Drinking

As the evening settled in, the quiet of the house enveloped us, offering a rare moment of solitude. Travis, pouring himself another glass of wine, seemed oddly attuned to the weight of my thoughts. With a sigh, I decided to open up to him about the tumult of changing thought swirling inside me lately about Jasper. "Yeah, you're head over heels."

"Do you really think so?" I asked, seeking confirmation of what I dared not admit to myself.

"Loser, you love him," Travis retorted bluntly, cutting through my uncertainty. "Why don't you know that yet?"

I reflected on his words, accepting there was a truth to them. Jasper had managed to unravel parts of me I never knew existed, making me question my own motives and feelings.

"I've never felt this way before or been talked into things before," I confessed, grappling with the unfamiliar territory of my emotions.

Travis, ever the realist, observed, "You still can't be talked into anything, it's only Jasper this happens with. You're trying to be nicer, you've learned to show mercy, you even listen to what he wants and care about it."

Defensively, I argued, "I do that with everyone I care about."

Ignoring my protest, Travis challenged me, "What's Jasper's favorite color?"

"Blue," I replied without hesitation.

"And mine?" he pressed, his arms crossing in front of him.

"It's not pink?" I ventured, unsure.

"No! You ass! It's Yellow! I've told you that a million times! You only care when it comes to Jasper!" Travis exclaimed, frustration evident in his voice. "You got talked into changing your name and having another grand wedding by him. How great! You even thought about children. Think you'll do well?"

His words struck a chord of doubt within me. Despite my efforts to understand and navigate these new feelings, there was a lingering uncertainty about the path I was on.

"Why'd Mrs. Azure push for a wedding so hard? Is she afraid you'll run away? It's fucking sketch," Travis remarked, his concern veiled in a layer of cynicism. "You just don't see it because you only like fucked up things."

Feeling a surge of defensiveness, I snapped, "Hey! Don't say something so ominous! I came to you, with my pride lowered, genuinely asking for help!"

"I can't see into the future," Travis shrugged, frustratingly unhelpful in that moment.

"Ugh, why'd I choose to talk to you?" I scoffed, half-serious.

"Because you have no friends but me," Travis retorted, a hint of teasing in his voice.

That was true, in a way. "Am I charming?" I blurted out, seeking an answer to a question that had been nagging at me.

"What about you is charming? Jasper is the charming one," Travis said, his tone matter-of-fact.

"That's what I thought, but Mrs. Azure said all her friends thought I was," I replied, though I knew she was likely being polite.

"Well, I guess the older folks do often like you, and you have this strange air about you when you're handling business... you definitely charmed me when we first met and got revenge on your older brother, so maybe I'm wrong and you're just a regular Casanova," Travis mused. "Do you think you're charming?"

"Not unless it's business-related," I admitted, unsure of how to perceive myself in this light.

"Oh? Well, I guess you're pretty unaware, so I'll tell you, Alex. Your face is feminine, and your body is slender, so men like to look at you a lot in a sexual way. Your eyes used to be scary, but ever since Jasper softened you up, you don't look like you always want to hurt everyone that breathes anymore, you just look a bit stubborn. You aren't as standoffish as when you got out of prison. Underneath all that hate is a really nice and loyal person, plus you're rich and getting very powerful now too. Realistically, what part of you isn't charming?" Travis pointed out, his words sinking in with unexpected weight.

"I liked being scary," I pouted, feeling a pang of nostalgia for the days when my reputation preceded me.

"The only part of you that's scary is your petty side," Travis remarked, his tone serious. "I'd never cross you, especially now."

Feeling a mix of emotions, I finished up my glass of wine and went for another, the alcohol starting to loosen my inhibitions. "Should I tell him?" I asked, contemplating the idea of revealing my feelings to Jasper.

"Why would you keep it to yourself?" Travis asked, genuine curiosity in his voice. "Jasper loves the shit out of you, he needs to hear the words come out of your mouth!"

"Isn't showing it enough?" I questioned, grappling with the concept of verbalizing emotions I had long kept guarded.

"How long will he wait to hear it? You didn't even tell him on your honeymoon," Travis scolded, his words hitting a nerve. "You're awful. Who cares how much you show you love him. He'll be insecure forever unless you say it to him straight."

His words stung me, forcing me to confront a truth I had been avoiding. Maybe it was time to tell Jasper how I truly felt, to reassure him in a way that only words could.

"If I do that, he'll start expecting me to say it every day," I groaned, feeling the weight of potential expectations.

"And you should. Jasper came into your life and loved you. If he wants to hear it back, you should just tell him, especially now that you mean it," Travis said, his words laced with earnestness. "It won't kill you to be vulnerable with your husband."

"I guess it wouldn't, but do I just say it or do I have to make it a big thing?" I asked, contemplating the best approach.

"Just tell him, there's no right time," Travis advised, his tone softened by the wine.

How was I even going to do that?

"Yo," a sweaty Jasper, fresh from his run, appeared at the door. "Are you drunk?"

"No," I said defensively, my mind racing to find the right words.

"Where's your bracelet?" Jasper asked, noticing its absence from my wrist. "What if something happened to you?"

"I'm not a child, I don't need some location tracking bracelet," I retorted, my irritation bubbling up.

"You were annoyed like this yesterday too. Are you upset with me or something?" Jasper's concern was evident in his voice.

"Well, that was because you kept insisting I wear shorts under my robe!" I exclaimed, feeling a bit more agitated than I intended.

"Well, you can't go for the mail in just your socks and a robe like Tony Soprano! What if the neighbors saw your body?" Jasper argued, his tone trying to lighten the mood.

"I'm pretty sure no one cares about my body," I sighed, relenting. "But I'll put the shorts on and wear the bracelet to shut you up."

"Good, now say it!" Travis suddenly demanded, his drunken state amplifying his insistence.

"All of a sudden?" I asked him, feeling the effects of the wine.

"Say what?" Jasper asked, clearly confused by the sudden shift in conversation.

Just say it!

"I LOVE YOU!!" I yelled a bit too loudly, my declaration startling both Jasper and Travis. Jasper looked at me for a few seconds in disbelief before he lunged forward and grabbed my face in his hands, planting a passionate kiss on my lips.

"Oooooooooooo!" Travis squealed, clearly entertained by the moment.

Jasper pulled back, his eyes shining with emotion. "I love you too, Sugar!" he said, his voice filled with sincerity and affection.

Oh, my heart.

"I'll go hop in the shower and then I'll make the beef stew you like so much," Jasper said, kissing me one more time before practically skipping out of the room, his joy palpable.

"What'd I tell you? He loves it!" Travis laughed at me as I hid my face, feeling a bit embarrassed by my outburst. "Didn't you see his face? Why aren't you more happy?" Travis continued, teasing me gently.

"I am happy!" I defended myself, feeling a rush of emotions. I was beyond happy that I was able to make Jasper feel that happy. My confidence was soaring, and I felt like I could run a few miles. I couldn't stop smiling. I had no idea that being this happy was even possible.

Travis chuckled, pouring himself another glass of wine. "You're a sap, you know that?"

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help but grin. "Yeah, maybe I am."

"You've changed a lot, Alex," Travis said, his tone more serious now. "You used to be so closed off, so focused on your own world. Now look at you, saying 'I love you' with a smile like it's nothing."

"I guess people change," I said, feeling a bit introspective. "I never thought I'd be like this myself."

"Well, I think it's a good change," Travis said, raising his glass in a toast. "To love or whatever the fuck that was."

I raised my glass as well, feeling grateful for the people in my life who had helped me change for the better. "To love."