Prologue.

There are moments in life where we often tend to have no idea what we want, these tend to be the moments that change our lives. Not knowing something is scary...no; terrifying. Today, everyone fears the unknown; including me. They say knowledge is power, so when that knowledge is taken from you, what power do you have left?

I'm only a teenager, so there's not much I know about myself but I do know one thing and it's that I care. I care a lot about a lot of people and even too much to the point where it will only cause me pain in the end. I grow attached and then I'm too scared to let go because it feels like all the caring was for nothing. I go out of my way for people who don't deserve it, I give someone 100% of myself and they might not even give me 40% back. It hurts, like hell.

I will always give people the benefit of the doubt when I can and I give way too many chances. I've ignored my gut feeling so many times just to push aside the flaws I see in people. I haven't had any luck yet with that working out for me but it won't stop me from doing it. I'll always blame myself before I blame other people, thinking I drove them away and that I could've done better. I'll always put other people first before myself, pushing my feelings aside so that I can mend theirs. It will always come back and hurt me in the end but I've felt a lot of things in my life and I can't stand the thought of someone else experiencing the pain that I have felt, especially when it can be helped.

I spend most days wondering when I will wake up one day and not blame myself anymore and when I can just have faith in a new relationship that they do care just as much as I do and hope that if something was wrong they would tell me. There's only so much pain I can take from someone, and I honestly believe that this boy made me feel every ounce of pain I could feel for a long time. There are only so many chances that one can give to someone before realising they are worth so much more. I guess was someone that realised it a bit too late.

I can't tell you exactly when it happened, I wish I could but I can't. One day I looked at you and things were different, they felt different at least. I looked at you in a way that you would never look at me. The idea of that stung every time I thought about it but you felt nothing and I had to accept that. Growing closer every day, you made me feel so special and little did I know that the entire time you never really gave me a second thought, at least that's what I have been assuming this entire time because you never made it clear if you did.