Chapter 4: The Staring Game

I found myself frowning after that night. I was absent-minded and couldn’t concentrate on writing an article even though I set my mind on something, which was normally the hardest part of all.

"I think Aiden was a bit… Eccentric," said Di playfully when we came home.

"Well, I’m not sure," I shook my head. "Maybe he’s just shy."

"I don’t think a shy man would talk like that, he was pretty articulate," she was trying to imitate him. We laughed more than we should.

"Anyway, forget him. We’ll probably never see him again," I said. But I felt that it was actually a question. Did I want to see him again?

"Don’t be so cruel! I think he would be nice to hang out with," she continued while brushing her teeth. "And he knows a lot about literature and stuff, so you guys have lots of things to talk about," she implied.

"Well, I didn’t expect him to name his dog after Vito Corleone. He got me there," I chuckled. "But, I don’t need more friends now. So, thanks but no thanks," I said walking to my room.

"You’re intimidated because he’s just like you!" Di shouted and came to my room.

"He’s fluent in sarcasm!"

"I’m not like that Di!" I shouted reflexively. She just laughed.

"Anyway, we have Gina’s birthday party to attend."

"Who the hell is Gina?" I frowned.

"You probably don’t remember her, she was in the same college with Enzo."

"I won’t be there, right?"

"You’ll definitely be there," she opened her eyes wide, they were convincing.

"Di, you know I don’t want to take a risk being in public," I started to complain.

"Lara!" She shouted. Di wouldn’t say my name frequently and when she did, she would either be very surprised or annoyed. "You can’t live and hide like this!"

"I just need a bit more time." Why was my voice going down?

"No, you’re making excuses because I’ve heard that sentence a lot from you," she sounded exactly like my mother.

It hurt knowing that she was right. I guess depression was like this, seeing your life going down but not having the energy to take control back.

I agreed with her and promised I would go with them. Then I went to sleep, thinking of Aiden.

I woke up the next day, curious about whether Aiden would come to the party or not. The conversation -if one could call it that- we had was exciting for me.

But maybe it wasn’t as exciting for him, I would never know how he felt or what he thought about that. Like I said to Di, we’d probably never see him again.

I got a text from Sophie, a co-worker, asking me to call her. "Lara, I know how hard things were for you. But, even though you are totally right about your feelings, I think you should talk to Max. Just one time."

I would say that I couldn’t recognize her anymore but that would only make me sound like a fool. I clung to my job, to Max, to Sophie because I felt lonely the most after coming here. And it’d been a year already. I wish that knowing the language would be enough.

I didn’t really know them. I didn’t know what they were capable of when it came to hard choices in life, or simply chaos. I shouldn’t have trusted them. So again, things were my fault.

"Sophie, I don’t know why I have to tell you this, but you can’t trust him!" I was louder than my usual tone. "You do know what I’ve been through and now you tell me that he regrets everything and he’s desperate? How can he fool you like this?"

Di would have loved to hear that fiery conversation.

"What are you wearing?" Di asked.

"I think I’ll go with something extra," I smiled. "It’s my first official go out."

"Yes! That’s the type of energy I wanted to see," she winked.

"Don’t you have something else to focus on other than me?" I asked playfully.

"For a while… No," she smiled and left my room.

I picked my black jeans and black strapless blouse. The legend was true, black looked good on everyone and it was the safest color. I even did makeup and put on red lipstick. My hair was wavy enough to satisfy me.

I didn’t know Gina at all, but I was glad she was having a birthday party. It gave me an excuse to get all done up.

"Don’t worry, it’s a large party, you won’t be excluded at all!" Enzo said. "And you look amazing, my lady" he touched his chest.

"Thank you, my lord," I laughed. Ever since I confessed to him that he was a true gentleman, we would refer to each other like that from time to time.

When we arrived at the club, I sat down next to the bar. Di, Enzo and Elena went to find Gina’s table. I didn’t want to fully attend the birthday, so seeing my friends a couple of times would be enough. And maybe the bartender would be friendly.

The place was calm for now. The lights were pink and blue, sometimes they would go red. I slowly took a few sips from my beer and looked around with a little hesitation. Would someone from The Nottingham Newspaper be here by any chance?

I automatically looked to the right. Then, I saw him.

Enzo was talking to him, and Elena and Di were giggling behind them. His eyes were suddenly on me and I forgot that I was about to take a sip from my drink, so my hand was left hanging in the air. I quickly looked away, knowing I looked silly.

They walked past in front of me to go to the left where Gina’s table was. "Lara," he greeted me with a smirk. I barely heard Di saying, "It won’t take long, but you can say hello if you want."

He wore a white shirt and black pants. That made his dark eyes and hair pop up even more. His look made me interested and I couldn’t stop staring while they walked away. Then I realized that I forgot to even say hello back to him.

They sat down. Was it luck or a curse that I could see them easily?

His chin was tight, his head was down. That gave him an almost dangerous look. But he was still looking at me.

I finally took a sip from my drink. The ambiance slowly started to feel different. It was more risky, wild, and exciting.

I didn’t know what about him made me feel that way, but I made it a challenge for myself not to take my eyes off him until he took his off me. After a while of this, I figured out that he might have followed the same strategy.

I always thought eye contact would make two people understand each other, their intentions or feelings. But with every second, things felt more complicated. What was he trying to do? Didn’t he have a birthday party to attend?

I guess the battle lasted for a long time. People were standing up and shaking each other’s hands, hugging. The party was over.

I was the one who gave up on this fight. I looked away first.

I looked at him again, he was still there, staring just as intently at me.

I couldn’t help wondering how long he would stare at me before coming to talk to me.