Reconciling With Herself

She gasped as he lifted her hand that was on his right shoulder and twirled her around before pulling her closer again. His fingers brushed against her waist as he gave her another turn, bringing her back against his chest. She could feel his heartbeats that made her own heart race.

Leaning over her shoulder, he slowly whispered in her ear, "Is there anyone who can love you more than me?"

"No." She placed her hands over his that rested on her stomach. Who could love her more than him? Nobody.

"Whom do you love the most?"

"You," she quickly replied, before she turned around to hug him.

*

Irene woke up with a jerk from the dream. She did not take more than a couple of seconds to know that it was just a dream. The dream that she needed to stop seeing. Her gaze that involuntarily went at the pizza box on the table reminded her that it was a new day and she was supposed to treat it in the same way.

She could not be sitting at home, crying and weeping the whole day. She had to push herself to get moving.

Opening the last drawer of her bedside table, she got her diary and pen out.

'Date - 05-01-2001

Dearest, Irene's diary, she is sorry that she broke down in pieces yesterday. She didn't willingly do that though. She tried holding herself together but somehow she failed. She was already missing her loved ones whom she has lost... so when Ayden… with whom she had dreamt of spending the rest of her life… felt the need to test if she would leave him for someone better or not… she couldn't quite handle it.

Ayden knew what kind of life Irene as a kid has had.

Ayden knew how the accusing gazes of her classmates had shattered her time and again.

Ayden knew for how long she had longed for someone who could fill the void she had in her life.

Ayden knew for how long she had waited for someone to just be truly affectionate toward her.

Ayden knew how long it had taken her to get over the names people had called her.

Ayden knew how awful she had felt when people had said that she wasn't trustworthy so when Ayden proved yesterday through his gesture that he didn't find her trustworthy either… it left her wondering… what the purpose of her life was. To pay for someone else's doing? If so, for how long?

Dearest, Irene's diary, she admits that… everything that she had left behind has come back to her… especially her insecurities.

Dearest, Irene's diary, you know everything. Someone may believe her or not… she is just very glad to know that… you would always trust her.

Dearest, Irene's diary, thank you for being with her all along. She couldn't have come this far without you. Know that she is always grateful to you. She loves you and she knows that you love her too and for you… she is going to fight. She is going to fight off her demons again. No matter how long it would take her, she is going to stay here to fight… fight until she wins.

She will see you soon.

Yours truly,

Irene.'

Putting back the cap of her pen, she shut her large purple diary. The one that she had gifted herself years ago. Its cover was adorned with a bunch of printed white stars. She still remembered it was her eleventh birthday when Melissa had taken her to buy herself the gift she wanted.

Her eleven-year-old self didn't want anything on her birthday. Everything that could have made her smile on her birthday had gone too far from her to get and the rest… just did not matter but upon Melissa's insistence, she had laid her eyes upon that diary and Melissa had instantly picked it for her.

Her lips broke into a bittersweet smile as she went down memory lane.

She hadn't let that diary get away from her since then.

That diary had embraced her with her flaws and never pushed her away.

That diary had never accused her of anything.

That diary had just been kind.

The diary had listened to everything she had to say.

That diary had never turned her down.

That diary had stayed with her and never left her.

She put it back in its place, folded her duvet, made her bed and went straight to shower. By the time she returned, it was 6 in the morning. She had to reach her college by 11. She decided to go jogging. It had been quite long since she went.

Apparently, Ayden believed that there were a lot of guys that got out in the morning, and it wasn't safe for her. She had asked him to join her instead but he had refused. After a lot of insistence from his side, she had finally given in. Even though she had felt awful in suppressing her love for jogging, she had brought herself to do that for him.

Not anymore though. She pulled her hair in a bun, put on her maroon hoodie, pushed her phone in her pocket, took her water bottle along and stepped out.

Several minutes later, she had crossed quite a lot of distance. Knowing that even after the long gap, she could still get far without feeling tired, was certainly a good feeling.

The road was quiet. Perhaps, it had lately become. She did not know. It had been long since she had been there early in the morning. The morning chills that went caressing her skin felt so good.

She stopped for a while, only to raise her head above and watch the sunrise. Her heart instantly warmed up as she felt reconciled with herself.

She had spent her nights texting and talking to Ayden and her mornings, sleeping because of staying up until late at night.

She stood there, enjoying the beauty of the calm morning before she resumed her jogging. She did not know what came over her and she decided to close her eyes and jog. She let her gaze scan the road ahead to see if there was any trace of any vehicle. She made up her mind to be slow and alert.

As she began, she put blind trust in her skills. She knew that she knew how to be mindful and sense danger even with her closed eyes.

She was going smoothly for a while until her leg collided with something and she fell on her knees.

"Ah." She opened her eyes and tilted her head to realize it was a barricade she had collided with.

"Hey. You okay?"

She heard a male voice and found a guy approaching her.

"Well, like you can see… not really." She looked at her scraped knees that had started to bleed, turning her white leggings red with the blood.

"Your eyes seem good to me but still you are here when there is a huge board that you are not supposed to be here. "

As he came closer, his face became clearer. He had got that brown skin with amber eyes, along with tousled dark brown hair. Looking at his slim and muscular figure, one could assume that he had spent quite a lot of hours in the gym.

"Excuse me?" She slightly frowned at his tone. It was unreasonably sarcastic. "I didn't see it."

"But if nobody is supposed to be here then what are you doing here?" She mentally patted herself for the good come back.

"Well, I am standing unhurt here. I saw the board and I knew what I was signing up for. You are hurt because you did not know what you were signing up for."