~Two~

The clouds rolled by endlessly for it being the month of April. I stared continuously out the car window into the downtown city life around us as we drove back home in silence. People rushed down the streets huddled up in dark jackets and umbrellas, making the town less lively than what it usually was during any other season of the year.

Dad was oddly quiet, which made me unhinged, while Mom drove past the auto shop at the edge of downtown and the scenery changed from town life to suburb. Carl was passed out in his car seat next to me but I wished he was awake to cut this odd tension.

Our house was at the end of a cul-de-sac with the pathway of bright daffodils that led to the big dark blue double doors. It was, like all the other houses on the street, normal. Yet coming home felt strange to me and the color of the flowers stirred up something in my chest that I couldn't quite pin.

Mom parked the car and we all sat there for a minute. Dead as a door nail. No one looked at each other as far as I knew, my head felt heavy and I kept my gaze at those yellow flowers going up along the walkway, as if they were taunting me somehow. The thumping in my chest grew and my left eyebrow started twitching a bit. I couldn't stand that no one was saying anything-

Carl stirred in his sleep and stretched out his little arms to the roof and yawned loudly. The thumping in my chest dwindled down and I unbuckled my seatbelt to reach for him. "I'll take him inside," I said through gritted teeth and realized I was biting the inside of my cheek. As I made my way to the door with Carl on my shoulder I had to stop myself from grinding my teeth on my cheek.

Why was I feeling so angry? I couldn't think of a reason why so I tried to put my mind on other things. My stomach churned and I realized I didn't even eat anything since we left...

I just came from the hospital.

That thought hung in the air over my head as I stood at the door. Carl was still asleep but his weight in my arms felt like bricks and my shoulder started hurting.

"Here," Mom gently pushed me to the side and unlocked the front door. "Lay him in bed, take some time for yourself and then come downstairs to talk with me and Dad for a bit, okay?"

Her dainty voice snapped me back to reality and I slowly nodded as I picked up my feet across the door frame. I marched myself to the right side of the entryway up the stairs, turning from left to right on my way up, down the hall to the left and opened the first door to my right.

Carl and I had separate rooms with a conjoined bath but the difference between his and mine was that he had pale green walls. His little car bed was messy as usual and there were socks and pants littering the floor as if his dark wooden dresser was nonexistent. I swore at the sight of his tiny lego blocks at the foot of his bed and carefully set him down.

I didn't feel like being alone so I tread across from his bed to the black desk he had and plopped down on the swivel chair. I looked up and out his window and sat there, once again in silence.

Why I felt angry earlier, I don't know. Grandma was gone and no one was saying anything about her. Maybe that's what it was. There was so much life to her I didn't have the slightest idea of what to think about this untimely...

Death? I pondered over that thought. No, she shouldn't have. My chest started pounding again but it felt more of a burn than anything else. I just wish I was paying attention to that damn doctor. I guess I was in shock that my hearing went impaired for a second. And what was that blackout I had earlier? Did I pass out or did I spring into action to see if Grandma was okay? The questions I had and the scenarios that played in my head didn't make sense and it just made my anger worse.

"Jacky?" Carl's small voice rang in my ears. I shook my anger off and turned to see him sitting up rubbing his eyes.

"What's up CG?" I purred softly. I've got to pretend everything is fine, at least for him, I thought to myself.

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