25. Boom

X~~~X

After Castle had volunteered to do the dishes, receiving a knowing look from Kate in return, which told him she knew exactly what he was trying to do and it wouldn't work, they were all gathered in the living room once more. Or more precisely, in the middle of the Amazon, surrounded by wild animals, including a pride of lions, as they tried to paddle their way through the wild waters to safety, using the couch that obviously had been transformed into a raft.

Jamie and Alexis were having a blast, sitting in front of the raft watching out for anacondas as instructed by their father, screaming, "Watch out!" every other minute so Castle could make a big fuss about changing course.

Kate and Martha were securing the rear, laughing at the big man-child in front of them and Kate honestly couldn't remember when she and Jamie ever had so much fun before.

"Mother this is probably the closest you'll ever get to playing Katharine Hepburn's character in The African Queen," Castle joked and was hit by a pillow in the back of his head.

"Now don't get funny," Martha growled. "I was way too young to play that role. And anyway I'll leave the re-enacting of that fantastic movie to you and Kate. You two make a much nicer couple."

Castle's head shot around glaring at his mother. What was she trying to establish with her not so subtle comment? The only thing she would achieve was making Kate uncomfortable and looking at Kate he feared his worries were well-founded as he saw the look on her face.

"Kate?" He asked softly and at least his mother had the dignity to look away.

"You know my parents named me after Katharine Hepburn," She said to his surprise and his mother's attitude immediately changed, from guilty to intrigued.

"Really?" she asked and moved closer.

"Yes," Kate laughed, trying to cover up the tears pooling in her eyes. "My full name is Katherine Houghton Beckett."

"She was a strong, beautiful and intelligent woman," Martha nodded. "I think your parents made the perfect choice." The older woman smiled and patted Kate's hand. Looking up at her son and seeing the soft expression on his face, she knew she was forgiven for pushing it a bit earlier.

"Okay girls," Castle exclaimed, sensing that matters had turned more personal than Kate liked and being the king of distraction, he figured it was time for a safari. "Ready to land?"

"Yes," his daughters shrieked.

"Good but beware of the wild animals, we don't want anyone to get eaten," he warned, turning back to Kate with a wink before climbing off the couch and into the sea of Jamie's stuffed animals. "What about you ladies, you coming?" He looked at Kate and his mother who both shook their heads.

"We'll guard the raft," Martha waved him off.

"And I'll go to the village down the beach to get supplies," Kate played along and Martha nodded, impressed.

"She's good," she stated, chuckling when she saw Castle and the girls crouch closer to the pride of lions on their stomachs.

Kate was rummaging through the kitchen cabinets, looking for her wine opener when she heard someone coming into the kitchen. Turning around she expected Castle but instead was met by Alexis' shy smile.

"Hey Alexis, do you need anything?" Kate asked, giving her full intention to Castle's daughter.

Alexis stepped from one foot to the other, "I need to -," she didn't get any further, but Kate understood.

"Oh I see, come on Sweetie I'll show you where." Once more she offered her hand to the girl and Alexis took it without hesitation, following Kate to the bathroom.

Kate waited outside until Alexis was done and side by side they walked back into the living room.

"What are you guys up to?" Kate asked on the way.

"Still watching the lions," Alexis told her, but didn't seem too excited.

"You don't like lions?" Kate frowned.

"No, I like them, just not as much as Jamie and my dad," she explained.

"And what are your favorite animals?" Kate questioned further, hoping Alexis didn't feel left out by all the fuss that was made about lions today.

"I like elephants," Alexis admitted shyly, as if she had to be ashamed about it.

"Really?" Kate smiled and waited for Alexis to nod, "You know what? Mine too."

"Really?" Alexis' eyes lit up and Kate nodded with a big smile on her face.

"They are big and dangerous yet gentle," Kate explained and stopped when Alexis did the same.

"Yes and the oldest female is leading the herd," Alexis said excitedly.

"That's because they are clever," Kate said and Alexis chuckled. "Come on, I'll show you something."

Leading her back down the hall, Kate opened the door to her bedroom and walked inside, Alexis stopping in the doorway. "It's okay," Kate smiled, "Come on in."

Hesitantly, Alexis followed Kate into her bedroom, shyly looking around. "It's beautiful," she said after a moment, mesmerized by every small detail, the foreign looking furniture and all the books.

"Thank you," Kate lips tugged up. "Here, I wanted to show you this."

Alexis walked over to the sideboard next to Kate's bed where Kate revealed the view to four porcelain elephants, one bigger than the previous one.

Alexis eyes grew big, "Wow they look so cool." She almost whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Kate had an idea, "What do you say Alexis? Do you want to take this one home with you?" Kate picked up the second smallest and handed it over to the redhead, who held it so very delicately and carefully in her hands that you would think it was the most important thing in the world.

"I think I'd rather not," Alexis mumbled quietly, suddenly looking sad.

"Oh, okay," Kate was surprised, she had been sure Alexis would love the elephant.

"I think it's better when they all stay together, like a family." Alexis went on and carefully handed the elephant back to Kate.

"Okay, we'll do that," Kate said as it dawned on her what the problem was. She placed the elephant back where it belonged. "All together again, alright?"

Alexis nodded, but before Kate could say anything else, a knock on the door pulled them both out of their little bubble.

Kate looked up to find Castle standing in the doorway.

"Sorry, but it's getting late," he apologized. "Pumpkin, your grandmother will take you home."

"What? Can't we stay a bit longer?" Alexis whined, slowly making her way over to her dad.

"Sorry but it's a school night and it's already late, besides Jamie and Kate have to get up early tomorrow as well," he tried to reason with her.

"But I won't see Jamie again until they are back," her lip quivered, telling Castle she was tired.

"It's only a couple of days," Castle tried to reassure her, not wanting the day to end with Alexis throwing a tantrum.

Kate crouched down next to her, taking Alexis' small hand into her own, "The minute we get back from our trip I will call your dad and we'll make a new date, okay? Maybe the two of you can even come over and we'll order pizza. How does that sound?"

"Okay," Alexis nodded, not thrilled but the quivering of her lip had stopped.

"Come on Pumpkin, let's say goodbye." Castle turned to leave the room and he caught sight of one of Kate's bookshelves and he almost bolted back into the room, because if he wasn't mistaken he saw his own books all lined up on one of the shelves.

The three of them walked back into the living room where Jamie was sitting on her grandmother's lap looking in awe as the actress sang an old Broadway song to her.

"No encore, mother," Castle smirked. "Time to go."

"Ah too bad." Martha looked at the granddaughter, "I'll sing you a new song the next time."

Jamie nodded and then asked, "Lexis?"

"Yes, Alexis and I are going home now. But we'll see each other soon I'm sure, Jamie."

They all walked to the door, Jamie and Alexis hand in hand and Kate and Castle shared a knowing look, their two girls surely would be inseparable from now on.

Alexis hugged her baby sister goodbye, while Martha tapped Jamie's nose and said, "See you soon Bumble Bee," causing Jamie to chuckle.

And then Kate found herself wrapped in Martha's tight embrace, the older woman surprising the hell out of her, "It was so nice to finally meet you Kate," the actress spoke softly, before letting the still stunned Kate go. "Let's do it again soon."

Kate just nodded, watching Alexis take her grandmother's hand before she gave Kate a small wave, an unspoken question shining in her eyes.

"Don't forget about our pizza date," Kate told her and just like that the uncertainty in Alexis' eyes was gone, replaced by a small smile.

After the door had closed behind Castle's two ladies, Jamie and her parents were left alone in the now silent apartment and suddenly unsure how to proceed.

"How about you get Jamie ready for bed and I'll try to tidy up the chaos in the living room," Kate suggested.

Castle nodded, picking up his daughter and making his way over to the bathroom, while Kate disappeared into the living room.

She regarded the space that used to be her living room with a smile, regardless of the headache that was starting to bother her again, making her eyes hurt. Her throat felt sore as well, she realized, and she wondered if it might have felt that way all afternoon. Maybe she'd just been too distracted to notice, but as silence had returned, the buzz of having a whole clan of Castles at her place subsiding, she noticed how tired she actually was. She really needed a couple of days out at the beach to recharge her batteries.

The past week had been exhausting, besides her usual shifts she'd also been working for Vice. Another corner and another two nights in the cold rain had probably taken its toll on her. It didn't help that she and Jamie had been drenched to the bone two days ago, catching a rain shower on their way back from the playground. She was probably getting a cold. Great, just what she needed.

But she could rest soon, so she would suck it up for now and get to work, starting to pick up Jamie's scattered stuffed animals from the living room floor.

In the meantime Castle was helping Jamie into her pj's, while the girl was still talking excitedly about her day.

"So you had fun?" Castle asked and Jamie nodded eagerly.

"Lexis fun," she told him, bright blue eyes sparkling back at him and Castle could cry out of pure happiness. But he could see despite the excitement Jamie's energy was running low.

"Are you tired Jamie?" He asked as he lifted her off the floor.

She shook her head, but the big yawn that followed told him otherwise.

Chuckling he placed a kiss on her cheek, "Let's get you to bed, Birthday Girl."

They met in Jamie's bedroom. Kate was already placing the stuffed animals back into the shelves where they belonged, leaving the lions on Jamie's bed for her to cuddle with. She looked up as Castle walked into the room, Jamie already half asleep in his arms.

"She's really tired," he whispered, placing the girl down in her bed, tucking the blanket up around her, making sure she could get to all the lions if she wanted to.

Kate leant down and Castle took a step back to give her some room as she brushed the curls out of Jamie's face.

"Hey Baby Bird, did you enjoy your birthday?" She asked.

"Yes," Jamie mumbled and Kate could tell it cost her daughter to keep her eyes open long enough to answer.

"Good, sleep tight. I love you," Kate kissed her good night.

"Love you Mommy," Jamie replied, her eyes almost shut and Kate moved aside so Castle could say good night as well.

"I'll meet you in the living room," she whispered as she passed him.

"I'll be right there," he replied just as quietly, already bracing himself for the storm.

He had lingered at Jamie's side longer than necessary, his daughter falling asleep only seconds after they had said good night. He knew he was stalling and that he couldn't put it off any longer, he had to face Kate. After all he had brought this upon himself. Taking one last deep breath to brace himself he stepped into the living room to face whatever was to come.

He found her staring out the window, her back turned towards him. And he wasn't sure she'd heard him enter the room when she didn't move.

He cleared his throat but still she didn't turn or acknowledge him in any other way and his heart fell. He'd hope that after how great things had turned out today she might be more forgiving, obviously he had been wrong.

"Kate," he called her and when she kept staring out the window he just went on, "Look I'm sorry. I should have told you, talk to you, I know and believe me I wanted to."

He took another deep breath, "But then I somehow chickened out, I feared you would say no and Alexis was already so excited and I just couldn't - I know that doesn't make it right. It's just – sometimes I just – I mean," he stuttered, stopped and tried again. "Sometimes I do stupid things with good intentions and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

Silence fell between them.

"Are you done?" Kate finally asked, still refusing to look at him, her tone neutral and he had no idea what was to come next, how angry she really was with him. It was always so hard to read her and he wasn't used to that. Women used to be very clear when it came to what they wanted from him, but with Kate he just never knew. She'd had surprised him a couple of times over the past weeks. But right now she scared him to death. There was so much at stake.

"I -," he paused. "Yes, I'm done."

She finally turned to look at him and at least her face didn't look as angry as he'd expected.

"Castle, it's not okay to go behind my back," she started and was immediately interrupted by him.

"I know. I didn't -," he bowed his head as she raised her hand to stop him.

"My turn," she told him, "and I'm actually not sure you do know. I think you're used to flash your pretty smile whenever you do something stupid and everything is fine again. But it's not okay to decide things that concern our daughter without consulting me and then expect that a heartfelt apology just makes it right again. We agreed to do this together and that doesn't include you flying solo whenever you think I might disagree with you." She waited for her words to sink in before she continued. "Don't do it again."

"I won't," he promised, still staring at the floor.

"That being said," she went on, not longer able to hide the smile that had threatened to break free ever since he had entered the room, "I want to thank you for giving Jamie the best birthday ever. Not that she's experienced all that many so far," she smirked. "I've never seen her so happy." She met his eyes, making sure he could see she meant it. "Thank you."

He visibly relaxed, shoulders falling down as a cautious smile formed on his lips, "Yeah?"

"Yes, it was perfect." She nodded, suddenly all gentle and tender.

Her anger had long subsided throughout the day, still she didn't want to pretend that it didn't matter that he'd made this decision without her. But he seemed to have gotten the message and there was no reason for her to punish him any more than necessary.

He was still cautious, couldn't believe she'd let him off the hook so easily. "So we're good?"

She stepped closer, "We're good."

"Okay," he sighed in relief and than glanced at the door. "I should go then, it's late and you probably need to get up early tomorrow to get on the road."

Kate seemed somehow reluctant to let him go just yet and he raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

"Actually," she started, "Could you sit down for a minute? There is something I'd like to show you."

"Sure," he agreed, doing as she'd asked him to and settling down on the couch while Kate disappeared down the hallway and into her bedroom.

He wondered what she was up to, remembering his books on her shelf and a part of him hoped that his books were what she wanted to show him, tell him the story behind it.

But she seemed to return empty-handed as she sat down next to him until she opened her palm and revealed a pink patient identification band, he knew immediately what it was.

"It's Jamie's, from the hospital," she explained nevertheless as he watched in awe, shooting her a hesitant look, which she answered with an encouraging one of her own.

Carefully picking up the band, he studied it as if it was the most treasured piece of plastic in the world.

"Jamie Rowan?" He looked up at her at this new information.

Kate looked almost shy as she said, "Yeah like Katharine Hepburn in -."

"Without Love," he finished for her, somehow in awe. "I love that movie."

"Me too," and he could swear he saw her blush, her eyes shying away, hiding behind a curtain of hair while she bit down on her bottom lip.

She was adorable and he couldn't take his eyes off of her, even though she stubbornly refused to look at him.

Eventually he held out his hand with the band to her to so that she could take it back, but to his surprise she closed her fingers around his, trapping the band between their palms.

"No, keep it." She said, finally looking at him again.

"You sure?" He glanced at their joined hands before lifting wide eyes to meet hers.

"Yes," she nodded. "I have the other one. It's only fair her dad gets to have hers."

His heart beat wildly in his chest and he felt her fingers squeeze around his before she let go, "It's late." She broke the moment and got up, expecting him to follow.

He did, still mesmerized by the small piece of pink plastic now curled in his hand, "I'll just use the," he pointed into the direction of her bathroom, "real quick."

Kate nodded before disappearing into the kitchen.

Castle was kind of giddy with the day's events when he stepped back out into the hallway. This day had turned out to be amazing, even Kate hadn't been able to deny it or stay angry with him. He was one lucky, stupid, brave man, he thought to himself as his view fell through Kate's open bedroom door. And because he was a stupid, brave man he entered it in search of his books.

He did find them, all of them, just as he remembered in the bookshelf right next to her bed and he couldn't help the smirk appearing on his face as he imagined about how she just recently had purchased all of his books and had not been able to put them aside.

Reaching for In a Hail of Bullets he immediately realized that it was an old edition, since the cover art had changed for the new edition, this actually seemed to be a copy of the first edition. He opened it with a frown and stared in disbelief at what he found on the first page.

Johanna Beckett

1994

It was her mom's book. Kate had never told him her mother's first name, but he just knew and as he turned the page, he slowly started to realize he'd had it all wrong.

To Johanna,

Don't let them bring you down.

Every victory, as small as it may be, is still a victory.

It's about trying and making a difference.

You've got this.

Rick Castle

Her mother had been a fan and it hit him how unlikely it was that Kate actually didn't know who he was when they'd met for the first time. He had this carefully constructed story in his head of why she had never tried to find him, why she had never told him about Jamie before they ran into each other and he found it was crumbling to pieces in front of his eyes.

She'd always known, she'd known from the start and had made the deliberate decision to keep his daughter from him. All the hopeful feelings that had been rising up inside of him throughout the day came crashing down on him, being replaced by hurt and anger. How could she?

Clutching the book to his chest he spun around, storming back into the living room and into the kitchen.

"What is this?" He hissed, causing her to jump with surprise.

"Castle, what's going on?" She looked at his agitated face, before her eyes landed on the book in his hand and all the color drained from her face.

"You were in my bedroom?" She finally got out, trying to distract him, hoping for – for what she didn't know.

"Don't you dare change the topic right now," he growled, stepping closer. "How long have you known who I was, Kate? How long?"

She felt like a trapped animal and there was no way out, nowhere to hide from his burning questions she had no idea how to answer. Her panicked eyes met his, burning with rage and she tried to calm him down, her voice low.

"Cas -," he didn't let her finish.

"How long Kate? Did you know when we slept together? Did you know who I was back then and decided I had no right to meet my own daughter?"

"That's not how it was," she got out, tears filling her eyes. If only she had told him, if only she hadn't kept putting it off.

He took her words as confirmation to his suspicions and all the fight left him, only hurt remaining.

"I see," he stated, his voice cold as ice. Putting the book on her kitchen counter, he turned towards the door without looking at her.

"Castle, wait," she called out after him, but he didn't stop, didn't turn around.

"I need to get out of here," he said, sounding defeated and lost and it broke her heart that she did this to him, "Tell Jamie I'll see her next week."

And with that the door shut with a bang and there was nothing she could do.

"Shit," she breathed before, sinking down against the kitchen counter, head in her hands. What had she done?

X~~~X