Chapter 31: Repudiation

Your POV:

'I was stuck in one spot, not allowed to move, "How long do I have to stay like this?" I moan at Katrina, "I've been standing here all day!"

"You're so dramatic; you've been standing there for like 10 minutes at most," Kat laughed at my complaining, "You should be used to getting your portrait done."

"Yeah, but if I didn't stay still, I would have gotten at least 20 lashes."

"Do you need me to threaten you for you to stay still?"

"... Maybe." I giggle.

Katrina sighed, "Come on, just continue looking out the window; the light is perfect."

"Fine." I relent. At least I don't have to worry about David walking in and seeing me here.

"Katrina!" I hear my mother yell as she opens the door to the room Kat and I are in and slams it behind her.

"Ah, Elizabeth, you're here too!" My mother exclaimed when she saw me. Great, she thinks I'm Beth again. "That's (y/n), mom," Kat corrected her, "Beth is out, now please don't distract (y/n); I finally got her to stand still again."

"I've had it up to here with your father!" She yelled at Kat, holding her hand up as high as she could reach, "He won't give me my father's death certificate!"

"Why do you want that?" Kat took her eyes off her painting to give our mother a confused look, "And why would Dad have it?"

"I just need it, Katrina! I know everyone will believe me if you only see it! You'll understand!"

Neither one of us knew what to do or say to her. What is she talking about? However, I guess there is not much point in putting too much weight on her words. Her mental state has been declining faster and faster.

Mom stomps over to the window where I am trying to stand still for Kat, "Never get married, Beth. Only stupid people get married."

"I'm (y/n), mom, and I'm already married."

"Then you're stupid."

"Love you too." I roll my eyes at her.

She gives me a sad expression and grabs some strands of my hair, "I'm sorry, (y/n). None of this should have happened."

"Mom, come sit down, you're in the way," Kat calls for her to sit in the chair behind her.

Our mother pauses, still watching her fingers play with a few strands of my hair, "No one believes me." I hear her whisper to herself.

I take my eyes off her and look out the window again. When I look out I am relieved to see Mac is out there now. Perfect, if he comes up I can chat with him instead of just standing here doing nothing while Kat concentrates.

But Mac isn't alone, he is walking with Peter. I guess that's not too strange, they do both work for the Survey Corps, after all. Peter must be here for an appointment with my mother and ran into Mac on his way over.

They pause outside before reaching the front doors of the estate. I watch them chat and am surprised to see that Mac looks like he is mentally struggling with something. I wish I could hear what they were saying.

Peter hands Mac a note for him to read. After he skims over the document, he puts it in his pocket and nods at Peter. Strange, I wonder what that is about.

"No! Don't let him in!" I'm startled out of my thoughts by my mother's cry, "My mind goes fuzzy when he comes! Don't let him!"

"Mom, he's your doctor," I say calmly to my mother, she doesn't do this often. Sometimes if she has gone for a longer period of time without seeing Peter, she freaks out like this, "He only wants to help you, you'll be okay."

Looking desperately back at me, she says, "Believe me, (y/n)."

I just nod my head in response because I know there is no point arguing with her. Sometimes she can't appreciate that Peter is only trying to help her.

There was a knock on the door, and my mother's mood changed in an instant, "Oh! Who can that be? Katrina! Answer the door!"

Kat glares at mom and puts down her paintbrush to open the door, "Hello, Malcolm! Where's Peter?"

"He's waiting in the usual room," Mac answers her, "You'll have to bring her, Ben left for the evening."

"What? But I'm trying to paint (y/n)'s portrait!"

"Use your mother as a template and just use (h/c) paint instead of dark brown and grey." He offered.

Kat groaned loudly, "Come on, mom, time to see Thompson." My mom gives me one last confused look before she follows Kat out of the room.

"M'lady," Mac smiles at me and holds out his arm for me to grab, "Shall we head home?"

I give him a smile and nod in response. On our way out of the Sanderson place, I finally ask the question that has been bothering me.

"I saw you talking to Peter, what did he talk to you about?"

"Hmmm? Oh, he just wanted to talk about the expedition tomorrow." Mac replied.

"What about the expedition?" I ask quietly. Why do I sound like I'm suspicious of something? It's just weird to me that I'm questioning him about Peter and what he talked to him about. It's none of my business.

"Nothing to worry about, (y/n)," He gives me a reassuring smile and pats me on the top of the head, "Everything is going to be fine."

For the rest of the journey home we just chatted and joked, I didn't bring up his expedition again. I watched him closely whenever he spoke, memorizing all the details of his face and his expressions. His crooked smile, the way his brown eyes would shine when he talked about being outside the walls, the sound of his voice.

I didn't know then this would be the last time I spoke to him like this. The following morning he didn't bother to wake me up, he just left me a note saying he loved me and that he would be back that night. But that evening, I would get a knock at the door that would confirm my worst fears.... I never got to say goodbye to him.'

...

I wake up to the warmth of the sun shining through the window, and Erwin's body heat as I'm still wrapped in his arms. I can't help but smile at his sleeping face, so peaceful. I gently brush some of his blonde hair out of the way of his face.

I just lay there and watch him sleep for a little bit, stop it (y/n), you're getting attached. I gently unwrap myself from his arms, being careful not to wake him up. He groaned a little bit, but otherwise stayed asleep.

I put on the clothes I brought with me and head downstairs. I don't have any food here since I don't really stay here, maybe I'll pick up breakfast over at the little restaurant I used to go to a lot when I lived in the area before. I'll be sure to bring some back for Erwin too.

I slip on some boots and head out of the house. It's a nice morning, the crisp air felt so nice.

As I'm walking my mind goes to the dream I had last night. That must be another memory. I didn't know that I visited with my mother and Katrina the day before Mac died.

But the part of that dream that I can't stop thinking about is the part involving Peter. After Peter and I ended our little 'relationship', he asked me about Mac like he never met him before. I didn't think that was weird at first, I'm sure there are a lot of scouts who have never met Peter. He's a busy doctor, he really only sees scouts who are injured or sick.

So why would he lie about not knowing Malcolm? Or was that interaction in my memory the only time they spoke to one another? And what was that letter about?

Then there is the part with my mother, I don't remember her ever being afraid of seeing Peter. But apparently, sometimes she did....

It was weird, though, when she was talking to me and expressing her concerns, when I looked into her eyes, she seemed clear. Usually, whenever I talk to her I only see confusion and uncertainty in her eyes. The results of a woman whose mind and body betray her on a daily basis.

But in my new memory, she seems so clear for a moment. Just a moment, though, before it went back to confusion and frustration.

Also, why did she want to see my grandfather's death certificate? He died of the same disease she is dying of, what use did she have for such a thing?

I finally arrive at the restaurant, "(Y/n)!" I hear a familiar voice say excitedly, "Welcome back! How are you, sweetie?"

It was the owner's wife, she's a sweet older woman in her 60s. I used to come here a lot when Mac and I were married.

"Hi, Mrs. Becker," I greet her with a smile, "I've been well thank you, how are you and Mr. Becker doing?"

"Fine, sweetheart, we're just fine! Can I get you your usual?"

"You still remember?" I laugh.

"Of course, hun! Have a seat!"

"Two of those please," I tell her, thinking of Erwin. I'm sure he will be hungry when he wakes up.

"Oh! Have you gotten into another relationship?" She asks, a wide smile spread across her face.

"Um, no, not exactly." I answer her uncomfortably.

"Well, he must be at least a little important if you're buying him breakfast." She giggled.

She disappears into the kitchen and leaves me to my thoughts. I mean, Erwin is definitely important to me, but where does our relationship go from here?

I don't think either of us wants a relationship, there is just too much at stake for us to get even more involved with each other. I can't let myself fall in love again if I did and then lost Erwin.... I just don't think I would be able to bounce back from something like that. Not again.

But I wouldn't mind sleeping with him again, that's for sure. I definitely don't regret last night, I had fun. Minus, of course, what happened at the end of Banning's party. It will probably be all over the paper tomorrow.

Then there was that conversation with Kenny I had. That must be what triggered that memory to come back to me, Kenny planting seeds of doubt when it comes to my relationship with Peter.

But Peter deserves the benefit of the doubt. He's done so much for me, and I can't jump to conclusions. So what if he didn't mention meeting Malcolm before? That doesn't prove he's been dishonest with me.

I sit in silence for a few more minutes when Mrs. Becker comes back with my food. I smile my thanks at her, pay for the food and head out, "Come back again soon, (y/n)!" I hear her call after me.

When I make it back to my place, I head upstairs to check on Erwin. I giggle when I see he is still fast asleep. Should I wake him up? I don't know if he has to be back at HQ by a certain time.

I decided I should probably wake him up, knowing Erwin probably has some sort of meeting to go to.

"Erwin," I start to shake him gently, "You should probably get up, you have Commander things to do."

He mumbles in response and doesn't move. I try shaking him a little harder but he grabs me and pulls me down. I squeal in surprise as he pins me underneath him.

He gives me a smile of satisfaction and starts kissing me. I forgot right away that I was supposed to be getting him back to HQ. But I can't help it, he has the ability to make me lose my train of thought right away.

His tongue fights lazily with mine as he is still kind of sleepy. He starts kissing down my neck, sending sweet shivers throughout my body. I run my fingers through his soft messy morning hair and let out little moans as he gets closer to my breasts.

"Off." He demands, referring to my shirt. I lean up so he can pull it off. He yanks it off my body and as he throws it across the room, he finally looks at the clock on my bedside table.

"Shit, I have a meeting in an hour."

I start laughing, I knew he would have something going on, "Go shower, I brought you breakfast to have when you're done."

"To be continued?" He asks me, giving my lips a quick peck.

"Of course."

Erwin hopped off of me, and I pointed him toward the shower. I go back downstairs and start putting stuff away in the kitchen that is still in boxes.

I'm a little nervous about what's to come from my visit today. I wonder if Katrina is going to be there... Probably, but I'll just do my best to ignore her if she is there. I'm here to check in on my mother, not fight with my half-sister.

Erwin's POV:

Damnit, why did I have to have a meeting today? It would have been great if I had time to pound into (y/n) again. But I guess that will have to wait until later.

I can remember every detail from last night. (Y/n)'s expressions, her beautiful body, and how she can switch from being nervous and shy to a seductress in the blink of an eye.

Besides the party taking a turn for the worse, last night was perfect. But now I guess we have to have a conversation about what is happening here. I don't think either of us is really up for a traditional relationship; it's just too difficult. I'm already too attached to her, especially now.

But I'm sympathetic to her past, she was married to a scout before, and that was ripped away from her. I don't want to cause her that type of pain. Maybe we can figure something out and have a more physical relationship.

Whatever she decides, I know I will be okay with it. She has me wrapped around her little finger, she could ask anything of me, and I would do my best to give it to her. Even if she decided she wanted a more emotional relationship, I know I would have my reservations, but I would say yes in a heartbeat.

As I'm in the shower, it finally dawns on me that the only soap available is (y/n)'s lavender soap. This may get very distracting; her scent will linger in the air, and that will make me think about her all day.

After I shower, I make my way downstairs. I'm greeted with an amazing site. (Y/n) is humming a tune to herself and dancing around the kitchen. It was definitely a pleasing site to see. I just lean against the threshold, watching her for a little bit, she looked like she was having fun.

"You're energetic this morning." I finally comment, startling her a little.

She smiled at me once she saw me, "Breakfast is there, you better hurry." She pointed to a plate of food on the table.

"Before I leave, we should probably talk about last night," I say as I take a seat at the table.

"Yeah, probably..." She said quietly, sitting down next to me.

"I just want you to know," I start, "I don't want what happened last night to be a one-time thing. I believe I've made it pretty clear I enjoy your company. Am I right to assume the feeling is mutual?"

Her face goes red, and she nods her head shyly. I couldn't help but smile at her adorable reaction.

"I've never had a physical relationship with anyone before, but traditional relationships very seldom work out in the scouts, as you know." I was trying to sound casual, but deep down, I do want more. But I know she would never agree to that, not after what she went through with her late husband. I want her in my life, even if it is only in a physical sense, it's better than not having her at all.

"Erwin," She interrupted my thoughts with her sweet voice, "You don't owe me anything. I don't expect you to forget your position and start something with me just because we slept together. I think both of us are reluctant to fall for the other, and that's understandable. We don't exactly have the luxury of making life plans with another person, especially given our positions where it is very likely one of us won't survive."

She looks down at her hands pensively, she must be worried about her emotions. I know she feels something for me as I feel for her. As she mentioned, it's very likely one of us will die, devastating the other. It's also possible one of us would make rash decisions out in the field if the other is in trouble. That would be a problem I would battle with more than her.

(Y/n) has been through more heartache than people twice her age, and the last thing I want to do is to cause her more pain or distress.

Yet I can't keep myself away from her, if we can't have a traditional relationship, I am more than fine with a physical one. However, I also don't want her to know how invested I truly am with her. I need to sound casual and nonchalant; if she knows how deeply I actually feel for her, she may call this whole thing off.

"I won't always be available because of my position," I continue, "But I would never ask you to not see anyone else if it helps you to not get too attached to me..." What am I even saying right now? Trying to sound too casual is really not working for me right now. But I already said it, I can't take it back.

"Um, okay," She responds, giving me a perplexed look, "Same goes for you, I suppose... That's only fair."

My stomach dropped when I saw her face, I could tell she wasn't expecting me to say that. Hell, I wasn't expecting myself to say that. I'm just trying not to scare her off, she spooks easily when it comes to relationships. She'll never have to worry about me having sex with anyone else, before she came along, I didn't have any desire for such things.

But with her, I'm not sure. I was trying to make it seem like this wasn't a big deal, that there was no pressure. I like her far more than I should, and if I have to pretend I'm fine with only something physical, that is what I will do. After all, having things like this is better than not having anything with her at all.

"(Y/n)," I sigh, reaching for her hand.

"It's okay, Erwin," She gives me a small smile, "I get it; we should keep things fun and casual. Nothing too serious. Life is too short, right?"

"Anyway," She slides her hand out from underneath mine and stands up from the table to head back into the kitchen, "You better finish your breakfast, or you're going to be even more late."

That conversation didn't exactly go the way I wanted it to, but at the same time, I guess it could have gone worse. I wish I could ask her what she is thinking, and how she is feeling. But that will lead to more conversations, and I really must go. This meeting is about a possible mission with more of the 104th cadets, as there is still suspicion surrounding that group. I need to be there for that meeting, if it weren't so important, I would skip it to spend more time with her.

As I finish my breakfast, I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I was finally able to sleep with (y/n), but she also bought me breakfast... Definitely the woman of any man's dreams.

I finish my breakfast quickly, eager to talk to her one more time before I go.

She gives me a genuine smile when she sees me walking up to her, "Stop worrying," She laughs, trying her best to reach up to my forehead to flick it, "I'm okay, I promise, this can just be an easy casual thing. I'm not going anywhere."

I lean down and give her a gentle kiss on her forehead, "Good luck with seeing you mother, I'll see you later."

"Yes yes, go on now, get!"

I give her one final smile before I leave her alone and quickly hop on my horse to head back to HQ.

Your POV:

Well, I wasn't really expecting that. I mean, of course I didn't expect him to just start a relationship with me... Honestly, I don't really know what I was expecting. It's fine this way, neither one of us will get too involved with the other, my heart is still pretty guarded. But I have to be like that, I can only handle so much heartache in one lifetime.

Relationships are difficult and complicated, which is something I definitely don't want. I want things to be casual and fun. I do enjoy my time with Erwin, especially naked. But I refuse to get too attached to anyone.

Anyway, it's time to mentally prepare myself for visiting my mother. I haven't seen her since our brief encounter at Peter's office in Stohess. Should I ask one of my siblings if she has had problems with her legs giving out? But if I ask them that, they will get suspicious and ask me more unnecessary questions I don't have the answers to.

I spent about an hour just walking around the house, trying to figure out what to say and what not to say. But my train of thought is interrupted by a knock at the door.

Huh? Who the hell is that? I cautiously make my way toward my front door and open it slowly.

"Honey badger!" I squeal when I see it's Levi standing there, "How the hell do you know where I live?"

He 'tsked' at me and pushed past me, "Not important," He mumbled, "I was thinking you would want some company going into the capital."

"You're just being nosy," I giggle, "You want to hear all about last night, huh?"

"Are you ready to go, brat?" He asks me impatiently, "I don't have all day."

"... Said the person who invited himself! I didn't ask for you to come with me. Why are you here, Levi?"

He didn't say anything; just moved back to the front door and held it open for me. He made it clear he wasn't going to answer me and that he was not going to take no for an answer.

I roll my eyes at him and sigh, "Fine, but I'm driving."

"Fine by me."

I get the horse ready as Levi sits back lazily in the passenger's seat. Ordinarily, I would be annoyed by anyone else behaving this way, but this is predictable Levi behavior, which I honestly find pretty amusing. I know he cares for me, that's why he is here. He doesn't have to admit it, it's sweet.

We sit in comfortable silence as we make our way toward the capital until it is interrupted by Levi, "So, how was the party?"

"Ummm, interesting... I guess."

I can feel him glare at me, willing me to elaborate, "Well, I didn't find anything too scandalous. I did find a book that piqued my interest. Oh, and a few people I used to work with were killed, and I had to run away from more people from the underground."

"I don't know how I feel about your definition of 'interesting'," Levi smirked at me, "What caused that?"

"I don't really know," I answer honestly, "I don't know what possessed the person to oppose Banning, and by proxy Laurie, so publicly. I was just as confused as anyone else."

I didn't want to give him too many details. I don't want him to worry about my safety, so I don't want to tell him about Kenny having a plan for me. Why throw Kenny's name out there if I don't have to? I don't even know the man's last name or if Kenny is his real first name, not an alias.

Levi asked me how my performance went, and I told him it went well. It was nice performing again, I didn't realize how much I missed expressing myself when I sang. It was a nice feeling, and I'm glad I got to share that with Erwin too. It's too bad Levi wasn't there to see it.

I made sure not to talk about Erwin, I really don't know if Erwin wants to keep our 'relations' a secret or not. So it's just easier if I don't mention it.

Levi listens quietly to me as I talk about the party. I also told him about the book I swiped from Banning's office and the theories I explained to Erwin.

Before long, we reach the gate leading into the capital. Then, it is only another 10 minutes before we reach the Sanderson residence.

I wave off the man at the gate when he offers to drive the carriage to the stable, "Maybe I didn't want to walk all the way to the house from the stables, (l/n)." Levi comments as I continue driving toward the stable.

Levi gives me a satisfied smirk when I glare at him and almost push him off the carriage. As we pull up in front of the stable, I see another carriage that makes my blood go cold.

I recognize the over-the-top fancy exterior of this particular carriage as belonging to Laurie. I take a closer look and breathe easier once again when I see Celeste standing out in front of it with my brother.

"Celeste?" After tying the horse and carriage up, I get her attention, "What are you doing here?"

She turned to me, and I could see that she looked pretty terrified. She must have heard about what happened at Banning's party.

"(Y/n)!" Celeste cries out when she sees me, "You're okay!"

She ran up to me and wrapped her arms around me, "Yeah, of course," I laugh uncomfortably when I see Ben narrow his eyes at me.

"Tell me you weren't at that party, (y/n)." Ben growls at me.

"Okay, I wasn't at the party, Benjamin." I shrug.

"What were you thinking?!"

"Something is going on with Banning and Laurie, I want to know what it is."

"... This is the first time in my life I have ever wanted to slap you." Ben groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "There were people from the underground there."

"Yeah, I know, they chased me around in Stohess for a while too, several days ago." I smirk.

I've never seen Ben look so mad, so I quickly hide behind Levi and push him forward a bit, "Were you there, Celeste?" I shift my attention to her instead.

"Don't change the subject!" Ben yelled angrily.

"Yes, someone paid for me to be a date," She answered me, playing with a few strands of my hair, "You sang beautifully, by the way, I haven't heard you sing like that in so long."

"Why didn't you come up and say hi?"

"I didn't want to interrupt," She giggled, letting go of my hair, "Who was the blonde man? You seemed to be having fun with him."

My face goes red, "You're mistaken, I resent you suggesting that I looked like I was having fun with Conrad."

"You never change, do you?" She sighed, "You know that's not who I am referring to."

I can feel Levi's eyes on me. Now what do I do? Ah! I know! Avoid this conversation all together!

"Anyways, I'm here to see mom as you know, Ben, so I will see you in there!" I say to Ben, "Bye, Celeste!" I quickly start making my way toward the house.

I can hear Ben yell after me, but I ignore him and continue on, Levi following closely behind. I can feel his eyes burning a hole through the back of my head. He has to know Celeste was referring to Erwin. Why does he care?... For that matter, why do I care if he knows?

We reach the huge doors that lead into the Sanderson main house. I'm surprised to see that there seems to be no one around. Usually, there are people everywhere: servants, nobles, employees, and business partners wandering around and chatting. But it is eerily quiet. Does it have something to do with last night?

David and Laurie are close, so whatever is affecting Laurie has to be affecting him too. I decided to wander around a little bit before seeing my mother since there weren't any people around to be suspicious of me. Or maybe I'm just avoiding the inevitable concerning my mother.... Why not both?

"So," Levi broke the silence, "Who was the blonde man you were having fun with?"

"Um, Commander Erwin," I admit, no point in lying to him, he'll know, "We hung out a bit."

It's a good thing my hair is down and covering the hickeys, I don't know how Levi would respond to that.

"(Y/n)!" I look up a set of stairs to see Beth call to me. I smile brightly when I see her, short dark brown hair tucked neatly behind her ears, grey eyes shining.

"Beth!" I meet her down the stairs, and she picks me up to swing me around.

"Thank you for coming, mom will love this!" She paused when she saw Levi with me, "What is he doing here?"

"He's my new master, he just wants to make sure people are paying the right amount for my time, so..." I playfully hold out my hand for her.

"Oh, you're such a delight, how I miss your humor so." Beth giggles, "I wish I could stay longer, but I have to go for a meeting."

"No problem, where is everyone?"

"I don't know, I heard something went down at a party in Orvud District," Beth shrugged, "Most of the employees are with my father."

I didn't want her to react like Ben did, so I didn't mention I was at that party, "Alright, don't let me keep you, I'll see you later."

She kisses my cheek and waves politely at Levi on her way out. I was going to start heading up the stairs to where I know my mother will be, but I can't make my feet move. I'm just nervous to see her, I never know how she is going to be or what she is going to say.

"Want to walk around for a bit first?" Levi asks me, noticing my hesitation.

"Yes." I sigh with relief and start heading away from the stairs.

"What does your mother's husband do?" Levi puzzled as we walked around the vast system of corridors.

"David? I don't really know. I mean, he is close with Laurie... So it's probably something shady."

We walk past a room with wide open double doors. That's odd, when I've been here in the past, this room has always been closed. Curiosity getting the better of me, I decide to go on in.

"Oh!" I gasp as I look around the large room. There were portraits everywhere. Mostly of my sisters, brother and mother, but I was surprised to see a couple of me as well. One of them was a portrait of me standing by a window. This must be a bunch of Katrina's paintings.

I look to the center of the room and see a piano. It looks just like the one my mother taught me during our lives in the underground. My fingers brush over the keys gently, reminiscing a bit.

"It isn't fair." Levi commented, watching me stand at the piano.

"Hmmm?"

"Erwin got to see you play, and I didn't."

I smile at him, "What do you want to hear?"

"No," He scolded me, "I remember you telling me you can figure out what to play on the spot. I want that."

"Okay, but you better be grateful for this, I've never played for just one person before. Apart from my mother, of course."

I sat myself down at the bench, I knew before I even sat down what song I wanted to perform for him. (Your choice of song, piano version) came to my mind right away, and my fingers began to more effortlessly over the keys.

I could feel Levi's intense gaze on me as I played. It makes me feel a little flustered, to be honest. It's a good thing I know this song really well, otherwise, I may have forgotten a verse.

Eventually, though, I forget Levi is even here and focus on the music. How it makes me feel, what memories it brings back, and how the keys feel on my fingers. I wish I could play more, but I don't think they have a piano back on base.

Levi sits beside me on the bench and watches my fingers glide expertly around the keys. I wonder what he's thinking. He doesn't look annoyed, which is weird because annoyed is just his normal look.

He looks.... Dare I say, relaxed? I smile as I sing the rest of the song. When I finish, I stare at him, waiting for him to tell me that I 'wasn't terrible', or that 'his ears weren't bleeding'. But I was shocked by the response I received from him.

"Beautiful," He mumbled under his breath, "Thank you."

I'm so shocked I start pulling at his cheeks, "This is a very convincing mask, but you can't fool me! Where is the real Levi?"

"Stop it," He grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands away from his face, "I'm capable of giving compliments when I really feel they are warranted."

I can feel my face grow hotter and hotter as Levi continues to stare at me. My heartbeat starts going faster, and I can no longer look him in the eye.

I feel his cold hands under my chin as he tilts my head up so I am facing him again, "You're frustrating." He says quietly.

"... Sorry."

He doesn't respond, just continues to pull my face closer to his. Oh man, is he going to kiss me? I mean, I wouldn't be opposed to that.

I can feel his warm breath on my face when we hear footsteps running down the hallway. We pull away from each other just as Ben walks in.

"You didn't think you could just walk away from the conversation and it would be over, did you?" He asks as he stomps over towards me.

"Come on, Ben," I roll my eyes, "I'm not lecturing you about dating my best friend, just leave it alone. I went to the party, there is nothing you can do to change that. Can't you just be happy to see me like usual."

I understand that he is frustrated with me, but we don't get to see each other that often. I hope he can lecture me about it some other time.

He seemed to wrestle with himself, deciding whether to continue or leave it. Thankfully, it seems like he is deciding to leave it.

"Fine," He sighs, "Come on, let's head up and see Mom."

"So, how are things with Celeste?" I ask him, raising one of my eyebrows suggestively at him.

"Things are new," He chuckles, "But I enjoy her company, I'm kind of surprised you're so okay with it. I freaked out on you and Mac when you 2 got married."

"Celeste deserves someone good," I shrug, "She's an amazing person, and I know you will treat her right."

Levi followed silently behind us as Ben and I chatted the entire way to my mother's room. I'm surprised he hasn't wandered off by himself, he usually hates listening to people make small talk. But he does seem to be in his own little world, I wonder what he is thinking about.

Before we enter, Ben knocks on mom's door, "Mom, I brought a surprise for you."

He opens the door slowly, and I realize she is in the room from the memory in my dream last night. She is even sitting by the window I was standing at.

"(Y/n)!" Mom holds her arms out to me, "My beautiful girl! How are you?! How's Malcolm? Did you bring him too?"

I was surprised that she didn't stand up to give me a hug, usually she does. I look behind me at Ben as I lean down and hug my mother while she sits in her chair.

"Her legs have gotten worse," Ben tells me, "It's not safe for her to be up and walking around."

My eyes widen in surprise, this must have started happening recently. Neither of my siblings nor Peter mentioned it when I saw her last. What does this mean for me? It's hard for me to deny the possibility that I have been showing the early symptoms of my mother's illness, especially now that I have experienced something so recent. What is happening to me?

I'm shaken out of my thoughts when I feel my mother's cold hands cup my cheeks gently, "(Y/n), you look pale, love. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing mom," I smile at her, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine love," She pats the top of my head, "Tell your father he doesn't have to keep bothering Dr. Thompson, I'm doing fine."

"Mom, David isn't my father."

"Beth, you and your father need to make up! Just because your father and I fight doesn't mean you have to fight with him too."

I'm trying not to get frustrated. I understand she gets confused easily, I'm just not used to dealing with her like this. Maybe talking to her like we did in the underground will stop her from confusing me with Beth.

"Mom, I've been practicing piano," I smile at her, pulling up a chair to sit right across from her, "I've been getting really good."

"That's great, (y/n)!" She gushed, her face lighting up when I mentioned playing the piano, "Soon, you won't even have to read the music, you'll know it by heart as it plays in your soul."

"You should play for her, (y/n)," Ben speaks up, "None of us play any instruments. There is another piano in the other room, mom used to play it often before her tremors became too frequent."

"Oh yes!" Mom says excitedly, "Show me how much you've learned!"

Ben helps my mother out of her chair by the window and helps her onto a wheelchair. My mom smiles at Levi when she sees him but then frowns at me, "(Y/n)," She scolds me, "You're married, you shouldn't be hanging around with handsome men."

"Interesting advice coming from you." I smirk at her, considering she ran off with my father while still being married to David.

She laughs, "You are so much like Seth, especially that smirk."

"That's not very nice mom, take it back."

"He can be a little hard to deal with, but at the end of the day, he just wants to keep you safe."

"Sure mom."

We make it to the next room, and I head to the piano. What should I play for her? Maybe something she taught me herself when we lived together.

I pause to think of the right song and decide on the first one she taught me. There was no singing or anything, just the beautiful sound of the keys.

My mom smiles as my fingers gently manipulate the keys to produce the most lovely of melodies. I smile to myself, knowing how much she loves this song.

But something strange happens as I focus on the notes. I close my eyes and let my fingers work from memory.

...

'There was knocking at the front door as I practiced on the piano, "Momma! There's someone at the door!" She was in the kitchen humming to herself as usual.

When I don't hear a response from her, I sigh and hop off the piano bench. I close the short distance to the door and open it slowly.

There was a clean-cut man standing on the door step. He was handsome, he had short blonde hair, dark brown eyes, and thick glasses. "Hello sweetie," He says with a smile, kneeling down so he could be closer to my level, "Is your mother home? I need to speak with her."

"Yes, sir," I say politely, "Momma! There's someone at the door to see you!"

My mom doesn't seem to hear me, just continues washing dishes in the kitchen.

"Laney," The man says from behind me, "There you are."

Once my mom heard the man's voice, her head jerked up in our direction. When she sees the man she drops the dish she was washing, and it shatters on the floor.

"You didn't think we wouldn't find you again, did you?" The man says as he steps through the door and into the house.

"(Y/n), go outside and play." My mom said calmly, even though I saw from her face that she looked terrified.

"But momma, I still have to practice!" I protest stubbornly, stomping my foot on the ground.

"Outside, now!"

I finally obey and head outside.'

...

I didn't realize that I had stopped playing the piano until my mother holds onto my hand, "Go outside and play, (y/n)." I hear her whisper. She seemed very deep in thought, could the song I was playing trigger that memory for her too?

I recognize the man from that memory, it was a younger version of Dr. Banning, "Mom," I bring her attention back to me, "Do you know who Dr. Banning is?"

I see a flash of recognition cross her face, her lips pursed in a thin line as she tries desperately to remember, "He gave me something, and he took everything away."

I stare at her, hoping desperately she would remember something else. Another thought crosses my mind as I think of the memory in the dream I had last night.

"Mom," She raises her eyes to meet mine again, "How did grandfather die?"

I see anger in her eyes as the wheels turn in her head, "He was murdered."

"That's not true, mom," Ben gives her an exasperated sigh as if he has heard this declaration many times before, "He died of the same thing that you have."

"That's a lie!" She yells furiously, mood changing so fast, "It's a lie! It's a lie! It's a lie!"

"Mom," I try to calm her down, "Peter has explained this to you and to all of us. I'm sorry, I wish things were different-"

"Not you too, (y/n)," She interrupted me, "You know the truth! Don't listen to them!"

"I think you should give her a break," Ben cuts in, "She's getting agitated, it will be more frustrating to talk to her like this."

My mother turns her attention back to the piano. She starts running her fingers over the keys, fingers trembling uncontrollably.

"I'll be right back, okay mom?" I say to her as I stand up from the bench. If she heard me she doesn't show it, just keeps her attention on the piano and her hands.

Ben, Levi and I leave the room to let my mother have time to calm down. We head into the room next door, the room she was in originally.

"That question kind of came out of nowhere," Ben commented, "Where did that come from?"

Before I answered another person walked into the room, it was a man. He looks like an employee here, "Mr. Sanderson, Celeste is here again."

Ben gives me one more look and leaves the room. My mind was racing, I didn't know what to do. I feel like I'm forgetting something profound. Like something is right in front of my face, and I can't see it.

"What do you want to do?" Levi asked me, low voice pulling me back into reality.

"I want to take a look in his office." He seemed to know I was probably referring to David's office.

"Do you want me to help?"

"Stay here, just tell Ben I went to the washroom or something. I expect he'll be busy with Celeste for a little bit. But I will try and be quick."

He nods slightly at me, "Be careful."

Before I leave, I decide to be a little daring. I lean up and give him a quick kiss on his cheek, "Thank you."

My face goes red and I dart out of the room before he can respond. I dash quickly down the hallway in the direction I know David's office is. I don't know why I know where it is, maybe I have been there before and don't remember... I guess I can add that to the long list of things I can't remember.

I'm surprised to see the door is slightly ajar; he must have left in a hurry. I look around the large office, everything seems to be in place.

I don't even know what I'm looking for honestly, what am I looking to gain from this? My mother seems very interested in my grandfather's death and how he died. But why? Peter was pretty clear with us on how he died. Pneumonia brought on by the severity of this disease. Even though Peter wasn't there, he knew the doctor who treated him.

It's tough trying to navigate quickly through his desk and bookshelves, not a lot is labeled. My attention is grabbed by a locked filing cabinet beside the window. I tried pulling on it just to double-check to see if it was indeed locked. It was...

"Damnit," I mutter, logic would dictate the only thing worth reading is in here.

"(Y/n)?" I almost jump out of my skin when I hear a female voice say my name.

I turn around to where the door is, and my stomach drops when I see Katrina standing there. Her dark brown hair was pulled up in her usual tight bun. She pushes her glasses further up onto her nose as her face freezes in a shocked expression.

I didn't say anything, what could I say? Nothing I say in this situation is going to help. She walks into the room slowly, grey eyes not leaving my (e/c) ones.

But her eyes left mine as she noticed where I was standing and what I was trying to do. I look down at the floor, not knowing what to do or say. Katrina looked like she was going to cry, overwhelmed by many emotions, I imagine. I feel just as emotional, I feel anger because of my recent history with Katrina, scared that I was caught snooping in her father's office, and to my surprise, a tiny bit of me is a little happy to see she looks well.

"You look well, (y/n)," She says, a small smile starting to form on her face, "So beautiful and healthy."

I lean on the cabinet as I feel my legs buckle underneath me. Damnit! Of course, this would happen now of all times. Katrina rushes forward to help me but stops when I give her my most intimidating glare, "Don't touch me." I growl at her.

Katrina backs off a little and gives me my space, "How long?" She asks me, eyes traveling from my face to my defective legs.

"Not long." I mumble to her quietly.

I can hear her sniffle as she starts to cry. I can't deal with her right now, I'll wait for my legs to cooperate again and leave.

Katrina shifts her weight around nervously as she bites her lip. She seems like she is trying to decide what to do next. She seemed to make a decision about something and reached into her pocket and pulled a rolled-up document.

She made her way closer to the cabinet I was leaning on again. She holds up her hands when I tense up at her close proximity. She puts the document face down on top of the cabinet and stepped away from it.

"What is this?" I demand, shooting her a suspicious glare.

"Something I've been trying hard to get," Katrina says quietly, "Something Dr. Thompson has been denying for a while."

I grabbed the document she gave me and flipped it over, it was a death certificate. 'Leopold Klein,' Klein is my mother's maiden name. It has to be my grandfather's death certificate. I look down at the manner of death, expecting to see 'natural causes' or maybe some abstract name in reference to this disease that supposedly runs in my family... Wait, why did the word 'supposedly' come to mind? Now that I think about it, Peter has never actually mentioned a name associated with this disease.

Whatever, I skip down the document to the manner of death, and I'm shocked to see 'Murder' written there.

Mom was right... Our grandfather was murdered, and he was around the same age as my mother is now.

"It was a robbery," Katrina said suddenly, "It was completely random. They found the man and he was arrested, but grandfather died at a clinic of multiple stab wounds."

"Where did you get this?" I demand.

"I had to travel around to all hospitals and clinics," She explained, "I had to find out which hospital he was being treated at. I finally found out he was brought to a small clinic in Stohess, where he died of his injuries. They had his official death certificate still on file."

"Why should I believe anything you have to say to me?" I glare at her, "You used to publish lies constantly."

"Yes," She admitted, "I can't tell you why you should believe me because I know you're not going to trust anything coming from me. It's fine if you don't believe me, take it to the clinic in Stohess, they will confirm it with you. But show that to Dr. Thompson and ask him about it. You're smart, the smartest person I know, you know a lie when you hear it. Even if you have blinded yourself to it recently, don't let them lie to you anymore."

Looking up at her, I see she still has tears running down her face. She seems to be under some emotional stress. But as I look at her, all I see is a liar that ruined our relationship.

"I know you hate me, (y/n)," She continues, "But something is going on here. It involves Peter, Harvey, Lawrence, my father, and many more. I'm trying to gather more evidence, but it's dangerous so I don't have much at the moment. Please don't get too involved though, (y/n), I'll find a way to save you from this."

What does she know? Did she find something out from Conrad? Or maybe even Laurie? No, she has to be lying. She lied about me to every resident within Wall Sina, I can't trust her... and yet, I can't get my mind off of what she is saying.

Some part of me believes what she is saying, some part of my subconscious mind knows she is telling the truth. There is only one thing I can think of doing now. I need to talk to Peter. I need him to explain himself, I need him to reassure me, tell me things aren't what they appear to be. He hasn't been lying to me and always had my best interests and my mother's as his priority.

"I'll spend time with mom," Katrina said as she headed for the door, "Go talk to Dr. Thompson, I hope I'm wrong about him, I really do."

She smiles sadly at me and leaves the room. I'm still frozen in place, unsure of what to do. I'm having a pretty intense battle with myself. Part of me is furious that I am listening to Katrina, but another part of me is screaming that she is telling the truth.

There is only one person I trust to give me the truth, and that is Peter. But I'm also scared to know because deep down I know this document is real. And there is a real chance Peter has been deceiving me. But there is also a chance that he could explain himself, maybe he will be just as confused as I am about this.

My legs finally allow me to stand up straight, and I head out of the room. I see Levi come down the hallway toward me, "Hey, your favorite sister told me I should come get you." He said sarcastically.

"We have to go," I grab onto his arm, "I need to talk to Peter."

"Thompson? Why?" He asks as he allows me to pull him along.

"I can't explain, not yet, not until I have the full story."

He left me to my thoughts as we sped across the grounds, heading toward the stables. I see Ben and Celeste briefly as we pass, but I'm on a mission and don't have time to stop and say goodbye to them.

Levi offers to drive, which I graciously accept. I clutch the death certificate in my hands as my mind races with different theories as to what could be going on.

After a while we finally approach the stables of the Survey Corps. I didn't notice that my hair was mostly blowing to one side of my head, showing the purple marks left by Erwin last night.

"What are those?" Levi asked me through gritted teeth.

My cheeks flush, "Hickeys."

"From?"

"Does it really matter, Levi? I'm a single woman, I can do what I want." I'm getting a bit defensive, he has no right to be angry with me.

"You're right," Levi mutters, turning away from me, "Sorry."

"Levi," I sigh, grabbing his arm, "I'm not complicated, if you want me, tell me."

I don't wait for him to respond, I turn on my heels and quickly approach HQ. What was I saying to Levi just now? Did I just give him permission to tell me he wanted me? I mean I'm not blind, I know he has some feelings toward me. And I would be lying if I said I didn't feel something for him too.

This is getting too complicated. I don't like that I am getting so attached to Erwin and Levi. The more I try to sound like I don't really care and I'm just going with the flow, the more disingenuous it sounds to me.

I don't have time to think about that right now, I need to get myself together to talk to Peter. It's around dinner time, so the hallways are pretty clear, no one around to stop me and have a chat, thankfully.

I reach Peter's closed office door. I take a few deep breaths getting myself ready for this conversation. No matter what, I'm coming out with answers, whether I want to hear them or not.

I knock on his door and wait to hear his voice, "Yes?" I hear his response.

"It's (y/n)," I answer, trying to sound casual, "I just thought I would stop by, thought you would want to know how the party went."

I hear him chuckle and invite me in. I take a deep breath to steady myself, and let myself into his office.