You can't put your arms around a memory

Irina.

In my life, I have seen very disturbing things. To be honest, creating a Twitter account was not one of the best decisions I made. However, watching someone commit suicide in front of you is different, yet it's true that watching it on video is also horrible, obviously. I was in front of her, I felt like drops of blood splashed on me, the image of the hole in Elena's forehead caused by the bullet can not be erased from my mind. After screaming terrified because of the shooting, I remain silent, trembling, that silence perfectly describes the situation in which I find myself, altered. I don't blink, because if I close my eyes, even for a second, I can still see that image in my head.

"We have to go," Louisa says. I turn to her, she's nervous, as if she's responsible for the suicide. She's looking around, checking if anyone's around.

"And what are we going to do with the body?" I ask with a calm voice, it's curious, a few seconds ago I was shaking like pudding, I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but deep down, both she and I know that inside I'm not this calm, I'm just not assimilating everything that just happened.

"We have to go now!" she screams, to make me understand. She doesn't wait for another second and grabs my arm. She is taking steps at a very fast pace, we are almost running, I am forced to follow her steps, not because if I do not, I'll stay behind, rather because she is forcing me, she is grabbing my arm. Louisa is a little aggressive.

I don't know where we're heading. Honestly, the death of Ludwig and Elena has me more worried than what I'm going to do now. There's something I don't understand, the reason. What was wrong with Elena? She was very strange. I don't find her words logical. Is everything written? Did it have to happen? Maybe this Elena was suffering from dementia because if not, I don't understand why she did that. Where did she get all that from? Someone had to tell her all that and make her believe it was true. That makes me think of something else, how come she's managed to travel to another dimension? I did it unintentionally, I didn't even know I did it until I got to that world's Wolfach. On the contrary, Elena did look like she knew how to do it, mostly because I traveled with her in time. Right now Ludwig is the protagonist of my thoughts. Although before he was too, but not in the same way as now. I can't believe he's dead, I hope this whole thing was a Louisa and Elena prank because I can't believe it. So many things are happening and in a very short time. My brain doesn't have time to process everything. All this drives me crazy, especially for the lack of logic in everything that is happening.

"Come in," I hear Louisa's voice. We're in front of a house, a huge Victorian house. Sounds to me like I've been near this place before, it's at 2 minutes away from the cemetery, if I'm not mistaken. That reminds me, I don't know why I'm trusting Louisa, I don't even know her.

"Where are we?" I ask confused.

"We're at Ludwig's place" she replies.

"Why are we here though?" I ask again.

"Since there is no one in the house, we are going to enter" she answers as if entering other people's homes without their permission is something normal.

"Great, Elena wasn't the only one out of her mind, here you are" I let out desperately.

"God, you're so loud," she complains, rolling her eyes. "You exhaust me," she adds.

"So you want to normalize entering the house of people you don't know, I mean it for you because as far as I know, you and Ludwig don't know each other," I say.

"And how do you know we don't know each other? I don't remember introducing myself. I don't remember telling you anything about myself," she says angrily.

"That's the problem, I don't know who you are, and you expect me to do what you tell me to do? No, honey, no, either you introduce yourself to me or... or I'll report you to the police" I say without thinking about what I just released out of my mouth.

"You're making a fool of yourself, you know that?" she says sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

"Hi, I'm Irina, I'm 17 and if you don't introduce yourself right now, I'm leaving," I say sarcastically.

"Louisa, 17 years old too" she introduces herself.

"Wow... You have solved all my doubts" I answer sarcastically.

"Let's just get inside the house, and stop asking questions," she says to me, I think she's still upset.

"I repeat, we are entering someone's house without this one being at home, I don't know, it seems a little illegal" I explain again, she pulls my arm and takes me inside the house.

Now I am the one who is upset, my arm hurts. I stop complaining for a few minutes to contemplate the interior of the house. It looks like it belongs to rich people, and well, that's true, despite being divorced, Ludwig's mother is a doctor and in Germany, doctors get paid very well. I'm not kidding when I say it really looks like a millionaire's house. In the corridor where we are, the walls are full of pictures, but not normal pictures, but of those huge pictures that are usually seen in the mansions of millionaires. In almost all the pictures Ludwig and his mother appear, obviously. In some, he comes out as a child and in others, they are more recent photos. This is the first time I've set foot in Ludwig's house and I didn't really imagine this, I never thought he had that much money.

"Okay, let's go to his room," Louisa suggests. It's strange, it looks like she's been here before, she knows the house like the back of her hand.

We climb the stairs that are at the end of the corridor, before reaching the stairs I observe each of the rooms of the house. On the ground floor are the living room, the kitchen, a bathroom, probably his mother's room, and another room that I have no idea what it is. I can see his mother is a fan of the Victorian style, as the whole house is Victorian. I have to admit that she has good taste to decorate the interiors, everything in the house fits perfectly, from the green color of the walls to each of the furniture found in each room.

"Now tell me, how do you know where every room in this house is?" I ask her, something is strange here. Or maybe they're friends or family judging by their resemblance, and this just isn't the first time she's been in this house.

"There are things you don't know. And that you shouldn't know, not now, everything in its time" she replies, I think she's making fun of me because a big smile has been drawn on her face as she told me. This girl is very mysterious and weird.

Ludwig's room is not how I expected it to be, although I've never really imagined it. I'm surprised we have certain things in common. His room is obviously bigger than mine. The walls are painted a stained white color and on the walls, there are hanging pictures of Dadaist works of art, this is a side of Ludwig that I just did not expect, but neither do I complain, I love him even more because of this. In one corner of the room is the bed, in front of it there is a piano, seriously, if someone has a piano in their room it is because surely they know how to play it, and if he knows how to play the piano, I swear I do not regret having fallen in love with him. Next to the piano, there is a small bookshelf, slightly higher than the piano, where there are only books of poetry.

"We came here because I wanted to give you something," she informs me, heading to the closet, which is next to the bed.

"Shouldn't Ludwig be the one to give me something? After all, this is his room and everything here is him" I answer.

"Do you realize how unbearable you are? I don't remember asking for your opinion, just shut up and accept what I want to give you" she yells at me angrily. I stay silent, waiting for her to do what she was supposed to do.

She turns to me and extends her hands towards me, in them she holds a black t-shirt, it's a Guns N' Roses merch. Why is she giving it to me?

"Since Elena has done what we already know, I think you'd like to have this shirt which will remind you of him," Louisa explains.

I grab the shirt and take it straight to my face, I start inhaling the smell of the shirt, it reminds me of him, it reminds me of the fragrance he used, I really needed this.

"Thank you, Louisa, I didn't know how much I needed this until now," I thanked her, almost in tears.

"You don't have to, I felt it was the right thing to do," she answers.

"Are you family?" I ask insistently, I need to know how they know each other.

"You could say we are," she replies.

Without saying anything I go to the bathroom that is connected to Ludwig's room. I expected its interior to be modern, I have not really been surprised. Surely myself from this world has set foot in this place before, not the bathroom, or so I believe, but the house itself. If I had a bathroom like this I wouldn't leave it for hours. I remember what I came here to do. I take off my jacket and my shirt and I put on Ludwig's, then I put my jacket back on.

"It's been a long time since..." I think out loud. I take my jacket off again, then my pants, followed by my shirt and the rest of my clothes. I go into the shower and hot water starts coming out of it.

Knockings on the bathroom door are starting to be heard.

"Are you taking a shower?" Louisa asks screaming.

"Yes," I answer after a few seconds, while I stop the water.

"And I'm the crazy one?" I hear Louisa say.

"Chill out, I haven't showered in a long time" I reply screaming. I finish taking the shower, I grab a towel that was nearby and I start to dry myself. Unfortunately, when I put a foot out of the shower I slip, to try to avoid falling I grab the glass door that closes the shower and land on the floor with it, the impact causes the glass to become tiny pieces that now surround me. Due to the noise caused by this small accident of mine, Louisa slams open the bathroom door, causing the door to hit the wall. I was in front of her, wrapped in a towel and surrounded by what used to be the shower door. I have some visible cuts on my skin, specifically on my palms and thighs. She takes a hand to her face, showing me her gesture of disappointment.

"I didn't think it was necessary to tell you that we have to go unnoticed" I heard Louisa's weak voice, her face still covered by her hands.

"It-It was an accident," I said, dying of shame.

Her face is now uncovered and I can see her face in fury.

"At what point did you think getting in the shower was a good idea?" she screams.

I don't answer. I'm dying of shame. I try to get off the floor carefully so I don't cut myself and I get out of the shower. I take my towel off and start putting my clothes on. She's looking at me silently, but I feel no shame, more shame I felt when she saw me lying on the floor. I walk past her to get out of the bathroom, she follows me, and I lie on Ludwig's bed.

"What are we going to do now?" sighs Louisa.

"I fucked up," I sigh too.

"Oh really?" Louisa looks at me with both angry and sarcastic faces.

I have no idea what we're going to do to fix this. I could pick up what I've done, but not fix it. I'd better leave now.

"Irina?" I hear Ludwig's voice. "What are you doing here? And who is she?" Ludwig is at the door of the room. Louisa puts her hands back to her face, shamefully. I get out of bed to go to him. But he turns his head to the right, where the bathroom is.

"What happened here? Is that blood?" he asks, surprised, as he enters to examine the shower more closely.

"There is an explanation for that" I comment from the bathroom door, he is crouching carefully contemplating the pieces of glass. He turns his head towards me.

"Did you take a shower?" he asks as he stands and walks towards me. I take a few steps back. Now we are in front of each other.

"I'm sorry" I apologize, I feel like my face is burning, I'm dying of shame again. To my surprise, Ludwig's reaction is different from what I expected. I thought he was going to yell at me and go crazy, but no, he starts laughing.

"Why am I not surprised?" he asks as he laughs.

"Don't laugh, I'm having a terrible time," I say, on the verge of laughing too, and I do. We both laugh.

"I'm sorry, really," I apologize again.

"Don't overthink it, the important thing is that you are okay" he tries to reassure me.

"If you want I can..." we hear Louisa's voice say, we turn our heads and see her pointing at the door facing the hallway. We don't answer, but she still leaves the room.

I give Ludwig a hug, as a sign that I'm really sorry. He hugs me back.

"Is this my shirt?" he asks as we tear each other apart. This time I'm the one holding my hand to my face. "All right, keep it, it's okay," he adds laughing.

After a few minutes, I said goodbye to him and left the house. In the courtyard, Louisa was waiting for me.

"Did you guys had sex?" she asks ironically.

"No" I answer rolling my eyes.

"I don't know, as this will be the last time you'll see him, I thought you wanted to say goodbye to him in a delicious way," she explains. I turn around to go back inside the house, but she grabs my arm and stops me.

"It was a joke, you'll see it again, in your world," says Louisa.

I let out a sigh as we move away from his house.

"Look on the good side, you two made a T-shirt exchange," she breaks the silence.

"Fuck! I left it in the bathroom," I exclaimed. Although my shirt wasn't that important.

We're walking, but I don't know where. I just follow her. Actually, if I think about it better, I have nowhere to go. Louisa stands in the middle of the road. We were already outside Wolfach, and I didn't even notice, specifically on the mythical road where I disappeared.

"Irina, you know I love you very much. And if you don't know it now you know it," she says, looking down at me, she's a little taller than me, not much, 3 or 4 centimeters. I nod without opening my mouth, I have a bad feeling, she says that because something is going to happen.

"I have no idea how to take you to your world, so I have to take you to mine. As long as you're there, I'll figure out how to get you back," she explains.

"Wait, you travel to other dimensions, too? Okay, yeah, that's why you knew Elena, what world you come from, and why should I go to yours?" intrigued question.

"You'll find out when you're there, and I'll take you to mine because I only know how to travel with other people to that world, and since they're going to start killing people here next week, I don't think it's good to leave you here," Louisa says as she looks me in the eye. I can see that she cares about me.

"By the way, how did you learn to travel to other dimensions?" I ask again, I need answers.

"There are questions whose answers are better not to know" she limited to say. She is doing the same thing as Elena, avoid answering my questions.

Then Louisa pulls out of her pocket a pendant identical to the one Elena had and grabs my hands. She closes her eyes and begins to say strange things in Latin, but they are not the same words that Elena used when I traveled with her in time. A sphere of light is created that completely surrounds us and in a few seconds that sphere disappears, just like us.

And here I am again, traveling to another dimension, trusting someone I barely know. I hope I don't trust her the same way I trusted Elena. I don't want to be betrayed again. If there's one thing I've learned since I disappeared from my world, it's that nothing is what it seems, and no one is who they say they are. I'm too blind, I don't realize things when I should, and if Louisa's really going to betray me, I hope to get away from her before that happens. Because sometimes even the most dangerous things in the world aren't as harmful as trust is.