17. Chapter 17: Our Truth

A/N Hi, everyone! First, I'd like to thank you all for the ongoing support for this fic! In this chapter, there's another milestone in MerDer relationship and hotness alert. Enjoy!

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After ten minutes worth of sitting rigidly in her car, Meredith took a deep breath and got off. She knew to which house she should direct her steps as she studied the quiet suburban environs from the car.

She didn't have to be here alone. One word would suffice for Derek to be at her side, instead of sleeping late at her house, completely unaware of her excursion. Yet, she was determined to do this on her own. Being with Derek was changing her, mostly for the better, but recently she felt like she was getting weaker, more dependent.

She wasn't going to reject Derek's care though she needed to be strong enough to stand on her own feet. She couldn't lose the sense of power that always made her an unstoppable force.

Meredith slowed down her pace and craned her neck seeing a silhouette of man through the bushes growing in front of the house. Contrary to her body movements, her heart was racing. Could it be…? She walked up to the fence to get a closer look. The man was watering the flowers on the porch. He wasn't very tall, his hair was dark grey and he seemed… a complete opposite of her. His movements were ginger and awkward. At one point he slopped the water from the can all over his feet. Yet Meredith was sure it was Thatcher Grey. From the shreds of her memories, she remembered his slightly hunched form and general clumsiness.

She continued to stand rigidly on the sidewalk, unsure what to do. She came, she saw him, now what? In the meantime, her father finished his gardening activities and took off his yellow rubber gloves. Thatcher seemed to notice he was the object of somebody's observation, his head shot straight to where Meredith was standing. Their regards crossed and seconds seemed to drag into hours. Finally, she turned her head away, unable to hold his gaze any longer. She made to walk back to her car hating the feeling of helplessness that was overcoming her when…

"Mer- Meredith?" She halted abruptly hearing her name called.

"Meredith? Is… is that you?"

She slowly faced him. He walked up on the sidewalk, still clutching his yellow gloves in his hands. He was studying her intently with his green eyes that seemed to become glassy.

She nodded slowly, trying to keep her determination and cool head.

"How… how have you been?" he asked with a trembling voice.

Meredith's face hardened and resentment boiled in her veins. She wanted to snort and ask him sarcastically "Lately or in the past 24 years?"

"Good," she replied dryly instead.

"That's… that's good," he muttered nervously detecting a clear cold note in his daughter's voice.

"So, uhm, when did you come to Seattle?"

"In March," she answered shortly.

"It's… five months," he said with surprise. "It's long. Did you move here?"

"Yes," she confirmed stoically. "I came here for my job. I'm the chief of surgery at Seattle Grace."

"Oh," he raised his eyebrows, thousand emotions and reminiscences playing behind his eyes. "You are? I'm… this is… You're a surgeon… like your mother…"

"No, not like my mother," she denied sharply and turned back to walk away.

"Meredith? Do you need anything?" Thatcher's voice sounded for the last time.

"No," she said not even turning back. She had needed her father so many times. When she cried herself to sleep in the empty house, squeezing her Anatomy Jane. When her mother refused to let her go to a birthday party the one time she got invited. When she needed advice in all the important decisions in her life. When the said life went to pieces in college… What could she possible need from him now.

She got to her car in no time and stepped heavily on gas; strangely enough, rage putting her at ease.

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Even before she had the chance to reach her office, Patricia caught up with her with a fax in her hands and a serious look on her face.

"Caldwell?" Meredith searched her mind as she read the header. "As in the prison?"

"Yeah," sighed her secretary.

Twenty minutes later she joined the team she chose for the case, Derek, Cristina, Owen and one of the best residents, Dr. Miller.

"You've read up on our V.I.P.?"she greeted them, throwing a searching look at Derek. Something was odd with him. The usual good-natured expression was replaced with a tensed frown. Unfortunately, there wasn't time to get to the bottom of his mood right now.

"Multiple stab wounds, badly beaten, he'll have guards with him at all times," she went on leading them into the trauma bay. "Cuffs stay on, leg irons stay on. Watch you syringes, sharps and pins. I don't want any accidents… and he's here," she pointed at the ambulance halting at the door.

"You four are my team. No interns. I want to keep this as quiet as possible," she ordered. "Get him in and out quickly, patch him up and get him his way. Get him out of trauma as fast as you can. Those guards are going to attract a lot of attention."

"Uhm, Ma'am," asked the resident reviewing the fax. "It's stamped P.D.R. What is P.D.R.?"

Meredith signed the forms handed by one of the guards.

"Prisoner, death row," she answered walking away with the last worried look at Derek.

She was still able to catch the prisoner's creepy voice, "Hi, how's everybody doing this morning?"

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As soon as Meredith was finished with the procedure she had scheduled for this morning, she decided to check the situation with the killer patient, William Dunn, and hopefully, have a minute alone with Derek.

She spotted him in the corridor, talking to Dr. Miller.

"Mr. Dunn is still in a huge amount of pain," said quickly the short woman in blue scrubs. "Can I give him more morphine, or will that cause problems with his neuro exams?"

"Mr. Dunn has had enough morphine," answered Derek folding his arms and Meredith was baffled at the tone of his voice. She hadn't heard that disgust and vindictiveness on his part even when they were at each other's throats five months ago.

Dr. Miller stood her ground, "Right, but he's got a foreign body lodged in his spine. It's inhumane."

"No," he shook his head. "Killing people is inhumane. Denying him painkillers is a judgment call."

"We don't know what he did," argued the resident. "We can't judge."

Meredith felt it was time to intervene.

"Dr. Miller, can you please let me have a word with Dr. Shepherd?"

The resident looked reluctant but nodded and left him alone, if they could be alone, standing in the middle of the corridor.

"Derek, what is going on?" she asked lowering her voice. "What's with that argument about morphine?"

"He doesn't need morphine," he said indignantly. "He doesn't get wishes."

"Look, you'll give him whatever he needs," ordered Meredith. "I don't want some lawyer throwing at us that we did not give him the standard of care."

"It doesn't bother you that this guy probably hacked a family of four to death with a machete?" Derek asked disbelievingly.

"Frankly, it's neither here nor there," she shrugged. "Dr. Miller was right, we can't judge. Not because we don't know what crime he committed. Because it's not our job to judge. We're not a jury. That man came here to be treated and the faster we do it, the better."

"I watch people die all the time," said Derek feverishly. "I go to families and I tell them their world has been ripped apart all the time. And I fight like a dog to make sure that I don't have to deliver that message, and I lose that fight all the time. Then some guy like Dunn comes along and simply throws it away, life?"

"You shouldn't be on this case," Meredith shook her head. "I'm taking you off, I'll take care of this myself."

Derek bit his lip and Meredith was again bewildered he didn't insist to follow the case.

"Always the chief, Mer," he remarked ironically.

"What?" she stared at him in shock. "What is wrong with you? Of course, I'm acting professionally. Someone has to, seeing you're taking it so personally."

"Right," he breathed and pushed past her brushing her arm roughly. "I'll find myself something to do, Chief."

"Derek!" she hissed calling him back but he didn't listen.

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William Dunn's case absorbed most of Meredith's attention that day. She and Owen operated on him, extracting from his back the sharp object that he was stabbed with. On top of that, it turned out that he had also a brain contusion and infuriatingly enough, he didn't give his agreement for a brain surgery. Meredith knew the swelling would expand until he'd go unconscious. She ordered Dr. Miller monitor his condition overnight and she went in search for Derek. There was something bad going on with him. She needed to find him to fix the things between them. She woke up in his arms this morning and she wanted to fall asleep surrounded by him as well. The whole affair with Dunn and worry about Derek made her even forget about her meeting with her father.

Why Derek got so emotionally invested with the prisoner patient was a mystery. True, it wasn't difficult to get overly attached to their patients, to commiserate with them, to feel compassion, but William Dunn's case was a completely different story. Why Derek reacted so strongly?

She inspected the surgical board. Derek wasn't operating nor he had any procedures scheduled. Mark was walking down the corridor conversing with another doctor and she called after him, "Dr. Sloan."

"Excuse me," he left his interlocutor and joined her.

"Mark, do you know what's going on with Derek?" she asked with concern. "He's not himself today."

"Are the rumors about the serial killer true?" he answered with a question.

"Yes," she sighed. She had a feeling it wasn't just sheer curiosity on his part.

"You don't know?" he squinted at her.

"About what?"

"You don't," he breathed. "He has to tell you himself, it's not my place."

"Okay," she agreed cautiously. "Have you seen him?"

"He probably went to his place. You'll get him?"

"Yeah, I…" she trailed off understanding less and less.

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Meredith drove to her quarter with increasing uneasiness. After work, she went straight to his trailer but contrary to what she and Mark thought, he wasn't there. She waited over an hour, walked around the trailer ten times, tried to call him unsuccessfully and given the fact that it was already past eleven, decided to get home.

Surprisingly, she found his car parked on the street in front of her house. She quickly ran inside to see him sitting morosely on her couch.

"Addison let me in before she went for her shift," he explained casting his eyes down.

Meredith nodded in acknowledgment and wordlessly sat down beside him, feeling he was about to speak.

"Two guys shot my dad," he confessed sagging back into the coach, looking at her tiredly. "For his watch. My mom saved up for it. Two guys came into his store, and they shot him because he wouldn't give it up. That's how my dad died."

"I'm sorry," she whispered and intertwined his fingers with his. She caressed his hand soothingly, "I didn't want to be so harsh."

"We are supposed to treat everybody the same," he went on after a moment. "But they're not all the same."

"I guess I wasn't the only one holding dark secrets," she smiled gently.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier-"

"Derek," she silenced him. "You've got nothing to be sorry about. I kept more things from you… and I was a bitch to you."

He opened his mouth to speak but she lay a finger on his lips. "Just so you know, you can trust me too. I'm here for you."

He swallowed with difficulty, "I… I…" he stammered. "I lo-"

She smiled at him understandingly, "I know, you're tired. It must have been incredibly hectic for you."

He quickly looked down. It wasn't the right time to tell her anyway.

She stood up and reached a hand towards him, cocking her head to her side. "Come here, I'll make you forget about the world."

He followed her through the dark confines of the house, upstairs to her room. She lit the discreet night lamp and made him sit on the bed delicately. She slid the jacket of his shoulders and pushed him to half lie on the pillows. She then removed his shoes and socks and slowly made her way to the centre of the room, a spot clearly visible from his position.

She kicked her high heels and swayed sensuously on her tiptoes to the soft music in her head, her eyelids half closed over her misty eyes. Derek tensed with anticipation, he never saw her look more beautiful than now. Undoubtedly, she always did. Everyone admired her form clad in expensive brand clothes. But only Derek knew that they only hid her natural elegance, class and beauty.

Meredith turned in a circle, sending her long fair hair flying around her and she slowly unbuttoned her shirt, one tiny button after another. Her lips arched in a discreet smile. Derek's eyes fixed on her chest as her hands pulled the lapels of her shirt apart dragging it down her arms and letting it fall to the floor. She continued to swing lightly in her lavender lace bra. She closed her eyes and lifted her arms above her head.

The want for her growing in the pit of his stomach intensified almost painfully. He was immobilized with it. He couldn't tear his eyes apart if he wanted and well, he would never want to. She was exquisiteness and sensuality personified, and she was his.

She turned her back to him and his stormy blue irises automatically travelled to her tight butt. Meredith threw him a mischievous look over her shoulder and pulled down a little zipper on her hip and shimmied her white pencil skirt off, revealing inch after inch her enticing ass, clad only in a lavender strip of her thong.

By now, Derek was already iron hard and had loosened his shirt. He watched attentively with quickening pulse as her hands went up to the clasp of her bra. She unfastened it and let the silky part of her lingerie join the heap of clothes on the carpet.

"Meredith…" he breathed out longingly. His hands couldn't wait to touch her hot skin.

"Just a little while longer," she whispered and turned back to him, proudly exhibiting her full breasts. Her rosy nipples were already hard and stood to his attention. She slid her fingers underneath the front of her panties and dragged them down past her thighs letting the tiny scrap of material pool at her feet.

She tiptoed to the bed and climbed it in a cat-like move on all fours, letting her breasts sway freely. She crawled over him, intentionally brushing his obvious hardness with her knee. He lunged forward but she stopped him, easing him back on the covers.

"Relax," she kissed the side of his neck and then the other. "This is about you."

She straddled his waist just over his erection and slowly unbuttoned his shirt. She leaned into him, crashing her bare chest against his and kissed him on the lips, long and thorough, cupping his stubbly face in her hands. She massaged his scalp raking his raven locks and planted little kisses all over his face.

He felt warm and safe. She was never this delicate and caring with him, attentive to his every need, worshipping his body. It made him want her even more. He wanted more from her and apparently she was ready to give it.

Her mouth and her quick tongue that peeked through her parted lips slid from his mouth down his chin and neck, steadily downwards. She chased his bobbing Adam's apple with her tongue. She explored his arms from the broad shoulders to the delicate surgeon hands.

Her hands and lips traced invisible patterns all over his hard chest. She pinched his nipple and jumped up as he gasped for air. Meredith quickly took him in and was pleased with the effects of her work. He was completely surrendered to her will, heavy lidded and damp with perspiration. The hard proof of his lust stood proudly against her ass.

She was no better, her core was burning with impatience to welcome him inside and she was leaving a wet stain on his pants. Meredith moved lower down his body, rubbing her folds over his clad manhood which seemed to swell even more.

"Meredith," he panted trashing his head back.

God, she adored this man beneath her with his wild hair that might need cutting, his crooked nose, his tapered chest with his happy trail leading to… She decided not to torture him much more. His erection staring at her face, she unfastened the claps of his belt, then a little button and the zipper and pulled his sweatpants along with his boxer briefs down his legs and he sighed happily at being freed.

She grazed her fingers over his ass and the back of his thighs his knees and calves, deciding how to pleasure him best.

She thought with amusement that it was never out of place to stroke… a man's ego.

"Have I ever told you you're so big?" she said huskily lowering her head onto her goal and licking the precum from his velvety head. "Huge, in fact… and so hard…"

"Yeah, yeah…" he stammered gripping the sheet into his fists, both love and desire for her clouding his mind. He craved to come in her, with her.

She licked little circles on his length and took him whole into her mouth. His hips bucked upwards but she quickly pulled away with a smile.

"Meredith," he pleaded with a trembling voice.

"In a second, love," she soothed him not realizing what she called him. But Derek did notice and his lips widened in a smile.

Meredith scooted herself back up and interlaced her fingers with his, embracing him whole inside her leisurely, like they had all the time in the world. They both moaned at the intimate contact and Meredith stilled for a moment to revel in the pleasure mixed with the anticipation of imminent release. When the tension became unbearable, she began hovering over him twisting her hips in figures of eight. His breathing went ragged; she predicted with unmistakable certainty what his body needed next.

She wiggled her hips for the last time, locking his eyes in hers and proceeded to glide up and down on his slick length roughly.

"Yes… yes…" escaped her throat as she arched her back to gain better position. She lowered and rose above him breathlessly bringing them both higher and higher. Her muscles kept clenching around him wildly and the wave of unrestrained pleasure cumulated against the shore and flooded them, submerging them utterly, depriving of air.

She sank down on him while his arms snaked around her waist. The bodies clang together from head to toes. They smiled at each other wordlessly. All through their encounter they were exceptionally tender and quiet. Derek felt that this time they truly made love. With that on his mind, he let his eyes close and fall into a peaceful sleep.

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Meredith put on her shorts, a tee shirt and a blouse, and searched in the closet for her unused trainers. The days of the greatest summer heat were over but she could take advantage of the remaining good weather and get back into the habit of jogging. She felt she was slacking off somewhat, Addie did find the time to run every morning.

When her eyes opened this morning with her cheek on Derek's chest, she felt a sort of lingering calm and a surge of energy. A jog would perfectly complete her perfect morning.

"My God, what time is it?" groaned Derek rubbing his eyes. He wasn't woken up by the noise she was making but rather the absence of her soft body next to his.

"Shh, it's early, sleep on," she said softly and sat on the edge of the bed to put her shoes on. "I'll wake you up when it's time."

"Where are you going?" he propped himself on one hand letting the duvet fall down to his waist.

"I'm going for a jog," she turned to him to plant a kiss on his nose and played with his messy hair. "Go back to sleep."

"You don't jog," he insisted with a frown.

"Now I don't," she shrugged, "but I used to. And I think I should go back into the habit or I'll get fat."

He smirked at her mischievously, "I think you found a perfect substitute in the form of other physical activity…"

She giggled, he was absolutely right.

"… which is so much better than jogging," he wiggled his eyebrows and pulled the covers off his naked body. "And I'm ready to help you with your workout again."

Her eyes glazed at the sight of his morning hardness. She licked her lips, wouldn't she like to hop on… She glanced at the clock, she had time both for a jog and a quickie.

She smiled at him playfully and stood up, "I think I'll go for that run."

"What?" he opened his mouth in surprise. Meredith Grey willfully resigning from sex?

"What do you say, I'll go out for some half an hour, you'll have a lie in and then you'll give me some additional workout in the shower, hmm?"

He pouted and got out of the bed after her, "I'm going with you."

"Aren't you tired?" she asked with concern. "Yesterday couldn't have been easy for you."

But he didn't listen and got dressed into his shorts and his old tee-shirt he left at her place one day.

"You want to run with that wood between your legs?" she chuckled.

"You know, we could do something about that," he offered as his head reappeared from his shirt.

"I did something about that yesterday."

"I know," he breathed and moved to kiss her hand. "Thank you for taking such a good care of me."

"You're very welcome," she smiled up at him and tugged at his hand. "Come on or we'll never leave."

They want out into the grayish morning and trotted past her neighbors' houses. They ran in silence, glancing at each other from time with tiny smiles. At last, they burst out in laughter and halted to catch some air.

She reached a to play with his locks, "You need a haircut."

"You're criticizing my hair?" he asked feigning indignation.

"It's just a little wild," she explained softly, "and long, well, and sex tousled."

He laughed freely, looking in her eyes, her fingers still in his hair. He felt calm and excited at the same time, he wanted to start every day of his life like that, at her side.

"I love you," he breathed out. The moment seemed ordinary and unique, perfect.

Her hand stilled and she took it away. He watched with beating heart her eyes going wide and he cringed recognizing traces of fear.

She shook her head frantically, "You what?"

"I love you," he repeated clearly.

She became rigid but her face softened, "I'm sorry, Derek."

"You're sorry?" he asked disbelievingly.

"I can't say it back-"

"Right," he nodded harshly and made to continue his jog.

"Derek!" her fingers clenched on his bicep holding him back. "Look at me!"

"I've already heard what you have to say," he bit. "You were crystal clear."

"Shut up! You will shut up and listen to me!" she growled at him and he flinched, hunching before her. She continued calmly, "No one ever said this to me before. And I have never said this to anyone before."

He let out a deep breath, he understood it was more than just her unwillingness to commit.

"I am not ready to say it, yet," she underlined the last word and placed her hands on his shoulders. "I won't to be sure of it and really mean it. But I can promise you will be the first person to hear it from my lips."

He pressed herself to him and he relaxed in her embrace. In spite of Meredith's affirmation an uneasy tension fell between them for the rest of the jog. Derek couldn't help feeling embarrassed and rejected.

Meredith followed him into the kitchen and watched him fill a glass with cool water. He needed more reassurance than her promises and sex could convey.

Her arms went around his waist as she clang against his back.

"I'm really into this," she murmured snaking her palms over his pectorals underneath his tee.

He then felt her hand dive into the pocket of his shorts. He expected her to move to the front and grab his crotch but her hand disappeared. Instead, he felt something heavy in his pocket. He pulled out a single key and turned to face her curiously.

"You won't need Addie to let you in while I'm gone," she explained. "I told you, I'm in this, even if I can't say it back for now."

She kissed his nose when sleepy Addison came into the kitchen in a red bathrobe. "God, are you even able to do something else?"

"Like you and McSteamy are doing something else?" smirked Meredith.

Addie stuck her tongue at her, "You want breakfast?"

"Uhm, we've had a shower in our plans," Derek looked hopefully at her.

"Yes, we have," she smiled and outstretched a hand towards him. Their fingers met and he knew they would be good.

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A/N Waiting for any comments you might have! Thank you for reading and don't worry too much about MerDer, for now.

Yours,

Em :)