237. Chapter 237

After Driven

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Nothing could drive me to claim that I own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Author's note: I know. This is out of sequence. But I'll have After Swan Song next. Unless…

Kate Beckett had finished taking off her makeup and had tied her hair into a loose bun. She was about to take off her robe when she saw Castle standing behind her, staring. "Hey." She said. In the three days they'd been home, they hadn't quite gotten back to their usual groove.

Castle stepped into the bathroom and slid his arms around her. "I love you so much."

She relaxed and smiled, then leaned back against him." I know. I love you, too, you know."

He smiled and kissed the top of her head. "I know. It's just that I feel that I owe you an endless number of "I love yous" after what you went through."

"You don't owe me anything. It's not like you got yourself kidnapped just to piss me off."

He grinned. "We don't know that, you know. We have no idea what happened to me or why. Maybe I did something wrong, or bad, that caused all of that. Maybe it was all my fault."

Kate shook her head determinedly. "I know you, Castle. There's no way that you've done anything wrong or bad that would make you deserve what happened to you. What happened to us."

"I know. But I wanted to give you the perfect wedding. I wanted the venue to be perfect. I wanted the flowers to be perfect. I wanted the bridal gown to be perfect. I wanted the music to be perfect. I wanted the rings to be perfect. I wanted the reception to be perfect. I wanted the perfect wedding for my perfect bride."

Kate grinned. "I was a pretty hot bride. You really missed out on your wedding night."

Castle kissed the top of her head again. "And instead you got nothing but two months of pure hell."

"Which was not your fault." She said quickly.

"I didn't say it was my fault. But, I hate it when anything hurts you, Kate. Just thinking of what happened to you makes me sick."

"What you went through was bad, too."

"Are you sure? Maybe I was unconscious for ninety nine percent of the time." Castle hugged the love of his life tightly. "And when I finally came back, it was just more hell for you. If I hadn't decided to go to see where I was supposedly camping, Jenkins, or whoever he was, would have gotten away with it. Everybody would have thought I had dumped you and ran off. How long would it have been before people were suggesting that I'd been having orgies on the beach while my heart broken fiancé looked for me."

"I don't care about celebrity rumors. Not even if they said you were working as a greeter at Walmart in Ohio with Elvis."

They both grinned.

"But you had to have had your doubts. The evidence against me was pretty overwhelming."

Kate took a deep breath. "There were times. But every time a doubt would come up, I'd push it back down and get back to work finding you. I had faith that I'd find you."

"I'm sorry."

Kate frowned at him. "There's nothing for you to be sorry about, Castle. You're back, you did nothing wrong and we are going to solve this."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry for having spent most of my life being the kind of a guy who people would believe had left his fiancé at the altar and gone missing. I wish we had met a long time ago."

Kate turned around and kissed Rick's neck. "Castle, I'm going to tell you something. I've always been very insecure where you're concerned. For the longest time I really didn't believe that Richard Castle would really have any interest in me. Oh, I was sure you'd like to get me in bed. Or that I'd be one of the guys you know when you need something. I was positive that sooner or later you'd break my heart."

"Kate, honey, never."

"Do you remember when we met at the swings after I was shot? I had lied to you when I said I didn't remember the shooting. I didn't remember you telling me that you loved me. Part of my reasons were what I had told you. My shooting, Montgomery's death, mom's murder, everything was just too much for me. But part of it was that I just couldn't accept that you loved me as much as I loved you. Then when you asked me to marry you, I was sure you were going to break up with me. And just before I was fired by the Attorney General's team, when you said that our two city plan wasn't working, I was sure you were going to break up with me again. Even today, there's still a small part of me, buried deep inside that won't quite believe that you are my one and done. And I think I'll always be afraid that I'll do something to lose you. Always."

Rick kissed her forehead and worked down to her cheek. She was crying and he kissed her tears away. "I'm going to have to work a lot harder convincing you how much I do love you."

"Thanks." She buried her head in his chest and wiped away the remaining tears.

"This might help. I lied to you."

Kate's insecurities shot to the surface. "What?"

"Do you remember when you were standing on that bomb and I was trying to keep your spirits up?"

"Sure." Kate had no idea where this was going.

"I lied to you. I told you that I had fallen in love with you long after you had fallen for me. That was a lie. From our first case together, I knew you were special, fascinating, remarkable…"

"Maddening, frustrating." She teased.

"But, I was in love with you when you were still at the barely tolerating me phase. I realized that I was in love with you when you got serious with Demming."

Kate punched him in the arm. "Why didn't you say something? Or do something?"

He shrugged. "I did something. I was a gentleman. You had made your choice and I respected it."

"Demming was my second choice, Writer Boy. My first choice was you, but I never thought that you'd…"

"I did. I loved you then."

"And I loved you then."

They held each other tightly. Finally Castle spoke. "We're probably lucky we're together."

"Very lucky." She said softly.

"What do you say we go to bed so I can continue telling you how much I love you?"

"Why don't you show me how much you love me?"