42

"What are you saying? Hey, what do you mean by that?"

"I said, if you want to leave, Kaya, then you must kill me."

My sister spoke as if she was explaining something to a stubborn child.

"No matter how many times you say it, I don't understand! Why would I have to kill you just to go outside?"

"You want to leave, don't you, Kaya? You want to be free from my grasp. But that's not allowed, I won't allow it, I can't accept it. As long as I'm alive, I won't let you leave this room. You'll stay here with me forever. —So this is your last chance. Either kill me now, or live with me in this cage. You have to choose."

Even though I raised my voice, my sister responded calmly, either intentionally or to hide her emotions.

"Hey, Sis, calm down. Let's just talk this over calmly."

"I am perfectly calm. Look, I even brought the key. I don't intend to let it go until I'm dead, though."

Then why did it come to this?

"Now, choose. Kill me, or live your life in this cage with me."

"...I can't choose either. Listen, Sis, it's not like I want to be apart from you. But we can't go on like this."

"It doesn't matter. …I see, you're afraid of becoming a murderer, aren't you, Kaya?"

Even as I tried to explain, she completely missed the point and worried about something irrelevant.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"If you kill me and things get too troublesome, you can always commit suicide. We can go back to the past one more time, apparently. But you'd have to die by suicide for it to work. I wanted to save that as a last resort, but… life doesn't always go as planned. Don't worry, I'll die quickly when we go back."

"Why…"

"But if you don't kill me now, then I promise I'll make you happy. Don't worry about those people anymore. We'll move to a different place, and it'll be just the two of us living together. We can spend the rest of our lives together, just the two of us."

Her eyes were filled with sincerity. If I didn't make a decision here, I knew I would never be allowed to leave. I'd probably never see anyone else, and my world would consist solely of her. It was such a sweet, enticing offer. Knowing my sister, I would live a life free from worries or troubles.

Ah, how gentle and yet how cruel that would be. Accepting it would bring happiness. Days like these would continue, and just thinking about it seemed delightful. But would my sister really be happy with that? She'd make sure I never had to do anything, and I'd simply be a bird in a cage, waiting for her to feed me. That wouldn't save her. It's my fault she's become like this. So…

I don't know how much time passed, but my sister waited silently for me to decide. I made my decision and slowly reached out.

"…I see, you've made your choice. Then stab me here. If you do that, you'll be free."

I didn't look away as I drove the knife deep into my sister's chest, into her heart. She let out a pained gasp, but even in her last moments, she remained composed and dignified.

"Ah, maybe I couldn't love you after all."

Her weak voice reached my ears just before she lost her strength. It sounded as if she was filled with deep regret. Now that I think about it, my sister had never told me she loved me. Maybe she wasn't sure if she truly loved me. But that's not true. That wasn't the case at all.

"No, Sis, you did love me. But I love you too."

I wonder if my voice reached her. I've only now realized what it means to love. To love is to give. It's something that others might only realize once in a lifetime, but I've finally understood it.

Not just me, but even my sister wasn't loved by our parents. Neither of us knew what love was. Maybe that's why my sister became so insecure. But it's okay now. You did love me, Sis. And now I want to show you that I love you too. I won't leave you behind, and you won't leave me behind either.

It must have hurt, right? It must have been painful. This isn't really a fair exchange, but I'm going to follow you the same way. Maybe I was relying on the idea that we could go back if we died. But this time, it's the last, right? So, let's build a relationship that's not just about being loved and giving love. Next time, I swear, we'll be happy.