8. Change of course

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He knew he had been clingy for the past two days and he could tell Alexis was becoming annoyed by his constant presence and his nagging to continually spend time with her. But his daughter was the only person right now able to keep him from doing something stupid. He had strict orders from his mother to hold his horses for a couple of days, giving things the chance to settle down, before he made another attempt to talk to Kate. He'd listened this time and he had promised. His mother would give him her permission to move forward, which was kind of ridiculous, but he didn't trust himself right now so he had agreed.

Until then he had to keep himself occupied and there was no one better to distract him than Alexis.

"Alexis?" He called up-stairs impatient, "Are you coming?"

"Just a minute, dad," she replied and he could tell she was already annoyed again, probably rolling her eyes at him in her room. Wow, it had taken him only 5 minutes, that was a new record. He really had to reel it in. Otherwise, she had threatened, she would move in with his mother. And he had no doubt she would follow through with it. But he had his own plan set on motion. He would win her over by buying the big elephant print he had found at a gallery a couple of weeks ago. It should buy him another two days of clinging, maybe even three. He hoped by then his mother would allow him to call Kate. It still felt ridiculous, but they had worked on a plan and he trusted his mother with this.

"I'm ready," Alexis stated as she came running down the stairs, pulling him out of his thoughts.

He grabbed his wallet and keys, holding the door open for her and muttered, "Finally."

"Dad." She scolded him.

"Sorry, sorry," he raised his hands in apology, "I'll shut up."

"Just stop whining," she sighed, tugging at his jeans and heading into the hallway. "Let's go."

He followed, grinning. His daughter was definitely the mature one in their relationship, keeping him in line, making sure he wasn't making a fool out of himself, well at least not too much. Sometimes he couldn't believe she was only seven, well almost eight. Sure she was a smart kid, but there was also a seriousness to her he wished she didn't have. He knew it was because her mother had left them, left her and even though he knew Meredith loved Alexis, it didn't make up for her absence and her radio silence most of the time. Sometimes he just wasn't enough. He knew sometimes a girl needed her mother. Just like he knew another one would need her father sooner or later.

"Where are we going Dad?" Alexis asked when they hit the street, getting into the waiting town car.

"It's a surprise," he grinned wickedly, handing the driver a piece of paper with their destination.

"Daaaad?" She whined, blinking her lashes at him, her lips slightly pursed. She knew how to get to him.

He huffed, trying to withhold, though he knew it was a lost cause. In the end he settled for part of the truth.

"I know I have been …," he was trying to find the right words.

"A pain in the ass?" Alexis ducked her head as her dad looked at her shocked.

"Alexis!"

"What? It's what grandma called you yesterday," she gave him her best smile, knowing it would let her get away with almost anything.

"Well, I was going for challenging, young lady, but okaaay," He tried to at least sound bothered by her choice of words, but seriously, who was he kidding? She was right. "Anyway, I know I haven't been easy for the past couple of days, while you have been your wonderful self and tolerated me. So I thought you deserve a little something. But that's all I'm saying right now," he made a movement, pretending to lock his mouth, throwing away the key.

Squinting her eyes at him Alexis decided to leave it at that, knowing she would find out soon enough, "Alright," she let him know as much and gave him a smile, "but this better be good."

"You gonna love it. I promise," he grinned back, pulling her into his side, placing a kiss on top of her head. "Thank you, pumpkin."

"For what?" She asked looking up at him.

"For being the most awesome daughter a father could ask for." He sighed, swallowing down the lump in his throat, hoping Alexis didn't pick up on the emotional state he was in. She had asked more than once what was up with him, but so far he had been able to convince her it was because he suffered from writer's block. He knew she wouldn't buy it for much longer.

"I love you too, daddy." She smiled up at him, her small hand reaching up to pull his face down to give him a kiss on the cheek. "And it's okay. I don't mind you being challenging. I'm sort of used to it."

He laughed at that, the first real laugh in over two days and it felt good to know that after all what happened he could still laugh with his daughter, "Well thanks, I guess."

She had barely slept at all over past two nights, her mind firmly stuck on the one topic. What should she do? She just didn't know. She didn't want him involved in their lives, they didn't need him. But if she wasn't willing to offer him something, she might end up losing everything. Kate had no idea what his chances were to take Jamie away from her, but she didn't want to find out either, fearing those chances might actually be better than she would like to admit.

"Beckett?" Royce called out to her, louder the second time, when she didn't react. "Beckett!"

She spun around, surprised at his harsh tone, "Huh?"

"Focus." He chided her. "Get your head out of the clouds."

"I don't have my head in the clouds," she answered back without thinking, glaring at him.

"Well one thing is for sure you don't have it on the job." He stepped closer to her, his voice dead serious. "I need to rely on you, Beckett. We're a team. I have to know you have your mind on the things at hand and not on an affair that went wrong, or whatever it is that has had you distracted for the past days."

"I …," she didn't know what to say, he had a point, though she wouldn't admit it.

"I don't need your excuses I need you to do your job. Behavior like this is what gets you killed." He gave her a long, challenging look, making sure his message was received before turning around to walk away, "Now come on, we've got work to do."

She followed him in silence into the alley which they had been assigned to canvass for homicide, worrying her bottom lip. Royce was right.

"Dad, where are we?" Alexis asked, with big eyes when climbing out of the car.

"Just you wait. You'll see in a second," Rick bounced on his heels, leading Alexis into the gallery.

"What are we doing here?" She questioned, once they entered the gallery, looking at all the pictures surrounding them.

"Remember our elephant talk at the zoo?" Rick leant down to her.

Alexis nodded, still not understanding what elephants had to do with them being in a gallery.

"So, I thought you might want to have the picture over there," he smiled, pointing at the big photo print of a running elephant.

Alexis' eyes beamed up at him, running over to where the picture hung on the wall, waving her dad over, "Oh Dad, it's beautiful!" She exclaimed, studying the picture more carefully.

"I thought we could put it up in your room, if you like," he suggested, happy his daughter was smiling from ear to ear.

"Yes, Yes," she giggled. "Thanks, Dad."

She slung her small arms around his middle, waiting for him to pick her up and squeeze her tight, "You're welcome, pumpkin."

When she opened her eyes, her view fell on another picture print on the other side of the gallery, "Dad," she tapped his shoulder as he put her back on the ground, "Can we get that one for you?"

He turned around, looking directly at another print just like the elephant one but this one displaying a lion. How had he missed that the last time?

"An elephant for me and a lion for you?" Alexis asked, with that look on her face that made it hard for him to say no.

He smiled, taking her small hand into his, "I think that sounds perfect."

Kate was exhausted when she finally stepped through the front door of her apartment late that night. She and Royce had sifted through countless dumpsters in search of evidence and the only success of the day for her was finding the victims wallet, which gave the team from homicide a name to work with. The rest of the night had been spent guarding the crime scene until they had finally been sent home.

She walked into the living room, where the babysitter was already gathering her things.

"Hey Janice, sorry it took so long," Kate apologized, gabbing her purse to get some money.

"No problem, Kate. Jamie was already in bed when I took over from Cynthia, so it was an easy night," Janice smiled

"Great, thank you. Do you need a cab?" Kate asked, handing Janice the money.

"No, my boyfriend's picking me up. He should be here already. I called him when you said you were on your way."

"Alright, have a good night Janice," Kate led her to the door, waiting until the girl, who wasn't that much younger than herself, had disappeared down the hallway.

Closing the door behind her, she made sure to lock it properly, before making her way to Jamie's room. She opened the door quietly, careful not to wake her daughter as she stepped closer to her bed. A single sobbed escaped her mouth and she quickly covered her mouth with her hand. The tears fell silently, but something must have disturbed Jamie's sleep nevertheless, since she opened her eyes.

"Mommy, sad?" She asked into the darkness and Kate startled, surprised by her daughter's voice.

"No honey," she shook her head, quickly wiping the tears away, "Mommy is just tired."

"Jamie sleep in mommy's bed," the girl said, already struggling to get up.

It might have been selfish of her, but having her daughter close was exactly what Kate needed. So she picked her up, hugging her little baby girl tightly to her chest and carried her into her own bedroom. Quickly changing into a shirt and some shorts, she didn't bother with doing anything else for the night. She crawled under the cover and pulled Jamie close to her chest, feeling her daughter snuggle closer and closing her eyes she was finally able to sleep.

They had put the prints up together last night, the elephant in Alexis' bedroom the lion in his and then had celebrated with ice cream and a movie.

But today he was bathing alone in his misery. Alexis was at a friend's place, for a sleep over and he had been staring at an empty page for the past hours, trying to come up with an idea for his new Derrick Storm novel, but there was nothing. His head was empty. He finally gave up around dinner time, deciding to throw something together for himself and to maybe get lost in a Star Wars marathon.

He had just put his plate into the dishwasher, when the front door opened and his mother breezed in.

"Hello, darling," she greeted him, waltzing into the kitchen and giving him a peck on the cheek.

"Mother, what are you doing here?" He looked up, surprised.

"Well your daughter might or might not have called to inform me you'd be alone tonight. And I thought it was best if I had an eye on you, we both know you come up with the stupidest ideas when you're without supervision."

He rolled his eyes at her, not willing to admit how happy he secretly was to have her here to distract him.

"So what's the plan for tonight?" His mother asked, fetching herself a glass of wine and settling down on the couch.

"Popcorn and a Star Wars Marathon?" He raised hopeful eyes at her.

"That's a yes on the popcorn and a no on the Star Wars," she replied, without looking at him.

"Okay," he sighed. "What do you want to see?"

"Hit me with a classic," she grinned, slipping off her shoes and pulling her legs up on the couch.

Kate sat on her window sill, watching out into the warm summer night, a glass of wine in her hand while she did some thinking.

She had been off duty today, spending it with Jamie at the playground at Central Park.

It wasn't often that they had a day all to themselves and normally Kate would have made the most of it, but today she had been distracted, her mind preoccupied with Richard Castle and his demands, no, his threats. She still hadn't come to a solution for her dilemma and she knew she needed to, but Jamie had managed to keep her mind off the matter for the past two hours. Only now with her daughter fast asleep had Kate finally found the time to actually think things through.

All day she had observed other families in the playground, something she usually never did. Kate had focussed on the fathers in particular and wondered if Jamie might actually be missing out on something if she didn't have a father figure in her life, wondering if she even had the right to keep Jamie from her father. Sure she was her mother, but one day Jamie would realize that other kids had a dad while she didn't. She would have questions and what was Kate going to tell her daughter then? 'Your father made an effort to get to know you, but I didn't let him?' Did she really want to be that person? And didn't she, better than anyone else know, that sometimes all a daughter needed was her dad and how much it hurt when there was no one to stand up for you and be just that, your dad. Kate knew this all too well.

But on the other hand, who gave her the guarantee Rick was being honest with her, with Jamie? That he actually was serious about getting to know Jamie. Would he really stick around and be a father if given the chance or would he get bored quickly and leave, breaking her little girl's heart along the way. Did she really want to risk her daughter getting hurt?

But what was the alternative? A lawsuit? Jamie would get hurt for sure if that happened.

She was slowly gaining perspective, knowing she didn't really have a choice. Either way she was taking a risk, but there was only one way of offering her daughter the chance for something Kate couldn't give her. Regardless how she felt about Richard Castle getting involved in Jamie's life and by association in hers as well, she didn't have the right to deny her daughter this chance. And she certainly didn't want to find out how serious Richard Castle had been about his willingness to take this to court.

He had been a jerk and she wouldn't trust him, but for Jamie sake she could be – civilised.

Right now he had her cornered and she realized the only way for her to go was forward. She would get as much control back over the situation as she could. Taking the bull by its horns was certainly better than to just waiting for him to act, leaving her only able to react. So, walking over to her couch she fished his card from her purse and dialled his number with shaking hands.

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