Arc II - By a Thread - Part 4

Xiao Zhan's train of thought was interrupted by panicked screams. Suddenly, medical equipment started blaring quick, high-pitched warning sounds. He jumped to his feet, knocking his chair back with a loud clatter. Alarmed, he looked Yibo up and down, eyes going between the man and the machines surrounding him. When he finally realized that nothing was amiss, he leaned forward on the side of the bed, breath short. For a moment, it had been as though his heart was going to stop.

He straightened himself, put back the oximeter he'd yanked off Yibo's finger by accident, and righted his chair. There were now more people shouting, accompanied by footsteps rushing about. He walked to the curtain and pulled it back slightly. Across the aisle, a doctor and two nurses were moving about the bed of the new patient, their quick movements and quipped words the picture of efficiency itself. Another nurse — Xiao Zhan recognized him as the one who'd helped him get up earlier — held back the woman he'd seen crying earlier. He could only see her profile, but there was no mistaking her abundant tears and the look of distress that twisted her features. She wrung her hands as she watched the medical staff helplessly milled about her child.

Part of Xiao Zhan was petrified and shocked at the scene he was witnessing, but another part of him wanted to help her, support her, and hold her hand. However, he knew that, at best, he would be in the way, and, at worse, the woman would resent a stranger intervening in this very private tragedy. 

Another nurse arrived, and, with teamwork one could only admire, the group wheeled the patient and all the equipment out to the room. The nurse carefully released the woman, who wavered before slumping to the floor, sobbing. Xiao Zhan watched as the man crouched in front of her and helped her back to her feet, gently supporting her as he escorted her out of the ward.

Xiao Zhan followed them with his eyes until they disappeared. Only then did he notice that the few other family members attending to sick ones were also all standing and watching. The sudden silence weighed heavily on all of them, and they avoided making eye contact before once again taking refuge behind the fragile safety of their own curtains.

Shaken, Xiao Zhan pulled his chair close to Yibo's bed and sat back down. For a moment, all he could do was look at his hands trembling in his lap. His heart was racing, and the numb pain in his stomach had returned. He shut his eyes tightly and took a deep breath to calm himself down. It didn't do much. His mind kept replaying the scene he'd just seen, but instead of the child, the patient was Yibo.

Critical condition.  

That was what it meant. 

Nurse Jang and Auntie Wang had said Yibo was still in critical condition, but it hadn't really sunk in. After all, it was easy to convince yourself that everything would be alright, that those bad things couldn't possibly happen to your loved one. Xiao Zhan realized now that the sword of Damocles had hung above this whole time. He'd just chosen not to acknowledge it. 

He was hit with the sudden realization that Yibo might lose this battle. All the care and money in the world could give no guarantees. There was no immunity against this kind of tragedy.

He observed him for a long time. He watched as his chest rose and fell at regular intervals. He had the sudden urge to shake him, to yell at him to stop playing and wake up already. Instead, he softly caressed the back of his hand with the tip of his fingers.

"I'll wear your hand down if you don't wake up soon," he said.

He suddenly felt a longing so strong it almost knocked his breath out. Throwing caution to the wind, Xiao Zhan lifted Yibo's hand and pressed his open palm against his cheek. He rested the tip of his long fingers against his temple. He leaned in, eyes closed, taking in the warmth and trying his best to ignore the contrasting cold of the oximeter. When had the man last cupped his cheek like this? Had he truly enjoyed it? Had he taken in all the details of Yibo's palm? The softness at the center, the calluses near the base of the fingers… He promised himself that he would never take another of his caresses for granted.

Xiao Zhan realized that more than touching Yibo, he'd been aching to be touched by him. True, he was doing most of the work, but that didn't change a thing. He'd come to realize that no matter what happened, and even though he was six years younger than him, Yibo was his rock. He was always the one to reassure, to be steadfast in the storm. He needed his comforting touch now more than ever. However, in the current situation, even he could see that this was the height of selfishness. 

He turned his head slightly and let his lips graze Yibo's soft palm with the whisper of a kiss.

"I'm so scared, Yibo," he said, his voice muffled.

He nuzzled his palm, searching for traces of his scent but only finding a sanitized smell. Giving up, he tilted his head and pressed Yibo's hand against his cheek once more. He knew that he would have to be the strong one, but for now, he wished for nothing more than to indulge in the comforting warmth of this touch for just a little longer. 

Xiao Zhan's consciousness floated in that liminal space between sleep and awareness. Reality tugged at him, but he did his best to resist the pull. The more he did, the closer he got to awakeness. Then, suddenly, he became aware of a warm hand petting his head. He sat bolt upright.

"Yibo?!?"

His vision was blurry, but he could still see that Yibo hadn't moved. He turned around and saw Auntie Wang standing next to him. He rubbed his eyes. They felt sticky, and his vision didn't quite focus.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," she said. "I just couldn't resist. I used to pet BoBo's hair like that when he was a child," she laughed, slightly embarrassed.

Xiao Zhan finally managed to get a somewhat clear vision and looked up at her. Her smile immediately turned into a frown.

"Xiao Zhan, your eyes are so red!"

As if sensing an opportunity to scold him, Nurse Jang suddenly showed up at the foot of Yibo's bed.

"Good morning, Auntie," she said with a warm smile. "Mr. Xiao," she continued in a somewhat less cheerful tone.

She immediately caught sight of Xiao Zhan's eyes, but instead of berating him head-on as she'd previously done, she used a new tactic.

"This doesn't look good," she said to Yibo's mother. "Do you mind if I borrow Mr. Xiao for a bit?"

"Of course!" She replied. 

She turned to him and grabbed his upper arm, forcing him to get up.

 "Come on, Xiao Zhan. Go with her. This really needs to be looked at."

Before he could fully understand what was happening, he was being marched out of the ICU by Nurse Jang. They walked for a while without exchanging a word. From time to time, the woman would exchange a few words with passing staff members.

"Where are we going?" he finally asked.

"To see a doctor."

"There's no need. It'll go away by itself," he protested, rubbing his eyes.

"Please don't touch your eyes," she replied.

She suddenly grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him to a washroom. She pointed at the sink.

"Wash your hands."

He got closer but didn't turn on the tap. She did it for him. He still didn't put his hands under the water.

"Do you need help?" she asked.

"Can you wait outside?"

Xiao Zhan could have sworn he had physically felt the effort it had taken her not to roll her eyes.

"I've seen many people wash their hands."

"I'm sure. But I need to go to the bathroom."

Xiao Zhan couldn't help but feel he'd won another round when he saw her cheeks flush slightly. 

She coughed.

"Right. I'll wait out there."

Once he was done with his business, he took the opportunity to splash some water on his face. When he finally looked at himself in the mirror, he had to admit that his eyes looked more than just "pretty bad." He should have taken his lenses off a long time ago, but he just hadn't thought of it. He was now paying the price. 

As he struggled to remove the lenses, he was reminded of that time he'd gotten very drunk and woken up with Yibo's fingers in his eyes, fumbling to take the contacts out. This had weirded him out so much that they'd ended up having a fight. They even hadn't talked for a few days after. 

Such a stupid thing to fight about.

As he finally took out the second contact, his nail grazed his cornea. He winced in pain and pressed his hand to his eye. When he let go, tears welled up and spilled onto his cheek. He blinked a few times and reached for a paper towel, but when he tried to pull one out of the dispenser, it tore, leaving him with only a tiny bit between his fingers. He stared at it. For a second, he teetered on the edge of complete breakdown. A wave of heat washed over him. He took a deep, shaky breath and used all that was left of his mental strength to resist the urge to slump to the floor and cry his eyes out. 

When he finally walked out of the washroom, Nurse Jang eyed him suspiciously but didn't comment. Xiao Zhan barely noticed; without his contacts, he was blind as a bat. He did his best to follow and not lose sight of her. Thankfully, they soon arrived at a quieter wing of the hospital.

"Doctor Park hasn't clocked in yet, but if we wait until he does, it'll be impossible to have him see you," she explained as they walked past a series of doors, most of them closed.

"Isn't he Yibo's doctor? I don't want to disturb him with something so trivial. I can get drops from the pharmacy."

Nurse Jang ignored him and stopped in front of an ajar door. She knocked. A male voice called in Korean from inside. They stepped in.

The space was small and made even more so by the overflowing bookshelves that covered the walls. With barely any room to stand, Nurse Jang and he had to huddle together to avoid stepping over the man. All things considered, this probably was for the best since Xiao Zhan wouldn't have been able to clearly see his face otherwise. Nurse Jang and Dr. Park exchanged a few words. As he watched, it quickly became apparent that this person had strong feelings for the nurse. Everything from his tone of voice to his body language displayed barely veiled affection. Was he her older brother? He definitely didn't look old enough to be her father. But there was something about the way he looked at her that told him they couldn't possibly be related. He wondered if they were married. He hadn't noticed a ring on her finger, but didn't medical staff have to remove all jewelry?

He was still trying to figure out their relationship when the man finally turned to him.

"You're Mr. Wang's friend, Xiao Zhan, yes? I'm Doctor Park," he said in choppy Mandarin.

They shook hands.

"I'm sorry about what happened to your friend, but I want to tell you we're doing our best to get him back on his feet."

"Thank you."

"Now, Sunmi tells me you have…" He began.

He asked Nurse Jang to translate a word.

"Conjunctivitis. Yes, that's it. I interned in Shanghai, but that was a while ago."

He laughed. Xiao Zhan immediately liked him. The doctor got up and offered him his chair. He sat down. Dr. Park immediately lifted his chin and used a small osculating light to look at his eyes.

"I always trust Sunmi with her diagnoses, but I still need to take a look if I'm going to prescribe something," he explained.

Satisfied, he put away the light and scribbled something on a prescription pad. He handed it to Xiao Zhan.

"You can get that downstairs. Sunmi will go with you to explain how to use the drops. Just wear glasses until you've used up the prescription."

He looked at his watch.

"Well, I have to go now. It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Xiao."

He then nodded at Nurse Jang with a beaming smile and was on his way.