CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Don Paco's letter

— MARIA, MY DAUGHTER...

I know I must have made her suffer a lot for abandoning her as a child, I was selfish, hypocritical and petty, I thought only of myself and no one else and I don't blame her for not having the strength to forgive me.

When I left you, I knew exactly what I was going to do, even though I knew I wouldn't die peacefully because of it, but I went there and did it, without remorse.

I spent my whole life in this hell and even my marriage to her mother had been a terrible mistake, not on her part, but on my part with her, I didn't deserve her even in a thousand lifetimes of charity, for the person I've always been, the weakling. who always gave himself body and soul to the demons inside me.

Even before I met your mother, I was already involved with the mafia and was very well liked in our midst as a promising future head of the Family, but as I came to know later, it was more of a terrible illusion, because everything in this life has a price and I deserve the price I will have to pay for everything I have done, especially to you and your brothers.

In the beginning I killed many innocent people, I raped kind and respectable wives that had nothing to do with the troubled lives their husbands led, I hope I never know what it's like to try to sleep and see the despair on the faces of all the innocent people I've killed and hurt, they haunt me every night, in every dream i see the terror i put them through, it's not the kind of life i wish on anyone.

I'm sure you don't know what it's like to sleep and see the faces of all the people you've killed, young, blonde, black, Asian... my life got to the point where I didn't see myself as a human being anymore, I had become a Mr. Hyde, who no longer had control over my own actions, and it became my routine.

Maybe you're thinking what my sins were, I'd say there were many, and that it's much easier to imagine the few good things I've done, one of them is you...

WHEN YOU WERE BORN, I imagined that I would get out of this wretched life I got myself into, but like a shot arrow that can no longer return to the archer's hands, that was my life, there was no way to go back, I was already stuck up to my neck in debts and I didn't want you to suffer the same thing I did to other people — I know perfectly well that sounds too selfish, and it is. That's why I left their lives, taking advantage of the — easy job — fever that our country promoted.

When I arrived in the capital, at first, I found myself in paradise, but as I had said before, all this was nothing more than a great and unstoppable illusion, because, over time, killing ends up becoming an addiction, and instead of killing for need — as was my case, who desperately needed money — I started to kill for pleasure, and it was at that moment that things started to get out of my control.

Your mother could be illiterate, but she was, without a doubt, very wise, she always said that she married me because she could see a future with me, and in the end, she was wrong, maybe it was the only mistake in her life.

Have I ever commented on how I met your mother?

She was the daughter of my boss's maid, we started going out together until her mother found out she was pregnant and forced me to get married.

On our honeymoon I killed your grandmother so she would never intrude on our lives again.

I don't know why I have that impression, but I believe that her mother always knew that I had killed her, but anyway, I wanted to believe that it wasn't all some figment of my head, but when people love someone, they end up accepting our flaws too., or simply being blind to our inner demons for the simple fact of wanting to see in us only our side that suits them, the good side.

WHEN YOU WERE BORN, I felt like the happiest, most accomplished, and most powerful man in the world, but when I got home and saw you in the hands of the man who owed everything, I nearly had a heart attack.

— It's such a small and fragile being — I said happily to myself.

At that moment I thought my world was going to end, but as in that case the bid was money, we came to an agreement.

It was on that day that I decided to abandon them and never be part of their lives again, it took a while to materialize, but everything I did was really planned.

What came after that day is a succession of what I have already reported, until the day I found out that your mother had advanced cancer and not even all the money in the world could solve her case, that's when I decided to look for you.

I know the money I left you won't solve much, and it won't even buy your forgiveness — I don't even deserve it — but I hope to fulfill the dream of those who made my dream come true.