Here's My Mind

Do you know how unlucky it is to have no right thought pattern? For centuries man fought, arguing whether the pen was mightier than the sword, while nothing compared to the ability to think. What different are we to apes if we can't think? Aren't we a step back in evolution if we can't think right? The lack of the ability to decipher what emotion is to be displayed where. Why exist if this feature, this basic trait of a human is lacking? That's the only thought that I can think.

No, I wasn't born this way and, no, I don't want to live this way but every time I try to end life itself someone holds me back.

"One more chance!", "One more time!", "Reconsider!", "You're just overthinking it!". Why does no one understand I'm no longer human, I'm no longer worthy. Am I being selfish? No! its my life and if I can't think, I can't survive!

There was a time where I was empathetic, a time where I put another's happiness over mine but all it did was hurt me in return, to a point where I lost all ability to think. Humans are worse than animals, evolution gave us the ability to think, yes. But, man has not much care for one another but apes, they look out for one another and they are strong together. While man's weakness is man himself.

This is another thought that goes inside my head and in this deep thought, I believe that I'm more evolved than man. My mind is a field of contradiction, an ocean of thoughts that can never go hand in hand. Why am I this way? Its my sickness, a disease that no medication can cure fully, no therapy can help. The life you have to live with this is one that no man, woman or child will ever want.

I'm David Heath, age 28, status; single. A man with no digital footprint, I fly solo and under the radar. I live amongst all of you, unnoticed yet judged whenever noticed. The funerals you moan for, I'm blank, the surprise parties you smile for, I'm blank, the fights you get mad for, I'm blank. I have no thought, I have no emotion, no expression, but I'm still alive, still throwing myself at life, one day at a time.

Despite, being such a person, I still have four people who actually care for me and are with me day in and day out. No not my parents, cause I'm and orphan, yes like batman! Just friends, really close friends.

It takes a lot bravery, a lot of courage and a whole lot of tolerance to take a day in my shoes. Maybe tou don't understand it. Maybe its unclear but you'll see, life as an ordinary man is not easy, especially when you are like me. Life is a walk in the park? Then, welcome to Jurassic park, two steps in and your eaten by a 5-ton lizard. Not literally, but you get the point.