Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

I lied to Luke about why we had to come back for BB-8. I had to make it sound really important so I made up a story about BB-8 having sensitive information that we couldn't allow the First Order to get to. But lying was a big mistake. Now everything has gone wrong. General Hux has Luke en route to Snoke and the Resistance can't seem to find where exactly they're headed.

I'm at the Resistance Base now. General Leia has a crew of Resistance fighters and Jedi Knights all gathered around a solar system map, discussing their rescue mission. Last time I was here I also brought bad news to General Leia, about her husband Han being killed, and now this. I swallow hard, watching her give orders and make decisions. She's so strong.

I sit outside the circle and no one looks at me. We did locate BB-8. She had already been taken apart for parts, but fortunately we were able to locate most of the pieces, except for a few, which were replaced. The robotics team on D'Qar are some of the best in the Galaxy. Seeing her powered off and taken apart almost destroyed me. But now Leia and pretty much the entire Galaxy knows that I lied and it's my fault the First Order has Luke Skywalker. General Hux has taken over the First Order now as their commander and he's planning something, but no one knows what exactly.

"How many battle ships do we have ready?" General Leia asks.

I don't hear the reply but the expression on her face tells me it's not enough. She can't lose Luke too, not after so recently losing Han. He was killed by their own son, Kylo Ren.

I clench my hands into fists, remembering how Han fell down into the thermal oscillator's conduit on Starkiller base after Kylo killed him. I hated Kylo for that. It was a cheap shot, they didn't even fight. Kylo just ran his light saber through his father after regaining Han's trust.

After witnessing that, I fought Kylo with so much anger, over Han and over all the people he'd killed or had killed by his Storm Troopers. I'd seen too much blood and destruction at his command and that anger gave me strength. The hate made me strong with the Force. I wish I could claim it was the desire for justice and goodness and the greater good that drove me, made me strong when facing Kylo, but to me, at that moment, he was a monster. He didn't have a reason to hate me as much as I hated him and maybe that made him not as strong, since the Dark Side is driven by hate.

I gasp. Was I drawing power from the Dark Side when I fought Kylo? Is that how I defeated him on Starkiller base before it was destroyed? Do I have the Dark Side within me?

"Rey?" General Leia says, pulling me from my thoughts. "Are you alright?"

I look up to see all eyes on me. "What? Oh, sorry. Yes, I'm fine."

I can feel my cheeks heat up as General Leia and the others are watching me. "We were discussing if you should join with the Resistance fighters to retrieve Luke. You did defeat Kylo Ren once-"

"Yes! Of course I will definitely go." I stand up. "I'll do everything I can-"

"Now hold on." General Leia holds up a hand. "The Jedi Knights think it's too soon for you to go out in battle. You need training in the ways of the Force and the Jedi code, starting with honesty and the greater good. Not to mention self-discipline to keep yourself from the temptation of the Dark Side."

My cheeks grow even hotter. Of course she's right but...

I nod, frowning. I can't look at the Jedi Knights around me, who have made this decision for me, but I can feel their presence, not in the way I feel Kylo Ren, even from light speeds away, but I can still feel them and it makes me uneasy.

"Rey? Are you listening?" General Leia says, a concerned look on her face.

"Yes. Sorry."

"You'll report to the Galactic Capital of Coruscant in the morning, to train at the Jedi Temple. One of the Knights will escort you."

Now I need an escort? I swallow down my disappointment. It's only myself that I'm truly disappointed in. "Thank you, General."

She nods to me then dismisses everyone. They hurry off to begin their rescue mission.

Sometime in the middle of the night I wake from a nightmare only to find myself in another one. The Base is hectic with panic as more bad news comes in. More people dead, more planes destroyed, Knights captured, to what purpose, no one knows. But Snoke has a plan and Hux is carrying it out.

BB-8 is at my side, silent. I can't be sure if her class of robot feels guilt but I know she's put enough of this together to realize that me coming back for her ended up getting Luke captured.

I crouch down to talk to her. "It's not your fault," I say. "It's my fault this has happened. Not because I came back for you, but because I lied."

There is more commotion as an alarm sounds and people start to run around.

"We need to help," BB-8 beeps. I look at her in surprise. She's just a tiny robot, there's so little she could do to help and she'll likely be killed... and yet she's prepared to go out there and fight, with whatever little help she can offer.

I'm suddenly disgusted with myself. Where is my courage, my determination to never abandon anyone? I went back for Finn when those big hideous octopus looking aliens had him on Han's cargo ship, and also when he'd been hurt on Starkiller Base, before it blew up. I never leave anyone behind. This was my fault and I'm not going to just wait around anymore. I have to do something.

"Come on BB-8. We need a fighter plane!"