Kaer Morhen (Part 2)

"Trade, huh?" - she smiled and thought about it. But deep inside again felt hurt. It was not the hurt she felt near Geralt when he ignored her, but a different type very hard to understand. Still, because of this emotion, she made a very contradicting decision. Triss opted to hide information from the other mages. And by hiding meant all of it. Not what she decided earlier. - "Let's keep it between us."

It was very hard, tremendously hard to even glimpse at a semblance of intent inside her mind using legilimency, but he did it. He knew she was sincere.

"Triss. I will show you something I showed Lambert back then. I... listen... it is not a pleasant thing to watch and maybe you will understand my caution about mages. That is my first time doing it with thorough consideration, back with Lambert... I got to emotional... It wasn't exactly a mistake, but a dangerous move. I... I just hope I can trust you. And prepare. It will be painful. Very much so."

"Do it."

And then she screamed and cried. It wasn't much, he showed her everything and only gave her a feeling of soul extinguisher for a couple of seconds, but that was enough.

"Triss, come back..." - he said using legilimency again to pull her out of magically induced nightmare her own mind created. It was very dangerous, he never thought that his past can make a mage like that.

It can even be used as a torture method and a weapon.

"Ha... Alan... I... ha...I..." - and then she cried like a little girl.

"Do you understand now?" - he said plainly and Triss, coming back to herself and finally getting it together, couldn't even start to comprehend what beasts can do such thing to the little boy. She saw her own share of brutality and their world is fierce, but never did she even heard about such experiments.

"I won't ask anymore. Please, I don't want to know more. I don't want to choose between you and my loyalty to the Chapter of Mages. Just... let me train you..."

"Fine."

"Alan. How are you... well... holding up after all this? I..." - she found it hard to say. - "When I was on Sodden Hill I was afraid. But seeing my brethren and other mages fight I found it necessary to do so too. We could have said that we don't care. That mages can serve under any monarch and any flag, but we didn't. We stood up and fought. We shed blood and died. I saw how my friends and people I know ended their lives there completely spent. They were chopped in pieces while killing to the point of magical dryness. And when fire from siege machines hit our position I was among the ones who suffered. Back than was loud. Explosions, fire and arrows. And screams of pain and horror. I saw a body without legs and arms screaming in pain. And you know who it was?"

Alan only kept silent. It was not a time to talk, but to listen. To listen and understand. To listen and empathize the pain. And he is well qualified to do just that. Maybe nothing more, but that for sure.

"It was Corral and the pile of dusty clothes among the ashes I was thrown onto – Yoyol. They all died there. And I... I forgot everything, Alan... every spell. Everything except that goddamn escape sequence that teleported me from sure death to my little tower in Maribor. I still remember their screams. Alan... you... tell me how can you do this? After all that, how can you move forward?"

"You just need one reason to do that, Triss. Only one is enough. Concentrate on it. Forget what was, you are alive and that is your present. Do you have eidetic memory?"

"No. But as a mage I have a good one."

"Then another advise for you." - he smiled. - "Time will heal."

Triss shuddered understanding what it means.

"Shall we start?"

She had no right. Absolutely zero right to be willful or weak in front of him. It will only insult them both.

"Yes. Sit." - she breathed out and felt way better, lighter, after telling all this. - "What I want you to do is look inside yourself, not your body or your mind, as you can obviously do that. I want you to enter magic trance. Somehow you never looked at your own magic thoroughly. I can tell that by the fact that magically you are very weak and don't have unique aura of Chaos or Astral that comes after Glimpse of Self."

"I never heard of that..." - said Alan confused.

"You see, magic is like you personal entity, a Gregor of your being that is connected to different planes and dimensions of existence. Some think it is evil, some that it is good, but personally I think it is Chaos and can have every face we want... or need. It is hard to explain, but you really need to have a proper view on it to finally became a mage and start learning spell weaving."

'I'll be damned. What the hell was I using all this time? Wait, Amalgal did tell me something like this. Is it why he never taught me any Isu spells? Because I couldn't do it and wasn't ready?'

"I will use a simple soul guide spell to let you find your path easily at first, but later you will have to do it on your own."

"Let's do this."

"Prepare. Good... you might start... not... hear me... fine... go... on."

"Triss?"

He asked the void and looked around, finding himself in front of a scene he will never forget. It was a cloud of broken glass, dancing around in a storm. Multicolored light reflected on edges of tens of thousands of shards.

At it's center the whole entity was supported by a vine thick like a tree and formed from translucent crystal. Underneath the surface one can find currents of green energy, very similar to blood veins. It's top was burning with aqua flame as if some type of eternal torch in a shape of a crown.

Alan felt connection to it.

This threatening visage was actually quite docile. What was really scary – the ocean below it, the surface of which a vine was piercing through. Dark, bottomless and powerful beyond measure. On it's aquatic plane turquoise lightning was flickering without stop. It was his untapped power, or something more.

He couldn't tell for sure.

Understand your magic through the prism of oneself.

He felt similar aura from his true form. His soul made a connection and magic force resonated in happy chime. It was like a baby finding it's parent. It was eager, warm, yet strict and straightforward.

It was truthful.

Alan looked at it deeper and sensed tranquility, hardened by hardships, stubbornness born from pride, defiance that came from free spirit. He embraced this feeling, coming to understanding that his manipulation of mana became very acute and even purity and amount he is able to utilize increased.

It was like a long awaited synchronization, that was already earned ages ago.

Still, he didn't look only at the ocean. He tried to rotate the glass hurricane and easily succeeded. It seems to be the crown of a vine tree, yet miraculously detached from it. More power came and fly over and ignited it into the turquoise light.

Alan felt a tug to his senses and saw something approaching, he tried to grab it but lacked power, he couldn't reach it, but even so he felt like his spirit was awakened from deep slumber with a current of force.

"S...to...p" – came a quite voice. He turned around but saw no one, thus deciding to dive deeper. Sense of power was drowning him in pleasure, however somewhere deep he felt threatened, as if he was doing something unnatural.

"A...l...an s...top." - it came a bit louder, like a broken radio and he halted for a moment, only to feel a far more forceful tug from below.

"STOP!" - came deafening command and he was directly thrown out of his trance, hurled into the air and slammed at the wall, looking at what appeared around him with disbelief.