580. Chapter 580

After Hong Kong Hustle

Episode 7.17

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I don't even own a Chinese pirate copy of Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Hong Kong Heat

By

Richard Castle

Jameson Rook stepped off of the airplane at Chek Lap Kok airport in Hong Kong and breathed in the air of Asia. He could smell mystery, intrigue, villainy and the enticing perfume of his beautiful companion, his wife, Captain Nikki Heat, NYPD.

"What's that smell, Rook?" Nikki asked.

"Mystery, intrigue and villainy." Rook replied, savoring the Orient.

"Actually, ma'am, "The flight attendant said, "That's the smell of night soil."

"Thank you, flight attendant. "Nikki was always careful to address people by their correct title. "But what is night soil."

The flight attendant smiled. "Human excrement, used for fertilizer."

"I think I'll skip the veggies while we're here."

Rook led Nikki through the airport, through customs and into the terminal where a young man stood holding a sign that read, "Jameson Rook, Winner of Two Pulitzer Prizes."

"I'm Jameson Rook." Rook was happy to see that the man wore the Rolls-Royce emblem on his cap, showing he had been trained by that company. Rook hated anything less than five star treatment.

The young man bowed. "I am honored to meet you, sir. I am a great admirer of your writing."

Rook mentally doubled the young man's tip. "Always glad to meet a fan. We're staying at the Hilton, of course."

"Of course, sir. A person of your stature wouldn't stay at any lesser hotel."

Rook and Nikki sat in the back of the limo and, having a bit of time to spare, began to make out. However, after a few minutes, Rook began to feel that something was wrong. Not with his technique with Nikki, of course. He opened one eye and easily determined that they were nowhere near the Hilton, but in a warehouse district near the waterfront.

"Excuse me, driver…"

However, as soon as Rook spoke, the glass partition shot up and cut off his access to the chauffer. At the same time, the rear doors locked. Rook tried them, but they wouldn't unlock.

In a minute or so, they pulled into a nondescript warehouse. Rook could tell it was a nondescript warehouse as all the crates inside said "nondescript" on them in both Mandarin and Cantonese, both of which Rook was fluent and literate in.

They stopped in front of two well-dressed Chinese businessmen, who were never the less flanked by a dozen or more, burly, well- armed thugs. A quick review of their tattoos indicated they were Triad gang members.

Rook stepped out of the car, being careful to keep Nikki behind him. After all, it he had to take these ruffians down, he didn't want Nikki hurt. He smiled. He indeed didn't want Nikki Hurt, he wanted Nikki Heat, naked and passionate, spread eagled on his bed, covered in chocolate sauce. Rook quickly composed a highly pornographic short story, proof read it and edited it in his head all before the older Chinese businessman spoke.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Rook, as always, your fame precedes you. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Buff Alo Wings and this is my brother, Chi Ken Wings. We are in the import/export business."

Rook smiled. "Yes. I recall seeing some of your work. You made pirated copies of Star Wars, Chapter Nine: The Search for a Coherent Plot. It was on sale two week before the world premiere. Lucas was quite angry."

Both men smiled. "You will have your little joke, Mr. Rook. We know nothing of that."

"What do you know of, since you went to such trouble to…make my acquaintance?"

"Have you heard of a man called Too Phat?"

"Slightly. It's a pseudonym, of course. Chinese names are three syllables. Such as Mao Tse Tung, or Chou En Lai. Pseudonyms are two syllables, such as Field Marshall Chu Deh or Sun Tzu."

The two men bowed respectfully to Rook. "You understand China."

"I get around." Rook said modestly.

"Too Phat is interfering with our business. With one exception, he has had his pirated copies of films and books out before ours and made a fortune."

Idly curious, Rook asked. "What was the exception?"

"He made a pirated copy of the book of yours of your collected dispatches from around the world. He didn't sell a one."

Rook's face turned white with anger. "Not one? The swine!"

"We wish you to use your investigative skills to find out how Too Phat manages to beat us in stea…Um, that is, in acquiring these items."

"We shall, of course, keep the lovely Mrs. Rook here until you have fulfilled your mission." Said the other man.

Rook passionately kissed Nikki, being sure to squeeze the tight globes of her perfect ass, and left with the chauffer.

The chauffer drove them to Too Phat's very own nondescript warehouse in the very heart of the nondescript warehouse district of Hong Kong. Rook decided to recon the place by pretending to be an ignorant American tourist. Quickly changing from his bespoke Bond Street suit into a pair of khakis and an aloha shirt, he wandered into the warehouse. Seeing a well-dressed Chinese man, he asked in his best Mid-Western twang, "Say sport, can you tell me where the nearest McDonalds is?"

The man turned and smiled coldly. "Of course, Mr. Rook. We've been expecting you."

Rook turned, only to find the chauffer covering him with a gun.

"Sorry, Mr. Rook, but I lost a lot of face when I had Too Phat print your book. I need to work my way back up the ranks of the Triad."

"Come, Mr. Rook. We shall go and meet Mr. Too Phat and explain how we've managed to out think our rivals." The well-dressed man said.

Rook was lead to the back of the warehouse. A door was opened and Rook's blood ran cold. There before him was the man known only as The Doctor. (No, not that Doctor! Do you think this is a crossover?)

"So, we meet again. Mr. Rook." The Doctor said, his voice quavering. "You cost me a lot when you found out about me selling ordinary tap water to New York hipsters as free trade, gluten free, vegan water, bottled by well paid workers in sparklingly clean bottling plants, using no animals for testing."

"Or the time I exposed your fraudulent sale of "genuine" Wayne Newton memorabilia from Las Vegas?"

"I haven't forgotten you, Mr. Rook." The Doctor said coldly. "Now you must die."

"One thing before you shoot me, please?"

The Doctor nodded. "Of course. It's in the Code of the Super Villains to always grant such last requests, so you can plan your miraculous escape." The Doctor shuddered. "I hate the Code of the Super Villains."

"How do you get all of those movies and books from the US to here so quickly?"

"Demming." Said the Super Villain, in accordance with the code.

"Demming?" Rook said. "Not Detective Demming?"

"Yes. He's been transferred to the airport police and he loves movies and loves the pictures in books. He takes them from the mail bags going from the studios to the theaters and book stores and watches them when he's supposed to be working. We take them from him."

Rook nodded. "Considering the quality of Demming's work, that's probably a good thing. Not the felonious part, of course."

"Now, not having an escape plan, I must ask Dong, our chauffer, to shoot you."

Rook turned around. "Dong? Really?" Rook suppressed a smile.

"Tell me about it. No wonder I became a crook." Dong raised his pistol, took careful aim and shot The Doctor between the eyes.

"I couldn't shoot a great journalist like you, Mr. Rook." Dong blubbered.

"It's good to have fans." Rook smiled at Dong." I assume you've seen the light and will end your criminal ways and become a productive member of society? Perhaps even a journalist?"

"Are you nuts? I just killed the boss of the Too Phat Triad. That means I'm boss. I was planning on reviewing some porno flicks to see which ones we'll pirate. Care to join me?"

Rook had to turn him down, but did manage to sell him a film treatment of the pornographic short story he had written in honor of Nikki, although he'd never tell her that. At least he had the satisfaction of knowing that he'd put Dong on the path of a career that was legal, if not totally socially accepted.

Rook went off to retrieve Nikki from the Wing brothers and then had her call the precinct to have Demming transferred to something within his capabilities, if such was possible. Then Rook and Nikki went to their suite in the Hong Kong Hilton where Rook wrote a brilliant piece on film piracy and also got dozens of ideas for more pornographic short stories.

"You have got to be kidding me." Kate said.

"You don't like it?"

She rolled her eyes. "I hate it." Her eyes narrowed. "You aren't writing any pornographic stories, are you?"

"Only in my head. You wouldn't want to be my muse again, would you?"

She took his hand and they went to the bedroom.