Chapter One: Little Mouse

I'm walking- no, at this point, I am practically running to the kitchens. Or, at least, towards what I hope is the kitchens. It's all just so suffocating. I feel like a rat thrown to a group of stray, starving cats.

Of course, right outside the doors to the kitchen are two maids. And if you have ever gotten close to one, you would know that they love nothing more than to gossip and stick their nose where it doesn't belong.

"God, why is that bastard even here anymore? You'd think he would've noticed that no one wants him here"

"Ha! At least he isn't as loud as he used to be. Did you hear him crying last week? I could barely get any sleep with his screaming"

" I know, right? Though, it was a bit satisfying to see him cry. But it gets annoying after a while, you know?"

Why can't they just shut up? Please. I just want to live. Why can't they just leave me alone? I didn't ask for this. For any of this. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Fuck. I can't be here. No, no. It's not like people will miss me. They'll probably even be grateful I left.

Gods, I wish I had stayed dead.

Regardless of my wishes for release, I am once more reminded of my status as a living being as I feel myself begin to uncontrollably shake with adrenaline. Let's run. Get away as far as we can, somewhere safe, where I won't ever be found. By anyone.

As I try to get away, I must have run into something because the next thing I know, my entire leg is aflame with pain. They saw me. Of course they did. I mean, how would they miss the chance to harass a fucking bumbling idiot falling right in front of them.

My vision blurs with unshed tears in my eyes that I refuse to let fall. And so I run. I don't care anymore. I just want out, I am drowning in here. I don't care who sees me anymore, I just need to get away. Anywhere is better than here, even the Hells.

Why couldn't I have just stayed dead?

Finally, some peace and quiet. My legs burn, my lungs ache, and my head is throbbing. But none of that matters now. I can finally enjoy some fresh air that doesn't stink of blood and corruption. It's a place I don't remember visiting ever since I was a child, or I suppose, an even younger child than I am now. If you go through the garden, you will reach a more forested area. And there is a certain spot where you can reach the forest outside the walls of the estate. Luckily, the area is not terribly dangerous because monsters have enough self-preservation to avoid a place so close to civilization.

I don't exactly remember how I got here. All I remember is me running and the faint echoes of someone yelling at me.

Everything hurts. I don't want to be here. No one wants me here anyways. I don't want to be alive. No one wants me alive anyways.

I'm tired. I should be used to this by now, I deserve it. I was a horrible kid. I was a horrible person. I should just rot.

Fuck, why can't I stop crying? Just suck it up. Bottle up and shove aside all your feelings, c'mon I'm used to doing this. Just take a big breath in-

Shit. No. I can't breathe. Still. They won't stop looking at me. Judging. Talking. Yelling. Hitting. Hurting. Why? Why me? I just wanted to be accepted. I'm just a kid; why do they hate me so much? It's not my fault I was born. Maybe I should do better. Maybe I should try harder.

I don't like it here. I feel like I'm still being watched, being judged. The trees look like they have eyes, their rustling leaves going silent as they scorn me. Any and everywhere I go, people despise me. Telling me how I am a horrible person, a monster, a sinner. And they're right. I know they're right. My hands are stained with blood.

Gods, I just need to go somewhere more isolated. Luckily, the tears seem to have slowly abated, and I can breathe a bit. I know there is a cave somewhere near here. I just need to keep walking. But I don't want to keep going. Why do I have to keep going? What reason is there for me to keep trying?

I don't know. Today wasn't even that bad, so why am I so…hurt?

"Aeon. You must hate me more than anyone else. Ruler of Life of ass, you just play around with humanity as if they are your toys," So, as any sane person would, I decide to take out my frustration on the god of life. What is the worst she'll do? Kill me? Good, I would prefer that, in fact. "I was having the best time of my life being dead. But nooo, you had to come in and ruin the one good thing I have ever had,"

Finally, I reach the cave. Or at least some cave. It's small, even for a child-sized me. Thus, I crawl in and just curl into a little ball. But there is comfort in the nearly suffocating enclosure. The cold stone ground is much more comfortable than any bed I've ever rested on inside that forsaken house. Maybe I'll just close my eyes for a bit, it's not like anyone will miss me. A small part of me silently hopes my eyes won't ever open. No, not even a small part of me. I wholeheartedly wish that I die here right now. I don't have the guts to do it myself, so I'll just close my eyes and wish.

Yet despite my desire to rest and succumb to sleep (the next best option to dying), my eyes remained wide open. All I could do was stare out from my little space, not thinking anything. Just numb. Time seemed to pass me by, and the next thing I know, midday has already passed.

"Urghh, shit, my stomach-" Oh. I haven't eaten at all today. Or most of yesterday. Despite it feeling as if my stomach is attempting autocannibalism, I can't bring myself to get up, let alone return to the kitchens.

I don't want to feel anymore, I don't want to think, I don't want to be. But my damn body lacks any emotional maturity, and so the tears begin to leak out again. And with the tears come the years of emotions I've tucked away.

So once again, fuck you, Aeon. This is embarrassing.

So to prevent my pitiful death by drowning in my tears and snot, I peel myself off the floor and opt for leaning against the other side of the cave.

"What if they come looking for me out here?" The child in me starts to become frantic.

Why would they do that? They would prefer me to stay out of their sight.

"But they'd be disappointed in us, they'll yell and scream and hurt us-"

Who cares anymore. They would do that anyway. They always find a reason, a complaint, a flaw, something.

"But I'm scared. I don't like being hurt, it's scary down there and-"

I know. I know. I am too.

"I just wanted them to like me. Why can't they love me? Am I truly so dirty? I just want my family. Please."

I don't know. I don't know. I wish they loved me too, but they don't. Never will, never have.

With nothing but the faint echoes of my sobs accompanying me, I start looking around the outside of my hideout a bit more. I begin identifying the nearby flora to calm myself down.

The common Green Night's moss, accompanied by its partner Maidenhair's Ivy. I pass the time, becoming familiar with the plants. The flora has never once turned against me, and thus I will never turn my back on it. Would it be shameful to claim that plants are my only friends?

Ares Pov:

I shouldn't be surprised with Mother's actions anymore. Ever since Elder Brother died, she's never been the same. Though, to be fair, no one expected Drav, the favorite child, to kill himself. But anyway, that's old news.

Every day is the same. Wake up. Train. Eat. Get told how useless and irresponsible I am. Go on patrol. Management lessons for the duchy. Dinner. Sleep. Repeat.

But lately this schedule of mine has been disrupted by an unexpected factor. My little brother, who once would do anything he could for the attention of my parents, has changed. He no longer attempts to eat with the family, he doesn't explode at the servants for "disrespecting him". No, now all he does is walk in the other direction whenever he sees me. Walk would be an understatement, it's more of a scurry.

These thoughts began to arise in me as I caught him peering in at our family breakfast, which arguably has been much less eventful ever since he stopped showing up. His little blank, black eyes subtly flare in anger and amusement when Mother opens her mouth. Ha! Sadly I must return my gaze to the table and deal with Violetta's idiotic words.

After I finish carefully wording my response and Father steps in, I glance over to see if my brother is still there. He is, but with a peculiar expression. His eyes hold frustration and anger, yet his body language is an entirely different story. Albeit my sight of him is limited through the doors, I can see that he is trembling. He's scared. Scared of something or someone. It's not the type of fear that one is consciously aware of; no, it's the type that's instinctual, engraved into one's soul over time.

The next thing I know, that little mouse has scurried off. Is he not hungry? No, that's none of my concern. I just need to finish my meal and get out of here as soon as possible. Luckily my father begins to leave as he mutters, "Apologies. Important paperwork I must attend to," every day it is the same. His leaving early, the excuse he uses, the derogatory side-eye my mother gives me as he does so.

Thus with a sigh, I rise and play into the repetitive cycle. "Apologies, Mother, I must be off. I have patrol today, and I must prepare to report to the Captain". After stating this, I turn and walk out the door before she has the chance to hold me back.

Hmm, I likely won't have enough time to stop by my usual place for lunch. I'll just stop by the kitchens to grab something.

CRAAASH!

Gods, who broke something? I thought all of our servants were adept enough not to make such an idiotic mistake.

"That little shit! He was trying to steal our food, damn rat bastard." Hearing the distant cursing of a maid, my expression falls. So he hasn't changed. Of course he hasn't. I mean, what bastard magically changed into an actual human being overnight?

The ruckus seems to freeze as I walk over. "Ah! Young master, how may we help you?"

I spit out the words, "Get out of my way," as I walk down to the kitchen's entrance. I pull the doors open and quickly glance around for any spare food that packs well. I grab some bread and fruit as the kitchen staff dances around me as they desperately try to clean the everso-dirty and busy kitchen. As I shove the food into my pockets, I catch the mutterings of the maids outside the kitchen doors.

"Oh, my Lords, Mae, did you see the look on the brat's face? Do you think we made him cry?" She quietly exclaimed to her friend, a sadistic pleasure evident in her tone. The same maid who swore a few minutes ago is, once again, being obscene.

"He must've! You know how pathetic the kid is. Just last week, he was begging me to give him his dinner."

"Of course, how could I forget! What did you do with him?"

"What else could I have done? I dumped it on the floor in front of him. Oh, you should have seen the look on his face."

Now I recognize their voices. These ladies are one of the many maids bought out by my mother. Regardless, I shove the doors open and greet them with a glare as I walk past them.

*****

Yet another uneventful shift. Caught a few pickpockets and some kids trying to steal from a street vendor. So, me and the other guards and knights drew lots to determine who got off early, and sadly I was picked. Thus I gather my belongings from the guardhouse and begin my walk home. I stop by a shop and pick up some food, perhaps I'll train some more today. I really don't want to attend my management lessons today. There is so much more I could be doing with my time. Like, for example, practically anything else.

After realizing that nothing is stopping me from avoiding the house, I quickly change my route and start walking around the outside of the estate's fencing until I reached the forest. The place me and Draven would run away to and play. But more recently, the place I come to train when I need to be alone.

Gods, I can't wait to eat my food. I bought my favorite meat buns as well as some berries, a simple meal but my personal favorite. Perfect! I finally find my package of food in my bag right as I arrive at a little clearing within the forest. And I find the perfect log to sit beside underneath the warm sun.

I sit down and set my food down, stretching my weary joints with a satisfied groan. But what is that sound? It sounds like an animal crying. Fuck, come on, Ares. You know to never let your guard down. You are a knight, for Gods' sake! I quickly scramble to my aching feet and place my hand on the hilt of my sword as I begin to approach the sound. While it is unlikely for a monster to be this close to civilization, it is not impossible. It is also not uncommon for a monster to mimic the sound of a child's cries to lure in victims. This ruse is often more successful near civilization as well.

The ground is soft, perfect, so I don't spook whatever awaits me. I try to feel around for its presence. It seems to be something smaller, curled into a ball. Crying. My anxiety calmed a bit as I was finally near the entrance of the cave. I removed my hand from my sword and opted for something smaller and stealthier, a knife.

The cave's entrance is smaller than I expected. I'll have to crouch down to see whatever is inside. Getting down on one knee, my knife hidden in my backhand, I finally peer inside.

Human! It's a human child here? Why would someone be out here, someone that young and all alone? In a cave of all places! He looks so small, curled up against the wall like that. His slender frame shivering- no shaking. His black hair was all ruffled and messed up. The boy must have noticed that I was here, and right as I am about to plaster on my kindest knightly smile, the small quivering voice that had been rubbed raw from all the crying speaks.

"Sorin?"