tears that fell from my eyes and on to my cheeks. The hurt that I spent so long pushing aside, now coming out like a waterfall of emotions.
His arms where around me within seconds, crushing me against him as I felt the tears cascade down my face. I hated the thought that he would stop talking to me because I was a woman Knight. He had spent so much time lifting me up and holding me in the air that I thought he truly supported me. I didn't want to think that he would be like those other men that despised me, cursed me for even trying.
"Alliah that wasn't my intention at all. I promise you that for the entire year I was unable to write you, I hurt tremendously. Even over the last six years, all I could ever think about was you. I wanted to hold you just as I am now and to never let you go. There was a reason for my silence Alliah, just let me explain myself please." He spoke gently into my ear. I clutched at his cloak with my hands and buried my head against his chest. Would his explanation cure me of the aching that filled my chest? The void in my heart even started to fill with pain as I silently sobbed against him. I had to pull myself together, this was not how a Crowned Princess, nor a fully fledged Knight should act. I sniffled and rubbed the tears from my eyes as I pushed him away. I just needed a minute to regain my composure, and then I would hear him out.
I took a deep breath and went to tell him to proceed, but a guard came bursting through the doors of the garden and barreling towards his. Blood trickled from his head and streamed down his face. My heart flickered in panic as I caught the guard with my shoulder as he fell. Panting heavily and bleeding on me, he spoke so quickly I couldn't understand his babble. Sobs wracked his chest as he tried to inhale and exhale rapidly.
"What in the hell happened?" I demanded as I stabilized him on his feet. He coughed before wiping the blood from his head. His blue eyes where so dark with fear and sadness. I could feel my own chest aching with his turmoil. His body shook as his mouth opened and closed, trying to find his composure and his words.
"There was an ambush just outside of the city. The General is out there now fighting them off. Your Majesty you must hurry they are out matched. We already have your horse prepared for you." He spoke so urgently that I could barely catch what he was saying. I gripped his shoulders tightly as I cursed loudly. Why was it now of all times that I had to be interrupted? Why couldn't it have been any other time? I turned to Nicklos, quietly passing the injured guard off to him.
"Please bring him to the infirmary immediately. Let my father know that there was an attack. If he doesn't hear for me in two days that he can send a search party out for my team." Nicklos took the man against his shoulder and then wrapped his hand around my arm. Fear plainly written upon his face.
"What do you plan on doing Alliah? Why would we need to send a search party out for you?" His voice raised alarmed. But I don't think I could tell him what I had planned, because it was too dangerous even for me. But this time, with this attack, I planed on hunting these bastards down to their base. Even if it meant that I would have to capture and torture one of these scum men. I had no intentions of returning until the issue was resolved. I couldn't let my people or the merchants that travelled, be in fear any longer.
"Just do as I say Nicklos and don't worry about me. I'll be back because you owe me an explanation." I said yanking my arm from his grasp. Without looking back, I ran through the garden doors and down the hall, tears still springing from my eyes. I didn't know how bad this battle was going to be, or how many would make it out. I just knew that I needed to take care of this problem so that no one would get hurt.
In this moment, I just wanted to be a teenager again. I wanted to have that relationship I had with Nicklos so long ago. The laughing, the giggling, trading of tender kisses when no one was looking. I wanted to sneak around the castle in the early mornings and find those few moments of peace I would have with him. I didn't want to head out on to the battlefield where there was no way of knowing if I would return. But I did know one thing, I would do everything in my power to make it back. I would make it back to him regardless of the injuries. Because I knew that I still loved him.