Chapter 17: Lower Undead Burg(er)

< You have acquired the skill {Beginner Cooking lv.1} >

< Your skill {Beginner Cooking lv.1} has leveled up! 2x>

< {Beginner Cooking lv.1} -> {Beginner Cooking lv.3} >

''I must say, you are quite a good cook. hah... hah... hah...''

Yeah so apparently cooking fell upon the production skill category, so thanks to natural craftsman I could cook a mean steak and my cooking skill leveled up quite easily. Probably because of the ingredients now that I think about it.

And it seems like I did a pretty damn good job cooking the Taurus steak if I do say so myself after looking at the crestfallen knight's expression. Though the meat was unbelievably tougher than the average steak since the meat came from an oversized cow with abs on his biceps. And biceps on his abs.

Though a sad fact was that I couldn't really enjoy my meal much. I mean, I could objectively say it's good but it just didn't feel good to eat. Like eating a good meal while in a foul mood, the food might be good but you cant enjoy it. Like that but permanently, so yeah this steak tastes somewhat like bland ash to me, bummer.

/Maybe it's because of your repressed traumas?/

Huh, I wondered where you were since you have been unusually quiet since I left the asylum. I was actually starting to enjoy the silence without a voice inside my head. What made you decide to come back?

/I was never gone. I am you, or well a part of you./

That wasn't helpful at all, well it's probably my fight with the Taurus demon which trigged my PTSD from the undead asylum and awakened the voice inside my head. Eh not like I can do much about it right now, I just hope it goes away soon.

/I will never leave./

I didn't ask for your opinion.

Anyway, after taking some Taurus steaks with me and leaving the rest with Galvin I left for the Undead Parish. But as I was making my way through the Upper Undead Burg an idea came to my head.

Why should I have to follow game progression?

and

What's stopping me from jumping down to the lower undead burg?

The answer, nothing.

So I did just that. I jumped down to the Lower Undead Burg by jumping from house to house until I reached the streets of Undead Burg. And I only broke two of my ankles! Well, it was nothing a little sunny d couldn't fix.

*Rawr!* *Rawr!*

And, I was given a very warm welcome by...

DOGGOOOSSS!!!

I mean, they were rabid, rotting, covered in maggots, and trying to rip my throat out but still.

DOGGO!

I tried picking one up but it kept biting my body even as I tried to pet it. And while I held one up his friends were chewing through my ankles at a concerningly rapid pace. But that didn't stop me from aggressively petting the first dog while trying my best to avoid the ankle bite and keeping my neck away from the doggo's reach.

You know, I heard petting dogs was supposed to be therapeutic or something but this doesn't make me feel less traumatized at all! In fact, this moment of trying to pet the most grotesque depiction of a dog I have ever seen may even make it to my box of repressed traumas.

/No amount of therapy could help you./

Did I ask?

Anyways, since my mood had fouled I put the bad boys out of their miserable existences by snapping their necks with my (slightly)inhuman strength. Then drank some orange joe to recover from the numerous love bites I was given.

<You have killed 3x {Attack Dogs} +300 Souls>

It also pissed me off to no end that the new clothes that I had just made for myself were already in rags. Well, they were made out of table cloth but still!!! Next time I should try making some with Taurus demon hide. But could a needle even pierce that?

A pure titanite one probably could. But that's for later.

As I was heading in the direction opposite of the Capra demon I heard a faint voice coming from one of the buildings.

''Somebody! Please, let me out of here! Somebody, anybody! Help me! Unlock the door! ...Damn... ...I'm finished... How did this ever happen...''

Ohhh, right! he existed! I nearly forgot about him. Thankfully for him, he shouted otherwise I might have accidentally left him to rot there forever. I went up to the door the voice came from and stood in front of it. And gave a strong kick.

''Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!''

Huh, I kinda like his screams! Now I feel like messing with him a bit more.

*Undead Noises* *Crash!* *Crash!*

*Crash!* *Crash!* *Hollow Noises*

''Somebody! Please, Get me out of here! Please! Oh, Gwyn help me, please!''

Alright, I was done messing with him. So I gave the one last good kick and it flew open and I was met with the sight of a terrified Griggs on his knees in a praying position.

''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!''

Ah, I forgot that I am covered in blood and guts from the hollows and dogs I chopped up on my way here so seeing me probably wasn't good for Griggs's heart. I debated messing with him a bit more but I was afraid he might die of a heart attack so I didn't.

''Ey, calm down small hat I ain't no hollow(yet) I just opened that door for ya after hearing your pleas.''

Hearing my words he seemed to regain some of his calm.

''O-oh Th-thank you, you opened the door for me! Thank you; I am saved. I thought I might never escape. I am Griggs of Vinheim. A sorcerer of the school. I am much obliged for your assistance. Thanks to you, I may now resume my travels.''

''Sure, whatever just don't get yourself killed or stuck in more houses okay? Wait, how did you even get yourself stuck here anyway? Aren't you a magician? Couldn't you have just blasted that door to kingdom come?''

Hearing my words Griggs seemed to be rather ashamed.

''I was ambushed by some hollow thieves when I ran out of focus. And seeing no other option of escape I made the gamble to lock myself in this house to save my life. And thanks to you it has paid off, I am in your debt.''

''Alright sure, take care, Griggs.''

And then I left the sorcerer behind for now but I didn't forget to grab the barrels and sorcerer set and catalyst. But what I'd have to do next scared even me. I mean, scared is a bit of a strong word, anxious is more fitting.

Because down this alley, I would have to meet them.

Beings that could kill even the strongest of undead wearing the strongest of armor. Their powers even overshadow that of Gwyn's. The god-slaying DPS monsters second only to *_/Those Things/_*.

The torch hollows.

Those hollows with their flaming sticks can kill a max-level undead wearing fully upgraded Havel armor with ease. Their stun-locking powers made them a more formidable foe than Gwyn himself. And I would have to face a horde of those things.

I could only pray to whatever deity that would listen for their unfathomable powers to be even slightly weaker than their logic-defying game counterparts.

With a bated breath, I stepped forward and the moment I saw more than a few /dozen/ torches held up in the air I knew I had fucked up. In a moment of panic and fear I decided, fuck it, and started chucking firebombs without even letting them move toward me.

And miraculously the horde perished before my supply of firebombs did. I did not get to test my theory but I'd honestly rather not try. But even my fear and piss-soaked pants did not deter me from claiming the twin humanity off the corpse stuck on the bars. And the numerous miscellaneous drops they left behind.

Before deciding to do any more risky endeavors like challenging a horde of god-slaying beasts I went up the stairs next to the god-awful smelling corpse fire and unlocked the shortcut to the upper undead burg. I of course also got rid of the pests that tried to jump me while I did so.

Now it was time to continue forth and prepare for the ambush. Or well getting ambushed. Actually, is it an ambush if you know it is coming? More questions to ask the big hatted man later.

Anyways what's keeping me from ambushing them actually? Nothing I'd say. Plus I should have a high enough strength stat to overwhelm the little men.

*Slam!*

Saying that I busted down the door near me with me which actually launched the assassin inside against the wall. But I didn't let him get his bearings as I slammed my fish into his face. And those punches felt kind of personal honesty.

''Parry this! Parry that! Try parrying this you filthy casual!''

Okay definitely personal.

Note to self. Inhuman strength + high-level martial art + high-level pain tolerance = splitting heads like a watermelon. The proof is the headless corpse of the hollow assassin in front of me. Normally with my 20 strength which was not too out of the human realm but thanks to my insane pain tolerance I could completely utilize all of my strength without caring too much about some muscles getting torn.

(A/N: Like that guy in ''kore was zombie desu ka?'')

But since I was not particularly quiet with my actions his two buddies popped out of their hidey holes.

Hearing that I dashed out of the house and tackled one of the little men that was about to backstab me. While 1 was (temporarily)down I turned around to meet 2 who was about to hop on my back after I tackled 1. Unfortunately for him I turned on my heel and backhanded that bastard into a wagon.

Before chasing after 2 I stepped on 1's neck and broke it. But unfortunately, he stabbed my thigh with his mail breaker before meeting his demise. But that little injury did nothing to hinder me from launching myself at the downed 2 and turning his face from convex to concave.

Now that personal grudges were out of the way it was time to take this seriously. Walking forward I brought out my beautiful not-yet bass canon(Zweihander) and swung horizontally at the two dogs charging me splitting them in half.

<You have killed 2x {Attack Dogs} +200 Souls>

And it seemed the assains took the death of the attack dogs as an invitation for me to do the same to them. I obliged. For the assassin that popped out of the house to my right, I swung my zweihander with one hand chopping off the assassin's legs. For the assassin on my right, I blocked his stab with my forearm and used the blade that was stuck to my arm to pull the assassin into a headbutt.

The last assassin must have thought that he could get a shot in while I was occupied with his mates. That was his first and last mistake as when he jumped up to grab onto my head I stabbed him all the way through with my zweihander and stapled him to a wall to deal with later.

I swiftly disposed of the concussed one and legless by breaking their necks and then retrieved my zweihander, letting the maimed Assasin fall to the ground after which I stomped its head into little chunks.

While I was searching the houses the last dog tried to jump me but I reflexively cut it in half. And as I was searching the hoses I found two things. One is a mail breaker, quite an underwhelming weapon. But the other thing, oh boy. This thing is a godsend, the black leather set. Or in other words.

Proper Clothes!

Pants that aren't made out of tablecloth!

The moment I got that in my inventory I immediately swapped out my current rags for the black leather set. Minus the mask and hood. Sure it smelled and could probably kill a modern person if they wore it from the bacteria on it alone but I could wash it.

Now with some proper clothes, I went down and dispatched the 2 hollow thieves and grabbed the large soul of a lost undead before climbing up the stairs into the tower thing. The poor hollow archer didn't even get the chance to shoot once before getting hit by a brick going at Mach 1. After that, I opened the shortcut to firelink before making my way back in front of the Capra demon's arena and readying myself.

Just as I was about to enter and make short work of the Capra demon I was semi surprisingly issued a challenge.

---

Challenge: Capra Demon

Conditions: Defeat the Capra demon without using any weapons or consumables.

Rewards: 20k souls, 2x Demon Machetes.

Accept? Y/N

---

''...What the Fuck..''

..._Yes_...

< You have accepted the quest [Challenge: Capra Demon] >