Not Ready Yet
Our kiss became increasingly fervent, each movement fueled by an insatiable hunger to consume one another. Before I knew it, I was lying on top of him, our bodies pressed together in a tangle of limbs and desire. My mind was a whirlwind of sensations, my mouth moving incoherently between kisses as I struggled to contain the overwhelming rush of emotions coursing through me for Jaspers growing appeal.
Jasper's lips briefly part from mine, and he looks at me with a mix of surprise and amusement. "I thought you were new to this?" he asks, his voice tinged with curiosity.
I blush slightly, feeling exposed under his gaze. "I, uh, read about kissing on the internet," I admit, my voice barely above a whisper.
A playful grin dances across Jasper's lips. "You wanted to kiss me that badly?" he teases before leaning back in, resuming the fervent kiss.
Annoyance bubbles up inside me at his teasing tone, and I playfully swat at his chest. "Shut up!" I retort, my cheeks flushing with embarrassment and frustration.
As our lips remained locked in a passionate embrace, my fingers instinctively found their way into Jasper's soft black hair, relishing the sensation as they combed through the silky strands. With my other hand, I clutched at Jasper's back, seeking support as I surrendered to the intensity of our kiss. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before – tender yet filled with an insatiable craving for more.
A low moan escaped me as Jasper's fingers tightened around my hips, holding me firmly against the bed. As the need for air grew urgent, I reluctantly broke our kiss, my head falling back against the wall as waves of arousal washed over me, leaving me completely dazed.
Sensing my vulnerability, Jasper's lips trailed down to my exposed neck, his teeth grazing the tender flesh. "Oh God," I gasped involuntarily, my fingers gripping the back of Jasper's head, urging him to continue.
Driven by his own arousal, Jasper eagerly explored my neck, leaving a trail of marks in his wake, heedless of the consequences. His hands roamed up my ribcage before trailing down my thighs, igniting a fire within me that burned hotter with each caress.
"Alex," Jasper's voice was filled with hunger and longing, craving more from our passionate embrace. He eagerly returned to kissing me, allowing himself to dictate the pace as he savored every moment, until I finally pulled back, gasping for air.
Something huge and hard was poking me!
My hands found their way between us, pressing against Jasper's chest. "Too fast," I managed to say, pushing him away. "You know I-"
"I get it," Jasper replied, his tone understanding as he gently patted my head. "You don't have to explain. I guess I was moving too quickly for you. Excuse me for a bit."
Jasper's hasty departure to the bathroom left me in a state of contemplation.
As I sat in the quiet solitude of my room, a wave of insecurity washed over me.
I couldn't shake the lingering doubts that plagued my thoughts. What if Jasper harbored similar tendencies to my brother, using intimacy as a tool for manipulation and deceit? The mere suggestion filled me with a sense of foreboding, tarnishing the purity of our budding romance with the stain of distrust.
But even as I grappled with these insecurities, a part of me resisted the notion that Jasper could be anything but genuine and compassionate. He had consistently shown me kindness and understanding, navigating our interactions with a grace and sincerity that belied any ulterior motives.
Had I inadvertently wounded Jasper's pride with my rejection? Did he now question the depth of my feelings, or worse, my intentions towards him?
Sex meant being open and vulnerable and exposing yourself. I don't know if I actually wanted to do that yet!
As Jasper settled back onto the bed, I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt for the tension that lingered between us. His concern was palpable, a silent plea for reassurance that everything was alright. But how could I reassure him when I myself was grappling with a torrent of conflicting emotions?
"Are you alright?"
For a moment, I hesitated, unsure of how to articulate the turmoil that churned within me. But then, with a forced nonchalance, I shrugged, feigning a sense of composure that belied the storm raging beneath the surface. "Sorting some things out, but I'm okay," I replied, my voice betraying none of the uncertainty that gnawed at my insides.
Jasper's gaze lingered on me, his eyes filled with a mixture of concern and guilt. I could sense his desire to alleviate the tension between us, to erase the lingering traces of discomfort that hung heavy in the air.
"Good," Jasper finally murmured, his voice tinged with a hint of apprehension.
Unable to resist the urge to lighten the mood, I couldn't help but tease him, a mischievous grin tugging at the corners of my lips. "Jasper, are you nervous?" I quipped, a playful glint in my eyes as I observed his flustered response.
The blush that crept across Jasper's cheeks was unmistakable, his attempts to mask his unease only serving to heighten my amusement. "Um, no," he stammered, his hand nervously rubbing the back of his neck in a telltale gesture of discomfort. "I just wanna deal with this."
With a soft chuckle, I couldn't resist poking fun at his expense, a playful glint dancing in my eyes. "You mean deal with having me pinned against my bed and marking me like an animal?" I teased, my laughter echoing softly in the quiet of the room.
Jasper's response was a hesitant half-smile, a flicker of amusement dancing in his eyes despite the lingering guilt that clouded his expression.
"I'm working on getting comfortable with sex too," I added with a wry grin, a silent acknowledgment of the complexities that defined our evolving relationship.
As Jasper made a tentative move towards me, his hand outstretched in a gesture of curiosity, I couldn't help but instinctively recoil, a surge of unease coursing through me at his approach. His sudden halt, mid-motion, mirrored my own hesitation, his hand left hanging in the air as though suspended in limbo. "Was just gonna look at your neck," he offered, his voice tinged with uncertainty.
"Right," I replied tersely, my stance rigid as Jasper cautiously closed the distance between us. With a hesitant movement, he reached out, gently pushing aside the collar of my shirt to reveal the faint marks that adorned my neck. His touch was feather-light, his fingers tracing the contours of the bite marks with a careful precision.
"I got a little carried away," Jasper confessed, his voice laced with a hint of remorse as he withdrew his hand, clearly sensing the apprehension that radiated from my body.
"I'm extremely irresistible," I quipped, attempting to diffuse the tension with a playful smile, though inwardly, my nerves were still on edge.
"That you are," Jasper sighed, the tension in his frame slowly dissipating as he finally relaxed in response to my attempt at levity. "That you are."
"Why are you worried?" I asked.
"I pushed you too far because I wanted to get a reaction," he confessed, his admission hanging heavy in the air between us. "It started out with the reaction I wanted. Didn't end how I wanted it to. But that's ok," Jasper continued, his voice softening with understanding. "Can I just ask you a few things to make sure you're good?"
His concern was genuine, his desire to ensure my comfort a testament to the depth of his care for me. And as I met his gaze, the weight of his unspoken question hung heavy in the air, a silent invitation to open up and share the burdens that weighed heavily on my heart. "Shoot."
"Were you scared?" Jasper's voice was gentle, laced with genuine concern as he sought to understand the tumult of emotions swirling within me.
"Absolutely," I confessed, my voice barely above a whisper as I admitted to the raw vulnerability that had gripped me in that moment of intimacy.
"Aroused?" Jasper's question cut through the air, his gaze unwavering as he awaited my response.
"Definitely," I sighed, the admission weighing heavily on my chest as I grappled with the conflicting sensations that had flooded my senses.
"Not interested?" Jasper's tone softened, a hint of uncertainty creeping into his voice as he broached the subject with cautious optimism.
"Confused," I confessed, my words tinged with a mixture of frustration and uncertainty as I struggled to articulate the jumble of emotions that churned within me.
"Understandable," Jasper replied, his understanding a soothing balm to my troubled mind.
"I am interested, it was just so..." I trailed off, my frustration mounting as I struggled to find the words to express the complexity of my feelings.
Jasper reached out, his touch gentle as he brushed a comforting hand against my forehead. "Alex, it doesn't have to mean anything to you. You can forget it ever happened. I was the one that crossed the line and I apologize. I won't let it happen again, if that's what you want. Just say the word and we will never talk about it again."
I inhaled deeply, my heart heavy with the weight of his words. "I don't want to forget about it. I liked it, I'm just not ready for sex yet, I guess."
"Well, I got you, Alex," Jasper reassured me, his voice filled with a quiet resolve as he offered his unwavering support in the midst of my uncertainty. "I totally thought you were going to dump me. I was so scared, I couldn't even jerk off."
"Why would I have dumped you?" I asked, genuinely puzzled by Jasper's insecurity.
"I thought you might think I'm a pervert or only after your body," Jasper explained, his voice tinged with vulnerability.
"If I thought that we wouldn't have even started dating in the first place. Besides, I know you're a pervert, Lollipop told me all about you," I teased, hoping to lighten the mood.
"Lollipop doesn't know shit!" Jasper's cheeks flushed crimson, his embarrassment palpable.
"Oh, then you aren't a great guy with good morals? And your past one-night stands weren't all chasing after you for a second date?" I prodded, unable to resist poking fun at his expense.
"No! Well, yes, but it was because I wasn't interested! I don't date unless I'm interested and I've only had two one night stands in my entire life!" Jasper defended himself, his tone earnest and slightly defensive. "Those people just spread rumors so they wouldn't look bad to their friends."
"You slept with one of Lollipop's friends?" I gasped, surprised by the revelation.
"Seven years ago," Jasper groaned, a hint of regret in his voice. "He turned on me after I told him I didn't mean for things to go anywhere. It was actually pretty weird and Lollipop tried to get him to stop, but he started to spread rumors about me instead."
"That's awful," I sympathized, feeling a pang of empathy for Jasper's past ordeal.
"It is what it is. Anyway, I'm not a pervert and I know how to be patient. Just let me know when you want it, I'll take it slow," Jasper reassured me, his grin returning as he attempted to lighten the mood.