6

Sirius watched Moony and Harry walk off and then turned to Lily and James' grave again. 'He's living with me now,' he told them, feeling a little ridiculous as he did. He knew they were not listening. They probably had better things to do but maybe, on the off chance… 'He probably told you, huh?' He paused, not knowing what else to say.

'So, what's new with you? Busy over there? Never ending party? Or is it just people in white robes, sitting in green meadows and being all serene and mysterious? I bet you'd mess that up, right, Prongs? You never were one for calm and silence…' He broke off, the banter suddenly feeling very wrong. How had Harry managed to do this? He tried again differently.

'This whole parent thing is quite hard – not that I'm complaining, mind. I know you'd give anything to do it, just… It's more difficult than I imagined. Harry's brilliant, absolutely… but… he just seems so scared a lot of the time. I know it's probably not my fault but… Well, I hate to think that I could have done something to make it easier for him but messed it up somehow.'

He sighed and stared at flowers that covered the ground under which they lay. He did not know how to feel about that. It was clear that most people who had been here had never met either of them. Was it good that so many people remembered them? Or was it an insult to their memory that people thought they knew them when in reality, they had only read about their deaths in the papers?

'I… I hope you're happy. I'm doing my best for Harry and Moony's helping, so you probably don't need to worry about him. Moony and I told him loads of stuff about you and so I guess he's got a bit of an idea what you're… you were like. He misses you… So do I. We all do, I suppose.'

He swallowed some tears even though it probably did not matter either way. The Impervious Charm on his clothes was wearing off and he was slowly getting soaked. A few tears would not make a difference.

'His eyes look so much like yours, Lily, but he's got the puppy-dog look down quite a lot better than you ever did. I suppose I'm lucky he doesn't know yet, otherwise he could probably get me to do anything… He's got your face, Prongs, complete with all your expressions. He must think I'm a seer or something but you're so similar, and I could always tell what you were thinking. I guess that's a good thing…'

He knew that he was rambling but he did not mind much. Thinking out loud when he did not have to feel like a lunatic for doing it was quite relieving, actually. It got easier the longer he talked and he kept going, telling them about what had been happening lately. If they could hear him, they would be begging for details about Harry, he knew that. If they could not… well, then at least he had tried, and really, what did he have to lose?

Sirius returned home eventually and after a hot shower, the afternoon was not as bleak as he had dreaded. Moony disappeared after lunch to have a short nap but when Sirius sent Harry to check on him an hour later, the boy reported that Moony was still fast asleep. They decided to leave him alone – he had another night shift ahead of him but then luckily had all of Sirius' birthday off because he was switching to the early shift for the following week.

Since they had had enough of the rain, Sirius and Harry spent the afternoon teaching themselves some card games from one of the many books of Moony's that had somehow found their way out of his room and been scattered all over the house.

Moony woke up in time for dinner and Harry spent the meal quizzing them on all sorts of magical games, leading to Sirius promising to get hold of a set of gobstones the next time he was at Diagon Alley.

They were having fun and since it was the holidays, Sirius allowed Harry to stay up until Moony left for work just before ten. By then, his eyelids were getting heavy and he voluntarily got changed and ready for bed as soon as he had hugged Moony goodbye. Sirius had read him barely a page of their current book when he fell asleep.

On his own now, Sirius did not know what to do with himself. They rain had eased off and he quite fancied some exercise to clear his mind but he could not leave Harry. He spent a few minutes tidying until he found the magazines that he and Harry had picked up a few days ago at the Super Market.

They usually did their shopping in the muggle world by now. Every Tuesday and Saturday, Diagon Alley would widen to make space for dozens of stalls, laden heavily with the produce of farms all over the country, where most of the magical world would buy their groceries – or send their house-elves to do it, like Sirius' parents always had.

Both Sirius and Moony had been a few times but it was rather inconvenient – they could not take Harry along and quite a few of the things Harry was used to (such as fish fingers and frozen pizzas) were not available there. Both men felt little enthusiasm for muggle food but if it made Harry happy, they were more than content to go along with it. Besides, those Super Market places were fascinating things.

At their latest visit, Harry had longingly eyed the shelf with the magazines. When Sirius prompted him, he had stammered a query whether he might have one. Sirius had of course agreed instantly, inviting him to pick a few and had himself taken a few magazines, mainly ones that featured motorcycles on the cover. There had also been one that promised an exclusive on werewolves that he had picked out for Moony as a joke and now skimmed, chuckling occasionally. Then, he moved on to one of Harry's comics that featured poultry in weird clothes – which proved surprisingly entertaining.

Eventually, he felt tired enough and decided to go to bed. The clock on the wall showed that it was past two in the morning, which was not good. Moony would most likely sleep all morning but Harry was bound to be up early and Sirius would have to make him breakfast. He yawned.

He felt like he had barely closed his eyes when he was nudged awake and found Harry standing by his bed. 'Hm?' he muttered sleepily. 'You okay?'

Harry shivered and shrugged. 'Had a dream,' he told him.

Sirius nodded and shuffled to make space for him on the bed. His room was cold – he always cracked the window these days, unable to bear the feeling of being in a closed room. 'Wanna talk about it?' Harry did not seem unduly distressed so he supposed that it had not been anything too horrible.

Harry snuggled against him, his back against Sirius' chest so that the top of his head was tucked under Sirius' chin. 'Mum and Dad were there,' he said. 'They smiled at me but then they were gone.'

'Oh,' said Sirius, not sure what to answer to that, but Harry remained silent so he had to come up with something. 'I've had dreams like that,' he told him. 'I don't like them that much. They make you feel lonely, don't they?'

'Yeah…' muttered Harry pensively. 'But I don't think they're bad dreams. I like it when I dream about Mum and Dad 'cause then I can talk to them and that's nice. It's just not so nice when I wake up and then they're gone…'

Sirius' heart clenched. He kissed Harry's head to indicate that he had understood. 'What do you talk to them about?' he asked, hoping that this topic might provide some comfort.

'I told them about you,' answered Harry promptly. 'About how we play together and how you got me Dragon and how Remus always asks me what I want for dinner.'

'And what did they say?'

Harry took a little longer to answer that. 'Daddy said he is better at Exploding Snap than you. He said that I'm supposed to practise so that I can beat you, too. And Mummy said I'm really lucky that Remus is cooking for me 'cause he can make really yummy things.' He paused. 'Do you think they'd really say something like that?'

'It sounds like them,' said Sirius, and it did. 'Your dad always lied and said he was better than me at all the games we played…' Harry would be able to hear the teasing tone in that. '… and your mum always said nice things about people.'

Harry sighed contentedly. 'Once, I dreamt that I was really sleepy,' he told Sirius, his voice slowly taking on a little slur that indicated he was about to fall asleep. 'And Mum and Dad were already in bed so I climbed in right between them. And then Dad hugged me and his chin was all scratchy just like yours and then Mum kissed my forehead just like you do and then they both said they love me just like… like… and then we all fell asleep…' He fell silent and just a few seconds later, his breathing slowed and became deeper.

'That sounds like a very nice dream,' muttered Sirius, knowing that Harry would not hear him anymore. He was not quite sure what to make of what he had just been told.

-oOo-

Harry rose early the next morning and inadvertently woke Sirius when trying to slip out of the bed for a visit to the loo. He forced himself not to go back to sleep but get up and make breakfast instead – which took quite some effort seeing as he had had barely four hours of sleep. Harry seemed to sense that he was tired and not in a particularly good mood, and was quiet all morning, reading and colouring by himself. He had not even asked Sirius to play together.

Moony got up for lunch – he had returned when they had still been asleep – and announced that he and Harry would be going out to do some shopping.

Sirius did his best to take this as the harmless occurrence it was. In fact, it was a very good thing – it was his birthday tomorrow, so the secrecy meant that he would be in for a surprise. There was not much else he expected of the next day. It was hardly worth having a party when the only two people he could invite were already living with him. Moony never had much cash and Harry only had access to a few quid of pocket money so Sirius knew not to expect much in the direction of presents.

'What are you going to get me?' he asked Harry, trying his best to hide the dark thoughts that began to cloud his mind.

Harry looked to Moony for support and then shook his head. 'I'm not telling,' he announced.

Sirius made a show of pouting at him. 'Pretty please?' he tried again.

Harry shook his head once more, a little grin creeping onto his face. 'It's a surprise,' he insisted.

Moony chuckled and ruffled Harry's hair affectionately. 'Well done, Harry,' he praised him proudly. 'See you in a bit, Padfoot?'

Harry was too busy beaming up at Moony at the approval to take much note of Sirius but when he nodded, Sirius believed to see a trace of concern in Moony's gaze. He ignored it.

When the door clicked shut behind the two of them, Sirius felt as if the house was tightening around him, the wall crowding him, making it hard to breathe. He started pacing, telling himself that he was being idiotic, that he had no reason to feel unwell. That did not help, though.

Eventually, he could not bear the silence and warmth around himself any longer. He scribbled a hasty note, saying he had gone for a walk. He transformed almost as soon as he slammed the front door shut behind himself and took off at a run, leaping over the fence rather than bothering with the gate.

Moving helped, as did not being a human. He enjoyed the cool breeze of fresh air against his nose. He spent quite a while focusing on what he could smell as he ran across the bare fields – a few foxes, a whole host of rabbits and even the occasional dog with its owner that had been around since the rain had stopped a few hours ago.

He focused on his breathing, on the rhythm of his paws as they squelched in the mud and for a while, his mind cleared.

Nonetheless, eventually, he had to slow down. The dog he became was in much better physical condition as his human body but it was not inexhaustible. As his legs began to shake under the weight of his body and every breath burnt like fire in his lungs, he was forced to fall into a slow walk. Time was hard to assess as a dog but judging by the distance he had covered at least a good hour or two had to have passed. He had done his best to stay clear of humans and all their traces but he had had to cross a few roads and made detours to avoid villages. His head began to drown now that his thoughts were no longer occupied with running.

Dogs were not quite capable to understand the concept of death but they did understand loss and the pain it brought. Slowly stumbling to a halt, Sirius let out a pained howl that echoed loudly through the forest he was currently passing through. It helped to release the weight that pressed down on him but only by a fraction. He howled again and again, letting Prongs' loss sound between the trees. It lifted some of the weight.

Suddenly, he smelled something approaching. A human and a dog, and Sirius had no desire to meet them. Unable to run on his now aching legs, he turned back into a man and disapparated on the spot.

After a few seconds of suffocating darkness, he found himself in the one place he most desired to be yet resented above all. The graveyard in Godric's Hollow, right where Prongs lay, forever cold and still, just like the last time Sirius had seen him. His glasses had been askew and with a stray thought, he wondered whether he had been buried with them or not.

His legs gave in almost immediately and he sank to his knees on the wet gravel, letting out a choked scream that came as close as anything could to his earlier howls while he was a human.

Here, it was pouring down with rain, soaking his thin robes almost instantly. He had not bothered with a cloak and he could not get himself to regret it. The cold water stung on his back, giving him something to cling to.

Prongs. James and Lily.

He did not know why it hit him so hard today. Maybe it was just the anniversary. Maybe it was the prospect of a birthday without them. Prongs had been there for every one of his birthdays he liked to remember.

For his twelfth, he, Moony and Peter and snuck into the kitchen to make a cake for him. It had been a horrible thing with a burnt crust and a completely uncooked centre, smothered under an inch-thick layer of vibrantly red and gold icing, with too little sugar and big lumps of flour all through the dough – yet still it had still tasted better than every fancy cake his mother had ever made Kreacher bake for him in hours of meticulous work.

Sirius bent down, face against his knees, arms slung around his head. Prongs was gone, lost forever – as was Peter, who had once been so sweet and kind, always willing to listen, always prepared to help. With the thought of him came rage. Sirius had never been a stranger to great anger, had started to resent his parents before he had ever stepped a foot into Hogwarts. Still, this was a new dimension. He was not sure that even his hatred for Voldemort was as intense as the feeling of betrayal.

He screamed again, the sound muffled by the fabric of his damp robes.

'Sir?'

His head snapped up, his eyes taking a few moments to focus. It took him another few seconds to recognise what he was looking at.

Before him stood a man in his sixties or seventies, lined face and grey hair. He wore robes and for a second, Sirius thought he was facing a fellow wizard until took note of the white rectangle showing at his black collar where the knot of a tie should be. A muggle, one of the ones who worked in churches. This one was holding an umbrella in one hand and a steaming mug in the other.

He held out the beverage and – in his still dazed state – Sirius grabbed it. The warm crockery felt like scorching iron in his numb and frozen fingers.

'Tea,' said the man with a kind smile. 'There's more over at the vicarage…' He gestured behind himself to the small cottage that bordered the graveyard, adjacent to the church. '… and a nice fire.'

Sirius took a few seconds to understand what he was saying. With a small start, he realised that he was still kneeling and pushed himself to his feet unsteadily, doing his best not to spill the hot tea over his fingers.

'You are more than welcome to come in and warm up. You must be frozen to the bone.'

Sirius shook his head. If he wanted to warm up, he could go home.

The man nodded and his gaze wandered to the tombstone they were standing in front of. 'Friends of yours, I take it?' he asked.

Sirius nodded heavily. 'My brother,' he said and his voice broke, turning the words into a croak.

The old man inclined his head. 'Some losses are hard to deal with, even after a long time. The pain never really stops when we miss those we love most.'

Sirius nodded again, unsure of what to reply to that. In search of something to do, he began to lift the mug he was still holding to his lips but somewhere in the depth of his mind, someone seemed to growl "Constant vigilance!" and he lowered it again. He did not know this man. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his free hand.

'Are you sure you wouldn't like to come in? There's an open ear, too, if you'd like…'

Sirius shook his head. 'No, no, I… I've got two of those waiting for me at home. Thanks but… but I really should go. I've been gone a lot longer than I intended…' He handed the cup back. 'Thanks for the tea, and your offer. I appreciate it.'

The man nodded. 'Take care, Sir.'

Sirius nodded and turned around, leaving the graveyard behind at the brisk pace, the gaze of the muggle prickling on his back. He turned a few corners before he dared to apparate, the cold truly sinking into his flesh now. He apparated home.

Moony stuck his head out of the previously closed kitchen door almost as soon as he stepped into the hall. 'Are you okay?' he asked, blocking Sirius' view of the room behind him but the smell of a cake streamed out into the hall anyway.

Sirius nodded, doing his best to smile. 'I'll just have a shower. I'm freezing.'

Moony seemed concerned but let him go with a nod. The shower helped him warm up, both physically and emotionally, at least in part. He still felt as if a dementor was breathing down his neck.

When he descended the stairs, Harry and Moony had moved to the sitting room. The door to the kitchen stood open but the room bore no trace that someone had been baking in it, only the smell still hanging around.

Sirius sank down on the sofa and was very glad when Harry decided to scoot over onto his lap. He was reading again, yet another book that he had to have gotten from Moony. This one, like all the others, was yellowed with age. Sirius guessed that it was either one of the books that Moony himself had read as a boy or that it stemmed from a used books sale where Moony usually picked them up for a few pence each. Harry did not seem to mind either way.

'Is that a good one?'

Harry shrugged thoughtfully. 'I don't know until I know how it ends,' he told Sirius.

'I see.' He leaned back and closed his eyes for a few seconds. He hardly noticed that he drifted off, listening to the sounds around him. Harry chuckled occasionally at whatever he read. Moony's paper rustled as he turned the pages.

'Remus?' Harry's voice tugged him back towards consciousness but not forcefully enough to fully wake him. He was no longer sitting on the sofa, and Harry was no longer on his lap. Instead, he seemed to be lying on his side.

'Yes?'

'Is Sirius ill?'

Moony sighed. 'In a way.'

'Why? Is it because of the monsters, the ones that were at the prison and are still in his head sometimes?'

'Yes, I think so – for the most part, at least.'

'How are they making him sick?'

Moony sighed again, even deeper this time. 'He gets quite sad sometimes, about many things. At the moment, I think he's missing your mum and dad.'

Harry remained silent for a while and only spoke when Sirius was about to drift off again.

'He… I think Sirius misses them more than me. I don't miss them that much – well, I do miss them, of course, but not so much since…' He paused. 'Do… Do you think they'd be angry with me for not missing them as much anymore?'

Someone moved. 'No, of course not, Harry. They would never want anyone to be sad on their account. Harry, you were too young to remember them properly. It only makes sense that Sirius misses them in a very different way. He was very, very close with your dad. They were best friends.'

'Hm,' muttered Harry before silence fell over the room once more, and Sirius sank back into darkness.

Prongs grinned at him broadly. Harry was standing next to him, watching the two men.

'What about it, Padfoot?' asked Prongs. 'Galleon to whoever catches him first?'

Harry eyes widened and as soon as Sirius nodded, he jumped backwards, laughing hard. 'I'm fast!' he shouted as he darted away through the back garden of the Potter's cottage. 'You won't catch me!'

Sirius and Prongs took off after him, putting at least as much effort into hindering each other as running towards the boy who was waving cheerfully at them from across the lawn.

When he woke, he was feeling better. Some sleep seemed to have done the trick. That, and probably the fact that it had been Harry's laugh that had woken him up.

Harry seemed determined to cheer him up and Sirius wondered whether that had anything to do with the conversation he had overheard – or had he just dreamed that? Either way, it was impossible not to smile at Harry. Thus, the evening proved quite joyful but Sirius' mood dwindled once Harry was in bed.

He put off going to sleep himself. His nightmares had been easing off ever so slightly over the last couple of days. They still woke him up but they did not shake him nearly as badly as the one he referred to in his head as "the big one". He had taken the precaution of soundproofing Harry's room at night, making sure that he was not disturbed. He had done the same to Moony's room at first but that had not gone unnoticed and Moony had made a habit of removing the spells before he went to sleep. To save them both the effort, Sirius had given in.

Still, the dreams returned that night with a vengeance. All he remembered when Moony shook him awake was being surrounded in the dark, tall figures looming over him. He was not sure whether it had been dementors, or Death Eaters, or Prongs who regularly turned up to give him accusing looks… maybe it had been all of them.

What he knew was that he would not be able to go back to sleep. His alarm showed two in the morning, meaning that he had been in bed for hardly more than an hour. He waved off Moony's well-meant offers of help and instead sent him back to bed while he descended the stairs and spent an hour restlessly pacing the sitting room. What a way to start his birthday…

He did not remember any of his birthdays after his twenty-second, which had been the first full day in Azkaban. Inside a cell, it was barely possible to tell the seasons apart, not to mention keeping track of days and weeks. When he had been released, Sirius had not even been able to venture a guess at the number of years – all he had known was that it had felt like a lifetime. The latest birthday he recalled he had spent violently sobbing in his cell and every one since was lost in the long period of grey that was all he could remember of the last seven years.

All that time was lost forever. He would be twenty-nine, for Merlin's sake! That was only a year short of thirty, and thirty sounded so old! He had been supposed to do something in his twenties, throw awesome parties and change the world. He had been planning to conquer the hearts of a few dozen witches – a part of his life that had once been important but that he barely spared a thought these days.

Eventually, he got fed up with himself. He had half a mind to go outside and run as Padfoot again until he was tired enough to go back to sleep but he could not bring himself to put any kind of distance between himself and Harry.

He decided to check on the child who was peacefully slumbering, oblivious to Sirius hovering in the door. Before he knew it – curtesy to a split-second decision – he ended up curled up as a dog at the foot of Harry's bed. If that did not help against nightmares, he did not know what would.

Indeed, he was able to sleep for a couple of hours and when he woke up, he felt very well rested considering the awful night he had had.

Moony and Harry presented him with a cake for breakfast, one decorated with an impressive amount of icing and sprinkles, making Sirius conclude that Harry had been in charge of decorating it. The twenty-nine candles gave Sirius a little stab but he pushed it away and blew them out in one.

'What did you wish for?' asked Harry, who was fidgeting next to him. He was blissfully excited and had almost burst with pride when Sirius had praised the appearance of the cake.

Sirius had not bothered making a wish, knowing that the only thing he really wanted was quite impossible. 'Nothing,' he told him truthfully. 'I've got everything I can ever have.'

'Oh,' said Harry, his face falling. He seemed to get the implication and his face bore an air of understanding, of understanding a lot better than Sirius wanted him to. Nonetheless, he was happy to be distracted and accept a piece of cake. 'I made you a card,' he told Sirius when they had all swallowed the first mouthful. 'Do you want to see it?'

'Sure,' answered Sirius, amused at how happy he seemed at the prospect of giving a present. Then again, he realised with another turn of his stomach, Harry had probably not had many people to give presents to until now.

The card was hand-drawn, bearing a large number 203 on the front.

'That's 'cause you're a dog and you'd be that old in dog years,' Harry explained, beaming.

Sirius nodded, his breath catching. He looked to Moony, wondering whether he had told him, and got a shake of his head as an answer. He pulled a startled Harry into a hug.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad!'

Sirius blinked a few times and cleared his throat before he could answer. 'I'm not sad. You just reminded me of your dad just then.' Prongs had always liked to change his age into dog years. For his twentieth, he had actually decorated the cake that he had made Lily bake with 140 candles. "Yet you still behave like a twelve-year-old," Lily had joked when he had blown them out. Sirius had stuck his tongue out at her for that.

They went outside after they had finished their food and spent a couple of hours playing in the garden – most of the time as a dog in Sirius' case. Moony disappeared at some point to make lunch – roast chicken, Sirius' favourite. After he had polished off two rather large helpings, he collapsed onto the couch and barely even noticed when Harry cuddled up next to him.

'You need to stop sleeping during the day,' Moony let him know when he woke him up a few hours later. Sirius just growled as a response. It was hardly his fault that he could not sleep at night.

Sirius had decided to take the others out for dinner, so they apparated to London. They opted for a pizza place, not a chain restaurant but not particularly fancy, either. The food was nice and they had fun.

The waiter ended up treating Harry to a scoop complementary ice cream – because he had been on perfect behaviour, apparently, unlike the child at their neighbouring table who looked a year or two Harry's senior but threw a tantrum when she realised that the restaurant did not serve macaroni-cheese. Harry was practically glowing with pride at that, especially when Moony and Sirius both winked at him.

'So,' asked Moony when he and Sirius sat alone in the living room after Harry was in bed. 'Want to talk about it?'

'I'm fine.'

Moony sighed deeply. 'Of course you are.'

Sirius glared at him.

'I won't sit by and watch as you drown in whatever it is that's bothering you,' Moony told him threateningly. 'I don't expect you to be okay tomorrow but I want you to talk to me. That is not optional, do you understand?'

Sirius kept glaring at him but Moony held his gaze. They were both equally capable of being stubborn but Moony was right, and they both knew it. Sirius sighed. 'Fine…'

Moony sipped his tea contentedly. 'So, where were you yesterday afternoon?'

Sirius had signed the slip saying that he would be attending the parents' evening and given it to Harry to hand back to the teacher before the holidays. That had been almost two weeks ago – within which he had gotten increasingly nervous about the event. He was not sure what was awaiting him and he wished that Moony would come along – which he obviously could not, since one of them needed to stay home with Harry.

'You could go instead,' Sirius suggested on Monday evening as they were preparing dinner. Harry was upstairs in his room – behaviour that Sirius could only describe as "hiding".

He had not voiced it but was obviously terrified of what Sirius might be told later that night – though what exactly that could be, nobody seemed to know. It had not helped, however, that Harry had ripped his trousers that day during break time. Sirius had shrugged off the incident and Moony had easily repaired the damage but Harry remained in a state of unease.

Sirius had tried going upstairs and keeping him company but that had not been particularly successful. As of right now, his strategy mostly consisted of pretending that nothing was out of the ordinary – it did not seem to be doing much good but as it did not do any harm, either, he had deemed it worth giving a shot.

'We both know you'd be better at this than me, Moony,' he continued the conversation.

Moony laughed and shook his head. 'You're his godfather, so you're the one who needs to go. They might not even tell me anything, seeing as I'm not legally entitled to know.'

'I could write you a note, saying I'm giving you permission…'

'No,' said Moony firmly. 'Suck it up, Padfoot. It's a parents' evening, not a congregation of mountain trolls and so long as you're polite, nobody'll think ill of you. Besides, everyone knows you're new to the parent thing anyway, don't they?' He considered Sirius' expression and sighed. 'Just act inconspicuous and it'll be fine. Also, since you seem so worried about making a good impression, how would it look if I turned up instead? It'd probably be the worst thing to do if you don't want to be talked about. No, you'll do okay.'

Sirius shrugged grudgingly and gave up. He was not convinced – especially of his ability to act "inconspicuously" – but he was fighting a lost battle. 'Harry, tea's ready!' he called up the stairs instead.

Harry appeared almost instantly, thundering down the stairs at top speed. It seemed that he had arrived at the "twitchy and silent" stage of his anxiety – which included instant obedience, as Sirius knew all too well. Harry always listened but he had learned that Sirius would not be upset if he took the time to put a bookmark in his book before coming downstairs. Most days, he remembered that. Not today, though, Sirius guessed.

'Harry.' Sirius caught Harry as he made to slip through the door and pulled him into a hug, ignoring the little flinch on Harry's part at the sudden closeness. 'Calm, please, okay?'

Harry nodded jerkily. 'I'm sorry,' he gave his standard answer.

Sirius sighed and gave up on that battle, too. He would probably only freak Harry out further if he kept trying. He squeezed him once more and let go.

Dinner was a mostly silent affair as Moony was the only one at the table who was not dreading what was going to happen in the next couple of hours. Harry barely ate which in turn made Sirius edgy. He tried not to let it show, though. It would only cause Harry to become even jumpier – a vicious circle, really.

The parents evening was due to start at eight, which meant that Harry was supposed to be in his pyjamas by the time Sirius would leave. Given his current state, though, Sirius very much doubted there was a point sending him to bed. He exchanged a look with Moony and saw that they had both reached that conclusion.

Sirius hugged Harry goodbye. 'Harry, I promise there's nothing you need to be scared of,' he tried one last time. 'And I keep my promises, don't I?'

Harry nodded weakly.

'Okay then. Now, you have fun with Moony, and I'll tell you everything when I come back, alright?'

Harry nodded again. For a second, it looked like he was about to say something but not a sound left his mouth.

Sirius booked that as a partial win – well, a tiny one. At least it was not an apology. He released Harry who stepped back, only to collide with Moony who shook his head when Harry opened his mouth to apologise and laid a hand on his shoulder.

'You know, there's a programme about dragons on the WWN tonight. Shall we listen to that?'

A shadow of excitement crossed Harry's face and he nodded, for one moment forgetting that he was supposed to be mortified – only for a split second, though, and then he was back to looking just as he had before.

Trying to suppress a frown, Sirius nodded to Moony to say goodbye and got a nod in return. He always hated it to know that he could do nothing to help Harry – which was the case at the moment. Hugging, soothing, promising – nothing would reassure him just now. Leaving him was the only option, and he loathed it. He sighed as he began to stride briskly towards the village, thankful for the frosty autumn air. It made it easier to breathe.

Harry was in the safest hands, he told himself. Moony would do anything in his power to appease Harry and if anyone was a calming influence, it was him. In a common rush of gratitude, Sirius wondered once again what he would do without him. He could not possibly do the parent thing alone and odd as it sounded, he could not think of anyone he would rather do it with than Moony.

He walked into the village, aware that people would be watching him tonight – well, most days, really, even though the majority of people had stopped to stare a while ago. He no longer got much attention for doing something as mundane as picking Harry up from school – people were expecting him to do that – but whenever they did some shopping or stopped by the playground, they still attracted more attention than he bargained for.

And tonight, many eyes would be on him. Generally, he had no problem with being at the centre of attention – on the contrary, he had been known to enjoy that a little too much at times – but he did mind when he was not entirely sure what he was doing and the way other people thought about Harry was at stake. He did not want Harry's classmates to start teasing him because their parents told them that his godfather had made a fool of himself at the parents' evening.

The school was lit up brightly and Sirius was far from the only one walking towards it. It seemed that it was not only the guardians of Year 4 who had been called in, but all the parents. He followed the stream of people into the building and made his way towards Harry's classroom that was already filled with chattering parents.

Sirius nodded a few greetings and found himself a place to stand by one of the windows, about halfway to the back of the room. All the chairs had already been taken but he could not quite bring himself to regret not having arrived earlier.

As he looked around, he guessed that most people in the room were older than him, in their mid-thirties by the looks of them. It felt more than half a decade, though. They had all been parents for eight or nine years, the vast majority would be married, have a job…

'Hello,' said a voice, and it took him a moment to realise that someone was talking to him. The noise level was high with dozens of conversations, people raising their voices to communicate of the chatter.

'Hello,' he answered automatically. A woman was standing in front of him, effectively backing him against the wall. He shook off that thought. She was shorter than him by half a foot, her dark brown hair brushing remarkably broad shoulders.

'I'm Marlene Cattleman; I'm chairwoman for the parent's committee for Year Four.' She gave him a toothy smile. 'I haven't seen you before so you must be Mr Evans?'

'I'm Sirius Black,' said Sirius, shaking her proffered hand. Her face fell a little, confused. 'I'm Harry's godfather,' he hurried to explain. 'Nice to meet you.'

Her smile returned. 'Oh, good, you had me doubting myself for a moment there. I've known all the parents for four years now – well, longer than that for most, to be honest. My Danny met most of his classmates in the playground when they were still in nappies. It's what a small place like this does, isn't it? How about you, what brings you here?' A little taken aback by the speed with which she spat out the words, Sirius took a second to answer.

He found himself forced to make small talk and did his best to be polite and stick to the truth whenever he could, all the while trying to steer the conversation towards her whenever possible. As it happened, she seemed very happy to talk about herself and he found himself nodding along. The least he could say, he supposed, was that at this speed at least he would not be the subject of gossip for the next month.

All in all, however, he was relieved when Mr Clark stood next to the teacher's desk and raised his voice. 'Good evening!' The noise level dropped and people turned to face the front. 'Good evening. Welcome to our first parents' evening of the year…'

Sirius listened as Mr Clark introduced himself and told them what would be happening that night, determined not to embarrass himself. They were given an overview of what would be happening in class for the next few weeks and told that afterwards, he would talk to the parents about their kids in detail. He taught most of the subjects but Harry had a few other teachers as well, who would be in the assembly hall should Sirius want to talk to them, too.

When Mr Clark finished talking after about half an hour, the room once more descended into noise. People resumed their conversations and got up from their seats, moving towards the door. Mr Clark had announced that he would talk to everyone in alphabetical order and as Harry was attending the school under the name "Evans", Sirius simply decided to stick around until it was his turn. Consequently, he spent the next twenty minutes inspecting the artwork on the walls of the corridor outside, looking for pictures of Harry's.

'Ah, yes, Mr Black,' said Mr Clark with a smile when Sirius sat down opposite him. 'I'm glad you could make it.'

Sirius nodded but did not know what to reply to that. It did sound a little ominous, he had to admit.

'As I told Harry, there's nothing to worry about. I'd just like to discuss how he is settling in with us.'

'Oh, thank Merlin,' said Sirius, genuinely relieved. 'He's been… well… worried.'

Mr Clark smiled sympathetically even though one of his eyebrows wandered upwards in what looked like confusion. 'Alright. Well, Harry is doing well in all subjects. He took a few days to adapt to our system but the transition has gone as well as could have been expected. He has shown himself to be perceptive and very eager to learn. In my classes, I have not had to call him to order even once. He is not talking out of turn, nor has he ever been late or failed to do his homework. Academically, I'm very glad to say that there is nothing to complain about.'

Sirius nodded. He had expected as much – seeing as Harry was being a model son at home it was only reasonable to assume that he would also be a model pupil. Nonetheless, he was sensing a "But".

'I am a little worried,' said Mr Clark, speaking a little more carefully now, 'that the pressure to do well at school is affecting his ability to make friends.' He paused, waiting for Sirius' reaction.

Sirius tensed. 'I… Well…' He had never pressured Harry – at least, he had never wanted to. He could not recall saying anything that would make Harry think he had to do particularly well at school. He assumed that this simply part of Harry's continued desire not to disappoint Sirius – which was entirely pointless, as Sirius knew. He could not care less about Harry's grades – well, he probably could but so long as Harry did reasonably okay he would never want him to worry about it. Muggle primary school was nothing anybody in the magical world would be interested in.

'Of course it is important for a child to do their best,' said Mr Clark in an apologetic tone, obviously misinterpreting Sirius' silence. 'And I would be lying if I said that teaching a pupil as well behaved is not a pleasure…'

'No,' interrupted Sirius. 'No, I… I've never told him to put more effort into his work. In fact, I'd be very relieved if he kicked a fuss about bedtime or not wanting to eat Brussel sprouts or if I got called in by you for some prank he pulled. I've tried to tell him that it doesn't matter to me, even if he failed a few tests, but he's terrified that I'll think badly of him.'

'Oh,' said Mr Clark with a comprehending smile. 'Well, I'm very glad we're on the same page. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'd delight in having to call you in because of bad behaviour but I do think that Harry could benefit from a more relaxed attitude. In the long run, a healthy outlook on life will do him more good than an A in his Year 4 maths exams.' He winked at Sirius conspiratorially. 'But don't tell anyone I've said that.'

Sirius chuckled, relaxing. 'Good, well, is there anything I could do short term?' Going home and telling Harry that he was not being naughty enough at school would not help in any way, Sirius was sure. 'I'm hoping that Harry will eventually realise that I'll love him no matter what but I hate to see him agonise over it.'

'I'd say to seize every opportunity you get to reassure him…'

Sirius nodded. 'Yeah, I've been trying to do that.'

'… but I'm afraid I don't know any immediate solutions, either. Trust does not seem to be something that comes easily to Harry. I myself tried my best to appease him when I saw how distressed he became when he realised that I wanted to talk to you. May I ask whether you know of any reason why that would be?'

'Yes,' said Sirius, trying to keep that anger in check that immediately welled up at the thought of the Dursleys. 'He lived with his aunt and uncle until recently. They were… Well, they were very clear in expressing that their nephew was of no value to them.'

That put it mildly but Mr Clark nodded compassionately. 'I see. Well, if that is the case I think that we are justified in being optimistic. It seems to me that Harry holds you in very high regard.'

Sirius nodded. He knew that, too, and it made him a little uncomfortable. He wanted Harry to love him but he also knew that Harry would one day be very disappointed in him when he realised that his godfather was not in fact a great hero who had rescued him from the clutches of his evil relatives.

'Alright, as I was saying, Harry is doing very well academically but the social aspects of his time at school could be improved upon. Now, there have never been any incidents or complaints about bad behaviour but it seems to me – and a few of my colleagues agree with me – that he is quite lonely. Generally, that is not a good sign in a child of his age.'

'Oh,' Sirius's face fell. 'He… He's never mentioned anything like that – he always seems very happy when he talks about school.' He should have known, though. It was not as if Harry would complain. He was the type to suffer in silence. 'What can I do to help?' Should he push Harry to make friends? That could possibly end very badly, especially if Harry was not ready. 'I know he was bullied at his old school, by a group led by his cousin. I gather they pretty effectively kept him from making any friends.' He paused. 'Nobody's been bullying him here, right?'

'No, not to my knowledge. It seems to me that Harry likes to keep to himself even though he gets along well with most other kids. Benjamin, the boy sharing his table, has been making a real effort to win him over.'

Suddenly, Sirius saw Halloween in a different light. He had assumed that it had only been because of the date that Harry had not wanted to go with the other boy. Now, it seemed to be part of recurring pattern.

'You might encourage Harry to pursue that friendship. You would need a rather gentle approach but it seems to me that you are quite capable of that.'

Sirius sighed. When had people started to think that he was sensitive? Several people – mostly girls and Lily in particular – had made a habit of telling him that he was an "insensitive jerk". How things changed… 'I'll try to work something out,' he said but he doubted that he would do a good job of it. Harry would take any kind of suggestion as harsh criticism of his behaviour. 'Is there anything else?'

Mr Clark consulted his notes. 'No, not from me. Still, you might come in again in a few weeks' time so we can discuss the progress. Do you have any questions?'

Sirius shook his head and made to stand. 'Thanks… Thank you for looking out for him,' he said.

Mr Clark just smiled and nodded.

Now done with his main task for the night, Sirius wondered what he should do as he stood outside in the corridor again. He supposed that he could go home… but that would feel like copping out. Sighing, he gave into the inevitable and slowly made his way down the main stairs, following a large amount of voices that lead him to the assembly hall.

The place was swarming with people, most engaged in conversations with one another. After a few moments of confusion, he realised that the teachers were dotted around the room at individual tables, most talking to a parent or two. Sirius was still hovering by the door, wondering if he was supposed to know which teachers were Harry's, when he was approached once more.

'Hello,' said a voice and Sirius was relieved to find that it was not the chattering woman from earlier whose name he had forgotten. Instead, he found himself opposite a familiar face. This was Benjamin's father.

'Hello,' he answered quickly.

'I haven't had a chance to introduce myself properly,' said the man, offering Sirius a hand to shake. 'I'm Sam, Ben's dad.'

Sirius grasped the proffered hand. 'Sirius, Harry's godfather. Nice to meet you.'

'Likewise.'

There was a moment of silence. Sirius was not quite sure how to continue the conversation but it seemed he did not have to.

'Listen,' said Sam, 'I never got a chance to apologise.' At Sirius' confused gaze, he added, 'About Halloween, I mean. I should have known better than to turn up unannounced.'

Sirius shook his head. 'No, not at all. It was nice of you to think of Harry.'

Sam shrugged but seemed to deem the subject dealt with at that. 'So, what do you think?' he asked, letting his gaze roam the bustle in front of them. 'How have they been treating you?'

Sirius shrugged, not sure what to say to that.

Sam laughed at his expression. 'Don't take it personally. I suppose you're just the most interesting thing that's happened to this village in about half a decade.'

Sirius was not certain how to take that, either, and he was starting to get fed up with his insecurities. 'Says more about the village than about us, doesn't it?' he answered, not quite able to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

Sam laughed again. 'True,' he admitted. 'Anyway, what I really wanted to talk to you about. Ben's been on my back for weeks to ask you if he and Harry could have a playdate. So, obviously it's fine if you or Harry don't want to. It's just… Ben… his best mate moved away over the summer holidays, you see. He's been missing him quite a bit and he has his mind set on Harry becoming friends with him. He means well even though he doesn't quite know when to stop, it seems.'

Sirius considered this. Earlier that day, he would probably simply promised to pass the request on to Harry and let him decide but after talking to his teacher… The whole point of Harry going to this school had been for him to make friends, and Sirius knew he generally liked Ben. He heard the name all the time when Harry told him about his day, and he had never mentioned that Ben was being too pushy.

'Yes,' he answered. 'Yeah, I think that'd be nice.' Maybe Harry needed a nudge. Judging from the way Sam had asked, it seemed to be common practice for parents to arrange playdates for their kids so Harry would hopefully not be too mortified when Sirius told him.

Sam gave a relieved sigh and grinned. 'I will be celebrated as a hero when I get home tonight,' he explained. 'Anyway, what day do you think? We're busy tomorrow but the day after…?'

Sirius, who was generally not busy – at least, not with anything that could not be put off for a day – nodded. 'Should be fine.' Harry never had anything in particular on in the afternoons, either.

Sam nodded happily and then checked his watch. 'Great. If you'll excuse me, I think it'll be almost my turn for Mr Clark now. See you round, Sirius.'

'Bye,' answered Sirius. Sam disappeared and Sirius was once more left to find his way. After another minute's confusion and worry whether he had arrived wholly unprepared, he finally figured out how he was supposed to know which teachers he would need to talk to. There were lists pinned to the doors behind him and nametags on the tables.

He worked his way through the room and was told again and again that Harry was studious, affable and a little too quiet at times. In between his talks with the teachers, several parents approached him to introduce themselves and make small talk.

Most were polite enough though barely hiding their blatant curiosity. He was asked where he and Harry had moved from, how they related to Moony, if they were planning to stay… By the end, he felt as though he had answered those questions dozens of times. Nonetheless, he did his best to remain pleasant.

That did not mean, however, that he was not relieved on occasion when he had a conversation that went differently. His highlight had been a woman's voice saying, 'That's him, the good looking one,' while he had been waiting to speak to Harry's PE teacher.

He had turned around and only taken a second to reply, 'Tall, dark, handsome stranger? That's me!' He winked at the brunette who he was now facing. 'Sirius Black, at your service.' Instead of shaking her hand, he bowed down to kiss it.

The woman was tall and by some margin the most attractive female he had seen all evening, and – as Sirius realised a few seconds later – accompanied by her husband. The latter was about a head taller than Sirius but seemed, surprisingly, even more amused at his reply than she was.

The two of them were called Nadine and Scott, and had a daughter in the year above Harry and another in the year below. Sirius very much enjoyed their sense of humour and was tempted when they invited him down the pub, where quite a few of the parents were headed as the evening drew to a close. He declined nonetheless – he needed to get home.

Needing a few minutes to process what had been happening before talking to Moony or Harry, he decided to walk home and collect his thoughts. On the way, he decided that things had not gone as badly as he had dreaded but not all was peachy, either. He hoped that he had not rubbed anyone up the wrong way – he had certainly done his best. However, that was no guarantee of success. In the past, he had more than once managed to insult people without intending to – though he had never been sorry about any of them then. Usually, they deserved it. Today, though…

He opened the front door to find Harry hovering on the threshold between the hall and the sitting room. His bearing was enough to make Sirius' relaxed mood evaporate – Harry was tense and seemed to be putting all his effort into not looking scared. Still, Sirius could look past his façade. He looked like Prongs had during the war when he had put on a brave face. That expression – even if he had never liked to see it on James', either – looked horribly wrong on the face of a child.

'Come here,' he said, motioning Harry closer as he closed the door behind himself.

Harry took one hesitant step forwards and stopped, leaving Sirius to cross the distance between them. Sirius crouched down to be on his level and pulled him into a hug.

'Everything's fine, Harry,' said Sirius, rubbing Harry's tense shoulders. 'I didn't hear one bad word about you. You don't need to be scared, okay?'

Harry relaxed and slumped into him. 'I'm sorry.'

Sirius sighed. 'What for?' he asked. That was his new strategy, trying to make Harry realise that he had nothing to apologise for – he was yet to find out if it was of any use. He adjusted his hold on Harry and stood up, lifting the child. Harry remained silent as Sirius carried him into the sitting room where Moony was sitting, a closed book on his lap. A deck of cards had been scattered across the coffee table, as had several sheets of paper and Harry's crayons, witness to what Harry had been doing all night.

Sirius sat down on the sofa, Harry still pressed into his chest.

'Mr Clark wasn't angry?'

'On the contrary,' said Sirius, ruffling Harry's hair. 'He said you've been on perfect behaviour – he said he didn't have to tell you off even once.' Lily would be proud.

'Really?'

'Yes, really. Not one bad word, Harry.'

'Mhm,' sighed Harry into Sirius' shoulder. ''m sorry,' he muttered, his voice muffled.

Sirius did not answer – he did not have to. By the sounds of it, Harry was mere seconds away from sleep. It was not surprising that he would be tired. The hands of the clock on the mantelpiece were nearing midnight and he had to have exhausted himself with all his worrying.

'Good evening?' asked Moony, speaking up for the first time since Sirius had returned when they were both sure that Harry was asleep.

'I've got no idea,' answered Sirius truthfully. 'And you two?'

'As you'd expect,' answered Moony with a shrug and a yawn. 'No mayor drama, though. So, what exactly happened with you?'

'I talked to Ben's dad, Sam,' Sirius told Harry over breakfast the next morning. 'He asked if you and Ben could have a playdate tomorrow after school and I said that'd be fine. Is that alright?'

Harry hesitated for a moment and then nodded. 'I…' he said quietly. 'I've never really had a playdate before. Only Dudley…'

Sirius found himself at a complete loss of what to say. 'It'll be nice,' he tried, hoping that that was what Harry wanted to hear. 'I got the impression that Ben is really looking forward to it.'

Harry's mouth curled into the tiniest smile. Then, he shrugged and went back to his food.

As Harry showed no signs of distress over the course of the next day, Sirius decided that he had made the right call. He was only just in time to pick Harry up. He had been talking to Moony about muggle-proofing the house – just in case he had misunderstood their agreement and Sam and Ben wanted to come over. He need not have bothered, though.

Ben came storming from the school, dragging Harry behind him by the hand. Harry seemed happy enough, certainly when Ben headed for where Sirius and Sam were standing, waiting. He detached himself and hugged Sirius as he always did.

'Good day?' asked Sirius and got a nod and a nervous smile in return.

'Do you really have a motorbike?' interrupted Ben eagerly, not having bothered to great his father in favour of ogling Sirius and Harry.

Sirius was taken aback by the question. 'Yes, I do.' Harry had been looking rather sheepishly but relaxed when Sirius laughed.

'And you let Harry ride it?'

'I let Harry ride along, in the sidecar.'

'Can I have a go?'

'Er…' Sirius looked from the boy to his father.

Sam smiled. 'Ben, don't be rude.'

Benjamin seemed disappointed but dropped the subject. Sirius was relieved.

'Can we go yet?' Ben asked instead.

Sam shrugged and nodded.

'Yay!' shouted Ben and grabbed Harry's hand again. 'Come on, Harry, let's go.' He made to pull him along, but Harry's hand closed around Sirius'. The message was clear. He would not move from the spot without him.

Sam had noticed. 'We can all go together, Ben,' he said.

Ben pouted but perked up again instantly. 'What're you waiting for, then? Let's go.' He grabbed his sighing father by the hand and pulled. They began to move slowly and Ben, who soon got bored with the pace, sprinted ahead and back again continuously.

'I'm sorry, Harry,' said Sam. 'He's just very excited. He's been hoping that you'd come over and play for weeks now.'

Harry nodded. He had let go of Sirius' hand when Ben had let go of his, but he remained close. Sirius smiled at him. 'You'll be fine,' he assured him. Harry did not seem completely convinced but he nodded again.

'So, how long have you lived here, then?' asked Sam.

'I bought a house here a few weeks ago. I wanted somewhere quiet, and it is. How about you?'

'Oh, must be… thirteen years now. Ben's mum was born in the village. We met at school, up in Sevenoaks. We moved to London after, but when she got pregnant she wanted to come back here, close to where her mum lived.'

'Oh, so Benjamin has an older brother, older sister?' asked Sirius just as Ben returned.

'Sister. Charlotte is twelve. How about you, Harry? Any siblings?'

Harry shook his head but Ben answered. 'You said you lived with Dudley. He's your cousin and he's mean. That's almost like Charlie. She's always mean to me. She's stronger than me now but in a few years, I'll be stronger than her 'cause men are stronger than women.'

Sirius watched as the emotions slid off Harry's face. It would have taken him quite a bit of trust to tell Ben about Dudley and to have him mentioned back like this was bound to be upsetting. Sirius never mentioned the Dursleys if he could at all manage. Clearly, Ben did not understand – and how could he? – but Harry would still be affected by this.

Sam skilfully ignored his son's last few sentences. 'You live with your cousin, Harry?' he asked instead. 'How old is he?'

Harry ducked his head and stared down at his feet.

'He's eight,' Sirius answered in his stead. 'But Harry's not living with him any longer, not since he's moved in with me.'

'Why?' asked Ben. 'Why did you move, Harry?'

Harry actually flinched at this and Sirius hesitated for a moment, wondering what he could do. In the end, he scooped Harry up into his arms, even at the risk of embarrassing him in front of his new friend. 'It's okay,' he muttered. 'You're fine, Harry. You don't have to talk about it.' Harry remained silent and hid his face against Sirius' shoulder.

'I'm so sorry,' said Sam as Sirius resumed his walk.

'No, it's fine, you couldn't have known.' He deliberated for a moment whether to tell them but Ben was looking curious. It would probably be better to answer now than to wait for him to ask again. 'Harry lived with his aunt, uncle and cousin until recently. But they weren't all that nice to him so he decided to come and live with Remus and me instead.'

The look in Sam's eyes told Sirius that he had understood but Bennie had of course not. 'What…' he began but his father shushed him.

'But…'

'In a moment, Ben.' He stopped, one hand on a garden gate. 'This is us.' He hesitated, giving Sirius the chance to excuse himself and Harry.

Sirius considered it but… 'Let's give it a go,' he said. Harry did not seem to be crying, so he would try to cheer him up and distract him – and if that did not work, they would leave.

'Daddy…' complained Ben but his father ignored him. He nodded to Sirius and led the way. 'The sitting room is through there,' he said after letting them in. 'Make yourselves at home. Ben, could you come with me for a moment?'

'But I want to play with Harry.'

'You can, just come into the kitchen with me for a sec.'

'But I didn't do nothing.'

'I didn't say you did.'

Ben kept protesting but let himself be ushered from the room and through the door that closed behind them. Sirius could hear Sam's voice but not make out what exactly he was saying. He carried Harry to the living room and sat down on the sofa. He loosened Harry's grip to be able to see his face.

'They didn't mean to hurt you,' he explained.

Harry nodded. 'I know,' he said. He was not quite meeting Sirius' gaze.

'Was it okay that I told them?'

Harry nodded hesitantly. 'You won't tell them anything else, though, will you?'

'No, I won't – not if you don't want me to.'

Harry finally looked at him properly and smiled. 'Thank you.'

'That's okay.' He paused, trying to think of something else to talk about. 'You told Ben about my bike?'

'Was that bad? I didn't say it could fly…'

'That's fine,' Sirius reassured him and stroked his head. 'What else did you tell him about me?'

'I said you had a bike and that you live with Remus. Bennie asked who Remus is and I said he's your friend. He makes great spag bol and he knows lots of stuff and helps me with my homework.'

Sirius chuckled at this depiction of Moony. 'Sounds good.' He pulled Harry close again and he very willingly snuggled into his chest. It always amazed him how comfortable Harry had gotten with being so close to him. He doubted that his aunt and uncle had ever cuddled with him – neither had Sirius' parents, for that matter – but if anything, Harry was making up for it now. They sat in silence until Ben burst into the room, opening the door so hard that he crashed against a bookcase.

'Ben,' said his father exasperatedly, shaking his head as he followed him into the room. 'I said knock. And you'll break the door doing that.'

Ben managed a guilty look for a second but was distracted by Harry. When he approached them, he was speaking more quietly than he had as of yet. 'I'm sorry, Harry,' he said. 'I didn't know I was being mean.'

Harry shrugged. 'That's okay.'

'Cool.' Ben's face lit up instantly. 'Come on, let's go upstairs and play.'

Harry looked to Sirius uncertainly, but he gave him a little shove and let him slide off his lap.

'Go on. I'll be right here.'

'You can shout, too,' interjected Sam. 'Ben, why don't you show Harry?'

Ben grinned broadly and sprinted off, up the stairs. Seconds later, he could be heard shouting, 'See, Harry, you can hear me, right?' at the top of his voice. Harry smiled. Moments later, Ben came thundering back down.

'Did you hear me?' he asked.

'Everyone in the village heard you,' said his father.

Ben ignored him and looked to Harry. 'Come on,' he insisted and this time Harry followed him – if only with a few insecure glances back at Sirius. He nodded encouragingly and the two children disappeared.

'Coffee?' asked Sam.

Sirius nodded gladly. 'Yes, please.' Sam disappeared and Sirius took the opportunity to look around the room properly for the first time. There were bookcases filled to the brink, a radio with all sorts of buttons that Sirius would have no idea what to do with, and what Harry had taught him was called a television. The room looked well lived in – a crumpled blanket had been pushed carelessly to the side of the sofa, a discarded cardigan hung over the armrest and an empty mug stood on the cluttered coffee table. Upstairs, things were silent except for the occasional sound of footsteps.

'Don't mind the mess,' said Sam when he returned with two cups of coffee. 'It always creeps up on me.'

'Not a problem.'

'Listen, I'm sorry about Ben. Sensitivity isn't his strong suit…'

Sirius shook his head. 'It's fine. I can tell he means well, and so can Harry. Don't worry about it.'

Sam nodded, relieved. 'So… If you don't mind my asking… How long has Harry been with you?'

Sirius thought about denying him information but in the end decided against it. It would come out some time, anyway. He might as well tell now. 'Little more than a month now, I think. It all happened very suddenly.'

'And his parents?'

Sirius swallowed. 'They… they died seven years ago. His dad, James, was my best friend.'

'I'm sorry.'

Sirius shrugged. 'Thanks.' He did not want to go into any detail about Prongs' death, and Sam seemed to notice.

'And he went to live with his aunt and uncle?'

'Yes, for… for several reasons. They are his only blood relatives. I suppose from the outside they must have seemed like a good choice. Dudley's just a month older than Harry.'

'And they…?'

Sirius squirmed. He really did not want to answer that. Other than not being entirely sure what had transpired, Harry had been pretty clear that he did not want Sirius to talk about it. 'Harry asked me not to tell,' he said therefore. 'I don't know the whole of it, anyway – but the big picture is that he definitely couldn't stay with them.'

Sam nodded sadly. 'Ben told me a lot about him but I'd never have thought…'

The front door slammed shut and the figure of a girl in school uniform appeared in the doorway to the hall. 'Is Mum back?' she asked without a word of greeting.

'No, Sweetheart, but she should be in a few hours. How was your day?'

She shrugged and disappeared up the stairs. Sam sighed and gave Sirius an apologetic look. 'That was my daughter, Charlotte. She isn't usually in a good mood when she comes home from school.'

Sirius smiled noncommittedly at that. 'So, your wife?' he asked, looking for and finding a ring around the third finger of Sam's right hand. 'Is she at work?'

Sam nodded. 'She's a journalist. Nothing thrilling, mostly politics, but it means she's in travelling all over Europe every other week – Brussels, Paris, Bonn, Madrid. Hours are crazy but she still enjoys it. Charlie hates that she isn't home more – well, we all do, she's just the most vocal about it – but what can you do?' He sighed. 'Are you on paternity leave at the moment?'

'Er, no I… Well, kind of, I suppose. I'm actually looking for something new. How about you?'

Sam shrugged. 'The kids don't leave me with all that much time, especially… Well, I used to be in administration but I never loved it as much as Carolyn loved her job so it seemed only natural that it'd be me to stay home.' He paused. 'And what about your… erm… your housemate?'

There was something a little odd about the way Sam had hesitated before that last word. 'Remus?' Sirius said. 'He's…' But before he had to work out whether he could tell the truth or not, he was interrupted by shouting from the floor above.

'Get out, you little idiot! This is my room!'

'I've got your diary! I've got your diary!

'Give that back! I said give it back!'

'Come and get it!'

'You wait you little…! Dad! Dad, tell snotface to stop that!'

'Dad, she called me snotface and smellypants and boogereater!'

'I didn't! Dad, he's lying! Give me back my book! Give it!'

Sam had gotten up from the sofa with a sigh almost the second that shouting started. He ascended the stairs three at a time and by the time Sirius had decided to follow, he was out of sight already. The fight was still going.

'He started it!'

'No, she started it! She always does, Dad!'

'He threw his dirty socks in my room and I told him not to do that!'

'She started it, she kicked my car!'

'Did not!'

'Did too!'

'Quiet, both of you! Ben, I said best behaviour, didn't I? Where's your guest?'

'In my room. We were just playing, Dad, I swear, and then she started it!'

'No, he did. I didn't do anything, Dad! It's all his fault. He took my book! Tell him to give it back!'

'It's her fault – she came into my room first!'

'Quiet!' Sam turned to face Sirius who had just reached to top of the staircase. 'Ben's room is through there.' He indicated to and open door through which a floor littered with toys could be seen and then turned back to his kids. 'You two, in there, now!' He pushed the two loudly protesting kids into what Sirius assumed was Charlotte's room.

Sirius continued the few steps along the hall and found Harry sitting in the middle of the chaotic room, surrounded by little plastic bricks. Sirius smiled at him. 'Wow, they can shout, can't they?' he asked.

Harry nodded. 'Are they in trouble?' he asked.

Sirius crossed the room, careful not to step on anything, and sat down next to Harry. 'A little. They shouldn't be arguing like that, should they?'

Harry shook his head. 'Do you think she's really as mean to him as Dudley is to me? 'Cause that's what Bennie said.'

'No, I'm sure she isn't. I think they just annoy each other a little, that's all. What happened anyway? Did you see?'

Harry nodded. 'Bennie made a farting noise when she walked past the door. Then she called him smellypants and he threw the car at her but he missed and she kicked the car back.' He indicated to a little model at the opposite site of the room. 'She missed, too. Then she slammed her door. Bennie got angry and he took some socks out of the laundry basket. He said he was going to put them in her room so it gets smelly in there. He left and I stayed here. Then they started shouting.'

'Hm… sounds like it was both of them, then, huh?'

'Yeah, I suppose. Is their daddy very angry with them?'

'I don't think so. He'll probably just tell them off, that's all.'

'Really?'

Sirius realised that there was more to that question than was obvious. He had already answered it twice. 'Yes, really. Now, what have you been doing up here?'

'We built cars. See?' he indicated to a row of little models, all made out of the colourful little bricks. 'I made that one.' He picked up the one at the very end and placed it carefully on Sirius' outstretched hand. 'It's got flamethrowers there and there,' he explained and tapped two cylindrical parts, 'and there's space for two people and one of them can drive and the other can operate the laser guns. They're here, see? And…'

Sirius nodded, listening carefully as Harry walked him through every bit of the model even though he understood very little. 'So that's the fastest one of all?' he concluded, summing up what he thought Harry wanted to hear.

Harry smiled brightly. 'Yes, the fastest one ever. I'm making another one. Can you help me?'

'Sure.'

Harry picked up another model, this one only half finished. It already had four wheels but not much more than that. 'I need a red two brick,' Harry told him. 'They're hard to find. Like this one,' he held up an incredibly small grey block, 'only red.'

Sirius nodded and got to work. He could hardly believe his luck when after a few seconds he really did come across the wanted part. 'This one?' he asked, holding it out to Harry.

'Yeah, thank you.' He fixed it to his model.

They were on the hunt for a black four brick when there was movement out in the hall. Looking up, they saw Ben and Charlotte being escorted into the room. 'Sorry,' Charlotte mumbled in Harry's general direction and made to turn around but her father blocked her way.

'For?' he prompted.

'For arguing and not being polite to our guests,' she muttered grudgingly, leaving no doubt in Sirius' mind that she was just saying what she needed to say to be left alone. Sam let her go and she stomped into her room, banging the door.

'Ben?'

'I'm sorry for arguing when you were here and not being nice.'

Harry took in the words and shrugged. 'It's okay,' he muttered.

'Would you like to keep playing for a bit?' asked Sam.

Harry nodded. Sirius struggled to his feet, wondering when he had gotten so old that sitting on the floor was a problem, and when he left the room, Harry and Ben were chattering happily about "rockets", "propelling" somethings and "plasma", whatever that was.

'Sorry about that,' said Sam. 'They're always at each other's throats these days. I hope Harry was okay?'

'Yes, yes, he was fine. He was more concerned that Ben and Charlotte were in trouble, to be honest.'

'Oh dear. I probably shouldn't have shouted, should I?'

'It's fine. It's probably good for him to witness kids being told off in a way that's not… well, whatever his uncle did to him.'

They returned to the sitting room and began to chat about easier topics. They talked about the boys' school and the different teachers, Sirius asked a few more questions about Sam and his family, and the he told Sam about Moony, about how they had only recently moved in together but that they'd met at school.

Upstairs, all remained silent aside from Harry and Ben laughing and occasionally stomping around the room. Sirius left Harry to play for as long as he could but knew that Moony would be expecting them back for tea. It was nearing six o'clock when he decided to call it a day.

Sirius called for Harry and it took less than a second until there were running footsteps upstairs and Harry appeared. 'We're going home.'

He looked disappointed but came down the stairs instantly and started to put on his shoes. Only after spending the afternoon with Ben did Sirius truly realize how extraordinary that was.

'But I want Harry to stay for a bit longer,' complained Ben.

'He can come back another day,' said Sam.

'Would you like that, Harry?' asked Sirius.

Harry nodded.

'We could invite Ben to our place, too, but you don't have that many interesting toys, do you?'

Harry nodded again. 'Maybe you could bring some, Bennie,' he suggested.

'Yeah, I could bring all my Lego and all my cars and…'

'Thanks for the invitation,' said Sam, cutting his son short.

Harry had put his shoes on by now, put on his coat and picked up his book bag. 'Thank you for having us,' he said.

'You're welcome,' said Sam with a smile.

'Yes, thank you,' agreed Sirius. 'I know we've been a little high maintenance.'

'Nonsense,' disagreed Sam.

'Bye, Harry, bye Harry's Dad,' said Ben as they left and Harry waved and called back, 'Bye, Bennie!' That was the first time that Sirius had ever heard him raise his voice. He smiled. Ben being a bit of a "bad" influence on Harry would be a very good thing, he was certain.

Harry spent dinner telling them all about what Ben and him had been playing. He seemed to have thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon and did not seem at all opposed to repeating it. For once, Sirius was convinced that he had done something right. Today had been a huge success.

After they had finished their meal, they settled in the sitting room as they did most evenings. Harry had grabbed Moony's box of pictures off the shelf and was looking through them. He would do that occasionally and other than to glance at him occasionally, Sirius and Moony left him to it.

That night after about half an hour, Harry got up from where he had been sitting on the rug and joined Sirius on the couch. He was holding a picture that he showed Sirius.

'Are they my grandparents?' he asked.

'Yes,' Sirius answered promptly. The picture showed a very young James, proudly showing off his school robes, flanked by both Fleamont and Euphemia, smiling down at him fondly. 'It must've been taken when they picked him up from the train for Christmas, first year.' Behind the trio, the eternal bustle of Platform 9 ¾ could be seen. The photo had probably been taken by Moony.

Harry nodded, his eyes fixed on the smiling faces below. 'They look nice.'

'They were,' agreed Sirius. 'They were wonderful people.'

Harry sighed and leaned into Sirius' shoulder. 'Where are your parents?' he asked.

This question startled Sirius a little. He had not considered that Harry might have any interest in his family. 'There,' he said, tapping the picture of Fleamont and Euphemia. 'That's my mum and dad.'

Harry frowned and after a moment, Sirius decided to put him out of his misery and answer the question properly. 'My first mother and father are dead,' he answered, maybe a little harsher than he had intended. He very much disliked talking about them.

'Oh,' answered Harry, sadness immediately sparkling in his eyes. 'That's very sad…'

'No, they… They weren't exactly nice people, Harry.'

Harry's eyes widened further. Sirius almost saw his brain tick behind his eyes, saw how he connected his own aunt and uncle with Sirius' parents. 'Did someone save you, too?' he asked.

Sirius almost smiled at the childish logic. He shook his head. 'I ran away, to your grandparents',' he explained, gesturing to the picture in Harry's hand again. 'They took me in.' He was aware that Moony was listening. He had never talked about this in front of him before. Neither Moony nor the rat had ever asked, had just seemed to accept without any explanation that Sirius would henceforth return to the Potters' for the holidays. 'They were a better mum and dad to me than my biological parents ever were.'

Harry remained silent for a while, obviously trying to decide what to make of this. He had to have questions, questions that Sirius would most definitely not like to answer. Still, they never came. Instead, Harry hugged him tightly. 'I'm sorry,' he muttered.

Sirius could not help but chuckle, in spite of how touched he was.