Explain Please Part I

"Emily..." She cleared her throat and fixed the napkin on her lap. "I-I want to be your girlfriend, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable. This is your first real relationship, and you are still figuring things out. The least I can do is help make it easier." She paused for a moment to see if Emily had anything to say, but Emily stayed silent.

"What I am trying to say is, if you are uncomfortable with public displays of affection, then I can refrain from that. Anything you need me to do, I'm here." Chloe reached for Emily's hand, but stopped after thinking about what she just promised.

"It's not that." Emily sighed heavily. "I want to hold your hand in public. I want to kiss you in front of all of my friends. I want people to know that you are mine and I am yours." They both blushed as she said this, but Emily continued without pausing to realize this. Her eyes were fixed on the flowers in he middle of the table, so she didn't notice Chloe blush either.

"I really like you, Chloe. More than I can put into words. And I think that that is what scares me. We have known each other for half a year, so I know you well enough that I shouldn't be afraid. I don't know what's wrong with me." She chuckled nervously as she placed her face in her hands.

"Nothing's wrong with you, Emily." She paused and scanned Emily's face for a moment. "Can I display my affection for you publicly?" She said with a smirk, but still had sincerity in her voice. her eyes were kind as she leaned foreword towards Emily.

"I-" Emily removed her face from her palms, and subtly shook her head while she made up her mind. "I have to go to the bathroom."

Just as Emily left the table, the waiter returned to take their order. Chloe told them to wait a little longer as she watched Emily walk away, deciding what she should do.

Once Emily reached the bathroom, she entered a stall, shut the toilet lid, and sat on it, using her hands to fan away the tears developing in her eyes.

"Emily?" Emily could hear the bathroom door open. A soft voice was calling her name, and she could hear that it was full of concern.

"Emily?" It repeated. Emily could see the bottom of Chloe's long green dress pass her stall, following the brown wedges. She then watched it turn around at the wall, and keep walking back the way it had came, this time stopping at her stall.

"Emily, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Believe me, that's the last thing I want. I just wanted us to have a nice dinner, doesn't even have to be romantic. Not if you don't want it to." She paused. "I really like you too Emily. and I want to spend as much time with you as I can."

"'As much time as I can'" Emily thought. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"We can leave if you want. Just...Please come out." Her voice remained soft the entire time she talked. It was comforting and difficult for Emily to resist.

She unlatched the stall door, waited for Chloe to step back, then hesitantly swung the door open.

"Come here." Emily said with a dark, almost lustful look in her eyes.

"Em.." Chloe said quietly as she crept closer to Emily.

"Come. Here." Emily said as she reached her hand out for Chloe to grab. Instead, she sped up her walking pace an cupped Emily's face. Their lips crashed as the two passionately kissed. Emily reached her left hand out to close and lock the stall door. She then grabbed Chloe's waist and spun her around so that she was sitting on the toilet seat.

"E-Emily...Are you sure.?" Chloe asked as she caught her breath.

Emily stepped forward and straddled Chloe on the seat. Their lips met again.

"Emily..." Chloe whispered.

"Shh." She moved her kisses down from Chloe's mouth to her neck and chin. She tightened her grasp on Chloe's shoulders. Then, one shoulder at a time, Emily slowly slid Chloe's jean jacket down to her elbows were Chloe picked off from, and removed it completely. Emily's hands started to undo the back of Chloe's dress.

"Not...Not here" Chloe whispered in between breaths.

"Please?" A tear streamed down one of Emily's cheeks.

"Emily..." She said, then paused to wipe the tear off of her cheeks.

"Dammit. I'm sorry." Emily started wiping her eyes with the back of her index fingers.

"How about we leave? We could go to your place. Cuddle on your squeaky bed." She said softly as she placed her hands around Emily's waist. She laid her head on Emily's shoulder and softly kissed the left side of her neck

"Mmm." Emily mumbled as she got up from Chloe's lap.

Chloe grabbed her jacket off of the ground and kissed Emily on the cheek before stepping around her, opening the stall door, and leading her out of it, then the restaurant.

The entire drive back to Emily's apartment was completely silent except for the quiet sound of the radio and the faint hum of the car engine.

When they approached the apartment, Emily unlatched her keys from her beltloop on her jeans, unlocked the door, and held it open for Chloe.

"Here we are." Chloe said as she stepped through the door, and walked over to the island where she sat down her purse.

"Yeah. Home sweet home..." Emily's voice sounded less than enthusiastic as she closed and locked the door.

Before speaking, Chloe closed her eyes and let out a quiet sigh. She could tell that Emily was upset.

"Emily..." She said as she turned towards the door to face her. "Is something wrong?"

"That's exactly what I was going to ask you." She laid her keys in the dish by the entrance and slowly started walking over to Chloe.

"What do you mean?" She pulled out the chairs from the island, and patted on the seat of the one closest to Emily, inviting Emily to sit next to her.

"Is it me?" She placed her hands on the back of the chair, looking down at the floor, then back up at Chloe so that she could catch her expression.

"I don't know what you're referring to. Is what you?"

"Am I doing something wrong? Am I not...good?"

"Wh-Oh. Oh! No, no. Nothing is wrong. And believe me..." She paused so that she could lift up Emily's chin. "You're the best."

Emily blushed and planted a kiss on Chloe's cheek

"Why would you think that?" She said as she grabbed Emily's wrists and led her to the seat in front of her.

"It's just..." She sighed heavily. "Last night-this morning, you left in such a hurry. Then...at the restaurant. Not to mention I am very new to, well everything." She shook her head and chuckled softy when she finished.

"That's not it AT ALL." Chloe paused and waited for Emily to look her in the eyes again. "I get that you are new to this. All of this. If it bothered me I would have run a long time ago. But I didn't. I feel something with you. For you. I don't know what it is, and to be honest that scares the hell out of me.

I am a control freak who needs to know what is going on 24 / 7. I've never really been in a real relationship before, but I think of what we have and I can't help but think of the future. One with you in it. I want to grow old some day. I want to have kids. One kid, minimum." They both chuckled quietly.

"Um, let's see...*tut tut tut*. I love to paint. And sing, and cook. I love people; being around them, taking care of them. I like to test my limits. See what I am capable of. And Emily..." She lightly held Emily's hands. "I think I am capable of being with you. REALLY being with you. And if I can do it, I just hope that you can too."

"Yes, but, what will people think? What will Grams or...my mother think? I haven't come out of the closet. Hell, I didn't even know that I was in the fucking closet until a couple months ago. Am I a lesbian? Am I bi? I have no idea. Not the slightest clue. I haven't even figured out who I am yet. I guess I just..." She sighed. "I envy you. You've got everything figured out. You-You're perfect, and I am just some mess whose life has been crumbling around her since day one."

"Oh, where to start." She scratched her chin jokingly.