Nightmare

I'm back on Jakku, in my dream, but everything is different. I walk through Niima Outpost and everyone is gone, the only movement is sand drifting in the wind, blowing over the abandoned market place. Then I see the large bodies on the sand. All the Luggabeats are dead. They're lying on their sides with open blaster wounds bleeding into the sand. I swallow hard, blinking at the sun.

I see my fighter plane in the near distance. Waves of heat travel up off the metal, the ship still hot from my recent landing. I turn and look out across the desert in every direction. Where's Kylo? Did he come with me? Where's BB-8?

I run back to the ship and look inside to the co-pilot seat. BB-8 is not there. Then I remember, I left her on Yavin_4! I forgot her in the cave! I breathe faster, harder, unable to catch my breath, the sand getting into my mouth. I told BB-8 to wait for me in the cave while I carried some things to the ship, and that I'd go back for her and carry her out once I was done. But I forgot to go back.

"Yavin_4 is gone," a voice says behind me. I turn, it's Kylo. He's fully dressed in his black clothes and wearing his helmet and cape.

"What do you mean gone?" I say, not liking the mask over his face. It reminds me too much of when I first saw him, when the sight of him terrified me and I thought he was going to kill me.

"The Resistance destroyed it," he says, his voice distorted by the mask.

"No," I shake my head. "No, they wouldn't. Why would they destroy it?"

"Because you told them I was there."

"They can't do that!" I yell. "We have to go back. I know we'll find BB-8. We have to try." Maybe she's floating in space. She'd survive in space, she doesn't need air. I run over to Kylo. "Please, we have to go back and look for her."

He lifts his hand before I reach him and I'm thrown back, the Force hitting my chest like a wall. I'm tossed upward, high into the air and then land hard on the sand, getting the wind knocked out of me so I can't even cry out.

The the sand gives way beneath me suddenly and I scramble forward, trying to crawl out, but the movement only makes the sand sink down faster so I stop. "Kylo!" I yell, my heart pounding, my lungs burning. "Kylo, help!" My arms are now caught in the sand, on either side of me.

I look for Kylo and see that he is still standing there.

"Kylo!" I yell. I can't tell if he's looking at me, with his mask on, but I'm sure he can hear me.

He turns and walks away. An army of Stromtroopers that weren't there before materialize in the heat waves across the sand, appearing on either side of Kylo. They all turn in perfect unison and follow after him towards his ship. I try to call out again but my chest is so constricted with the thick sand that I can barely breathe, it's already up to my neck.

"No! Come back!" I yell with all my might. They yell frees me and suddenly I'm not in the sand anymore but in front of my childhood home, looking up at the sky. A strong arm is holding me back and it won't let me run after the ship that's flying away. It's my parents' ship.

"Come back!" I'm a child again, watching our family ship leave without me. The hand grasping my arm won't let me go but I have to run out and wave at them. They forgot to take me! I woke up to the sound of the ship preparing for flight. But I didn't know we were going anywhere. My mom probably told me to get up and get dressed and pack my things, but I must have been too tired, like I always am in the morning. Sometimes I even reply and say I'm getting ready, but then fall back asleep and forget. That's probably what happened. I was being lazy and not paying attention as usual.

I'm always messing things up. I'm always fooling around when I'm supposed to be helping. I wander off when I'm supposed to go to the market. Once I chased after a sand creature for hours, determined to catch it, to find more of them and take them home to keep them as pets. But then I got lost and couldn't find my way back home.

Mom was so worried about me. She wasn't even mad like I thought she would be when they found me finally. I was sure she'd get angry at me for not paying attention to where I was going, and for not getting the bread from the market. But she didn't. I could tell she'd been crying and it made my heart hurt, because it was my fault I made her cry. Because for some reason I can't just be a good girl like I know I should be, and grow up already and learn how to do things like cook and fly a ship, instead of play with my toys all the time.

Now I've really messed up. Worse than I ever have before, because they're leaving without me.

"Come back!" I yell one final time, but I know it's too late. My throat is dry and my voice hoarse from too much yelling. They'll never hear me now. The ship keeps going up and up into the sky, getting smaller and smaller. They must think I'm on board already, playing with my Luggabeast toys. My mom would never leave me behind without her. She gets too worried.

If I could just get free of the hand holding me back I could run out into the clearing and wave my arms around and maybe they'd see me far down below. And then my mom would be surprised and say, "We forgot Rey!" And they'd come back right away and she'd hug me tight and cry, saying how they thought I was on board the whole time and I should listen when she tells me to get up and get into the ship because they're about to leave. And I'd feel too bad to even say sorry because I'd probably be crying too much because I know she's right. I'm not a very good daughter, at all. I never listen. Then she'd hold me until my heart stopped racing and slowed to match her heart beat, and she'd carry me onto the ship with them and I'd be safe. She'd remember to get my toys too, so I'd have something to play with on the trip. She always thinks of things like that.

But I can't run out to wave my arms around. I can't bring them back. I can't get free of the man gripping my arm so tight. I turn around to see who it is. I scream. It's a black mask, melted, like a horrifying black skull. Darth Vader.