Baby Fever

"If you drink pesticides, it's usually not a very pleasant reaction," I confessed, reflecting on my extreme past actions. "They didn't die or anything."

"Jesus," Jeff muttered, clearly taken aback by the severity of my past retaliation.

"If you feel sorry for me or pity what I went through, stop it now. I went through a lot, but look at me now, I'm the strongest one out of everyone," I declared with a confident smile, attempting to shift the narrative from victimhood to victory.

I was far from a victim.

Just then, the little girl Sam had brought along waddled up to me. Her big, curious eyes, so much like Sam's but filled with the innocence of childhood, fixed directly on mine. She was a charming little thing, her hair a tousled mop of light curls, and her cheeks rosy from the sun. Dressed in a tiny floral dress that fluttered with each small step she took, she managed to exude a quiet confidence unusual for her age. Unexpectedly, she reached out and grabbed my hand, her small fingers surprisingly strong. This sudden interaction caused a ripple of tension among the adults watching.

Geez, it wasn't like I was going to kick the baby!

"I'm Kyle," the little girl said, attempting to shake my hand with the seriousness of an adult.

"I'm Alex," I responded, shaking her tiny hand.

"Are you my dad's friend?" she asked with the innocence typical of her age.

"Sure," I replied, unsure of what else to say.

"My dad is a cop but I'm going to be a terrorist!" she declared proudly.

"She means taxidermist!" Sam quickly corrected, jumping into the conversation with a slightly embarrassed laugh. "Her mom stuffs animals, and she's been showing her. Kyle, let's get you changed for the pool."

"I want to talk to Alex," Kyle whined, her interest in staying with me clear. Surprisingly, it was flattering, even if it was just a child.

"Just let the child sit in the shade with me to relax," I suggested, scooting over on my chair to make room for Kyle to climb up and sit next to me. Jasper, Sam, Mike, and Jeff all looked at me like I was an alien. "What?"

"I didn't think you'd get along with children," Mike commented, his expression one of disbelief.

"Alex is exceptional with children," Sam interjected with a sigh. "He understands them better than any adult can."

"Alex isn't a kid," Jasper pointed out.

"Yeah, but Alex kind of has the same mentality," Jeff added, looking at me thoughtfully. "He's a sociopath just like a child."

"It's probably why he got on so many people's nerves," Sam concluded, nodding in agreement.

Those jerks! How dare they act like I can't hear them! I brushed off their comments and focused my attention back on Kyle.

"Instead of a taxidermist why don't you become a businesswoman?" I suggested, steering the conversation towards a topic I was more comfortable with.

"Mommy says businesswomen are bad," Kyle looked up at me with a hint of confusion in her eyes.

"Business women aren't bad. I have this big house and lots of things because I'm a businessman," I gestured grandly towards the mansion sprawling behind us. "You can have a house this big too."

"With a pool?" Her eyes widened with excitement. "And uncle Jasper can make me food every day!"

"Maybe not uncle Jasper, but you can hire someone who does everything uncle Jasper can do," I suggested, trying to expand her horizons.

"Why not?" she asked, a little disappointed.

"Because uncle Jasper is mine so you have to find someone else," I explained with a smirk.

"Oh," Kyle pondered for a moment. "Daddy is good."

"You'll make your parents work for you?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Mommy said Daddy doesn't have a good job so I'll make sure he gets a better job so they can be together again," Kyle said innocently.

Ugh, that was heavy.

"I'll give you a job when you get older so you can start a business, ok?" I quickly changed the conversation to something more optimistic. I didn't want to delve too deep into such a complex family issue through a child's perspective. "If you work hard enough, you'll be able to build yourself something nice."

"Thank you, Uncle Alex!" Kyle exclaimed, standing up and throwing her entire body into a full hug. The embrace was so intense that I froze, not quite sure how to respond as she was so tiny and delicate. This child was undeniably adorable, now looking up at me as if I had just offered her the moon.

I want one of my own now...

Shaking off the sudden surge of paternal instinct, I gently set Kyle back onto the bench next to me and forcefully pushed the thoughts of having children out of my mind. I must be insane to even consider having children at 22 years old, especially in the midst of a political campaign, multiple acquisitions, and company reconstruction efforts.

"Did you see that face? I've never seen him look like that," Jeff remarked suddenly, breaking into my thoughts.

"That's called baby fever!" Sam teased, chuckling. "Looks like you'll have a little one running around here soon," he continued, nudging Jasper playfully.

"Now it's just a question of where Alex will steal the children from," Mike joked, prompting a burst of laughter from the group.

I blushed, embarrassed by their teasing and surprised by my own reaction. "Don't bully Uncle Alex! He's going to help me get you a job, Daddy!" Kyle yelled back in my defense, her voice ringing with a mix of cheekiness and sincerity.

That made me laugh out loud. She deserved a reward for her quick defense.

"Baby, I have a job! I'm a policeman!" Sam responded, a bit whiny, which only added fuel to the laughter. Mike collapsed to the floor, joined by Jeff in their hysteria.

"Is there anything you want, Kyle?" I asked, turning my attention back to her.

"I want a phone, but Daddy said I'm too young," Kyle replied, her face falling a bit.

"Nonsense, all kids have phones these days. Uncle Alex will send someone to buy it for you now," I smiled, deciding to spoil her a little. After all, it was hard not to be charmed by such a spirited and bright child.

"You can do that?" Kyle gasped, her eyes wide with wonder.

"Of course, I'm the boss so I can do whatever I want!" I bragged, feeling a surge of satisfaction from her admiration.

"Even if daddy says no?" Her eyes sparkled with mischief.

"Yes!" I nodded emphatically. Kyle squealed loudly and hugged me again, which I tolerated more gracefully this time. I waved over one of the housemaids and instructed him to buy three phones and set them up on one plan before handing her my card.

Sam, noticing the commotion, came over from the grill to see what was happening. "Kyle, Alex doesn't like hugging."

"Shut up, Sam. It's fine," I dismissed him casually. "By the way, what school is she going to?"

"Just the public school near—"

"That's not good enough. I'll send someone over to sign her up for a better one," I interjected, already deciding that whatever care Sam was providing wasn't sufficient. "I'll cover it."

"What about my son?" Sam asked, his curiosity piqued by my sudden interest in his daughter's education.

"Why would I do for one and not the other?" I rolled my eyes, indicating my intention to treat them equally.

"Did Kyle impress you that much?" Sam looked a bit taken aback by my sudden generosity.

"Well, it surely wasn't anything you did," I retorted sharply.

"Uncle Alex is getting me a phone!" Kyle smiled smugly, clearly thrilled with her victory.

"I told you that you were too young!" Sam reiterated his original stance.

"But Uncle Alex is the boss and he said yes!" Kyle argued defiantly, using my authority as her trump card.

Sam turned his gaze to me, a mix of frustration and resignation in his eyes. "I'm getting one for you and your son too. Can't let anything happen to them," I declared, deciding to extend my generosity.

"I don't want them having too much screen time!" Sam sighed, his concern evident. "Did you do this just to spite me?"

"That's probably part of it," I admitted with a half-smile. "Put the parental controls on if you're worried about that."

"Just don't give anything to my ex!" Sam demanded abruptly.

"I don't even know who she is," I mumbled, nonchalantly feeding Kyle some fruit a maid had set in front of us. Watching her eat, even that was somehow endearing.

"How old is she?" I asked, curious about the little bundle of energy monopolizing my attention.

"Seven. She was born right before I graduated," Sam explained. That's right, Sam was two years older than me.

"Well, I'll be more cordial with you in front of your kids," I muttered, considering the impact of my actions on the little ones. "Just take the phone as compensation for your hand. You won't even have to pay the bill."

"Fine, I know better than to reject anything you give me," Sam threw his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "If you're giving me something, does this mean we're friends again?"

"Daddy, Uncle Alex already said you were friends!" Kyle chimed in enthusiastically. "And he's so nice."

"Did he say that?" Sam chuckled, amused, as he ruffled her hair. "Well, since you like Uncle Alex so much, we'll come visit more."

"Wait a minute," I said, suddenly realizing I hadn't fully thought through the implications of my impromptu generosity.

"Don't you want to see me, Uncle Alex?" Kyle's eyes shimmered with hopeful expectation, and I knew my response would impact her mood.

"Of course, you can always come visit me and Uncle Jasper," I assured her with a smile.

How did she get so attached just because I was buying her a phone?

As time passed, Jasper finished up grilling the meat. Kyle threw a tantrum when her dad tried to pick her up so I could eat, resulting in me being tasked to look after her for the rest of the barbecue. Never before had I debated whether Batman could realistically beat Superman, but according to Kyle, there was a way. She stuck close to me the entire time and made a big deal of making me the first contact on her new phone, much to Sam's disappointment.

"What about daddy, sweetie?" He nudged her.

"Don't embarrass me, daddy!"

Jasper seemed the most happy that I could get along with a child and kept dropping not-so-subtle hints that we could get our own kid. Mike took it upon himself to start listing off adoption agencies as we ate. Jeff just took everything in quietly, no change from high school.

All in all, it was a relaxing day... one I wouldn't mind spending with a child.