Chapter 1

////CHAPTER 1 START////

[Hmm? Oh, it's you. Yes, this narrator supposes that it is about time we continue. Waiting is quite dull. Let's put an end to that, shall we? *Ahem* Within the place between spaces, a conversation between a magical girl and her wand can be heard. The two are within a Bubble, a sort of vehicle for the more fleshy of multiverse travelers. What? Did you expect a more in depth description? Don't look at this one like that, there really isn't much else to say about it. It's literally a bubble. How am I is this one supposed to extrapolate upon that, 'oh yes the Bubble is very round and shiny, like an actual bubble,'??? Cretins, the lot if you. Absolute buffoon. This narrator isn't the GM, y'know. They are very busy coming up with words to describe the Multiversal Misadventures of Kathryn Valac. Don't waste this one's time by trying to roll perception checks on every insignificant object. *Ugh* FINE! If you must absolutely know, the Bubble is a sort of protection spell to shield against the friction caused when shifting to differing areas of the omniverse. As for appearance, it's in the shape of a prismatic Goldberg Polyhedron, hence the moniker of 'Bubble'. There, happy? Good. Now shush, this one is narrating. Now, where were we? Ah yes, the beginning.]

"So what should I call you?"

'Whatever you wish, Master.'

"Kyle it is then."

'wait no can I hav-'

"Nope, too late your name is Kyle."

'... Please?'

"No."

'Why? Why… Kyle?'

"Easier to yell at you with."

'Really?'

"Yup."

'ugh'

"So where are we going, Kyle?"

'Somewhere interesting nearby.'

"And that iiisss?"

'I just told you.'

"No, what universe are we traveling to?"

'hmm. Good news or bad news first?'

"Good news?"

'We are currently on course for a world that's like a comic book.'

"Ooooh that sounds awesome! Which one? Marvel or DC?"

'That is where the bad news comes in. Actually there's more than one bad news.'

"What do you mean? Start explaining now or I will send you to jesus! I Want to have a signed photo of Spiderman, Kyle. Why can't I have that, KYLE?"

'1.) We are currently piercing through a dimensional quarantine.

2.) The reason for the quarantine is an Extra Dimensional Creature that is attempting to cheat death.

3.) We don't have any control over where and when we land in said quarantined multiverse. 4.) Once we land, we won't have enough energy to pierce through the quarantine until at least a week. Any extensive use of magic can and will cause setbacks in leaving.'

"Kyle.. you have doomed us both."

'why?'

"I think I know where we are heading."

*Insert 1960's Batman transition here*

MEANWHILE, WHERE KATHRYN AND KYLE ARE HEADING:

The three beings colloquially known as Endbringers are currently standing in front of the Bass Pro Shops Pyramid in Memphis as if they're waiting to mug someone. Literally. The Simurgh has some sort of tinker tech gun, Behemoth looks like he's wielding a giant knife, and Leviathan turned his water echo in the shape of a nailed bat. This makes the hundreds of capes currently surrounding them very nervous, for numerous reasons. If the thoughts in their heads were summarized, they would be split into 7 categories.

oh god oh fuck

Why the fuck is Leviathan on land I thought it only did ocean things oh God oh fuck

Oh God they all have weapons run

I'm too old for this

I'm too young to die

Who or what are they about to attack and should we attack it too?

The Simurgh/Behemoth/Leviathan looks kinda hot ngl

"What do you think they're doing?"

"I don't know."

"They all are just standing there, as if they're waiting for something."

"I don't like this."

"I don't think any of us do, Vicky."

*FWOOP-PAASH* *KRAKOOM-THUNK-CRUNCH*

Suddenly as a person sized glowing rainbow ball appeared, the Endbringers attacked it like your pitbull attacks the neighbor's child. They were trying to smite it with ferocious blows strong enough to shatter physics, completely ignoring every power shot at them by the capes as if they were fruit flies. With the sound of shattered glass, an explosive burst of light pushed them back, revealing our enigmatic protagonist. Everyone is confused as the magical girl starts yelling at her wand.

"KYLE YOU FUCKIN DUMBASS YOU JINXED US!!!"

Everyone is then anxious when the seemingly inanimate object responds.

'Master, how was I supposed to know we would be attacked immediately?'

"KYLE YOU DON'T FUCKIN TEMPT MURPHY!"

'Who's Murphy and why shouldn't I tempt him?'

"KYLE"

'What?'

"We are being attacked Kyle. Let me use the magic fuck you beam Kyle."

'But using it wil-'

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE KYLE WE ARE ABOUT TO DIE!!!"

'Alrighty then. Please, hold still.'

Realizing that the two are about to launch an attack, all the capes retreat to a more safe distance. The air starts to feel heavy as the kaleidostick's cage opens. The shard inside shifts Ramiel style and starts screaming. The Endbringers start screaming. Kathryn notices her audience and starts screaming. Everyone starts screaming. Then a golden beam of light as wide as one of those mini school buses is long engulfs Behemoth who just so happened to be in front of the Bass Pro Shops Pyramid. Some local capes scream in fear for the beloved landmark. Then everyone stops to stare at Behemoth's missing torso. Behemoth starts picking at its missing torso as it falls over, curling into a fetal position. The other two start backing away with uncannily fearful expressions, as if denying the reality that is their half dead comrade. Everyone robotically looks towards the magical girl, only to see nothing as she had escaped during their delirium. Behemoth moans as its wounds start to slowly regenerate. The three look at each other and nod. Suddenly Leviathan rushed past the capes and booked it to the Chicago River. Behemoth just sinks through the ground like it was quicksand. The Simurgh screeches and flies to the stratosphere. The capes turn to each other and yell,

"what the fuck just happened?"

"Did.. did we just win?"

MEANWHILE:

Teleporting into a completely random alleyway, Kathryn staggers, falls to her knees, vomits, and then cries.

"Kyllllle that was scawwyyy-*hic*-eee."

'It is okay Master. You're still alive, and I'm here for you.'

"Thankies *hic*."

'there there.'

"I *hic* don' wanna *hic* fighd dose dings again, Kyle."

'That's perfectly fine, Master. No one should be expected to fight them anyway. If they're strong enough to almost pop the Bubble, there probably isn't much that can harm them.'

"Kyle?"

'Yes Master?'

"Is it okay if I don't *hic* do magical girl things for a bit?"

'Sure. Just be the best you can.'

"Can I just play video games?"

'Why?'

"Imma *hic* just be a youtuber. Way less scary."

'Let's get you all set up then.'

Kathryn gets up, wipes her face on her sleeves, and walks out of the alley into the unknown city beyond.

\\\\CHAPTER 1 END\\\\

Author's Notes

Hey y'all. Surprised ya with a new chapter, didn't I. I think I wrote what would go down really well. I know all crack fics tend to treat the big threats of a story as little stones on the path to success, but let's be honest. For all the power that Kathryn has, even if she has my memories, she's still just a child. Lots of people that write these fics where they are reborn as children forget that a child's brain is far less developed than their big adult one. Think of it like trying to move everything on a high end gaming pc to a 32 gigabyte flash drive. You can fit a few of the important bits, but the fact is you aren't going to be able to fit everything. A child is gonna be naive. No one expects to be immediately beaten when entering a room, not unless they've been heavily abused. Also she literally could have died, I think that would make a child think twice about doing anything. So for a bit I'm just gonna have her small pranks and whatnot. I'm gonna make an effort to put out at least one chapter a week, cause I don't want my own fic to fall into obscurity. No one even comments on this fic. A little communication would be nice, like, a compliment would make me very happy. Do it or I'll turn Dragon into a vtuber, I'm not joking. Wait no, some of you would probably want to see that. Hmm. Ummm, I guess that's all for now, see you maybe next week.