nine

she couldn't sleep all night. if only she could turn back time and didn't look at kai in that light. if only she didn't bump into kai that one fine day.

kai was the one person who consoled her the most after her mother's death. or maybe she saw it that way. even though she hated him at the moment but she liked him too at the same time. kai became the only light in the darkness, or maybe she chose to see it that way. kai also developed a soft spot for her but she mistook it for love. she was sure that he liked her back.

he started spending more and more time with her, even though she had a hint that he was doing all of it in pity yet she couldn't say no. a girl who lost her father, her mother, her everything, was desperate for love, even though if it was all in her mind. she liked to think that he loved her too, even though she could clearly see what's in front of her. " if this is all a lie, i want to be lied to till my last breath."

her, coughing up flowers didn't stop but she had no idea what it meant, and was too scared to share with another soul. until one day, her friend, delilah noticed which horrified her beyond belief.

she searched it online. and she found out the truth about coughing up flowers. that night she cried for the entire night. how much in pain she must have been. she cannot even feel half of what luna must be feeling. she wanted to let luna know but how? would luna even believe her?

from that night she started hating kai. she hated kai from all what she was.

luna started to emotionally depend on kai to escape her reality, mother's death and mostly because she knew that she was the reason why her mother died. she regretted acting so harshly that day that it led to her death. if only she didn't feel so suffocated and never opened the door, if only she didn't fight with her mother. if only she was in control. if only kai didn't pity her too.

being all alone, in a house filled with emptiness she suffocated all night and cried all day. she couldn't help her hanahaki and couldn't stop the memory from replaying of the moment the truck came running over her mother. it kept playing right before her eyes, every night, making her go back to that day and feel the guilt eating her alive.

her father didn't even bother showing up to the funeral, he probably doesn't even know she passed away.

she had, still has a lots of questions unanswered. about her father, her mother, their separation. her pitiful life.

she hated herself with all she was.