Them

Irina.

"There's not much you I can tell about me, I don't know who I am, I don't remember anything about my life, just like everyone here, except the psychologist. Although sometimes I get flashbacks or even have dreams about some moments of my past. Or at least I think that's my past". We are in a relatively large room, similar to the classrooms of high schools. There are about 15 people in it, and they all suffered from memory loss, all but me. We are sitting in a circle, and Ulrike is the first to have decided to share her personal experience.

"Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Ulrike," the psychologist thanks her. I've probably mentioned it before, but none of the faces I see here ring a bell. The psychologist is a short man, in his fifties, you can see that he has experience in what he does. He is bald and wears contact lenses, has blue eyes and a populous moustache. But I think the quality I'd like to highlight most about him is how formal he is, and the politeness with which he talks to us. According to him, most of the people present are not from this town. He has told us that there are only 5 people present who know their identity, but they are the ones who do not know it. They don't know anything about anyone else.

"I haven't had the luck, if I may say so, to dream about my past, it's just like a loophole. I am only able to remember everything that has happened to me since I was 17, I am 25, by the way" a man with gray eyes tells us.

All cases were different but similar at the same time, in most cases, patients did remember their names and other data such as date of birth. However, data such as identity number, place of birth or names of some relatives were not remembered by anyone. Perhaps the most surprising case has been that of a 38-year-old woman. She claims to remember that her name is Boris Schwartz, but the doctors deny it, as that is a man's name. No doubt all the stories are amazing and interesting.

"Brigitte, what can you tell us?" the psychologist asks. I have no idea what to tell. I'm getting nervous and the worst thing is that I had prepared the speech I was going to give in front of everyone.

"I- I don't remember much" everyone's looking at me weird, like I said something nonsensical.

"Well... everyone in this room doesn't remember a lot of things. Anything specific you want to share with us?" Now that I hear him say it from his mouth, it makes sense.

"I write down my progress in a journal given to me by a psychologist who works here," I decide to tell. I am looking very stupid in front of everyone. They're looking at me, blinking perplexed at everything I tell them.

"We all do it. Except Otto, he doesn't remember how to write," I hear a voice coming from the club, I'm not sure who it is, it's a male voice. I look down shamefully, communication was never my thing, I'm very bad at expressing myself verbally.

"I have strange dreams, as do many of those present here. Dreams probably related to my past. Not pleasant dreams" I finally managed to tell them an interesting experience, although very common among us.

"Thank you very much, Brigitte," the psychologist addresses me. " Now that we have heard the experiences of all of you, I wanted to remind you that you are not alone in this battle, there are many people like you who are suffering. This is not something eternal, sooner or later you will recover the memory. But until then we are all at your disposal" he states. We are all listening to him very carefully. "With all of these, we conclude this group therapy, thank you very much for attending," he adds.

On the way out Ulrike approaches me, to tell me something, I guess.

"Today I had another weird dream," she says. I look at her curiously, waiting for her to start telling me about the dream. We're heading to the yard while she tells me what happened.

"I haven't seen that guy in my life, but I don't regret what I've dreamed of," Ulrike says, smoking a cigarette.

"Your dreams are not bad, this time I have dreamed about a woman yelling at me and me being afraid" she looks at me with pity. Obviously her dream was a thousand times better than mine, I would literally pay for dreaming about Ludwig. Based on what she told me about her dream, she must have dreamt when Ludwig and I watched that movie. I'm surprised she hasn't dreamt about the strong things yet. I dreamed instead that I was alone again in a room, this time I was lying in bed, I looked depressed, I was no longer a girl, I was a teenager. I noticed this by the decoration of the room. It was no longer so childish, now posters of Twenty One Pilots and some anime adorned the white walls of the room. The toys were gone, although some stuffed animals were still on the bed. A woman comes crazily through my bedroom door and starts yelling at me, telling me I'm useless and worthless.

"I'm leaving this afternoon," she informs me.

"You're so lucky!" I reply. I still have to wait a week to get out of here.

"Don't worry, you'll be out of here soon too," she tries to cheer me up.

"So everyone who suffers from amnesia is here for two weeks and then they are assigned a family?" This question has been going around in my head since group therapy.

"Not everyone. Adults are given a new identification document and let them rebuild their lives if they see no change. But actually only teenagers are allowed to go out to live with a foster family. See, we're the only teenagers who don't have other mental illnesses, which is why they let us go after so little time" now that she says it, it makes sense.

Ulrike and I said goodbye, I barely know her, but I think I'm going to miss her. She was the only one I dared talk to. There's a week left and I can get out of this place, probably it will be the longest week of my life.

And so it was, time seemed to pass a thousand times slower, and I longed to be able to go out on the street once and for all. During this week I met Dieter, a nursing assistant I met in the yard as well. He is a young man with dark blond hair, blue blue eyes, very pale skin and quite tall. He was taking an old lady for a walk in the yard. I decided to come over and say hello, maybe it's the boredom that's causing me to talk to so many people, because under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have done that. The boy has behaved in a very polite manner with me, like all the staff of this psychiatric hospital. But he has done it in a different way, it was as if we had become friends.

Every morning I went to the cafeteria to meet him and the woman he was taking care of. I had breakfast there since the day I met him. He's a very interesting guy, he lives in Hausach with his partner, but he works in Wolfach, his parents live here apparently. He studied nursing, but has become a nursing assistant, although he does not dislike this profession.

"Good morning, Brigitte, how was group therapy?" he greets me. Today I had another group therapy, we have one every week. Sometimes it's a bit boring because in a week we don't all have much to tell.

"Good morning" I answer. "It has been the longest hour of my life, and luckily it has been only one and not two like last time" perhaps the fact that fewer people have come today has caused the number of hours to be reduced as well.

"Look on the bright side, tomorrow they let you out of the hospital" it's true, the day I leave this place is finally near.

"Thank goodness, because these last few days have been so boring," I complain.

"And have you remembered anything?" he gets up from the table to throw away the container of yogurt that the lady had eaten.

"I have had another dream, with the same woman" remembering that dream causes me a huge anxiety. Dieter approaches the table looking at me worried and sits back in his chair, which is in front of me.

"It was more of a nightmare than a dream, wasn't it?" he asks, knowing that that dream makes me uncomfortable.

"The woman hit me," I confess.

"I'm distressed to think that's possibly your past. If it really is, you've been through so much suffering... and you didn't deserve it," Dieter says. I feel bad for lying to everyone about my identity. That's not my past, I don't even know if my dreams are a real event or a figment of my imagination.

That afternoon I spent it in my room lying in bed. I have my hands on my chest, so I can feel my heart beating slowly. I breathe. Out of nowhere, a person passes through my mind, Egor. I miss him, he hasn't hugged me in a long time, and a hug from him is probably what I need the most right now. Hot tears slip down my cheeks and land on my pillow. All the times Egor has told me he loves me go through my mind. I miss his innocence. I miss the way he tried to make me feel better. After all, he's just a kid, he still hasn't learned what pain is, what real pain is. And I wish with all my strength that he would never experience it, although it is almost impossible, as we all suffer in this life, sooner or later.

"Hi Brigitte, can I?" Mrs. Horvat's voice wakes me up. I don't remember falling asleep, but I think the tiredness made me fall asleep. It is not the same tiredness as the physical, it is rather a psychological tiredness.

"Yes, go ahead" I quickly get out of bed and look at Mrs. Horvat.

"I woke you, right? I'm so sorry, Brigitte" she apologizes. I tell her not to worry.

"I'd like to comment on some last-minute changes," she announces. My heart starts beating so hard, it looks like it's coming out of my chest. I'm afraid she'll tell me I won't be able to leave the hospital tomorrow. "I have spoken to the directors of the hospital and they have told me to approve my proposal," she informs me. She's being very mysterious, I'm not sure what proposal she's referring to.

"I have thought that your foster family will be my family, I mean, I will take you into my home. In this way I will be able to analyze you more closely, besides that you will have a psychologist closer in case something happens" she says. I've calmed down a bit, thank God I can get out of here. Actually, I'm glad she's the one to take me in, I don't know why, but I needed to find out more about her family.

She stares at me for a while, waiting for a reaction from me. "Erm... I think that's great!" I exclaim... I'm not sure, it's not entirely happiness, it's rather relief.

It's 7:00 pm and a nurse will be here soon to bring me dinner. But to my surprise, it's Dieter who shows up in my room with my dinner.

"Hello again, Brigitte," he greets me, extending the tray to me.

"Hello, Dieter. Howcome you here?" I ask with a smile.

"I wanted to come here before you go, I heard you're leaving tomorrow morning," he tells me.

"Thank you very much, really. You're a great person, Dieter. You treated me like I didn't have any mental illness, and that made me feel great" he makes a sad face.

"You are a normal person, what a shame that life has treated you so badly, because you are a great person" after having told me this, I get out of bed and give him a hug. "Don't despair if you don't remember things more clearly," he adds.

"I won't, don't worry" after the hug, we say goodbye one last time and he leaves my room.

The next morning, just after breakfast, Mrs. Horvat comes to my room to let me know that she will take me in her car. I'm nervous, I don't know what to expect when I get home.

As I walk through the back door to the parking lot, a freezing breeze rubs against my face, everything is as white as when I first came. In a few minutes I was already inside the car, with the heating on, on my way to Mrs. Horvat's house.

"I think you'd want to know who you're going to live with," I hear Mrs. Horvat say, I look at her, she is attentive to the road, but she turns her eyes away for a moment. I nod and show her a smile.

"Well, there's my husband, my son and my two daughters, I'm sure you'll get along with them. By the way, I think I've told you before but my son is your age," she informs me.

"Yeah, I think we're gonna get along," I say.

The rest of the way I look where we're going, we're heading to my house, or where my house is supposed to be. It took us about 10 minutes to get there, the hospital was just outside the village.

The house is just like mine, no change. As I walk in I can hear a dog barking, it's Ludtschen. I crouch and caress her.

"Meet Günter, the family's dog," says Mrs. Horvat. Ludtschen is a boy dog in this world? And his name is Günter?

She beckons me to enter the house and I do so. As I enter I find the surprise that they are all in the living room waiting for us.

"Well, Brigitte, this is my family," announces Mrs. Horvat.

"Hello, Brigitte, nice to meet you, I am Mr. Horvat, but you can call me Ludovic" he is a man not very old, must be 40 years old. He has light brown hair, blue eyes and a shaved beard. I can't stop thinking about his name.

"Hi, I'm Daniela" a girl comes to me, also with brown hair and amber eyes.

"I am Irineu, it's a pleasure" a boy with light brown hair introduces himself, he has heterochromy. This has been the ultimate proof for me to realize what is going on. Irineu, it sounds so forced, they tried to name him the masculine form of Irina, I'm not sure if that name, Irineu, actually exists. In this world the genres are inverted, here I am a boy. I try not to look very shoked. Irineu keeps looking me in the eye, I think he's surprised we have the same eyes.

"She's Egora, she's a little shy with strangers," Mr. Horvat introduces me to the youngest in the house. She timidly hides behind her father and sticks her head out to watch me closely. I laugh at her reaction.

"I'm sorry Brigitte, but I can't help but comment on the resemblance you have with Irineu, you two even look like twins," says Mrs. Horvat. He and I looked at each other, but I quickly looked away at his mother and smiled uncomfortably.

"Daniela, would you mind lending some of your clothes to Brigitte? As she has been in the hospital she has no clothes with her" Daniela makes me a sign for me to accompany her to her room. I follow her. It seems that in this world Danya is more sympathetic than he is in my world.