4

The next morning, Harry was already up and dressed in his new uniform by the time Sirius' alarm rang. He was obviously very nervous, going from jumping up and down to biting his lower lip in suspense. Sirius tried to stay calm as he made breakfast for the three of them. Harry was so fidgety that he spilled his cup of cocoa. Sirius cleaned it up with his wand in a heartbeat and assured Harry that no harm had been done. He did not want to add another thing for Harry to worry about. Before setting off for the school, Sirius introduced Harry to his and Moony's little invention from the previous night.

Yesterday at the secretary's office, Sirius had been asked to leave a phone number in case there was an emergency and the school needed to contact him. Moony had cited their recent move as an excuse and Sirius told them that he had not had time to get one installed yet. He had left out that he would never get one. Muggle technology and magic did not mix but nonetheless, he wanted Harry to be able to contact him should the need arise.

He showed Harry two glass orbs, each about an inch in diameter and filled with water. He had placed a Protean Charm on them. 'If you break yours, mine will break, too,' he explained. He slipped one ball in his pocket and dropped the other into Harry's hand. 'Smash it,' he told him.

Harry eyed him suspiciously but then let the ball fall to the ground. As it splintered, a patch of cold water appeared on Sirius' trousers. Harry looked at it and then giggled. Sirius smiled at the display of cheekiness and quickly drew his wand to repair both orbs as well as dry his trousers.

'I will give one to you to take to school. The other will be in my pocket. If you need me, like when you're ill or something like that, you simply drop your ball and I will know to come and see you. Do you think that's a good idea?'

Harry nodded.

'It's like when you knock on my door at night. I don't mind coming and helping you. Okay?'

Harry nodded again. He carefully took the orb that Sirius handed back to him and placed it in his book bag. Sirius slipped his into his pocket again, making sure that Harry saw it disappear.

Sirius gave Harry a piggyback ride down into the village and made lots of stupid jokes, all in an attempt to get him to relax. It seemed to work at least a little. He elected Harry to "navigator" and made him point out where they needed to go. Harry did well, remembering the way correctly.

As the approached the school, Harry slid off Sirius' back but took the hand Sirius was offering him.

'Do you want me to go inside with you?' asked Sirius. All the other kids were being dropped off at the gate.

Harry nodded.

His new classroom was still empty except for Mr Clark and two girls who were busily whispering in a corner, giggling over what seemed to be a diary of some sort. Mr Clark greeted them with a smile.

Harry's seat was easy to find. On the table in front of it lay a large sheet of paper on which the words "Wellcome to year 4, Harry" followed by at least a dozen exclamation marks had been written in untidy, big letters. It had been decorated with a whole rainbow of crayons, glitter and stickers. It was obvious that a lot of effort had gone into it. Harry stared in awe.

'The pupils in after school club had the idea to make this for you, Harry,' explained Mr Clark.

Harry nodded silently but he seemed genuinely pleased.

'That's nice, huh?' asked Sirius as he set down Harry's book bag and the PE kit under the table. 'I think they are all looking forward to getting to know you.'

Harry was snapped out of his happier train of thought by the realisation that Sirius was starting to say goodbye. His expression became hard.

'You'll be fine, I know you will,' said Sirius, trying to soothe him. 'I'll be waiting right outside when you finish, alright? And if there's an emergency, you know how to contact me.'

Harry nodded, avoiding Sirius' gaze. Other children were filing into the classroom now, eyeing them curiously. Sirius pulled Harry into a brief hug. 'I'll see you later. I'm proud of you.'

Harry remained still in his arms but at least did not attempt to pull away. Sirius squeezed him tightly for a moment and let go. Harry's expression was unreadable, distant, his eyes avoiding Sirius and instead following the students that were now filling into the room.

Sirius hated to see him like this. This was something other than simply unwillingness to say goodbye – that he felt, too, a little twinge in his chest that he did his best to ignore. It was as though Harry had shut down.

Sirius wondered what to do about this but quickly realised that now was neither the right place nor time to try to make Harry open up. The class was nearly full and he drew quite a few curious looks. He could not stay and taking Harry home again was not a solution – that would only mean facing the same problem tomorrow. No, he would have to leave, trusting that Harry would call if he needed him. This was only a school, after all. The kids seemed welcoming enough, and the teacher had been kind to Harry the day before. He would be fine here.

'I'll see you later,' he said, ruffling Harry's hair as a final gesture. He left the room, resisting the urge to turn around again.

Outside, he saw Benjamin, the boy whose table Harry would be sharing, being dropped off by what looked like his father. 'Be good,' he reminded the child as Sirius passed them. Sirius had not said anything of the sort to Harry. He wondered if he ever would, even if he was worried that Harry would get into trouble. It would feel very hypocritical.

He decided to walk home instead of apparating. He was in no hurry – on the contrary, he needed to be busy. Moony was out today, job hunting. He had apologised for it, saying that he really ought to be helping around the house, but Sirius had shaken his head. They could not both stay at home all day, not long term. They would drive each other up the walls.

He opened his front door with a sigh. He, too, would need to find himself a job eventually. He did not know what he wanted to do. Years ago, he had dreamt of being an auror – but no longer. He would never work for the Ministry, he was certain about that. Besides, Auror training was hard and the hours bad. No auror had ever worked part time – he could not possibly do it and look after Harry.

He had never had a plan for his life after Hogwarts. Back when he was seventeen, it had all been jokes about playing Quidditch for a living or being the first to train a dragon. Then, the war had taken over and fighting and his work for the Order had filled the days. He had never made plans for his life after Voldemort's defeat, at least not in detail. None of them had.

He did not know what he wanted to do. He wanted to help Moony, to make the world better for him but that was hardly a job. He supposed that he could be one of those people who did nothing but talk to others who were equally rich and important. He could do what his father had and bribe Ministry officials to get his way. He did not see much of a chance of that being successful – there was more money flowing for the opposite direction. Also, he knew that he would grow to hate himself.

He wanted to carry on Prongs' legacy and the biggest part of that was looking after Harry, raising him to be a good person. Admittedly, he was not raising him to be anyone in particular at the moment – he was mainly trying to get him through the day without crying. Harry would have first priority – that he knew for certain, whatever else he decided to do with his life.

After fixing himself a hasty lunch, he decided to visit Gringotts and have the goblins explain to him exactly how much money he had and if maybe there were a few people he could bug with that. His family's financials were in excellent condition, he already knew that. His father had never done much except make sure of it. Where his mother had been kept alive by spite, his father's heart had pumped nothing but gold through his veins.

Orion Black had spent many an hour instructing first both his sons and later only Regulus in the peculiarities of the world of magical finances. Whenever his father had asked, Sirius had pretended not to have remembered anything. Still, after the fourth time it was hard not to let it stick, which at least made it easier to give the wrong answers to every single question. His father had got fed up with him eventually.

The goblins were friendly to a patronising extend but Sirius knew to play along. "Better drink the piss of goblins than piss off goblins," had been the first thing his father had told him and Sirius knew better than to ignore that advice – in spite of its origin. They were sly and vindictive if angry – to be honest, also if not angry – and if one wanted to keep ones financials in good order, it was best not to ignite their wrath.

He also checked into Harry's financials, something that was within his authority since he was the boy's guardian. The accounts had not been touched for years and as long as there were no mayor bad investments – which he did not expect as Prongs and his dad had always been clever that way – he would leave them alone. He would pay for all of Harry's expenses with his own money. In nine years, when Harry came of age, he would have access to his full inheritance. It would never make up for the loss of his parents, of course, but it would let him lead a comfortable life. That was better than nothing.

While at the bank, he exchanged more galleons to pounds, wondering whether it might not be handy to get himself a muggle bank account, seeing as he would be spending most of his time in their world, at least for the foreseeable future. He had gotten a weird look yesterday when he had paid for Harry's school dinners in cash instead of with a cheque. He knew better than to mention those intentions to the goblins, of course. He stepped back out into the sunlight at half past two, still half an hour early to pick up Harry. Strolling back up Diagon Alley towards the Leaky Cauldron, his gaze fell on a window display of Thrussel, Thrussel and Thurstan's Toyshop.

A colony of miniature dragons were nesting on the ground and flying through the air. Occasionally, one would breathe out a few flames. Sirius recognised several different breeds, all of them incredibly detailed. They were quite remarkable pieces of magic. On the spur of the moment, he walked in and bought one, a Hebridian Black that curled up like a cat and remained motionless as Sirius slipped it into his pocket. It came with a rock, resembling its natural habitat, from which it could fly no further than three yards.

When he arrived at the school, he was still ten minutes early. He nodded a greeting to the waiting parents, almost exclusively mothers, but did not seek out a conversation. He was not in the mood to tell the whole, sad story of how Harry had come to live with him. Also, he was still not exactly sure which version he wanted out there.

The bell rang and after a minute or so, children started to spill from the school's exits. A group made their way to a bus parked by the gate while most immediately ran for the playground, others greeted their parents and a few started down the road in twos, threes and sometimes alone. Harry emerged together with Benjamin, the boy he shared a table with. As soon as he saw Sirius, he broke into a run to jump into Sirius' arms. Sirius caught him and swung him around a few times before setting him back down. Harry was beaming. 'You came back for me,' he noted.

'Of course. I said I would, didn't I?' said Sirius, swallowing the pain that welled up as he realised that Harry had really been worried about this. 'How was your day?'

Harry shrugged. 'Good.'

Sirius chuckled and picked up Harry's book bag that had been dropped to the ground as they said hello. They were being watched by quite a few bystanders, probably because they were strangers. 'Do you want to go home? Or you could play here for a bit with the other kids.'

'Go home,' said Harry decidedly. They set off down the road.

'So, tell me about your day. I want to know everything.'

'Everything?' asked Harry doubtfully.

'Yeah, I want to know.'

Harry shrugged at what he seemed to consider an odd request and started to talk. 'In the first lesson, Mr Clark made everyone say their name and what their favourite food is so that I can remember their names. I can't remember all of them yet but he said that's okay. Bennie said he likes chocolate the best. He's sitting next to me. Do you remember him?'

'Yes, I remember.'

'Mr Clark said that Bennie should show me around, like where the toilets are and how everything works at lunchtime.'

'That's handy. What did you have for lunch?'

'Fish fingers and mashed potatoes and peas.'

Sirius wondered which species of fish had fingers but he did not want to interrupt Harry to ask.

'After lunch, we did PE. We did running and jumping and throwing a ball as far as we could. I wasn't that good at the throwing but I did beat Rosie when we raced. Mrs Wilson said I was one of the fastest.'

'Congratulations. That's very good.'

Harry beamed at him at the praise.

'I want to show you something,' said Sirius when they got home. He ushered Harry to sit at the kitchen table pulled out the miniature dragon from his pocket. He set it on the table and observed with a smile how Harry's eyes widened in amazement was he watched the model get up, stretch, yawn (which came with spitting a little fire), and begin to stalk around on the table.

'It's a Hebridian Black – well, a model of one. They're one of the two native British dragon species.'

'There are real dragons?' asked Harry, his mouth standing open a little in awe.

'Yes, not many these days but they are kept in reservations. They are very dangerous.'

'And that one?' Harry indicated to the little dragon.

Sirius chuckled. 'It's just a toy. If you do this,' he grabbed the tip of the dragon's tail between his thumb and index finger, 'it goes to sleep.' The dragon curled up. 'You can nudge it and it'll wake up again.'

Harry carefully extended a finger and poked the dragon's tummy. It looked around, stretched its wings and took off, flying circles around the kitchen.

'Wow.'

Sirius smiled. He pulled out the little rock. 'It can only move when it's close to this,' he explained. 'That way, it can't fly off.'

Harry watched the dragon land on the tap and ran over to have a closer look. 'Do you need to feed it?' He extended a hand and the dragon climbed onto it.

'No, and you don't have to clean up after it, either. It's not really alive, it's just been very cleverly charmed to look like it.'

'It's brilliant. May I play with it some time?'

'You can always play with it – I got it for you. I thought you might like it.'

Harry stared at him and then the little dragon in his hand. 'Really?'

'Yes, really.'

After a moment's hesitation, Harry stepped forwards and hugged him tightly round the middle with one arm, the other extended to make sure the dragon was safe from being squished. Sirius hugged him back.

'Thank you, Sirius.'

'You're welcome, Harry.'

The rest of the afternoon was spent playing with the dragon. Sirius was busy making dinner when Moony came home and Harry instantly ran to greet him. 'See what Sirius got me,' he said proudly, showing off his new toy.

Moony smiled appreciatively and nodded when Harry repeated everything that Sirius had told him about dragons. Admittedly, that was not much.

'You don't happen to have a copy of Fantastic Beasts lying around, do you?' asked Sirius. Harry had been very keen on further information that Sirius had been unable to provide.

Moony smiled and went to fetch his battered copy, almost twenty years of age and frequently used. He showed Harry the right pages and left him to read in the sitting room while he joined Sirius in the kitchen. 'That seems to have hit the spot.'

Sirius chuckled happily. 'He won't shut up about it. How was it?'

'Good, I got the job.' He did not seem overly enthusiastic about it.

'What is it?'

'Working in a factory for some kind of electronic parts. I've got no idea what they do but I know I need to put ten in a box. There're about two dozen other people doing the same thing.'

'Sounds fascinating.'

Moony sighed. 'The pay's decent enough and it's not exactly hard work. Trust me, I've done a lot worse.'

'Moony, you've got nine NEWTs. You shouldn't be doing muggle jobs.'

'Find me a wizard who'll take me on and I'll stop. How about you, though? What did you get up to? I saw that you painted the windows.'

'That, and I went to Gringotts – which brings us back to the point. I have money, shitloads of it, and no right to it. It was accumulated by exploitation, blackmail, dodgy business deals and who knows what else, and it shouldn't even be mine. Now that it is, I'm going to spend it, preferably on something useful. I don't mind paying you, like for helping me renovate the house.'

'I couldn't live on your money, Sirius.'

'It's not my money,' said Sirius more loudly. 'That's the point.'

Moony shook his head, his voice still level. 'I already live here without paying rent. That's as far as I can go.'

Sirius huffed but did not respond. Moony was stubborn, had always been.

'You're still no further?' asked Moony after a minute of silence.

Sirius sighed, his anger at his friend evaporating. 'No, not a step.'

'You could write to McGonagall and ask her to send you some pamphlets. If I remember correctly, you never did turn up at her office for career's counselling.'

Sirius laughed at the memory. Back then, he had told her in front of witnesses that he did not want to cause a conflict of interest when she would have to tell him that he would be best suited to take over for her. He had landed in detention for that but he liked to think that she had been secretly amused. 'Best not,' he said. 'I know that I don't want to work for them Ministry and that I have to have time to look after Harry. What does that leave me with?'

'More than me. Honestly, Padfoot, you're famous now. You won't have any problems finding a job.'

'I don't want just any job. I want to do something useful. I spent seven years achieving nothing and I'm not going to keep doing that.'

'You've got Harry now.'

'I know I do – but he'll be at school for six hours every day and I simply cannot sit around for that long. I can't, Moony. I'll go mental, you know that.'

'Then you don't need a job. You need a purpose.'

'I have a purpose. I've got Harry. I need something to pass the time. Something useful, something worthwhile…'

Moony sighed. 'I don't know, Padfoot. You're the one who has to sort that out, I can't really help you.'

On Thursday, Harry was up with Moony whose shift started at six – at least, that was what Harry told him. They had let Sirius sleep and after Moony left, Harry had been reading. Sirius found him in the sitting room, wrapped in a blanket and an empty mug of hot chocolate next to him. He beamed at Sirius when he shuffled into the room.

'You could have woken me up. You didn't have to sit all by yourself.'

Harry just shrugged, and Sirius supposed that sitting on the sofa and drinking cocoa for an hour or two was nothing compared to being locked in a cupboard over night.

'I wanted to make you breakfast but Remus said I shouldn't,' Harry announced when Sirius started to fix himself some food.

'That's very nice of you but Moony's right. I don't like you cooking all by yourself. You could get hurt.'

'I've been making breakfast for years. I know what to do so I don't get hurt.'

Sirius sighed. He cringed at the thought of an even smaller Harry's hands within reach of flames and boiling water. Then again – supposing that Harry was telling the truth and that he had really been doing it for a while – it was only reasonable to assume that he knew what he was doing. Forbidding it would only seem to Harry like an attempt to baby him. On the other hand, Sirius did not want Harry to get the impression that he was expected to cook.

'I'll think about it, okay?' he promised Harry. 'It's just that I hate the idea of you getting hurt.'

There was a hint of indignation on Harry's face as he nodded, probably because of the pride with which he had told Sirius that he was able to cook breakfast by himself. Still, he did not question Sirius.

Despite the very early start, Harry seemed in a relaxed mood as they walked to school, certainly a lot better than he had been yesterday. He had had a second breakfast with Sirius and when prompted seemed happy to tell Sirius what was expecting him at school that day.

As it was, Sirius was glad to hear him speak. He had been near silent on Monday, and on Tuesday and most of Wednesday Sirius had barely gotten a word out of him, certainly not without encouragement. This was a stark contrast to the weekend when he had been quite happy to talk and even joke. Sirius was still at a loss as to why that was. He had done his best not to behave differently and as far as he could tell, he had managed. Then again, maybe he was just worrying too much. Harry had every right to take some time to acclimatise.

When it came to saying goodbye, Harry became silent again. Sirius dropped him off at the gates this time, wanting to get this routine going as soon as possible. 'I'll be waiting right here this afternoon, okay?' he promised.

Harry nodded. He looked back at Sirius several times on his way into the school but fortunately, there was no sign of tears.

Again, Sirius spent the morning and early afternoon working on the house. He was making progress and calculated that the task ahead would occupy him for a few more weeks at most. Moony came back just as he was about to pick Harry up and promptly decided to accompany him.

Harry once more threw himself into Sirius' arms as he came running from the building. Sirius lifted him on his shoulders and Moony spent the way home quizzing Harry on all his different subjects. Sirius had trouble keeping up – Moony had a definite advantage what with having been to a muggle primary school – but he did his best to remember everything Harry told them.

Again, they were subject to a number of prying eyes that Sirius ignored. He was ready to admit that they would seem a rather odd group – seeing as they really were a rather odd group. He did not know how much or what Harry had told the other kids. He supposed that their current situation would be quite hard for him to explain – Sirius would find himself struggling, too.

'More furniture for the sitting room,' he announced when they got home. That was the project of the afternoon. They already had a sofa, a couple of armchairs and a coffee table but they needed a few shelves and a rug – and maybe a few things in the direction of decorations although Sirius had to admit that those were not his strong suit.

They apparated to a furniture shop that Sirius and Moony and frequented before. They were relatively quick to pick what they needed. Lily would have spent hours comparing different kinds of bookshelves but Sirius simply did not have the patience and neither Moony nor Harry was intent on putting in the effort. So long as it physically fit into the room, it would do its purpose. Besides, they would be able to change colour and size with magic later on if they felt it was needed.

They found a secluded spot in the carpark to shrink the boxes and stow them in Sirius' pockets. Back at home, they got to work, covering the sitting room floor in boards and screws of varying sizes. Sirius was well acquainted with flat-pack furniture by now. It was annoyingly impossible to assemble with the help of magic, at least not in its entirety – too many little parts. It was however possible to screw in the screws with wands – or use permanent Sticking Charms instead.

'How long have you lived here?' asked Harry who had been given the task of sorting screws and pegs by size. He had once more been silent that afternoon except when asked a question.

Sirius was very glad to hear him speak. 'Less than three weeks,' he answered promptly.

'Where did you live before?'

'Nowhere, I… well, I was in prison before – I told you.'

Harry looked up at him. 'When did you get out of prison?'

'The day before we met. Friday afternoon.'

Harry stared, the answer obviously surprising him. 'You came to visit me the day after you got out of prison?'

Sirius shrugged apologetically. 'Well, I wanted to see you as soon as they let me out but I didn't know where you were so I had to talk to Dumbledore first. By the time we finished, it was late and I had to wait 'til the next day.' He had taken a room in a muggle hotel, deliberately avoiding everyone who might recognise him. He would have preferred spending the night outside in his animagus form – which he had done the night after – just to breathe the air and feel the freedom of being able to walk more than three steps in any direction. Still, he had decided that sleeping rough would not further his cause of making a good first impression on Harry – access to a shower was key.

Harry pondered this in silence and Sirius noticed him glancing surreptitiously at Moony who had been listening to the exchange in silence.

'I only saw Moony on Tuesday,' Sirius answered the question Harry had not asked.

Harry ducked his head guiltily for a moment and did not notice Moony smiling at him reassuringly. 'But… but Remus is your best friend,' he said.

Sirius chuckled at the surprise in his voice. 'But you're my godson, Harry.'

Harry had absolutely no reason whatsoever to be jealous. He nodded, his eyes fixed on the ground, and remained silent.

'You'll come first for me, Harry, always, alright?' He was sounding very soppy but he supposed that it was what Harry needed to hear – and it was the truth.

Harry's head lifted to stare at him for a few seconds before he lowered his gaze to his work once more. Sirius and Moony exchanged a look and watched silently as he extended a shaking hand to pick up a few more screws. There was a choked sob.

Sirius quickly set aside the board that had been resting on his lap and scooted over to Harry. He wasted no time to pull him into a hug. Harry let him, his body shaking. Like Sunday afternoon, he hid his face in Sirius' shirt. 'It's a lot to put up with at the moment, huh?' he muttered into his hair.

Harry just drew another ragged breath. He had not cried at all since Monday morning. Considering the strain he had been under, Sirius supposed that it was a surprise that he had lasted this long.

'I understand it's difficult, but it'll get easier with time, I know it will. And if there's anything I can do, or Moony and I can do to make things easier, just say the word, okay? We want to see you happy.'

'We do,' confirmed Moony. He had remained where he was but the pained look in his eyes told Sirius that he was unhappy about his inability to help. He supposed that simply watching was even worse than holding Harry – at least Sirius could tell himself that he was doing something.

'So…so…sorry,' sobbed Harry. Other than his uneven breathing and the tears, there was nothing to signal distress, no wailing, no weeping, no moaning.

Sirius remembered that Harry had screamed loud enough to alert the entire village when he had been little. Now, he was as quiet as he could be. Was that just a matter of age? No, he remembered Regulus bawling loud enough to make Kreacher cover his ears when he had been Harry age, maybe a little younger. He could only suppose that Harry had learned that nobody would come, even if he voiced his distress loudly. Bloody muggles… But he could not get angry, not when Harry was scared.

'Nothing to be sorry about, nothing at all. I'll always comfort you, and when you're feeling sad, I want you to come to me, alright? Don't be sorry.' He wondered whether he ought to keep talking, to make more promises to reassure Harry, but they might just overwhelm him further. He settled for silence and rocking him back and forth gently.

Moony scrambled to his feet and left the room to return a few minutes later with tea, a large mug of hot, deliciously smelling cocoa and a plate of biscuits. He settled himself on the ground again and set the tray down between them.

Harry lifted his head by a fraction, taking in what was happening.

'Chocolate helps against sadness,' explained Moony. 'Especially hot chocolate.'

Sirius chuckled. Moony and his chocolate…

Harry snivelled, wiping his face on his sleeve. 'I'm… I'm… not… not sad,' he said, his sobs less violent now.

'It helps against confused, too,' Moony assured him with a smile and handed him the mug. 'Careful, it's still hot.'

Harry took it from his, his hands shaking so much that Sirius reached out to steady them. Harry looked up at him in surprise at the movement and his gaze fell on the wet patch of tears and snot on Sirius' shirt. He flinched and the mug of chocolate would have gone flying had Sirius not held on. 'Sorry,' he whispered.

Sirius shook his head and smiled at him, setting down the mug again. 'It's fine. I can wash it.'

Harry did not look convinced.

'Harry, if I had not wanted you to cry on my shirt, I would not have let you cry on my shirt, okay? And I will never, ever be angry with you for crying.' Lily would have his head.

Harry began to tremble again and Sirius pulled him close. He felt useless. He had always been pants at comforting people.

'What do I do?' he asked Moony over Harry's head. He tried to put himself in Harry's shoes – he was alone, living with two men he barely knew, without contact to anybody he was familiar with. He had every reason to be intimidated.

Moony smiled at them sadly. 'You're good,' he told him.

Sirius glared at him. How could he be good when Harry was crying and there was nothing he could do about it?

Moony shook his head, apparently reading Sirius' thoughts on his face. 'He's crying because he can, Padfoot, because you care.'

Sirius stared at him for a moment, trying to comprehend. Where had he gotten that idea? Harry had cried when he had been sad, like in the graveyard, or when he had been scared of being sent back to the muggles.

But then… In the graveyard, he had only started to cry when Sirius had laid a hand on his shoulder. He had been sad, definitely, but…

He had not cried when his aunt had shouted at him, only after she had gone, when Sirius had held him. When he had dropped him off at school the day before, Harry had been worried that Sirius would not come back for him but he had not cried. Instead, he had done what Sirius could only describe as shutting down. That situation had to have been more distressing for him than Sirius telling him that he was important to him.

It seemed that Moony was right, as so often. 'I've got you,' he muttered to Harry. 'I've got you. You'll be okay, I'll look after you.'

Harry's fist tightened on the fabric of his shirt.

They remained like that for what felt like hours. Sirius was still unsure as to what it exactly he ought to be doing but he went for holding Harry and muttering quiet reassurances.

Eventually, Harry calmed down enough to drink his hot chocolate. He was still visibly shaken but his breathing normalised. He remained close to Sirius all afternoon, constantly in contact, be it sitting on his lap or leaning his head against his shoulder. He stayed almost entirely silent, however, and Sirius did not push. He did not seem like he could take pressure just now.

'Anything, Harry,' Sirius promised for the dozenth time that day as he tucked him in that night. Moony had already excused himself – he had another very early start tomorrow. 'Anything I can do for you, okay? You only need to tell me.'

Harry nodded silently. He had fallen asleep on Sirius' lap in the sitting room but he had woken when Sirius had carried him upstairs. Harry had been surprised enough by it that he was once more completely awake, enough so for Sirius to make him change into his pyjamas and brush his teeth. By now, his eyes were beginning to droop again even though he put up a valiant fight.

Sirius turned off the lights with a flick of his wand but remained perched on Harry's mattress. He would sit with him until sleep found him again.

A few silent minutes passed and finally, Harry began to speak. 'P…' he stuttered before his voice turned into a whimper. Sirius remained silent, leaving Harry to find his words in peace. 'P… Please may… please may I stay with you tonight?' he finally managed to utter.

'Of course,' answered Sirius, doing his best not to sound jubilant that Harry had actually asked for something but calm and reassuring. 'Come on.' He pulled away Harry's blanket and ushered him to his own room, a hand on his back. 'Give me five minutes to get ready, yeah?' he asked after making sure that Harry was safely tucked under the duvet.

When he came back, Harry's eyes were closed but they opened again as Sirius carefully lowered himself onto the bed. He made a move as if wanting to hug Sirius but seemed to change his mind. Sirius took the hint and pulled him close.

'Do you think you can sleep?'

Harry had tensed at first but quickly relaxed and snuggled into Sirius. 'Mhm,' he muttered. ''m really tired.'

'I gathered,' chuckled Sirius. He had already fallen asleep twice, after all.

'Mhm,' repeated Harry drowsily, relaxing further.

Sirius remained silent, letting Harry drift off once more. It was oddly calming to have a sleeping child in his arms, Sirius thought, as he, too, closed his eyes and sank into soothing darkness.

-oOo-

Sirius woke a few minutes before his alarm rang at eight the next morning, curtesy to what for him had been a very early night – it had been barely past ten o'clock. Harry was still asleep so Sirius decided to grant him another few minutes while he quietly grabbed some fresh clothes from his wardrobe and ventured to the bathroom for a shower.

He would have liked to wake Harry with breakfast ready but he did not know what Harry would want to eat. Besides, Harry would need the time to get ready. Returning to his bedroom, he was now faced with the conundrum of how to wake him. Calling his name? Or was that too formal? Kissing his head was one way – that was what Lily had used to do after naptime. That seemed a little too intimate, though. He settled for crouching next to the bed and rubbing Harry's shoulder gently. 'Harry?'

Harry blinked at him and after a moment's confusion, shot up into a sitting position. 'Sorry,' he burbled.

Sirius frowned. 'What on earth for?' Harry did not answer so Sirius moved on. 'Anyway, I just wanted to ask what you'd like for breakfast.'

'Anything's fine,' Harry assured him instantly.

Sirius nodded, deciding not to pressure him for an answer. 'Alright, I was going to make toast for myself. Is that okay for you, too?'

Harry nodded. 'I can make toast.'

'I'm sure,' he answered. 'How about you get washed and dressed and I get started on breakfast? I don't think we'll make it to school on time otherwise.'

Without another word, Harry scrambled off the bed and dashed into his bedroom.

Sirius knew then that today would be another difficult day. Why was that? He pondered this question as he descended the stairs and busied himself in the kitchen. He had been fine on the weekend, at least with Sirius. He had not shied away from every question, he had talked. He not been loud or boisterous but he had been content and happy. Was he regretting his decision to stay with Sirius? He could not possibly, could he? Whatever Sirius was doing wrong, it would not be worse than what the Dursleys had done to him.

'I'm sorry I made us late,' said Harry as he hurried into the kitchen a few minutes later.

'You didn't make us late,' argued Sirius, gesturing for him to sit down and help himself to some toast. 'Firstly, we're not late, and secondly, if we were, it would be my fault because I didn't wake you earlier.' He kept his tone light. The last thing he wanted was for Harry to think he was angry with him.

A day of handiwork was not complicated enough to distract Sirius from all the still unsolved mysteries buzzing around in his mind. He was restless and unable to concentrate. When Moony finally came back from work just after two o'clock, he was pacing up and down in the sitting room, running his hands through his hair with an increasing frequency.

'What do I do?' he asked as Moony trotted in. 'What do I do? I'm useless, Moony, bloody useless.'

'What happened?'

'You know what the first thing he said to me this morning was, just a second after he had woken up? "Sorry". Why would he do that? Why would he think he'd need to apologise to me? I'm doing it wrong, I know I am. He was fine a few days ago but I mucked it up somehow, and I don't know how but I'm doing something to him. He's in pain and scared, and I bloody hate every second of having to see that. Honestly, Moony, what am I doing? How could I ever think that I could do this? I…'

'Merlin, Padfoot, calm down,' intervened Moony, grabbing his arm and forcing him to sit down on the couch. 'Breathe, alright?'

Sirius fought the urge to get up and start moving again. He had to do something… 'You can talk. You saw him yesterday, he was in bloody tears all afternoon, and I don't care what you say, that's not a good thing. And how am I supposed to be helping him when I don't even have a clue what's wrong with him?' He groaned and buried his face in his hands. 'It should have been you. I knew all along. I'm rubbish at being a parent but you actually understand him. And then there's me just blundering about. Me – a parent. Honestly, Moony, if someone had said that ten years ago, we'd have sent them straight to the Spell Damage Ward at St Mungo's. I don't know what Prongs was thin…'

'Bloody hell, Sirius,' interrupted Moony again. 'Stop panicking.'

'How am I supposed to stop? I can't stop. I can't change anything. It's not as if I can send Harry back – not that I'd ever want to – but I don't know what to do with him. I've got a kid now, Moony! I never even wanted kids but I want Harry now but I also want him to be happy and I can never be what he deserves becau…'

'Sirius, you need to stop talking and breathe,' said Moony in such a calm voice that Sirius had half a mind to thump him. How could he not understand how Sirius felt? How did he not get how urgent this was? 'You need to slow down, alright?'

…then again, he had a point. Panicking would not solve anything and he had less than an hour before he would have to pick up Harry. He could not show up at school in this state.

Taking deep breaths, Sirius tried to control himself. It worked, at least a little and at least for now.

'Finally,' said Moony. 'Alright, you listen to me, okay?'

Sirius rolled his eyes at him and Moony responded by smacking him on the back of the head. 'Ouch! Yes, I'm listening.'

'Good.' He cleared his throat. 'First of all, it's not anything you did that has upset Harry. He's not hurting more today than he was a week ago, and it's not you who's hurting them, it's his aunt and uncle. He didn't show you before…' he continued, raising his voice warningly as Sirius opened his mouth to interrupt. '… because he did not know you well enough. Honestly, do you think he'd go around flaunting his weaknesses to just anybody? Who else do you think he's opened up to like that?'

Sirius' mouth snapped shut and he had to think for a moment to formulate a reply. 'But… what did I do to make him do that? I already messed up, with the bloody ghost train and taking him back to Little Whinging and…'

'Secondly,' said Moony, 'however badly you think you mess up, to Harry you'll still be a thousand times better than what he's known so far. We didn't stop him from going on that ride and that was a mistake, but do you honestly think he's blaming us for that? What he remembers – and I'm willing to bet you – is that you took him out for the day, to a place that he chose and where he had hours of fun with you. Actually, knowing him he's probably blaming himself for reacting that way.'

'But…'

'Stuff goes wrong and I hate it just as much as you but beating yourself up about it won't solve anything, will it? And don't you think Prongs and Lily would have messed up occasionally?'

'Prongs wouldn't…' Sirius began to protest.

'Yes, he would,' insisted Moony. 'He would not have been a perfect father – a damn good one, yes, but not perfect. There's no such thing, Padfoot. And he would never have expected you to do anything but your best.'

'But evidently that's not enough,' Sirius shot back, ignoring the pit that opened in his stomach at those words. 'Moony, I… I'm not sure I can do this.'

Moony shook his head. 'Of course you're not sure. But you're still doing it, mate. I don't know how you can. I'd be scared stiff if I were you.'

'I am scared!'

'But you're still doing it,' insisted Moony. 'When he was in danger, you protected him. When he was frightened, you reassured him. When he cried, you comforted him. So scared or not, you're doing a damn good job of it.'

Sirius took a moment to process that. The look on Moony's face told him that he had been sincere in what he had said. 'What…' he began but was not sure how that sentence had been supposed to end. 'I… Moony, what if I screw up?'

'You won't.'

'But I don't know anything about being a parent.'

'You already know more than you think, and you'll pick up on the rest eventually. Besides, do you really think it matters at the moment if Harry eats up his greens or goes to bed half an hour too late?'

Sirius shook his head. Moony was right, of course. All the things that Sirius imagined normal parents would struggle with – eating the right things, going to be on time, showing good manners – were no problem as of now. Harry was on perfect behaviour, he supposed, no disciplinary action needed.

'What does he need?' prompted Moony.

Sirius gave a little snort at being talked to like a child but still gave an answer. 'He needs to be able to trust us. He needs to feel safe. But… I don't know how… I mean, I know it'll take time, I do. Just… I want to speed it up. I don't want him to be scared of me, not ever.'

Moony sighed. 'I understand, and I want to help. At the moment, though, I can't think of anything else we can do. I think Harry will just have to get used to how things will run around here. That will take time, whatever you do.'

Sirius buried his face in his hands and rubbed his eyes.

'Padfoot?' asked Moony even more gently. 'Please make sure that you are okay, too, yeah? You said to Harry – "whatever he needs" – so, the same for you. Whatever you need, Padfoot, you only have to ask.'

Sirius nodded, his stomach once more heavy at the memory of suspecting Moony of being the spy. How could he ever have thought that? And what had he done to deserve a friend like him? 'I know. Thanks, Moony.'

They were not yet late to pick Harry up but kept walking at a swift pace in their way into the village. The exercise and cool air did their part to calm Sirius further – the panic was now little more than a swooping sensation in his stomach, not the suffocating weight pressing at him from all side it had been half an hour ago. Sirius nodded greetings to the people who blatantly stared at them as they waited by the school gate. Gazes were soon averted and Sirius snorted to Moony. They were not that strange, were they?

'Of course they wonder who we are and where we came from,' said Moony conciliatorily, guessing what he had been thinking. 'We showed up out of nowhere.'

'You'd think nothing more interesting is happening around here…'

'There probably isn't,' Moony reminded him with a little smile.

The bell rang, making the school buzz into action, and instead of answering, Sirius turned to the doors to watch out for Harry. The sight of him proved that Moony had definitely been right about one thing – Harry showed no signs of being angry or disappointed with Sirius. On the contrary, he was beaming at him.

Sirius hugged him tightly when he reached them, trying to vanquish the last bits of panic still residing in his chest. 'Are you alright?'

Harry smiled and nodded. 'I'm good. Thanks for picking me up.'

'Every day,' Sirius promised. 'Are we going home?'

Harry nodded eagerly and his eyes fixed on Moony for the first time. 'Hello, Remus.'

'Hello,' answered Moony, the hint of a smile twinkling in his eyes. 'How was your day?'

Harry shrugged. 'Okay.'

There was an edge to his voice that made Sirius suspect that he was unhappy about something. 'Did something go wrong?' he asked, keeping his tone light. They set off down the road and Harry took a while to answer. Sirius did not push him.

'I… I didn't do my homework yesterday and I thought Mr Clark would be angry but he wasn't. He said to do it over the weekend.'

Homework… Sirius had completely forgotten about that yesterday. Then again, he very much doubted that Harry had been in any condition to do it, even if he had remembered it. 'Alright, I think we can find time to do that,' he said. He had noted some apprehension in Harry's voice. 'We could do it first thing, get it out of the way. Is that okay?'

Harry nodded silently, and remained monosyllabic until they got home. He headed up the stairs to his room straightaway.

Sirius swore silently.

'Padfoot, it's fine. Would you really have made him do schoolwork yesterday?'

'No,' admitted Sirius, 'but maybe I could have done it for him, or at least written a note or something.'

'It's fine,' repeated Moony. 'He said the teacher was okay with it, so what does it matter?'

Sirius could not help but chuckle. 'Is there something wrong with my ears? Or did Prefect Moony just tell me that homework is unimportant?'

Moony shoved his shoulder. 'Careful there, or I might deduct points!' he warned.

Sirius laughed and they entered the kitchen where Moony set to fixing himself a sandwich. 'Did you eat?' he asked Sirius who shook his head. Moony sighed.

'Yeah, yeah,' said Sirius, raising his hands in defence. 'I couldn't work up an appetite.' He grabbed the Daily Prophet that had been sitting on the table and began to skim the pages. Moony joined him after a minute, placing a cup of tea in front of either of them. 'Cheers,' Sirius muttered distractedly, immersed in an account of the latest Holyhead Harpies game who had beaten the Chudley Cannons 520 to 20. He only looked up a few minutes later.

Moony had grabbed the part of the paper that Sirius had discarded and was reading, his brow furrowed. He seemed distracted enough, so after a moments' hesitation and a few calculation looks, Sirius risked snatching the other half of his sandwich. He had already sunken his teeth into it before Moony realised what had happened.

'Oi!'

Sirius grinned at him, leaning back, out of his friend's reach.

'Don't steal my food!' Moony complained indignantly although Sirius noted some amusement in his tone. Trying to nick food off one another was something the Marauders had spent countless hours on back at school. Back then, Sirius would never have managed to relieve Moony of his lunch by simply grabbing it.

'Then you should have watched it better,' he retorted through a mouthful of bread and cheese.

Moony shook his head exasperatedly and gave up.

Sirius made a point of chewing loudly for a minute. 'That's very nice,' he added.

'I'm glad you like it,' said Moony, not rising to the bait again.

Sirius chuckled to himself as he finished off his spoils. 'I'll take Harry up some biscuits,' he decided and emptied half a packet onto a plate. He left the rest with Moony, by way of compensation for the sandwich. He added a glass up milk and ascended the stairs.

'Yes?' answered Harry as soon as Sirius knocked on the door. He was sitting at his desk and had twisted in his chair to look at Sirius. 'I'm sorry, I'm not finished yet.'

'It's fine, I got you a snack.' Sirius placed the food on a free spot of the desk. 'What are you doing?'

'Roman numbers.' He tapped his pencil at the worksheet in front of him. Almost all the spaces for the answers were still blank and out of the ones that had been filled out, Sirius spotted several mistakes at first glance.

'Do you need help?' he asked. He did not think that this was good progress for the fifteen-odd minutes Harry had been up here.

Harry shook his head, a familiar fear in his wide eyes. 'I can do this,' he insisted.

Sirius sighed and nodded. 'Alright.' He did not want to upset him again. 'If you change your mind, just say the word.'

Harry nodded and Sirius ruffled his hair before leaving the room.

Harry did not come downstairs all afternoon and Sirius left him alone until it was time for dinner. When he came upstairs again, to fetch him this time, Harry was still hunched over his work. 'Tea's ready,' Sirius explained, stepping closer to have a look at what Harry had managed to work out.

He only managed a few steps until Harry had slipped off his chair and met him in the middle of the room. Sirius gathered that he was reluctant to let him approach his work, not wanting him to see. 'What's for dinner?' he asked in a rather obvious attempt to distract Sirius.

Sirius sighed and gave in. 'Fish pie. Do you like that?' He turned around and they stepped back out into the hall.

Harry nodded, relieved. 'Did you make it?'

Sirius chuckled. 'No, don't worry, it was mainly Moony.'

'I didn't mean that!' Harry said, horrified.

'No? You have every reason to. I would not want to eat a fish pie made by me…'

Harry did not laugh and Sirius knew that they were in for more silence during dinner. He was right. The best thing that could be said was that Harry polished of every last bit of his food.

'Have you finished your homework?' Sirius asked when he pushed his empty plate away. He already knew the answer.

Harry shook his head. 'I'll go upstairs and keep trying,' he said, his voice shaking a little.

'Fetch it,' Sirius insisted. 'We'll try together.'

'You don't have to. I'm sure I can work it out if I try a little longer.' He sounded almost pleading.

Sirius shook his head, feeling horrible that he was forcing Harry to do something he so obviously did not want. Still, it was better than the alternative. He had let Harry work at it on his own for hours now. If nothing had come off Harry's efforts so far, there was very little hope of him accomplishing it now. Sirius was not going to let him agonise over this any longer.

Harry slumped out of the kitchen with his head bowed. He returned a minute later with an exercise book. 'I'm sorry. I really tried…'

'I know,' said Sirius, motioning for him to sit down. 'I'm not angry. I want you to let me help you.' He drew up a chair for himself. Since he had last seen the sheet, more answers had been added, but all but a handful had been crossed out again or erased. Harry really had been working hard but with very meagre results. 'So what do you need to do?'

'I… I need to put numbers in roman num… numb… numerals. And the other way around.'

Sirius nodded and launched into an explanation. Harry's eyes were wide as he listened. 'Do you understand that?' ended Sirius.

Harry nodded.

'Alright. So, what's fourteen in roman numerals?'

Harry fixed his eyes on the notes in front of him and remained silent for a while. 'I…' he began. 'I… X… V?'

Sirius shook his head regretfully and Harry dropped his gaze back onto the paper. The hand holding the pencil was shaking.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered.

'It's fine,' Sirius assured him. 'We'll just…'

Before he could start over, he was interrupted by Moony clearing his throat quietly. He had been sitting, reading or pretending to read the paper. 'Do you mind?'

Sirius shook his head and Moony scooted closer, taking Harry's other side. He began to talk and it took only seconds for Harry to be immersed in his explanations.

Sirius watched them for a bit and then decided that he was not needed. He got up and started tidying the kitchen, washing the dishes and putting them away.

'There you go,' said Moony finally, as Harry scribble the final number at the bottom of the page.

Harry stared at his completed work in astonishment. It was understandable. He had spent several hours fruitlessly brooding over it and now under Moony's watchful eye he had finished it in less than twenty minutes. Sirius noticed him twitch towards Moony, as if he had wanted to hug him but thought better of it.

He walked over and leaned down to whisper in his ear. 'I'm sure Moony wouldn't mind.' Harry stared at him with big eyes before looking to Moony who could not have heard Sirius' words. 'Only if you wanted to, of course,' Sirius added quietly.

Harry slid of his chair hesitantly, watching for Moony's reaction. He kept smiling at him fondly. Harry finally stepped up to him and slung his arms around his neck. Moony was obviously taken aback for a second but then he pulled Harry up onto his lap, his eyes shining happily.

'Thank you, Remus,' whispered Harry, carefully leaning against his chest.

Moony rubbed his back. 'Oh, you're very welcome, Harry.' He was visibly touched by Harry's affection. That did not come as a surprise to Sirius. Most people avoided being in the same room with Moony, not to mention engaging in close physical contact.

Harry yawned, relaxing for the first time since he had come home from school. Moony's eyes found Sirius who recognised the silent question. "What am I supposed to do?" He could not help but chuckle at that a little – it was kind of funny when it was happening to someone else. He knew that Moony was doing fine. Harry wanted a cuddle and he was getting a cuddle.

'Harry, can you promise me something?' Sirius asked Harry as he tucked him in that night after reading him a story. Harry's eyelids had started to droop almost as soon as he had curled up on Moony's lap and after watching that with increasing amusement for half an hour, Sirius had decided that it was time for him to go to bed. Now, he sat on the edge of Harry's mattress, looking down at the child.

Harry nodded, a hint of apprehension on his sleepy face.

'Next time when you need help, please come to me or Moony sooner, yeah?'

Harry flinched and remained silent for a minute. 'I… I want to be good for you,' he admitted finally.

'Good?'

'Yeah, I… You…' He struggled for words. 'I want to be good.'

Sirius understood and shook his head. 'Listen, you are good. You're more wonderful than I ever imagined you could be, okay?'

Harry's eyes filled with tears and he shook his head, averting his gaze, but since he was lying down, he did not have many options except to look up at Sirius. 'I… I said I wanted to be good and then I wasn't because I dropped the plates and I knocked over my mug and I didn't do my homework when I said I wanted to be good and…'

'Shh,' Sirius interrupted him gently, reaching out to stroke his head. 'I could never be angry with you about any of that and I'm not disappointed, either. Even if you spilt your chocolate every day, that wouldn't make me want you any less.'

Harry blinked and the first tears ran down his cheeks. Sirius reached out to pull him into his lap, keeping him wrapped in his blanket like in a cocoon.

'I don't need you to be perfect, Harry. I want you to be happy.'

'But I want to be… for you, because you're being nice to me, too.'

Sirius sighed. He could probably understand Harry better than the child imagined. He desperately wanted to be a good parent to Harry, preferably as good as Prongs and Lily would have been. The difference was that Harry could not exactly mess up while Sirius could. If he made mistakes, he could do serious damage.

'I wanted to help you with your homework,' he reminded Harry. 'I wanted to explain it so that you would understand but I couldn't.' This was the easiest example that came to mind – he could have reminded him of the ghost train disaster or even the fact that he had not yet revealed his animagus form to Harry. The longer he went without telling, the worse he felt about it, but he was yet to find the right moment to breach the subject.

'Sorry,' muttered Harry.

'It's not your fault. I think I'm just pants at explaining maths.' He knew that this would have upset him had Moony not been around to step in. He never wanted to see Harry in a situation that he was unable to help him with. 'Are you upset with me about that?'

Harry shook his head.

'Then why would I be upset with you? You tried and you did your best, just like I did. I think it's the same thing, isn't it?'

Harry sniffed and shrugged but seemed at least a little comforted by Sirius' words. 'I promise,' he whispered.

'Good,' Sirius said with a satisfied smile. 'Thank you, Harry.'

-oOo-

After the debacle of the previous week, Sirius suggested a visit to the sea as their daytrip that Saturday.

Sirius went out of his way in order to cheer Harry up and to his great relief, his efforts seemed to bear fruits. The start was a little bumpy but as soon as they arrived at the beach, Harry seemed to forget to be silent and watchful. He relaxed and the next few joyful hours were spent building sandcastles and throwing stones into the water – it was too cold for swimming.

The sun shone brightly but its rays were no longer able to win against the unfriendly breeze now that they were nearing mid-October. Moony brought a camera and took lots of pictures in a first attempt at righting the circumstance that there were no pictures of Harry past the age of one. Sirius even got Harry to pull faces into the camera with him – a great accomplishment, he found, and a far cry from the way Harry had been when they had left the house that morning.

As the day drew to a close, they sat on the beach and watched the sun set over the ocean. They were huddled together, Harry in the middle, in an effort to protect him from the increasingly cold wind. Sirius and Moony had each slung an arm around the child who leaned into Sirius.

The sky was glowing pink and orange, the shine reflected in the waves below. Sirius' eyes drank in the spectacle. He felt the wind in his hair and spray on his cheeks, tasted the salt on his lips. The sand was soft underneath his free palm. Harry moved gently and regularly as he breathed. Moony's arm lay warm and solid against his around Harry's shoulders. His entire body seemed to be tingling with all the different sensations.

There had been none of this in Azkaban. The sun very rarely shone there – the mist the dementors brought with them made sure of that. He could not remember ever seeing anything colourful in there... It was grey, everything had been grey. Cold and hard and numb, that was how he remembered it. He shuddered involuntarily, drawing himself back to the present.

Harry looked up to him, startled by the movement. 'Are you okay?' he asked.

'Yeah,' Sirius heard himself saying. He thought for a few moments, looking out towards the glowing sun. There was nothing keeping him from watching it set every day. He took a deep breath of salty, cool air. He was free. 'In fact,' he added. 'I think I'm a lot better than okay now.' He looked down at Harry who was thoughtfully staring out to sea, too. 'And you, Harry?' he asked.

Harry took his time to answer. When he did, his voice was quiet and his words well chosen. 'Today was very nice.' There had to be some meaning beyond the obvious in those words, something Harry could not phrase but after spending a few moments wondering about what it might have been, Sirius gave up and instead focussed once more on the spectacle in the sky before him.

-oOo-

Sunday started out quietly. Sirius made breakfast – obeying the rules. Not that he had much of a choice in the matter – Moony had been working the night shift and had collapsed into bed when he got home just after six.

"This is ridiculous!" Sirius had complained when Moony had pinned his shift schedule to the fridge Thursday night.

Moony had shrugged. "It's the best that could have happened, actually. I've got all of Saturday off."

Sirius knew that he had a point but he still thought that Moony was stupid for taking the job at all. Money or not, there were better things that Moony could be doing with his time.

Harry had woken up in a good mood – and more importantly, he seemed to have decided to talk today, even without Sirius making a fool of himself in order to cheer him up. Over breakfast, they discussed what they had most liked about their trip the day before. Harry had never been to see the sea before and was still awed by the experience. He had collected pockets full of seashells and pretty stones that he was sorting on the table by size and colour. Sirius was helping where he could, Harry's happy eyes making up for the fact that there was sand on his bacon.

Their peaceful conversation was interrupted by an owl from Dumbledore, telling them that he would come by before noon to set up protective enchantments. Sirius had already cast a few basic ones when he had moved in but those were intended to keep wizards from accidentally happening on the house rather than warding off a planned attack – not that he was expecting any. Their anonymity was and would continue to be their most effective defence.

Harry was less than thrilled at the prospect of a visit from Dumbledore. Sirius could not blame him for that, given the nature of their previous encounter, but he still disliked seeing it. 'He's a good man, Harry,' he told him. 'He means you no harm.'

Sirius had no doubt that Dumbledore's intentions had always been admirable – it was just the practical part that in Harry's case had gone quite disastrously wrong. Sirius was angry about that, especially in moments like these when Harry crouched down in his chair, his face becoming blank. Yes, it had been the muggles who had hurt Harry – but it had been Dumbledore who had let them.

Still, Sirius had no intention of confronting the old man today. He did not want to lose his temper with Harry around. Besides, he needed Dumbledore's help and he believed, for what it was worth, that Dumbledore was sincerely sorry about what had transpired at Privet Drive.

'What's he gonna do?' asked Harry, taking some comfort at Sirius' words even though a little apprehension remained.

'He's going to set up enchantments to protect the house,' explained Sirius. 'He's the most powerful wizard in the country, so his spells will be stronger than mine.' He did not say that he was still suspicious about how effective those could be. After all, James and Lily had been protected to the best of Dumbledore' ability and they had been murdered.

'He's more powerful than you?' said Harry, not asking the question that Sirius had been dreading. Why were protective enchantments needed in the first place? He did not want to answer that one yet.

'He is.'

This did nothing to appease Harry, however. He remained edgy and clung to Sirius' hand when Dumbledore stepped out of the fireplace around eleven o'clock. 'Albus,' Sirius greeted him with a nod.

The old man smiled at them. 'Sirius. Young Harry.'

'Can I offer you a cup of tea?'

'No, thank you, my boy. I shall get cracking, as they say.'

Sirius nodded, following the headmaster outside.

'Is it only the two of you today?'

'Remus is upstairs, sleeping. Do you need him?'

Dumbledore shook his head. 'No, I do not require his presence. The fact is that whoever is not within the boundaries of my spells will need to be granted access afterwards. With him inside the house, you will be saved the effort.'

Sirius watched for the best part of an hour as Dumbledore walked along the borders of their garden, muttering spells and drawing runes into the mud with his wand. Sirius understood some of what he was doing but by far not all. He supposed that Moony would have, having studied both Arithmancy and Ancient Runes at school. Sirius had suggested to Harry, who had to be bored out of his mind, to go back inside to play or read but the boy remained where he was, clutching Sirius' hand tightly. Whatever that was about, Sirius let him and did not question the behaviour again.

Dumbledore was visibly strained when he finished, which was not surprising – at times, Sirius had felt magic crackling around them. That would take a bite even out of a wizard like Dumbledore.

'Some tea,' Sirius decided. 'And a snack.' That seemed a reasonable price to pay for the acquirement of protection this powerful. There were others able to set up something comparable, but it came at the cost of a lot of gold and would not be completed nearly as discretely.

Dumbledore accepted the offer gladly although Harry seemed reluctant to keep the old man around any longer than necessary. He did not like him and Sirius detected a trace of fear in his eyes. Dumbledore seemed to notice, too, as he did not crowd Harry. In fact, he had largely ignored him since saying hello.

'Will you help me?' Sirius asked Harry when they entered the kitchen and Dumbledore sank into a chair near the table.

Harry nodded instantly.

'Let's make some sandwiches.'

Harry turned to fetch plates and ingredients as Sirius filled the kettle and set it to boil. Dumbledore watched them surreptitiously over the Sunday Prophet that he had picked up from the table, whistling to himself, but not so surreptitiously that Sirius did not notice. Apparently, so did Harry as he kept shooting their guest cautious glances. He was making sure to stay close to Sirius, out of reach of the old man.

'How are you settling in?' asked Dumbledore as they all started on their sandwiches, looking at Sirius who had pulled a still edgy Harry into his lap after he had refused to touch his food. The gesture seemed to have reassured him, though, as he was now nibbling at his sandwich.

'We're still getting used to things but overall it's going very well,' answered Sirius. He was not sure how he could sum up his experience of being a parent thus far, certainly not with Harry listening. It was both terrifying and elating. 'We took a trip to the sea yesterday, didn't we, Harry?'

Harry nodded mutely, resisting Sirius' attempt to get him to speak.

'I am very glad to hear things are going well,' said Dumbledore. 'I dare say the both of you deserve some joyful times.'

'The three of us,' corrected Sirius.

'Of course,' said Dumbledore, smiling sadly. 'Mr Lupin has always had a harder lot in life than he should have.'

Sirius agreed with that assessment wholeheartedly. 'He has agreed to stay indefinitely.'

'It is good to hear that he has at least one of his old friends back.'

'So am I.'

'Yes, I would think so,' mused Dumbledore, his blue eyes sparkling. 'I should think the three of you will benefit from one another immensely.'

Sirius nodded. 'We all need one another, don't we, Harry?'

Harry had been following the exchange and nodded, too. 'Remus helped me with my homework,' he said, surprising Sirius. This was the first time he had spoken since Dumbledore had arrived. 'And he gave me a book about dragons.'

Dumbledore nodded appreciatively, his eyes fixing on Harry who instantly seemed to regret having drawn his attention to himself. He shrank into Sirius' chest. 'Mr Lupin has always had a good instinct for what people need in him. I am certain that your mother and father would very much delight at your friendship…'

Harry remained silent but relaxed when Sirius rubbed his back.

'… and Lily in particular would have been overjoyed to hear that he encouraged you to embrace your studious side,' Dumbledore ended with a smile.

Dumbledore excused himself soon after that, claiming that he had things to do at school. Sirius was not sure whether this was true or whether he simply wanted to put Harry out of his misery, but either way, he did not mind.

'Give my best to Hogwarts,' said Sirius with a wistful smile as they were standing by the fireplace, bidding their guest goodbye. 'Hagrid, Min- Professor McGonagall, and Flitwick, too.'

Dumbledore nodded, his eyes twinkling at Sirius' slip. 'I dare say they will be pleased to hear that. I can assure you that they remember you very fondly.'

'They do?' asked Sirius doubtfully. 'I always thought the teachers would have a party the day that James and me graduated…'

'Oh, that they did,' said Dumbledore, chuckling. 'But they also had one the day you were proven innocent.'

Sirius did not quite know what to answer to that but he did not need to think of anything. With one last wink at Harry, Dumbledore stepped into the fire and disappeared in a whoosh of green sparks.

Since there was still no sign of Moony, Sirius suggested going for a walk and exploring the area around the house. 'The weather's good for it.'

Harry nodded, as he always did to everything Sirius suggested. Sirius wondered whether he dared not say no – which would be troubling – or whether simply doing whatever activity together was enough to make it desirable in Harry's eyes – which was even greater cause for worry. Sirius pushed that train of thought to the back of his mind. There was nothing he could do about it either way and he had to pick his battles. This one would hopefully sort itself out in time.

As they trudged along narrow lanes between fields, their conversation was brought to dogs by an encounter with a man walking a member of said species and Sirius suddenly found himself with an opening to tell Harry about his animagus form.

'… and I think he was really clever. He even snarled at Aunt Petunia,' Harry told him.

Sirius sighed.

'Is something wrong?'

'Well, I… I kind of have to tell you something. It's about a mistake I made.'

'It is?' Harry's eyes were wide.

Sirius nodded. 'Yeah, can you…' He tried to think of a way to explain but gave up quickly, deciding that showing him would be the easiest way to go. 'Just watch.' Harry did as Sirius transformed.

For a moment, a smile appeared on Harry's face. 'Doggy!' he exclaimed, reaching out to pet Sirius' hand, but then his face fell and he froze.

Sirius whimpered and nudged his knee.

'You're Doggy?' asked Harry and Sirius could tell that he was suddenly recalling everything he had told the black dog over the days that they had been walking to and from school together.

Sirius turned back into a man and nodded. 'Yeah… Harry, you have every right to be angry with me. I should have shown you who I was the second I got the chance but… I had told you I'd be back on Friday and instead I was following you around all week. I thought you might be freaked out by that. Also, I didn't anticipate that you'd actually tell me anything that you intended to keep a secret from me and by the time realised I had misjudged the situation, it was too late.' He paused, watching Harry who was yet to show a reaction. 'Look, for what it's worth, I'm truly sorry, but I messed up and I absolutely don't blame you for being angry. That's fine.'

Harry was still looking at him with that same unreadable expression. Sirius shuffled nervously, waiting for an explosion. He could not honestly say that he was looking forward to Harry to being angry with him, even if he knew he deserved it.

'You…' said Harry finally. 'You… I'm not angry.'

'You're not?' asked Sirius, surprised. 'You know, I can take it. You don't have to be scared.'

'I'm not,' argued Harry. 'I… You saved me.'

'I did?'

'Yeah, Malcom, Dennis, Gordon and Piers would have hit me if you hadn't saved me and they would have probably ripped my uniform and then Aunt Petunia would have shouted at me for not looking after it.'

'Well…' mused Sirius. 'I… I suppose but I still should have…'

Harry shook his head vigorously, making him fall silent. 'You saved me,' he repeated, this time saying it in a way that implied a more fundamental meaning. His voice was cracking. 'I'm not angry with you. Never. You saved me.'

Sirius swore under his breath and pulled Harry into a hug, kneeling down on the muddy ground. 'That doesn't mean you can't be angry with me when I do something stupid,' he told him gently.

Harry slung his arms around his neck and muttered into his shoulder, 'You let me stay.'

'You made me do that.' Harry tensed and Sirius realised how he had taken to mean those words. 'Not like that,' he qualified, trying to stop Harry before he started to panic. 'You could tell I wasn't sure, couldn't you? And then you told me about the cupboard because you knew it'd convince me. You made me… save you.'

Harry relaxed again and Sirius remained still until he spoke, a few minutes later. 'Uncle… Uncle Vernon says that only freaks live in cupboards and if I told you about it, you'd know that I was a freak and then you wouldn't want me anymore.'

Sirius repressed a growl and did his best not to squeeze Harry. He was going to kill that man, maybe not yet but some day, he would kill that bloody… 'But you still told me,' he said as calmly as he could, despite his rage. He thought it came out alright. 'Why did you do that?'

'I…' Harry struggled with the answer. 'I…'

'You thought that maybe your uncle was wrong,' Sirius supplied, 'and you took the risk and told me. That was very brave of you.'

'Was… Was he lying?' asked Harry.

'There's no such thing as a "freak", Harry, and if there were, you certainly wouldn't be one of them.' If anyone was a freak, it was the man who locked his nephew in a cupboard. Still, he deliberately left Harry's question unanswered. Harry would work it out himself.

'Mhm,' muttered Harry noncommittally.

'Harry, you're allowed to be angry with me, okay? You're allowed to tell me that what I did was stupid, because it was, and you're allowed to be cross with me for a while. Okay?'

'Do I have to?'

Sirius laughed. 'Of course not, just… Harry, you never need to be scared of me, alright? Be angry with me when you think I deserve it.'

Harry sighed and loosened his hold. Sirius released him. 'Maybe I am a little bit angry,' he admitted. 'But not much and I know you're sorry and I forgive you.'

Sirius bit back a laugh at this instant retraction. 'Thank you for being honest,' he said instead. He realised that Harry would never risk being angry with him, not when he was still afraid that Sirius would send him back to his relatives.