Jasper’s Obsession

As I was unpacking boxes in our new home, finally free from my cold, I accidentally dropped one labeled with Jasper's name. Among the scattered contents, I noticed a composition notebook with the title "Thoughts" scrawled across the cover. A surge of curiosity washed over me. What secrets did Jasper's journal hold?

What was he thinking?

With Jasper still away at the storage unit, I cautiously opened the notebook, feeling a mixture of excitement and guilt. As I flipped through the pages, I was met with an intimate glimpse into Jasper's inner world. His thoughts, fears, and dreams spilled across the pages with raw honesty and vulnerability.

'Meeting Alex in person was an experience beyond my expectations. His striking presence took me by surprise; his boldness captivated me instantly, rendering everything else insignificant the moment our eyes met. It was weird, though, how he seemed to distance himself after discovering my connection to Sam. His standoffishness, oddly enough, only added to his allure—it was somewhat endearing.

Admittedly, my mind knows better than to venture down this path again. Alex is younger than me, just 22, and there's a part thats urging me to pull back before my emotions take me too far. If I had known that meeting him would stir such feelings within me, I would have avoided it altogether. Yet here I am, drawn to him as if he were the most tempting of fruits.

My heart has unwittingly pledged itself to him: my love, my loyalty, my honesty—all are his, though he doesn't know it yet. It troubles me deeply to think he might not reciprocate these feelings, my only desire is to have his heart in return.'

I continued reading, my curiosity deepening with each page. Jasper's words flowed with an eloquence that painted his emotions vividly, each entry a new layer revealing more of his complex feelings.

The next entry came months later, seemingly after I acquired Lombardi's. It showed a different, more unsettling side of Jasper's feelings:

'I find myself constantly checking on my soulmate through the bug I put on his phone. It's not just about knowing where he is; it's about feeling connected to him, imagining what he might be doing at that moment. However, I acknowledge the troubling nature of my actions. The thought has even crossed my mind to gift him something with a hidden camera just to see him more, to watch over him while he sleeps. I've already overstepped by tracking his phone so the desire to place cameras around his room is a fantasy I know I shouldn't entertain even though I've already bought the cameras. Alex's charm is undeniable, but I'm aware that my behavior has crossed boundaries.'

Feeling a mixture of betrayal and confusion, I sat back, the notebook resting heavily in my lap. The realization that Jasper had been tracking my movements without my knowledge cast a shadow over the trust I thought we had.

Why would Jasper feel the need to watch me so closely? Was his affection laced with an unhealthy obsession? I read on feeling more confused than ever.

In the next entry, Jasper's thoughts continued:

'I've started to observe my beloved more closely, gathering intel on his interests and tastes, especially now that we're spending a little more time together. My goal is to create an environment perfectly tailored to him, hoping it will deepen his affection for me. I realize the importance of respecting his boundaries, especially since Alex really dislikes interference. I acknowledge that my previous actions, like monitoring his phone and leaving up the cameras, were oversteps, and I won't cross that line again. Though my intentions are just to love and care for him, I often find myself consumed with thoughts of ensuring his safety and well-being.'

The weight of Jasper's actions and intentions pressed heavily on my mind as I pondered the reasons behind his extreme measures. It was clear that his desire to protect me had crossed into an invasive realm, driven perhaps by deep-seated fears or insecurities.

Why did he feel that such surveillance was necessary? Did he distrust the world around us so much, or was it something within himself that he doubted? His actions suggested a paradoxical mix of love and a need for control—feelings that, while stemming from a place of care, had manifested in ways that were far from healthy.

Is this what that stupid sales rep was warning me about?

In another entry, Jasper's words revealed his growing fixation:

'The thought of keeping Alex close to me at all times is overwhelmingly strong. Sometimes, the idea that he is somewhere without me disrupts my sleep. This urge to have him near, in a way only I can manage, is intensifying. Whenever he shares his likes or desires, my mind wanders, scheming ways to incorporate these into my apartment space so that he would never feel the need to leave me. These thoughts are relentless, difficult to push aside. I don't mean any harm; my only wish is to keep him safe, to love and protect him.'

My hands trembled slightly as I turned the pages, each word sinking deeper into the pit of uncertainty forming in my stomach. Jasper's entries, while penned with affection, carried an undertone that was hard to ignore—possessiveness, a craving for control that seemed to transcend simple protective instincts.

As I continued to read, I tried to compare the Jasper I knew—the caring, attentive partner—with the one revealed through these writings. The entries painted a picture of someone grappling with intense emotions, perhaps not fully aware of how his actions could be perceived or the impact they could have on our relationship.

'I've compiled a scrapbook filled with photos of Alex. There are images of him at the thrift store, where despite his struggles with customer service, his perseverance is endearing. I've also captured moments of him surrounded by nature, but even these settings pale in comparison to his beauty. At times, I feel a twinge of guilt for cherishing these photos when I masturbate, as if I've tainted something pure.'

As I continued to read, the journal entries sprawled out before me, each page deepening my understanding yet complicating my feelings. Jasper's words were intense, filled with a love that seemed to blur the lines between devotion and obsession. It was hard to pinpoint exactly where care ended and control began.

'I think my feelings for Alex have become an obsession. I'm constantly thinking about him, to the point where it's difficult to sleep or focus on work when he's not around. Ever since Sam had me look him up five years ago, my crush on him has only grown, and meeting him in person might have just pushed me completely over the edge. My mind is always racing with ideas on how to ensure he stays with me. When he's awake and not talking to me, I feel a sickening anxiety. My feelings have grown so intense that I find myself resenting anyone or anything that takes his attention away from me—his friends, his family, even his past with Sam. Despite our short time as a couple, barely a month, and his skepticism about marriage, I'm considering buying a ring. He once mentioned he wasn't keen on marriage, viewing it as merely a business arrangement, but he didn't correct me the other day when I accidentally referred to myself as his husband. Perhaps he's warming up to the idea, or maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I see it as a sign to move forward and just buy the ring.'

As I continued to delve into the journal, each entry seemed to unveil more of Jasper's meticulously crafted visions for our future together. His planning, so far in advance and with such certainty, brought a mix of emotions: flattery that he cared so deeply, yet discomfort at the intensity and presumption of his plans.

'I'm a police officer; I should have better control over myself. I don't want to frighten Alex away, yet I can't seem to suppress these overpowering urges. When he's asleep, his lips seem to beckon for more kisses. Sometimes, I give in to a gentle kiss, and guilt washes over me immediately. I'm grateful to share these quiet nights next to him, but I know he would disapprove if he discovered that I jerk off over his sleeping body. It's clear—I'm the one at fault here. Perhaps my behavior has contributed to him distancing himself at times. I must regulate my actions; I never want to cause him any distress.'

Jasper's confessions, while heartfelt, were alarming.

What should have been signs of endearment now felt like red flags. How could I address these revelations with Jasper without causing a rift? His behavior, though problematic, didn't seem to stem from malice but rather from a profound, if misguided, devotion.

'Having sex with Alex helped soothe the darker thoughts that overwhelmed me, like dealing with Mr. Reynolds in ways too extreme to entertain as a police man. My initial plan was drastic—intended to protect Alex from any perceived threat. But Alex's need for me, his desire for affection and closeness, redirected my focus. I poured all the anger I had been restraining into showing him love. Thank god I was able to give him all the pleasure he was craving and he just kept wanting more and more of me. I finally feel connected to him. I love him! I love him so fucking much! My love for Alex is beyond intense, beyond words. I love him so deeply, so passionately; it consumes me.'

Finding out that Jasper had written about our intimate moments was deeply embarrassing. It was unsettling to see such private experiences laid out on paper, recorded without my consent.

Jasper's journal entry continued to express his deep infatuation:

'Alex is insatiable, and it's taken me to heights of happiness I've never known before. I've become completely enamored with his compact, appealing form and the prominent scar across his chest—a mark he dislikes, but one I find incredibly attractive. I often focus my affection on it, hoping to convince him of his flawless beauty in my eyes. His body, his face, his very soul—they are perfect to me, beyond comparison. I'm the only one who truly appreciates every detail of him, and I intend to keep it that way. I long for him to crave my presence just as much, ensuring he'll never have a reason to leave me.'

The journals next entry revealed more of Jasper's fervent emotions:

'I can hardly believe it—I've married Alex! He's truly mine now. In a show of my loyalty, I even took his last name. Surprisingly, Alex embraced the idea more readily than I expected, which thrilled me to no end. He didn't even question the origin of the rings and assumed he bought them, unaware that I had purchased them long ago with the intention of making him my spouse. Although I had envisioned a more elaborate proposal and a grand ceremony befitting of Alex, the simplicity of our union is still profoundly satisfying. My love for Alex is immense, and I feel his love for me in return.'

The next entry showed Jasper's frustration:

'I can't believe my bitch mother's nerve! She came over just to cause trouble, insulting Alex and siding with his mother. She still pushes me towards Harper, thinking I should be with a girl instead. I despise Harper! I wish she would just die, so my mom would forget about her once and for all. The thought of harming Harper has crossed my mind plenty, simply out of frustration that she planted this idea in my mother's head. I truly hope Alex doesn't think less of me because of them.'

As I turned to his most recent journal entry, the handwriting seemed rushed, the words laden with emotion.

'Gradually, Alex and I are merging our lives in every way. I've noticed that when I give him space, he sometimes lets down his guard and reveals a tender side reserved just for me. We share our home, our workplace, and every aspect of our daily lives—I couldn't have it any other way. Yet, there's a part of me that still yearns to have him all to myself. My biggest fear is losing his need for me, especially once he achieves his goals. Although Alex reassures me of his love daily and he's always been truthful, the thought of possibly losing that love terrifies me. I can't imagine coping if it were to fade. I might just lose my mind completely this time.'

Sitting with Jasper's journal closed beside me, I couldn't help but feel a whirlwind of emotions. I was touched by his devotion, yet unsettled by the depth of his obsession. It made me question: had I overlooked these signs because of my own feelings for him, or had I subconsciously chosen to ignore them, charmed by his affection? Was it love, or perhaps a bit of arrogance on my part, believing that I could handle whatever came my way? He's been on his best behavior this entire time, so what could I have missed?

Could anything he did have hinted this problem to me in advanced?

As the U-Haul truck rumbled into the driveway, I watched from the window, observing Jasper coordinating with the movers. Each box they carried felt symbolic, a physical representation of the shifting dynamics of our relationship. Despite the revelations in his journal, my affection for him hadn't waned one bit. A part of me thrived on the thought of a challenge, on the intensity that others might view as red flags.

Maybe a red flag was just my type. Now to deal with Jasper.