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255. Chapter 255

After Watershed, Yet Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: No water will be shed from your eyes…No! That's just too much. Look, I don't own Castle. Okay? Rating: K Time: See above.

She watched him walk out of her apartment. For just a second she was angry, first at him, then at herself. Then she was sad. She looked at the meal she had prepared for them. She had thought about telling him of the job interview over dinner, but had decided against it. There was really nothing to discuss. It was nothing but a job interview.

She walked over to the meal, still in the pots and pans. A minute before she'd been happily making dinner. Now she felt nauseous. She picked up the food, one dish at a time and put it in the sink, then ran the garbage disposal. She couldn't possibly eat anything now.

Why did I do that? Why did I keep that from him? He's smart and he's tenacious. I lied to him about not remembering that he told me he loved me. I lied for nearly a year and he found out about it. That almost destroyed us. He walked out on me, just like he did tonight. He wouldn't return my calls then. I knew how important he was to me when I went to his loft that night. I managed to get him back. And so he found out that I had lied to him again. But this is different. Isn't it? I don't know if we can fix this. He's right. A new job, another city. How would we make that work? He can't really ask me not to take the job in DC. And I can't expect him to just follow me around. It would be different. He wouldn't be able to follow me around like he does with the NYPD. And his family. His family means everything to him. Alexis will be at Columbia and Martha will be at her school. He won't leave them. They're his life.

Kate sighed and then laughed bitterly. Of course if I don't get the job I want so badly, perhaps I can still get Castle back. He loves me. We've been together for five years now. I know him. We do love each other. But is that enough?

A thought went through her mind. Did I keep it from him because, deep down inside I know it'll never work with us and I just wanted to keep what we have for as long as I could? Am I just kidding myself? She thought further. I don't know what to do. I was nineteen when my mom died. I'd had boyfriends, but no one special. I never felt that any of them were the one for me. After she died, the wall went up. No one but Castle ever really got through that wall. Not Will, not Tom and not Josh. Only Castle. I've only ever felt like this with Castle and I don't know what to do. I've never had to do this before. Dammit! I have to do something! But what?

Kate sat briefly in her car after talking with her dad. The suspect was waiting at the precinct, but it would help to soften him up if she left him there for a while. I know what I want to do. I want the job in DC. This is what I'm good at. This is what I need to do. I can't not do this.

She put her head down. He will hate me for this. I'm taking everything we have and telling him it isn't enough. He has done so much for me. I'm a better detective, and a much better person because of Castle. Hell, I was a miserable mess before Castle. He's done so much to make my life fun again. Not just fun, but worth living. I know he's been in love with me for a very long time. Years at least. He waited while I was with Demming, while I was with Josh and while I was healing. The best I can say is that Castle will be able to find the kind of woman he deserves. And he deserves the best. There must be thousands of women out there who'd be better for him than I am. God! Thinking back over the last five years I've been nothing but a giant pain in the ass for him for most of it. I'm lucky he put up with me for as long as he did.

Kate turned the key and started her car's engine. Time to finish my last case and then I need to finish…my love.

The case was over and she pulled up at the park. Our park. She thought. I'll never be able to look at this park without thinking of him. Without wanting him. How long does it take for a broken heart to heal?

She got out of the car and walked over to the swings. He wasn't looking at her and his expression was as serious as she had ever seen. This is it. He's ready to tell me it's over. I'm ready. I will not cry. I will not beg. We'll part as friends.

She sat in the swing seat. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept secrets."

He still didn't look at her. His face looked like it was carved from stone. "It's who you are. You don't let people in. I've had to scratch and claw for every inch."

He's right. I've never been able to really open up to him. I have to tell him how sorry I am. How I wish things were different. "Castle…"

"Please let me finish. I've been doing a lot of thinking about us. About our relationship, what we have, where we're headed. I've decided I want more. We both deserve more."

He's right. He deserves more than some frightened, insecure, lonely, messed up cop. I wish I deserved him, but I don't. "I agree." She could feel her eyes tearing up. Here it comes. I will be strong. He deserves that much from me.

"So whatever happens, and whatever you decide, Katherine Houghton Beckett ... will you marry me?"

For several seconds Kate didn't respond. He didn't say that, did he? Then why is he down on one knee and holding out a ring?" She shot to her feet. "Oh my God! You're proposing!"

The rest of the conversation was a blur in her mind. She knew she said yes and she knew she had his ring on her finger. Then they had their arms around each other and we're kissing.

He loves me! He loves me! He loves me as much as I love him. I was wrong! I will open up to him. I will never lie to him again! I will never keep secrets from him. And we'll make this work. The job the, the marriage, everything.

Later that night, Rick and Kate were snuggled in his bed, having just made love for the first time as an engaged couple. Kate rested her head on his chest, her hand stroking his arm and one leg over him.

"We'll make this work, Rick."

"I know. After all we've done together there's no possibility we couldn't make it work. Oh, there'll be snags, but with Caskett on the case, how can we go wrong?"

"I've met both Meredith and Gina, and you've talked about both of them. I promise I will work very, very hard to be a better wife to you than either of them ever thought of being. And I'll work hard at changing. I am not going to be the same woman I've been for the past five years."

Rick stroked her hair. "To begin with, being a better wife than Meredith or Gina isn't a full time job. You could handle it as a part time job. Maybe even as a hobby."

She slapped him lightly. "You know what I mean."

"I'm just telling you that my exes, especially Meredith, set the bar awfully low."

"And you divorced both of them."

"Good point. But you won't be the third Mrs. Castle. You'll be the last Mrs. Castle."

"I intend to be." She kissed him lightly.

"And, I fell madly in love with the woman you've been for the last five years. Just remember that we're partners in every sense of the word, and we'll be fine."

"Rick, I want to change. I need to change. What we just went through proves that. In fact, I have already changed a great deal."

"And I've changed. You've made me a better person. Kate. Just always remember that we're partners. Okay? That's all you need to do."

"Okay. Partners. Always."

Author's note: I think I mentioned somewhere in my stories that since I retired I live in California for half the year and in Arizona for the other half. I'm leaving for AZ on Saturday and I have a few things to do to get ready before then. So, I won't start the After…stories for season six until sometime early next week. So, see you in a bit.