-thirty

"Hollywood?"

"Yeah. The day after tomorrow." I nodded and glanced at Jenna before continuing with Ed. "When are you leaving?"

"Not sure yet." I watched as he moved further into the kitchen and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge. He didn't even bother acknowledging Jenna. "Water?"

"No, thanks. It was nice seeing you, Ed." I moved from my chair.

"You're not staying for dinner?" Jenna's question was directed to me.

I didn't bother glancing at her as I moved out of her unit. "I can't stand garlic." I couldn't stand lies either. And I didn't want to stay long enough to hear whatever lies she'd feed Ed when his questions came up again.

Matamoros and I arrived at Westrn a few minutes past eight. Seeing the smiling faces when I arrived at the orphanage should've given me some sort of happiness, some sort of inner peace.

It didn't.

It turned my insides out instead.

"Thanks." I'd said when Matamoros offered me his handkerchief. I didn't even realize I'd been crying.

The second I set foot in the building, I was slapped blind by a harsh realization. I was just like them. Alone in this world. With no parents or family. All they had were each other. All I had was Jenna. And look what had happened.

The food was perfect. I'd said that to Matamoros for the third time before he exited the suite. No. It was even more than that. It was something worthy of royalty. But it didn't entice me. Nothing did anymore. And for some reason, getting me to eat, it seemed, was a huge item Matamoros needed to check to get his paycheck. I'd at a point asked him to join me so all the food didn't go to waste since he was so concerned in my eating but he replied with his generic, "No, thank you, miss."

With Matamoros out, I slipped into thinking mode. Already downing my third glass of wine, I dialled Erica before I got wasted.

"Hey."

"How are you?" I stared as I tilted the wine bottle over my wine glass. "How's your mom doing?"

"False alarm." I could hear footsteps. "Minor injuries and a minor concussion."

"Mm." I nodded. "Thank goodness, right?"

"Yeah. How are you settling in? Matamoros treating you well?"

A smile crept up my lips. "A little too well. Who'd have thought he was so caring?"

"He's full of surprises, that guy."

"Thank you, Erica. For everything, really."

"If you keep thanking me like this, I'd start to feel I've done something out of the ordinary, Roxy."

I smiled.

"Good night."

"Night. Sleep well."

I set my phone beside me and grabbed the wine. I drank from the bottle this time. I let my tongue soak the rich and exotic fruity notes of the expensive liquid as I stared at the ceiling.

What was he doing?

I blinked.

Where was he?

Was he fine? Screwing the girl with the pink hair or stoned as terribly much as he was that night?

Did he feel regret?

Did he even feel my absence?

Questions swirled in my head as I stayed still, eyes on the dim lights of the ceiling. It was only minutes later when I felt wetness on my cheek, I raised my hand to dry the tears. Leaving was for the best. And I wished- sincerely prayed- that once I closed my eyes for sleep, he wouldn't appear in my dreams with that same sinister look.

***

My flight was in less than twenty-four hours. And here I was, curled into a ball with a terrible, shitty headache. Struggling out of bed, I pushed myself to the bathroom and washed my face with some hope that it'll kill the riot that was going on in my head.

It didn't.

Throwing some diazepam into my mouth, I chugged left over wine from yesterday's drinking spree and switched on the tv.

I woke up in the same spot an hour later with a back and neck ache, and with the sun already high up in the sky. Trudging into the exotic bathroom, I slipped into the shower. My skin stained red as the hot water ran down my skin.

*Memory*

"You didn't answer my question."

"What was it?" Eric asked and he threw the last of my jeans into the washing machine. He approached me and gently tugged me back into the room.

"Why did you get fired?" I asked after I'd made myself comfortable on his chest.

"Would you mind if I had sex with Diana?"

It took a second for me to react. And when I did, he didn't look surprised. I wasn't the possessive type. But I wasn't also the type to let shit slide. I knew the blonde hag had a thing for him.

I was already sitting up and facing him. "You're asking me if I'll mind you sleeping with someone else?"

"That's the reaction I knew I'd get." He sat up too.

Several seconds of silence passed by. I still hadn't taken my eyes off him. And then he smirked. I watched as his lips shifted to a lopsided grin. He was actually amused. He was actually amused with the whole situation. With my back already to him, I moved out of the bed.

"Come on, dollface. I didn't." He held me back and only continued speaking when I looked him in the eye. "I didn't accept any of the contracts and shit she offered either."

"I can't believe she won't leave you alone." I shook my head before turning back to him. "She fired you?"

"I quit." His pure hazel eyes met mine as his fingers went up my exposed thighs painfully slow.

"You quit?" I laughed.

He looked up with a furrow, a bit shocked at my outburst.

"You're going job hunting now?"

"No."

"Jobless? What about Europe? Cruising through Paris and watching a game at Manchester?" We'd been saving up for our trip even though we didn't need to.

"Money has never been a problem and it'll never be."

"Fuck." I shut my eyes tightly. "I forgot. Daddy's money." I rolled my eyes. "What are you going to do with all your free time?"

"Working."

"Where?" I didn't trust the smirk that had reappeared on his face.

"In you."

It took a second for me to process and when I did, I slapped his hand off my lap.

"You're super tight." He continued, clearly enjoying the fact that my face was getting beet red. "Going in and pulling out is work."

"Stop it." I whispered and averted my gaze.

"Don't act innocent with me, dollface. Look at me."

My eyes went to him at his command so quick I could've got whiplash. But then all I could see was red, hot passion because his lips had already collided with mine.

*End*

With hands in my hair, I slid down the shower wall and vibrated as tears I didn't know how long I'd been holding poured out from my eyes.

Why did things have to be this way?

Why did he have to hurt me in the worst way he could?

Why did I have to love him so much?

Why did I have to leave?

Why did Jenna have to lie to me?

Why did I have to meet Erica?

Why did I even have to be alive when they were dead?

Why didn't I just catch the flight?

The hot water burnt my skin and the pain from all the anguish burnt my heart. The pressure, tightness and heaviness didn't leave my chest even as I got dressed and dried my hair. Nodding at the waitress as she pushed the cart of food in, I turned to Matamoros and wondered if he could tell that my life had fallen apart. If he did, he didn't show it as he moved to leave the suite.

"I have a few errands I have to run later today."

He stopped and looked at me. "Yes, miss."

My eyes went to the food and then back to him. "Join me?"

He must've seen the desperation in my eyes as they remained trained on his. If I spent one more minute alone, I'd go mad. My thoughts were on overdrive. I needed a distraction. It was either his company or alcohol- and I was still pretty hungover from last night. I needed a cigarette. Or some weed.

Later on, after a quiet but oddly comforting breakfast, Matamoros and I left Westrn in the Mustang. It was fifteen minutes past six the last time I checked the time and with another glance to my watch, it was sixteen minutes past six.

I closed my eyes tight when I felt the urge to stare at my watch again and let the smell of fresh vegetation calm me. I only had a few more hours in this goddamned city. I should've been happy about that fact but somehow- for some reason- I felt the opposite. And as the car came to a halt, my stomach grinded in response to the anxiety and scent of the fresh roses on my lap.

It was quiet here. It was expected to be quiet- solemn- to create some sort of calming and sobering effect. The air around smelled of a variety of flowers, both fresh and rotten, and a tinge of liquor. My eyes rose up to the grey clouds as a drop of water fell on my forehead. Even the sky was mourning with me. The man with the now almost empty whiskey bottle staggered away from a tombstone with bloodshot eyes and a red face.

The tear that had rolled down my cheek fell to the ground with my hand as I placed the flowers on both tombstones.

Elena Renee Anderson.

Born: 29th December, 1974.

Died: 26th April, 2018.

Gabriel Josh Anderson.

Born: 4th February, 1970.

Died: 26th April, 2018.

I didn't know how long I'd been standing and staring when a sudden laugh escaped me. She hated red. That was why I wore it so often and even dyed my hair the colour at one point. I slipped my free hand into my red coat and smiled. I still remember how dad locked me in his study to stop mom from shaving my hair off with his clipper. That's how mad she got. He knew how to handle every situation. Nothing he didn't do without diplomacy. That's why when he looked me in the eye that day, I knew it was over. There was nothing left anymore. He was leaving her. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't resent him for it. He'd had enough. I had had enough.

The raindrops dampened my hair and clothes as I walked back to the Mustang. At least with the rain, I didn't have to wipe my eyes and pretend I wasn't crying. I didn't need another man seeing me in my most vulnerable state and knowing he could take advantage of that.

"To Jennifer's?"

I nodded and relaxed deeper into the soft leather cushion. It had stopped raining out when we turned into Jenna's street. So I stayed out a little while longer to soak everything in. I wasn't going to have the luxury of coming over to see Jenna after today. I needed this for nostalgia. I needed to remember how each corner of the building looked, how the street smelled after it rained and how the kids always played around.

Jenna's door swung open and the moment her green eyes recognized me, she visibly tensed.

"Can I come in?"

"Ed's around."

"To talk."

********************

-C.