224. Chapter 224

After Once Upon a Crime, Yet Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Once upon a time, I didn't own Castle, and still don't. Rating: K Time: See above.

The slender young woman strode fearlessly through the forest, her chestnut curls covered by the hood of her red coat, one of many, many that she owned. Her long legs covered the ground rapidly as she was in a hurry to get her basket of goodies to Grandma. Although her lovely eyes caught the motion off to her right, she made no movement until she drew her 9mm magic wand and yelled, "Detective Kate Beckett, Fairyland PD. Freeze."

The movement in the thick woods stopped. "Now, come out with your hands raised."

There was no response from the woods. "Either come out and identify who you are, or I'll come over and find out who you were."

There was movement in the woods and soon a large, well dressed, but decidedly hirsute man walked out of the woods, hands in the air.

"Who are you?" She demanded.

"Richard Castle, I'm a writer."

"Do you expect me to believe that? It's obvious you're B. B. Wolf!"

"No, I'm Richard Castle, the writer. I used to be B. B. Wolf, but I changed my name for literary purposes."

Detective Beckett, who had a fondness for Castle's tales of the macabre, lowered her magic wand slightly. "Why were you stalking me?"

"I wasn't stalking you. I was following you. I want to follow you around to gather material for my next fairy tale, The Three Little Hedge Fund Managers. I want you to be my muse."

"There are already nine muses. Why do you need another one? And one of your own?"

"There's no muse for mystery fairy tales. I need a new one. What are you doing today?"

Kate thought before letting this man know anything about her. Finally, "I'm taking a basket of goodies to my granny's house."

"Cool! Can I come along?"

Kate sighed. "Suit yourself."

As they walked through the woods, Kate noticed Castle looking around. "What are you looking for?"

"Shouldn't there be a yellow brick road around here someplace?" He replied.

"Closed for repairs." Beckett replied.

"Or mayhaps ye be lookin' fer me gold?" Someone broke in. They were confronted by a wee fellow dressed in green, smoking a pipe. "Ye'll no be getting' it, boyo."

"Boyo?" Castle said. "Again?"

"And who are you?" Beckett asked.

"Who am Oi?" Quoth the stranger. "Oi'm Kevin Ryan, yer friendly local leprechaun. An' who might ye be?"

"Detective Kate Beckett, Fairyland PD and Richard Castle." Said Kate.

"You're a cute little fellow." Castle said.

"Cute!" Bellowed the leprechaun. "Them's fightin' words. Take that back or Oi'll be introducin' me shillelagh ta yer noggin."

"Hey, no offence meant, pal."

"Where air ye goin'?" Said the mollified leprechaun.

"We're going to Granny's. I have some goodies for her."

"Mind if Oi tags along wi ye? There's critters in these woods." Said the wee Irish fellow, looking around him.

"Suit yourself." Kate grumbled.

And off they went, with the leprechaun whistling the Notre Dame fight song and quaffing a Guinness Stout.

Soon, the three travelers came to a bridge. On the bridge stood a huge troll: Mean, shaggy and wearing an odd green cap. "You want to cross my bridge, you answer my riddle!" He roared.

"Sure, Shaggy." Castle said, upsetting the troll.

"For that, pretty boy, I'll give you my most difficult riddle. What's black and white and red all over?"

"A sunburned penguin." Castle said, confidently.

"An embarrassed zebra." Said the leprechaun.

Kate rolled her eyes. "It's a newspaper. It's a pun. A play on words. The word red, as in the color can also be read, as in reading."

"I knew that." Castle grumped.

"Okay, you can cross Javi's bridge. Where are you going?"

"To Granny's with some goodies. You want to come, I assume? Everyone else does."

"Sure." Said the troll. "Do you have any top secret material I could have? I haven't eaten breakfast yet."

Kate just rolled her eyes.

And so the four set off together. Soon, they came upon three disembodied smiles, sitting in a tree.

"Who are you?" Asked Castle.

"We are the Three Cheshire Kats, better known as 3CK." Said the middle one. "Can we come with you to Granny's?"

"Sure." Kate said, whipping out her magical manacles, cuffing them and stuffing them into a magical pouch in her cloak. "Really, 3CK! Do you think I'm dumb?"

"Who are they?" Castle asked.

"Serial litterers."

"Cat litterers?" Castle said, to make sure everyone got the pun.

"You do need a muse" Kate said wearily.

In another few minutes they came upon a lovely red headed young lady, sitting on a small footstool eating something. She looked up and smiled. "Daddy! What are you doing here?"

"I'm shadowing Detective Beckett here for my next book. What brings you here, Alexis?"

"This is my new internship. I have to sit on this tuffet eating curds and whey until a spider comes along."

"An internship?" Kate asked.

Alexis nodded. "I need to be well rounded and have lots of outside interests if I want to apprentice to a top notch wizard."

"Curds and whey?" Castle said with distaste. "You didn't pick that up from your ex-boyfriend, did you?"

"No, it's part of the job."

"We'll have a pizza and ice cream when we get home." Castle said.

Just then, a huge spider sat down beside Alexis, frightening her slightly. Instantly, Kate pulled out her magic wand and fired at the spider, who dissolved into goo. "Really, Ms. Castle? You interned for Bracken the Spider? You're lucky to still be alive. You should come with us."

And so our intrepid travelers strode through the forest until they came upon a house made entirely of candy.

"I'm getting a sugar rush just looking at it?" Castle said.

"Kitten! My familiar is back!" Cried a red headed witch, rushing out of the house to grab Rick and kiss him.

"Please, Meredith. I'm with Kate now."

"Really, Kitten?" Meredith looked over her competition. "Isn't she a bit skinny?"

For no reason she could comprehend, Kate took Rick's hand and pulled him away. "Come on, Kitten! We have to be going."

"But, Rick" cried Meredith, "I need you to co-sign the loan on the house. It's perfect. And it's only ten million doubloons."

"See you later, Meredith. " Rick called back. "The house should be made of Twinkies." He mumbled as soon as they were out of earshot.

No sooner had they left Meredith and her new house behind than they ran into a beautiful woman dressed in a tutu. "How are you two doing?"

"Who are you?" Kate asked.

"Duh! I'm your fairy godmother, Sweetie. Are you doing the deed with Writer Boy yet?"

Kate blushed. "Not here, Lanie."

"You're last name isn't Corleone, is it?" Rick asked, getting behind Kate.

"No!" Said he fairy godmother sharply. "Now you two run along while I mix up some potions. Love potions, if you know what I mean."

Kate left quickly, dragging Rick along with her.

Not long after that, they came upon another woman, of a certain age, dressed like an explosion in a psychedelic clothing factory.

"Martha! What are you doing out here?" Rick asked.

"Have I taught you nothing, Richard? I'm the Wicked Witch of the West! I got the part."

"This is what wicked witches are wearing these days?" He asked, quizzically.

"The director was a big fan of Hair, dear. One must make allowances." Suddenly Martha spotted Kate, who was looking rather protective of Rick. "And who is this lovely young lady?"

"Detective Kate Beckett, Fairyland PD." She introduced herself.

Martha looked at her closely. "Weren't you the one who solved the Goldilocks disappearance?"

Kate nodded. "Once I figured out that the Poppa Bear's porridge was too hot and Mama Bear's was too cold, it was a snap. "Baby" Bear confessed. The other detectives had thought it was random gang violence." She sneered.

"She's a keeper." Martha stage whispered to Rick.

"Mom!" He said blushing. "Not now."

"We have to be going." Kate said.

After a short walk, they arrived at a grim and forbidding castle. Kate knocked on the castle portcullis.

"Come in." Said a distant voice.

The whole group walked in to be greeted by Granny.

"Granny Gates, I have the precinct's reports for One Fairyland Plaza's monthly reports.

Granny Gates looked up and noticed Castle standing there. "What is that writer doing here?"

"Um, he helped me, sir. We grabbed 3CK and dematerialized Bracken the Spider."

"I don't care. Get him out of here."

Kate and Rick quickly left.

"What now?" Rick asked.

Kate studied the man for several long minutes. "Oh, what the hell. I don't want to go through years of pushing you away. Come here." She grabbed him and kissed him passionately. After a second, he kissed her back.

"We should go to your loft." She whispered.

And they lived happily ever after. Always.