495. Chapter 495

After Kick the Ballistics

Episode 4.04

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got them on, I'll never know. But he told me I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

"Damn, Castle. Look at you. Thinking like a real cop." Beckett walked over to the murder board and the two other members of the team, leaving Castle sitting on the steps for a while.

I suppose that she meant it as a compliment. He thought. But it just proves what I was telling Martha. I'm not really one of them and I never will be. Like Beckett told me at the start of the case, it's a cop thing. At least she didn't add that I wouldn't understand, not being a cop myself. I wish I was one of them. Maybe it'd bring Beckett and me closer. Maybe it would help find her mom's killer and finally tear that wall down. Even if it didn't, it'd make me feel a lot better. More like a cop. But, I'm not a cop.

Castle joined his friends at the murder board and later drank a toast to Kevin Ryan and Jane Herzfeld.

Detective Javier Esposito had been keeping a close eye on both Kate Beckett and Rick Castle. He knew that the two of them should be together. Those two complete each other. As good as they are now, what would they be like if the really got together? They just need a push, and someone to make sure they don't do anything stupid. And I'm that someone.

After witnessing the fiasco of Beckett with Demming, Castle with Gina, then Beckett with Josh, and then the two of them with no one, but still not together, Espo had decided that he needed to make sure that nothing further went wrong. If I had spoken to Beckett about Castle earlier, she might have dropped Demming earlier and been with Castle. Maybe not, but I'd bet they'd be a couple by now. A couple? Hell, by now they'd likely be married. And something's wrong with Castle.

Espo stopped and watched Castle make himself an espresso in the break room. "So, what's wrong, Castle?"

Castle looked surprised for a second, then covered it with a smile. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine."

Espo shook his head. "That's Beckett's line. And I know when she's lying, too. I just can't call her on it like I can with you. I'm a detective, remember? I can do things like read people's body language. So, what's wrong, bro?"

"Beckett reminded me today that I'm not a real cop."

Espo frowned. "That doesn't sound like Beckett. Not at all. You're her partner, you're the one with her almost all the time. And you know damned well how much you've contributed to the team. Without you, we never find that Philip Lee mixed it up with Tyson in prison. I can't believe that Beckett would tell you that."

Castle nodded in agreement. "She didn't say that exactly. In fact, she probably felt it was a compliment. At the start of the case she told me that Ryan losing his weapon and feeling bad was a cop thing. She was just filling me in on what cops feel. It's not like I would know, never having seen a cop lose his weapon. And when I told her we shouldn't make a deal with Philip Lee because Tyson would never tell Philip anything about himself that meant anything, she congratulated me for thinking like a real cop. If she thought of me as a real cop, she never would have said that."

Espo punched Castle on the arm. "I'm sure Beckett doesn't feel that way about you, and I consider you as real a cop as they come, Bro. Don't worry about it."

"Javi, I don't want you to tell Beckett about this, okay?"

Espo shrugged. "Why would I tell her?"

When Castle left the break room, Espo answered his own question. Why would I tell her? Because she needs to know. Because you need for her to know how you feel.

As soon as Castle left for the day, leaving Beckett with the paperwork, Espo went over to her desk and sat down. "We need to talk about Castle."

That night Kate Beckett sat in her darkened apartment with a glass of wine and a problem. Even without intending to, I push Castle away. I make him feel unwelcome. I wish…I wish I could be like other people. Ryan and Jenny for instance. They meet, fall in love, they get engaged and soon they'll get married. That sort of thing happens all the time, to other people. Not to me. I meet a man, we fall in love and I push him away. Why do I have such impenetrable walls? Ann Hastings has a story much like mine. Her father was murdered and she became a cop. She still managed to find someone to love and to love her. Even my alter ego, Nikki Heat, found someone. I wish I could just call Castle up, ask him to come over, then drag him into my bedroom and make love until we couldn't think straight. But I can't force myself to do that. I can't even manage to talk to him about us. But, I can do something about the problem I caused today.

Ryan and Esposito were at their desks when Beckett arrived at the precinct the next morning, but Castle wasn't in yet. She called them to her desk. "I'm going to ask Castle to lunch at Remy's today. If he suggests you two come along, you have other plans. Okay?"

"But I don't have other plans and I like Remy's." Ryan said.

"Would you like Remy's that much if you had my boot up your ass, Bro?"

Ryan looked at his partner. "What?"

"I'm going to have lunch with Castle today, Ryan. Alone." Beckett emphasized the word alone. Then she went back to her desk.

"What's she want to talk to Castle about alone?"

Espo shrugged. "I bet she's going to propose."

Ryan's eyes widened. "What! She's going to ask…"

Epso slapped Ryan on the back of his head. "Of course not." Then he explained what the talk was about.

Castle accepted Beckett's invitation to lunch and accepted Ryan and Esposito's claim that they had made other plans. Soon they were sitting in a booth at Remy's.

"You're not really a cop, you know." She said suddenly. "You don't have a badge, or a gun or the training we do." Castle started to reply, but she kept talking. "And that's what makes you extraordinary, Castle."

That was the last thing he'd expected to hear. "Pardon?"

She pointed out the window. "Look at the people out there. Millions and millions of New Yorkers and not one of those citizens of New York have done what you've done for the NYPD, the 12th Precinct, my team, and me personally. And you do it all with no badge, or gun, or anything else that a cop has, except for a desire to see justice done. That makes you pretty extraordinary."

She reached over and took his hand. "I'm sorry if I made you think that I don't look at you as being a cop. I do. The brass at One PP may not see you as a cop, and Captain Gates may not see you as a cop, but Detective Kate Beckett sure as hell thinks you're one of the best cops ever. You wouldn't be my partner if you weren't. So, apology accepted?"

Castle was choked up for a minute, but quickly recovered. "Absolutely. And I don't care what the brass at One PP think, or what Gates thinks, but knowing that Detective Kate Beckett thinks I'm a cop is pretty special."

"You're pretty special yourself, Castle." One day I'm going to show you how special you are to me.